Pinborough sarah the rec.., p.18
Pinborough Sarah The Reckoning,
p.18
?Look, you’re right. I probably am an arsehole. In fact, I’m pretty sure I am. I didn’t even think about the cost of the funeral. I don’t want to fight with you. Not here. Not while we’re saying good-bye to Carrie. Truce??
Jason gave him a reluctant smile. ?Deal.?He looked up at Kelly, who was only a few feet away now. ?Here comes your girlfriend.?
Moving away slightly as Kelly linked her arm in his, Rob watched as Jack and Jason nodded at each other, and
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he got the feeling that their paths had probably crossed several times over the years. He wondered momentarily why Jack Hollingsworth was even here. What interest could he have in Carrie? But then, he’d been a policeman in town for a lot of years, and maybe the station had asked him to come as their representative. Maybe he’d just come along with Kelly, but there must be pleasanter ways of passing the time than spending it at a murderess’s funeral.
The vicar had started his short service, his voice deadened by the weather, and it seemed that all too soon the coffin was lowered into the ground. Could it really be Carrie in there? It shouldn’t have ended like this, not for her. Following Kelly, he scooped up a handful of earth and dropped it into the dark hole, hating the finality of its sound hitting the wood. He felt a squeeze on his arm, and looked down at the blond head, hair getting wavy in the damp, despite huddling close to him under his umbrella.
?Are you okay?’
He nodded, taking in the sight of her flawless skin, perfect even without makeup, like a canvas as yet untouched. ?Do you want to come over for dinner later??
She smiled in agreement, and it was like a small, bright light in the darkness that seemed to surround him. God, he needed her. He needed her calmness, her stability.
Glancing over at Jason, he saw that he was still standing by the grave, staring into it thoughtfully. As if sensing Rob watching him, he looked up and signaled him over.
?Wait here for me. I won’t be a minute.?Leaving Kelly with the umbrella, he joined Jason, who didn’t look up, his voice quiet.
?I think we should go up to the house and take a look around.?
?Well, we can try, but I don’t think that solicitor’s going to be very willing to give us the keys.?
Jason laughed and this time there was genuine humor in it. Rob had forgotten how good a sound it was. ?My, my,
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Robster, haven’t you grown up all prim and proper? Who said anything about getting the keys??
Rob stared at him. ?You want to break in??
?I can’t think of any other way to get a private viewing. Don’t look so shocked. It’s not like anyone lives there or anything.?He paused for a moment. ?Anyway, we owe it to Carrie. What happened to her, the judge, the rape, your crazy computer—whatever Gina’s doing, it’s all linked to Syracousse. We might as well take a look.?He looked straight into Rob’s eyes, and Rob suddenly remembered how intense that blue could be when Jason was set on something. ?I know Carrie would have done it for you. No hesitation.?
Rob sighed and knew Jason was right. ?Okay, we’ll do it. When were you thinking??
?Tonight.?
Shaking his head, Rob glanced at Kelly. ?Can’t do it tonight. I’ve got plans.?
Jason had followed his eyes. ?She grew up to be a looker, didn’t she??He nudged Rob in the ribs. ?But I’d have thought she’d be a bit bright for you. A bit old too, from what the papers tell me.?
Rob knew Jason was only joking, but he couldn’t help the surge of embarrassment that came with the feeling that the whole world knew his life story. The worst parts, anyway. He glanced at the journalists getting ready to snap him leaving. No, it seemed that there was rarely any time for reporting the good bits in people’s lives. He looked back at Jason. ?If we haven’t heard from Gina by tomorrow night, we’ll go then, okay??
Leaving Jason at the graveside, he walked back to Kelly and her father, taking the woman’s hand, before heading out of the cemetery and back to life, the echoes of the dead following them.
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The candles on the pine table had burned halfway to the bottom by the time Kelly put down her knife and fork and leaned back in the chair. She wasn’t sure whether it was the warm glow of the flickering light, the half bottle of red wine she’d managed to drink or just the company that was making her so relaxed, but whichever it was, sitting here in Rob’s house she felt totally at ease. She grinned at her host. ?That was the best spaghetti I’ve had in ages. I don’t seem to have time to cook properly these days, and Tabby’s more of a fish finger and peas girl, but then I guess they all are at that age.?
?Have you had enough? I’ve made enough to feed an army, so there’s plenty more if you want some. It’s the only thing I know how to cook, so I tend to get a bit ambitious with my quantities.?
She sighed and patted her stomach. ?I’m absolutely full up, thank you. But if the food’s this good, I might eat here more often.? She said it as a joke, but as Rob stood up and gathered their plates, his eyes were soft when they met hers.
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?I hope you will.?He smiled, and she felt a quiver in her belly. ?Do you fancy an Irish coffee to finish? I’m pretty good with those, too.?
Nodding, she watched him as he moved behind the breakfast bar and abandoned the plates to fill up the kettle, liking the way his body moved. She could imagine there were a few things Rob Black was pretty good at, and where her mind was at, most of them were in the bedroom. He was too damned good-looking, that was for sure. But the looks were resistible. There’d been plenty of handsome men in her life, and most of them had been disappointing, vain and dull. But Rob, well, what frightened her about Rob was that she found she liked him more and more each time she saw him, and he was so easy to talk to. He was interested in her. You want him. You want him for keeps, and that’s a dangerous way to feel. Just remember what he called himself—the king of the meaningless fling. If that doesn’t tell you the way it is, then you’re dumber than you thought. She pushed the internal reprimand away, her head warm and woozy, in no mood for caution. Something about this felt right, and so what if the childhood crush she’d had was now close to becoming something so much more? Life was for living, and she was tired of being on her own.
As the kettle clicked itself off, she tilted her head. ?Where’s your coffee machine??
Rob froze for a moment as he took the cream out of the fridge. ?I broke the pot.?Kelly wasn’t sure whether it was her imagination, but his words seemed a little sharp. Was he thinking about Carrie?
?Are you okay about today? You haven’t talked about it at all.?
He looked up at her as he poured the topping on the coffees, and even in the dim light, she could see so much sadness in his eyes. It looked like it had been there forever. How does he hide it so well? How does he live with
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it? She had a feeling that there was so much more to Rob than met the eye, and she wanted to reach those parts, to understand him. He didn’t speak, and she felt slightly uncomfortable.
?I’m sorry. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I should learn to keep my big mouth shut. I think it’s the teacher in me, always checking if everyone’s okay.?
He shook his head. ?No. I think I do want to talk about it.?He paused, seeking out the right words. ?I’ve thought about Carrie a lot over the past couple of weeks. More than since I left town. Well, since I grew up, anyway.? The vulnerability in his soft voice made her ache inside. ?And it’s going to sound weird, but it doesn’t feel like we buried her today. Not the Carrie I remember. I guess I’m grieving for the girl I knew, and just wishing I’d taken the time to find out about the woman she became. I felt like I was at a stranger’s funeral today. It was the funeral of an adult I didn’t know, and maybe if I had known her, then she wouldn’t have ended up like this.?
It was good to hear him opening up, and Kelly smiled gently. ?Do you remember what you told me about the boys in my class and what they did to Sharnice? There are some things you just can’t control, no matter how much you wish you could. I think CaroleAnne was a very unhappy woman. I don’t think you could have helped her solve her problems. Sometimes, terrible things just happen.?
She stood and took the coffee cups from him. ?Come on. Let’s go sit in front of the fire.?
She led the way into the lounge, put their drinks on the small table in the center of the room and sat down close to the hearth, tucking her knee-length skirt carefully under her. Still standing, Rob’s face clouded over, his eyes fixed on her with concern.
She touched his leg. ?Are you okay??
He sat down on the rug, about a foot behind her. ?Um,
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this might sound silly, but could you move back a bit, away from the fire??
?Sure.?She wriggled backwards until she was level with him, and picked her coffee up to take a sip. Rob stared into the fire and she didn’t intrude on his silence.
Finally, when he spoke, he kept his gaze on the flames and his voice was barely above a whisper. ?Jason got his scars from an open fire. They go all the way up to his elbows, you know. His hands got burned the worst, but the scars go right up his arms.?He paused and Kelly watched his jaw muscles clenching and unclenching in the side of his face. She resisted the urge to touch him, to try to soothe him back to calmness.
?Gina used to have a dog. A golden retriever. A big, soppy clumsy thing. Jason loved that dog. Carrie and I did too, but not like Jason. One afternoon, near the end of that summer, it stumbled into the fire.? He smiled bitterly, as if at a private joke. ?I sat there on the sofa and watched as it burned, too shocked to move, unable to believe an animal could scream like that, knowing I should do something, should try to help it. But it was like I froze, like my mind couldn’t accept what was happening. Not Jason, though. He just leapt forward and stuck his arms into the flames, trying to pull the poor mutt out. He didn’t hesitate.?
Kelly gazed at the glowing reds and oranges, so beautiful and deadly. The air between her and Rob seemed heavy, almost oppressive, and she had the feeling this was something he hadn’t talked about in a long time, if ever.
Her question came out in a whisper. ?Was the dog okay??
?No. No, it died.?He let out an almost wistful breath. ?I seem to have been thinking about that dog a lot recently.?
Kelly watched him, not really sure she understood what he was saying, wondering what was the cause of the weight he seemed to carry. He seemed to have scars of his own, deep inside, not visible like Jason’s, but real all the
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same. She gently reached out her hand and turned his face toward hers, stroking his cheek. ?I think you need to take your mind off things.? Leaning forward, she kissed him, softly at first, her tongue hesitantly meeting his, savoring the warmth of his mouth, and then becoming more urgent as she heard his breath quickening.
One hand came up to her face, his fingers caressing down to her neck as he moved forward, taking control, pushing her backwards until she was stretched out on the rug, him lying next to her. She moaned slightly as his mouth moved down her body, his saliva leaving a cool sensation in his wake as his fingers deftly undid the buttons of her blouse. She could hear his heavy breaths mingling with her own, and she reached down and felt for him through his trousers, enjoying the solidness there and the groan that came up to her from his mouth as he teased her nipple, letting her know that his arousal was as great as hers. His touch was getting rougher as his need increased, and pushing her skirt up around her waist, he slid one hand into her panties. Her head almost exploded as he came into contact with the wetness there. Oh God, it felt good, so good, and pushing against his fingers, eager to have him, any part of him, inside her, she felt his body shuddering as he slid farther down the rug, one hand squeezing her buttock, the other pushing the thin lace aside to make way for the heat of his mouth.
As much as her body ached to feel his tongue and lips on that part of her, that wasn’t what she wanted, not this time, so she reached down and pulled him up, until his beautiful face was above hers, his eyes glazed with lust, confused to have been stopped.
?What’s the matter??
She reached down and pulled at his belt buckle, her insides contracting at being delayed. ?I want you inside me. I want to come with you inside me.?Tugging at his zipper, releasing him, she ran her hand down his full length, and he needed no more encouragement. Pulling her pants
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away, she guided him inside, arching her back and feeling the beginning of her orgasm as she rose to meet him, wanting him deep inside, not wanting him to be gentle, just wanting them both to let go and lose themselves. There would be time for gentle lovemaking later. But not now.
?Fuck me, Rob.?She whispered into his ear, before biting down on the skin of his shoulder. ?Fuck me till I come.?
Moaning above her, Rob tangled his hands up with her hair as he surrendered, thrusting himself into her hard and fast, all control gone, until she screamed as the orgasm ripped through her, her muscles throbbing around him, not wanting to let him go, keeping him inside. A few moments later, his body stiffened as he pushed further inside her, all his muscles clenched as his body caught up with hers, releasing himself, his fluids mixing with hers before he collapsed on her, all energy spent.
They lay there in silence for a while, before their bodies stirred again. And this time, it was slow and gentle.
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The bad man’s asleep. Time to go, Tabby.
Her eyes opened reluctantly, dazed and confused in the darkness, but the words, clear and musical in her head made her pull herself upright, pushing the covers away. She sat there for a second, mouth moving silently, before she managed to mumble, ?I’m tired,? unsure whom she was talking to, if anyone at all. Pushing her wild hair out of her face, all she wanted to do was lie back down and curl up under the duvet with her teddy bear. It was all dark now, and she didn’t like it. The dream must have woken her up, and now she was sad, wanting to be back there.
This is your only chance. Don’t you want to find me?
Her bleary eyes widened, and she shivered sleepiness away as the voice tickled inside her. Yes, yes, she wanted to find the house and play there in the sunshine. Oh yes, she wanted it more than anything. Wondering whether she was still asleep, still dreaming, she pulled a sweater awkwardly over her nightie, her hair rising with static, and then sat on the bed to tug on yesterday’s socks, which
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had been abandoned on the floor. Her excitement was starting to grow. Maybe it wasn’t a dream; maybe it was really happening. She was going to find the house, her house, just as the invisible friend had always said she would. As the seconds ticked by, she felt more and more awake, not like in a dream awake, but proper awake, like in the mornings. Pulling on her leggings, not able to cope with the buttons on her jeans by herself, she smiled in the darkness that didn’t seem so scary anymore. She was awake, and her invisible house friend was here!
Scrabbling under the bed quickly, still not quite convinced that something didn’t live there, she dragged out her slippers, and then paused, her small brow furrowing in the gloom.
?What about Mummy??she whispered to the emptiness. There was a resonance inside her.
Mummy’s not here, is she? She’s found someone else to love. Someone her own age. Someone who won’t tie her down. She’s left you with the bad man. The bad man with secrets. I think she’s forgetting you already.
Tabby paused, one slipper on, one still in her small hand. Mummy wouldn’t do that. She wouldn’t forget her; she couldn’t. Her body ached with hurt and confusion. But her friend had been right about granddad, she’d seen it in his face, and there was something different about Mummy now. She’d seen her smiling all on her own for no reason, and she didn’t want to play as much anymore, and when she did it was like she wasn’t really there at all, but off in a place of her own. A place without her. Her bottom lip started to wobble, and then the soft tune played in her head, soothing her.
I won’t ever forget you, Tabby. Come with me to the house. We’ll have so much fun. We’ll have an adventure. We’ll never be lonely again.
The music was too lovely to resist, too beautiful to be wrong, and she picked up Mr. Pickles—she couldn’t have an adventure without him—before carefully pulling open
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her bedroom door and creeping down the stairs, clinging on to the railings, afraid to slip and fall.
Not letting go of her bear, she took her red padded coat from the hook and pushed her arms through the sleeves, wrapping it around her instead of trying to do up the zipper. Reaching up on tiptoes for the knob, she puffed for a few seconds as her clumsy fingers slid over it, before turning the catch and pulling the front door open.
The cold, damp air swirled invisibly around her legs, and staring out into the night, she felt hesitation working its way through her. It was so dark out there; too dark for her even to see, and fear flickered in her eyes. ?Is it far?? Her voice was small, and as much as she wanted to find her house, she couldn’t imagine getting there. Not alone. Not in this blackness.
Not very far at all. And you won’t be alone. Me and Mr. Pickles will be with you. And we won’t let anything bad happen.
Hugging her bear close and feeling for the notes playing inside her, Tabby took a deep breath and stepped through the doorway, turning and pushing her fingers through the letter box to close it behind her. There was a finality to the sound of the latch clicking, separating her from her world, and she stood and stared at the door for a few moments, before her feet started to follow the music. There was no going back now.
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