She stood in front of Adair’s door for a long time. Her arm was beginning to get tired from almost knocking.

  Then she turned around and returned to Elise’s room.

  “Wake up.” Two hands with a vice grip shook her arm. “Veaer, wake up.”

  Veaer opened her eyes to Elise hovering over her, half dressed in her school shirt and underwear. Her tie was loosely hung, and Veaer had the urge to take it in her hands and pull it down, but the serious look on the princess’ face awakened her senses and she sat up. The clock read 7:21am.

  She rubbed her eyes and focused on breathing in and out. “What… What day is it?”

  “There’s a call for you downstairs. They say it’s urgent,” Elise said as she went back to putting on the rest of her uniform. Veaer looked down and noticed that she was wearing a nightdress. Quite pretty but she didn’t think it fit her well. Out the corner of her eye, her uniform was sitting in a pile at the end of the bed. “Don’t bother with the uniform. They charge per minute.”

  Veaer nodded slowly as she looked around. The wooden dresser that she slammed into last night was neat and unharmed. The tea table and chair were back to where they belonged, even with a new pitcher and glasses. It was as if what happened between them hadn’t.

  She slipped out of bed, walking past Elise and towards the door. Before she reached for the handle, Elise pulled on Veaer’s elbow and turned her around enough to leave a kiss on her lips and cheek.

  “I’m going to the library to get some work done before class, but the door will be unlocked for you to get ready later. Have a good day, okay?” Elise smiled sweetly and Veaer grinned.

  You aren’t mad at me anymore? “Yeah, I will.” She watched Elise’s eyes for the slightest of changes—to reveal that she was only testing Veaer to bring up what happened or the secret. But nothing. She played with her fingers behind her back.

  Elise took Veaer’s face in her hands. “I love you, Veaer.” Her lips twitched downwards for a moment, turning them into gentle slopes.

  Veaer furrowed her brows, unsure of what to gather from her expression and words. Well, the words were clear enough, but she hadn’t professed her love so many times before. Veaer’s cheeks burned as she stuttered her reply.

  “Good.” Elise’s gentle expression returned and she let Veaer go and headed for the bathroom.

  Veaer left and navigated her way to the ground floor where the phone lived in the kitchen. No one spared her a glance or looked at her like they knew what she knew. Most students were still in their rooms, the shower running on each floor and chattering growing louder as more students woke up.

  She saw a random student sitting by the phone before they noticed Veaer and gave her a nod. She thanked them briefly, taking their seat, more concerned for the phone sitting upright on the table with the coiled cord connected to the box. No one called her, so this was either a mistake or an emergency.

  “Hey… hello?” she said into the handset. Maybe this was a joke, a viable third option.

  “Oh, patrons above, Veaer!” Adair’s voice emitted from the receiver, louder than she expected. She held the handset a little further away from her ear.

  “Wait, why are you calling me?” Shame overcame her and she held her temple. A failed attempt at seeking Adair’s counsel last night gnawed at her and she swatted her hand side to side as if it would make it disappear. “I’m just downstairs.”

  “I couldn’t—didn’t have time to…” Adair’s words jumped back and forth. Coupled with the crackling that came through the line, it didn’t help to get their message across, only making Veaer more concerned. She tapped her fingers against the wooden table, eyeing the students who came into the kitchen for a morning drink or breakfast. She didn’t want them to hear what she’d say and became awfully aware of herself. “It’s Haiwrin. He tried to leave this morning.”

  “Leave?” Veaer’s eyes widened, and she held the phone tighter. “Like, the academy? Did he speak to someone?”

  “No, no. He literally just packed his stuff and… he tried to walk out… but,” Adair blubbered and their voice grew quieter. Veaer could tell that feeling anywhere.

  “Where are you?” Veaer stood up and almost had the handset fly against the wall as she stretched the cord. “Are you with him right now?”

  “Infirmary,” Adair squeaked out and Veaer slammed the phone into the box before bolting for the admin building.

  Veaer swore at herself for not grabbing her shoes before leaving. The nightdress was embarrassing enough but hopping into the building with the Library and Information Assistant staring at her trying to get grass and pebbles off the bottom of her feet made things worse.

  She burst through the infirmary door and was met with a stern look from a nurse who gave her an up and down glance. The nurse shook his head and returned to sterilising equipment.

  Her friend was easy to spot through the cubicle curtains and white room with their bright orange hair. They sat in a chair next to Haiwrin’s bed. Small ember looking particles floated around the twins, and a subtle glow stuck to the skin of Adair.

  Haiwrin was sleeping peacefully, a black sweater draped over the edge of the bed and a leg of his black pants peeking out from under the blanket. On the floor were a few bags and Haiwrin’s nice shoes—ones that he wore for opening night parties.

  “What happened?” Veaer grabbed a chair by another bed and dragged it over. No one else was in this section of the infirmary.

  They didn’t answer immediately. “Your choice of clothing is…” Adair wiped their cheeks and smiled at Veaer. She couldn’t smile back when she noticed the aura growing stronger.

  Veaer made a dismissive sound and stared at Haiwrin. His chest was moving up and down under the blanket. “Didn’t have time.”

  The orange cat caemi sat back and pulled the sheet away, revealing Haiwrin’s bare chest. An intricate scar shot up his arm from his fingertips and carried across his chest, stopping at the opposite shoulder. It was hard to describe what she was looking at. Sparkly with bits of colour but otherwise dark and concerning. She imagined it running deep into his skin but couldn’t bear to touch it to find out. Other than a shape similar to a lightning bolt, small runes and sigils were scattered at the edges. There had to be some sort of magic involved.

  “They have enforced barriers at the edge of the school grounds, ones we can’t see,” Adair started to explain, following it with a humourless laugh and another wipe of their cheeks. “He made it far enough to the edge before any of the groundskeepers or other students wandering about could stop him. They said he was going to brute force his way through—they really believed he was going to with how hard he tried. At some point he even got his fox ears back. That’s how much he wanted to leave. Breaking anti-magic just like his little sibling.”

  The two of them sat in silence for a little while, watching the glittery remnants move across Haiwrin’s body like a galaxy alive.

  “And then what?” Veaer asked, her gaze unmoving. In her first year she would often stare between buildings, to the expanse of land beyond the academy grounds, but she never knew anyone who wanted to try leaving. Haiwrin was the last person she would think to try.

  “The magic fought back. I guess that’s what happens when you test limits that you fail to consider.” Their words echoed back on themselves, as if not only for Haiwrin. “The doctor said it’s going to take a long time for this to heal. Constant tests and visits. Experiments, too. They don’t know how bad Hai has it.” They leaned closer to Veaer for a whisper. “And I can’t do anything about it. I’m meant to be able to heal, but every time I try, it doesn’t work. All this power, all those rituals. There’s so much of me still trapped. Showing my form to you yesterday? Gods above, I didn’t know what I was doing… it took so much out of me. I’m useless when it matters most.”

  Veaer turned to Adair and saw the way orange and red flickered in and out around them. Maybe her proximity did help with the magic, but she figured that Adair would’ve pointed something out by now if that were the case. Instead of saying anything, she reached over to Adair’s knee and held it with a squeeze. Adair placed their hand on top of Veaer’s.

  When she looked back at Haiwrin, stirring slightly but still asleep, realisation broke her thoughts into pieces.

  “Haiwrin was right.” Veaer counted her fingers on her free hand. 1, 2, 3, 4.

  “What?” Adair’s hand tightened around hers.

  “We’re not safe. Imagine if no one was watching. We’d be going to class and his unconscious body would be at the very edge of the grounds. He didn’t even have to look over his shoulder for something to happen to him.”

  “I…” Adair’s expression hardened, lips in a thin line and eyes without light. “You shouldn’t say those things. I can protect you, I can protect Haiwrin. We could’ve… we should’ve seen this coming. It wasn’t anything more than that.”

  “This all started because of what happened to Tychon,” Veaer replied louder than she wanted. She heard the footsteps of a nurse around the corner, then they stopped. No one said anything until the nurse walked away.

  Adair exchanged a look with Veaer, chin dipping and eyes deliberately boring into her. “We don’t know what happened to him.”

  Veaer opened and closed her mouth. She sucked in a breath. Was this the right time to tell them? Would this fix things? Maybe if Haiwrin knew what really happened, he wouldn’t be so eager to leave. Maybe if Adair knew, they could protect Elise too.

  “I do,” she said.

  Adair took a moment to process the words, then lifted her hand from Veaer’s. “What do you mean? How would you know?”

  She remembered Tychon choking and bringing a hand to his mouth. Remembered the blood that covered his palms and fingers. The stumbles, desperate and reaching, and he fell when Elise stabbed him again, and again, and again.

  The screams and the cries.

  “I was there when it happened.” Veaer shrunk into herself. I didn’t do anything wrong, I didn’t do anything. We can protect her, we can save her from herself. “I saw Elise do it. I saw her kill him and get away with it.”

  The world stopped spinning and Veaer was afraid that a knife would fly through the window and strike her in the head, leaving her to never speak another word. She glared at the window, framing trees and the learning centre from here, until Adair spoke again.

  “You need to tell someone,” they demanded, standing up and grabbing Veaer’s shoulders. The chair squeaked against the lino floor and hit the bedside table. “How could you? You just let it happen, and then you let her get away with it?” Adair brought their hands to their hair and combed through over and over. The ends of their hair started tinting red and a laugh rose from their lips. “Oh, Ter and Mian, all this time. All this time you knew. I told you what he meant to me, and you didn’t even tell me.”

  “I didn’t know who you were back then!” Veaer snapped in return, pushing Adair’s hands away as they lowered to her shoulders again. “Do I need to bring up what you did to me?”

  “Adair, Veaer… can you stop shouting?”

  Her attention flicked to Haiwrin, who groaned as he rubbed his eyes and slightly turned his head. He frowned and glanced at his sibling who was standing against the bed with their arms mid-reach towards Veaer, and then narrowed his eyes when he switched to her.

  “Did I hear you right…?” he questioned in a quiet voice, a wheeze following the question. “Elise really did that?”

  Veaer paled. She didn’t realise that Haiwrin would’ve heard her, and it occurred to her that she wasn’t truly ready to share this with him yet. It seemed her expression was enough.

  “Come on, Ve.” He brought his hand down his face and as his fingertips reached his chest, he flinched. He must not have remembered what happened and lent himself a few moments to collect his thoughts. Then he continued, “Addie’s right, you need to tell someone.”

  “I just told you,” Veaer answered pathetically, tears welling in her vision, but she blinked hard to send them away.

  He shook his head, as much as he could while lying incapacitated in a bed. Then he held a hand out to Adair and they took it. “You know what we mean. We’re not the ones in control here.”

  “This is life and death,” Adair added, and their face did soften a fraction with Haiwrin seeming okay. “And aside from what she’s already done, she’s still out there, going to class, being among students, acting like everything’s normal. She’s going to do it again.”

  “I just want to protect her—” She was met with shaking heads and disappointed looks. Even fear lingered in Adair’s gaze. “I thought you both would understand!” A glare hurled towards Adair in particular. “I thought we’d do the same for each other.”

  When neither of the twins answered, she shot up from her chair and kicked it with the back of her foot. The nurse came back again with an irritated look just as Veaer turned around and headed for the door.

  As she pushed the door open, Haiwrin echoed, “Life and death, life and death.”

  CHAPTER 39

  DEAD AT 18

  Veaer took a deep breath as she closed the infirmary door and leaned her back against it. She let the warm brown tones of the ceiling cure the pain behind her eyes, the medical room having been too bright for her to the very last moment.

  Her next course of action wasn’t easily determined.

  Elise was in the library—they could stay together and ensure each other’s safety.

  Though, as long as she stayed by the twins, she would know they hadn’t told anyone.

  For a moment, she considered skipping class to keep tabs on all of them; even the question of Harq’s whereabouts came into mind. But her records showed that she needed to attend class more punctually, plus she had community work later.

  She lowered her chin to bring herself back from paint against wood to reality, only to be met by three students standing in front of her. She flinched and looked between them. Normal students in uniform, nothing peculiar, except for how they were looking at her. They didn’t say anything, so she stepped to the side and gestured to the door. Perhaps she was blocking their way.

  But their gazes tracked her like portraits where the eyes appeared as if they were following you from every angle. Was it the nightdress she was wearing? In that case, it wasn’t their business to stare.

  “You can go in…” she prompted, reaching for the door handle in case she needed to help them there too. “It’s open.”

  One of them, at first with their hands behind their back and then bringing them forward, revealed a uniform to her. All of them nodded at her to take it.

  She frowned and stepped towards the exit, but their stares pierced through her as if to impale her against the wall. The uniform didn’t look great. Perhaps it was her size, but she suspected something like paint was between the folds from the patchwork of colours. It wasn’t up to the academy’s standard to have a dirty uniform.

  “Look, I have my own uniform at Miriam, but I appreciate it…” She peered past them, in case that assistant had anything to do with this, or some other student was watching nearby to embarrass her. No one else was in the lobby and the reception desk was tucked away enough that she couldn’t see it.

  The student forced the clothes into her arms. They didn’t appear much younger than her—she assumed second years. Then the three of them turned and pointed towards the bathroom.

  She took a step in that direction and waited for a reaction. Gentle stares, patient. They let her continue stepping in that direction until she walked into the bathroom and closed the door. When she unfolded the uniform, her suspicions were confirmed. For some reason, this uniform was covered in splashes of coloured paint. She felt the fabric between her fingers and brought it to her nose. It was rather fresh as well.

  On the other side of the door, the students knocked harshly without a word.

  She pursed her lips. She could put it on just to satisfy them and then head right to the manor to change again. Other than the paint, there wasn’t anything in the pockets and the shirt, skirt, and blazer were indeed her size. She didn’t bother with the tie for now.

  She considered what she might say to the students to get them off her back, repeating the phrases to herself in her head. She had other things to do. The most important people to protect. She could do her best to be polite but firm. She didn’t have time to lead around a line of baby ducks.

  With a deep breath, she opened the door.

  And a bat swung in her vision, meeting the side of her face.

  She fell to the floor, pain searing across her temple and her arm numbing from impact. Her vision blurred and she looked up at the students, the bat being passed from one to another. They spoke quietly, in hushed tones, not minding her frantic breaths and clawing hands.

  “What the fuck…” Her mind and body dropped into darkness.

  She slept like a baby until her senses came back to her.

  Wet touch under her fingers, her clothing sticky with the scent of paint, and a blinding light in front of her eyelids. Something like a blanket laid over her but it seemed too fragile to be anything warm and useful.

  She opened her eyes and yelled at how close the source of light was to her face. A sound like wind rustling through leaves filled her ears and the light moved away. Her heart collapsed in her chest and the hairs on her arms stood. What she thought would be a ceiling was actually the sky, a few dark clouds rolling in the blue. What she thought was a blanket and bed were piles of dirt. Her legs were stuck in a hole refilled, and she struggled to sit up without proper balance.

  Feathers appeared at the corner of her vision, and she risked a turn of her head, her cheek against the mud. Tychon stood tall next to her, his many eyes roaming up and down her situation. He turned out to be the light that she couldn’t bear to look at. Now he seemed more person than angel in a dimmer shine, but still with wings and robes.