“I know you’re only trying to distract me with that reply.” Adair had her eyes closed now, and her lips were a ghost on Veaer’s. Barely touching, almost there. Closer but holding back until Veaer was honest.

  Her mind was still running circles from last night, even in wonder if it all actually happened. The palm reading played like a broken record and that memory also came with warm feelings, in her chest and below the waist. She wanted to feel Elise again, or she wanted Elise to feel her.

  She pictured the library, the tall interior yet shrinking box that only her and Elise were in. The light that illuminated Elise’s face just enough to see her round features and beautiful eyes but left a lot to imagination. She remembered how badly she wanted to push Elise against that chair and do more with her palms than have them read.

  “Or maybe whatever is ‘bothering me’ is all a distraction from you.” A corner of Veaer’s lips tugged upwards and she moved her hands to Adair’s sides before tilting the girl to the side until she fell into the soft mattress.

  Adair laughed and playfully wacked Veaer’s hands away. She took the opportunity to dive into Veaer’s arms and bury herself there. Veaer couldn’t help but join in the amusement, raking her fingers down Adair’s back, a well of appreciation for her closest friend in a long time building within her.

  “Okay, charming.” Adair shook her head and moved her hands to Veaer’s collar, beginning to unbutton her shirt. “Maybe I can convince the answer out of you.”

  Veaer let it happen as her gaze drifted up and down the curves that made Adair Boudreau. When she arrived at the peak of her hips, her attention snagged onto the chair that she didn’t tuck in during her rush to the library last night.

  She grabbed Adair’s wrists, which earned a little gasp from the other caemi, and then pulled Adair up as she got out of bed with only two more buttons to go on her shirt. Adair’s gaze flicked between Veaer’s chest, in a look of anticipation, and Veaer’s face, in a look of confusion.

  “What are we doing?” Adair tilted her head with a humoured smile, a smile that always delighted Veaer, as she gently placed her feet on the floor.

  Veaer cleared her throat and guided Adair backwards until her shins hit the wooden seat on the chair and the caemi fell into it. “Maybe I’ll convince you that my answer is not worth it,” she said in a low voice that was only for Adair.

  Her hands were instantly on Adair’s shirt and she unbuttoned it in a familiar fashion. Her fingertips floated to just underneath Adair’s arms and the cat caemi lifted them before sliding her arms out of the sleeves and letting her school top drop behind her in a bunch.

  Veaer stepped forward, enough that she wasn’t suffocating Adair against the back of the chair, and so her wide stance trapped Adair in position. She admired Adair’s skin like a marble sculpture, letting her touch run all over and inhaling fruit and paradise. Adair shivered beneath her with squirming hips.

  Adair hooked her arms around Veaer’s neck which made the wolf caemi lift her head just for Adair to pull her in, quickly and with purpose. It was then that their lips crashed together and Veaer tasted strawberries at once. She let herself get lost in the little noises that Adair made, and her hands went from Adair’s orange hair to her arms to her soft chest and to her thighs.

  Their lips separated to catch a breath and every part of Veaer was on fire. She stared at the flushed girl in front of her and once again, like every other time they did this, like a ritual at this point, praised the gods for making her a lesbian. Adair smiled at her, and fireworks exploded in her mind.

  Oh, Adair, whoever receives the fortune to call you their true partner should pray thanks every night for your beauty and kindness. What have I done to deserve intimate company with you?

  And just as she wanted, just as she desired, she lowered herself and used her mouth on Adair’s breast to push her against the chair and hold her there. Hold her steady, hold her tight, hold her close. Hold her like she wanted to hold Elise last night.

  Adair held her in return, softly, her fingertips tangled in Veaer’s silver locks. She lowered one hand to draw circles right between Veaer’s shoulder blades, above the clasp of her bra. She whispered encouragement and satisfaction and while the words were incomprehensible as Veaer’s mind was taken over by a need to pleasure, she could feel the intention behind it all.

  In a rush of blood and blush, she began to sob, and attempted to mask the crushing sadness with kisses along Adair’s collarbone and breasts, because Adair was able to love so much. How could a beautiful young caemi like Adair love everyone with so much heart?

  Two years of this intimate ceremony brought reflex to every move Veaer made and she knew what coaxed those sweet sounds out of her friend, but at the same time her fingers trembled and she was angry that she’d taken Adair's love, even though they were just friends with these moments that brought them closer, because someone else deserved it more and she could never give as much in return.

  She was struck with grief that one day this light would disappear from the world, just like Tychon, and that maybe it would be at the hands of someone like her, just like Elise. And she was afraid as she lowered her hands to break Adair in half, that really she would break her heart. So she just weaved her fingers to satisfy and brought Adair to the sky and she watched the girl’s face flush and her eyes flutter open for fleeting moments to look at her with so much affection and gratitude.

  She cried because Adair was so much, and she cried because she was doing a good job and she cried because she didn't want Adair to call her ‘mine’ and she cried because all she could think about was Elise. And maybe in another world, this orange feline girl could’ve been hers and they would've been happy, for now and forever. But instead, Adair reached heaven and spread her wings and a billion eyes and rings glowed because she was an angel. And Veaer could only get on her knees and confess between Adair’s thighs until she was forgiven.

  CHAPTER 16

  GALACIA FAMILY

  They told Veaer there was little chance he’d come back. That they had searched all his favourite places, and all the ones you’d never find him. They looked for signs and asked questions, but there was always something missing. They released the investigation to the public, but the network of students that came together when there were rumours to share said that they only did it as a courtesy.

  They weren’t looking for Tychon anymore. They were looking for closure.

  They knocked on her door to reassure her, because three floors up was where Tychon lived his last days.

  "We're going to find him, but it'll be hard."

  "Cases like this have slim chance, but we have hope."

  "Best case scenario, this is only a misunderstanding."

  Veaer stared at their noses and nodded so they would leave. But inside she scratched and teared at the walls of her brain and wanted to plummet from the top of the cathedral and land where Tychon held his last breath because maybe then they could find something left behind.

  She wanted to scream in their faces: “Why don’t you just tell the truth! Why won’t you say he’s gone, and he won’t be back?”

  But she knew if they did, with lowered caps and a muscle memory frown, that chances were, she’d spill the truth she knew just as well.

  She got around to emptying her pockets from last night and threw the scrunched journal entries on her desk. They laid next to the index card, tarot journal, and book on angels, taunting her, seeing through her. She lifted her index card and placed it next to the ones from the hardcover. They all had the same kind of formula with different numbers and a few letters, but she had elected to forget all those equations she didn’t need when she came to Adraredon to study something she enjoyed.

  I don’t have time to decipher them right now.

  “You’re just telling yourself that, aren’t you?” Tychon’s ghost laughs, shifting in and out of existence.

  She closed her fists and opened them again, and then repeated the action as she mentally ran through her plan for the rest of the afternoon. Admin building, Elise, headmaster’s office, map, coordinates, locate.

  The numbers on the cards blurred together and she looked away. She would only be prolonging the investigation if she continued to hide her card, wouldn’t she?

  She slammed her hand on the cover of the angel book, dragged it towards her, opened to the middle and threw her index card inside.

  Maybe we only need two. Coordinates have two points. Maybe mine is fake, to mislead.

  Maybe it’s okay to leave this here. Maybe I will be fine.

  If she gave the index card over now, then she’d have to admit she was hiding it all along. Her trust with Elise would be broken and she’d lose the princess.

  I can imagine what she’d say now… “Veaer, you ask so much and give so little. How am I meant to let you in when this is what I get in return?”

  If she added it to this book, just like how the other card was found in a book, she could hand it over with the idea that angels were now related, and so this would be useful. Elise would find the card as if Veaer didn’t know it was there.

  But then, in this theory, she would’ve gone off to the library by herself to look for something, when Elise made all the emphasis that they would go to the headmaster’s office together, because they were doing this together.

  Or she found it in Tychon’s room like she really did, and it would be the same as if she handed the card over by itself. Distrustful, closed off. A double standard because she asked for so much from Elise already.

  She couldn’t do that to Elise. Couldn’t do that to what was blossoming between them.

  She opened the book again and bore her eyes into the index card. If she wasn’t going to take it, she could at least memorise the numbers in case they did come in handy, and she could run them through a formula if Elise had looked into it since then.

  Then she closed the book, pushed it away and left her dorm room without it.

  Miriam Manor after classes was as busy as a village. Students in kitchens making drinks, groups of friends sitting around tables playing cards or doing assignments, the common room shelves ransacked for past time reading, and that didn’t consider all the sitting rooms, game rooms, bedrooms, bathrooms and more.

  When she stepped outside, the cool wind touched her face, and she took in the ring of buildings that formed the academy grounds. In times of scattered thoughts, it always helped to turn back the clock and put herself in the shoes of a younger Veaer who wasn’t used to such grand buildings and fantasy. There were advantages to this character she embodied—always something new to be in awe at, that rising excitement of knowing she was a student at this prestigious school, knowing that everyone else here was a contemporary just like her, ready to take on the world. A disadvantage came in the form of waking up early in the morning with a spinning head and a spike of anxiety, until she looked through the gap in her curtains and realised where she was.

  But for now, she indulged and tilted her head back, circling in her steps as she needn’t worry about having to leave all this behind one day. The gothic buildings struck her with their tall and proud facade, an imposing presence but one that brought her closer still. They commanded her attention while weathered and worn, glass windows foggy and showing age and history. Embellishments and carvings decorated the exteriors, bringing their own stories, like a breathing entity imbued with wisdom. She inhaled the damp autumn air, letting her throat burn from the chill.

  Her foot crashed into the stairs of the admin building before she snapped back to reality. The pain shot up to her knee, but she sucked in her breath and told herself that it was temporary, that it didn’t have to matter, and what did matter was that she was here.

  She rolled her sleeves down and untied the blazer around her waist, bringing it behind her and putting it on. She did another check over her uniform, rubbing out any creases she could and running a hand through her hair.

  As if on cue, the doors opened and Elise appeared at the top of the steps, her hair done in two buns this time with her uniform also looking more pristine than usual. The daughter of the headmaster had to also look her part.

  A surprised expression appeared on Elise’s face before it subsided into a gentle smile that made Veaer even more giddy.

  “I’m surprised you haven’t run into Izot yet,” Elise said and beckoned for Veaer to join her.

  Veaer cleaned the soles of her shoes on the doormat and then embraced the warm and peaceful lobby. Deep red carpet created pathways to the reception desk, infirmary, and offices, while leather couches lined either side of the entrance. Quiet piano music floated through the area, gradually growing louder as they stepped towards the reception. Stuffed bookshelves lined the back wall, full of documents and information she’d never get her hands on.

  “What’s your brother got to do with anything?” Veaer slid the index cards out of her pocket and handed them to Elise.

  She took them and then folded her hands behind her back. “He has a habit of shining his star child tendencies all over my friends.” Elise made a bit of a scrunched face but quickly returned to a composed expression when she noticed someone else in the lobby. Veaer revelled in the attention. Elise continued in a quiet tone, “He has eyes all over the school, he’s student president after all. He knows when I let someone new in my circle and he follows that up by introducing himself. Then who would you like more? The charismatic leader of the school, son of the headmaster, special blazer, fencing champion, loverboy perfectly contrasted with the reserved but smart Harq, vice president with a cane. Or a girl who spends her days following butterflies, painting, and trying to find her missing best friend.”

  Silence stood between them like a wall. Elise didn’t show much interest in saying more as she folded her hands on the reception counter, so polished that they could see their reflections in it, waiting for someone to attend to them.

  Eyes all over the school. But he didn’t see you.

  Star child, golden child. Even yet, you’re so much better than him.

  Let into your circle? Am I really part of your court now?

  Missing best friend. Missing, missing, missing.

  Elise cleared her throat, getting the attention of the girl behind the counter who was deeply invested in her novel. Veaer couldn’t see much from where she was, but the tag on her blazer read ‘Library and Information Assistant’.

  “Sorry about that. How can I help you?” The young student bookmarked her novel and placed it to the side.

  Elise squinted and read the tag. “I’m here to see my father.”

  “Oh, hm, he’s been in meetings all day. Benefactors, detectives…” The assistant lowered her voice and leaned forward. “With Tychon Alastor’s family… my condolences.”

  Veaer frowned, but Elise didn’t bother to respond to her words.

  “I’m going to wait in his office, then.” She turned on her heel and marched towards the corridor that separated the lobby and the headmaster’s office. Veaer was stunned out of words, her body moving on its own.

  “I don’t think you—”

  Elise flashed a glare behind her and Veaer was shaken to her heart’s core despite it being for the assistant and not her. She was taken back to the day at the cathedral and the wicked sounds Elise made and the expressions that contorted her beautiful round face.

  The implications of the situation came rushing through her synapses and created the sludge that made it hard for her to walk with the confidence she desired.

  Now that everyone thought... knew Tychon was gone, they would approach Elise with the truth, enough of the truth that she would be reminded of her deed every day. With sorry’s and condolences from loved ones and classmates, Elise would suffer a perpetual cycle.

  Veaer wanted to reach through Elise and smooth out her skin like Adair did her eyebrows. She wanted to unwind the frown on her lips and the tension in her shoulders. She wanted to explore Elise's heart and gather every piece of guilt so that she could take it away.

  They passed two wooden doors where a mature voice exuded from beyond.

  "You cannot tell me that my son is…when it's only been three days! He went missing on Monday, it is only Thursday. How much more do I need to emphasise this?"

  A banging fist against a table accompanied the spiel before another voice piped up, "You money-sucking idiots are incompetent. We did not send him here to go missing and now you’re telling me that he’s probably not coming back?! What do we even pay you for? Our son was loved and he was protected.”

  Veaer shuffled closer to the door, leaning the side of her face against it. Her gaze met Elise who nodded towards the door at the end of the hall, the headmaster’s office. But curiosity was devastating and wrenching, and there was always something to gain from these conversations. Elise gave in but didn’t lean in, propping herself on the opposite wall with her arms crossed and watching Veaer’s expressions and body language.

  Then a third voice, authoritative yet with a hint of nervousness. It wasn’t the headmaster. It must’ve been a detective, foreign from the academy. “Mr and Mrs Galacia, there are kilometres between here and the next town—”

  “We know! We drove from there!” the mother cried, exasperated and desperate.

  “And that means if he hasn’t been in any cafeterias or dormitory kitchens, and if he hasn’t been to the faculty room, then we know he hasn’t eaten. And I’m sorry to say but a boy growing up on your lifestyle would not survive that long without food! So, unless he walked over there, and even then we haven’t had any appearances outside of the school since Sunday…”

  “Food. You’re basing our son’s whereabouts on food?” The father’s tone was low and deadly, cutting through the air and everyone listening, including Veaer herself.

  “Let me finish. No one has seen him, even when we offer your generous donation for any information. They simply have nothing to supply. Any semblance of a lead has been dead-end.”