?Can I come in??

  She looked up and nodded, her face destroyed with emotion but still achingly beautiful through the red blotches and the makeup that had abandoned the carefully applied areas of the morning.

  Rob refilled her glass from the red wine bottle on the table, and took Kelly’s glass for himself before sitting on the floor in front of Gina. ?I think you should drink some of that. You need it. It’ll calm you down.?

  They sat in silence for a while, sipping their drinks, Rob watching Gina as she stared out through the bay window at nothing and everything. Eventually, she brought her liquid eyes to his, a half smile wistful on her lips.

  ?I knew today wasn’t going to be a normal day, but this … God, I wasn’t expecting this.?She shrugged helplessly, biting back a sob. ?How am I supposed to deal with this?? She slid off the armchair, and sat on the floor by Rob, her knees drawn up under her chin. ?I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel. What a mess. What an awful, awful mess.?

  The weight of it all seemed to be making Rob’s muscles ache as he struggled, as ever, to find the right words.

  ?There are positive things that have come out of all this, too. Try to think about those.?

  ?Like what??

  Rob put his arm around her, letting her head fall against his shoulder and feeling like a coward. He didn’t want to look into her eyes. He’d had enough of studying other people’s suffering close up. It seemed that some things hadn’t changed in all this. He was still a selfish bastard.

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  The memory of the hate in Kelly’s eyes made him flinch. Yeah, there weren’t many people left who had a high opinion of him, and he couldn’t blame them. He didn’t have too high an opinion of Rob Black himself. He let out a long breath before speaking.

  ?Well, at least you know now that none of the strangeness was due to you. You don’t have any uncontrollable powers to be afraid of. No more guilt. You didn’t kill poor Teacher, and you didn’t kill your father.?

  She stiffened against him, her words bitter.

  ?No. No, I didn’t kill him, but even if I had, I wouldn’t have killed my father, would I? Philip Grace was never my father. My father’s that stranger who just walked out the door.?

  Rob mentally cursed himself. How could he be so good at words on paper, and so shit when it came to the words that counted? He rested his head gently on her hair, feeling the heat coming through her skin.

  ?Don’t think like that. Philip was your father. In all the ways that count, anyway. He brought you up. He loved you. And you loved him. Those are the things you have to remember.?

  ?I don’t want to remember. I don’t want to remember anything. I feel like the person I always thought I was has just been wiped away as if I never existed. Worse than that, all the people I thought I knew, it turns out I didn’t. I don’t know who to be. I don’t know who I am.?She sniffed loudly, the sound making Rob smile. It was an un-Gina sound, and yet was so natural.

  ?You can be whoever you want to be now. No guilt. No fear. Just beautiful Gina. You can be the person you were meant to be.?

  ?You make it sound so easy.?

  ?It’s as easy as you want it to be.?

  She looked up at him and smiled, strands of hair tugging across her face where they had become trapped in his shoulder. ?I feel like you’re the only person in the world I

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  know, Robert Black. I think I know you better than I know myself. I recognize you. Inside and out.?Her finger reached up and traced his mouth. ?That same smile you had all those years ago. I always had faith in that smile.?

  As she stared into him with those gorgeous eyes that used to keep him awake as a boy, he felt his stomach flipping slightly. Oh Christ no, don’t even think about it. Not now. Not ever. It’s Kelly you love, however mad and hurt she is now. Don’t even think about doing this. It’s not fair. It’s not fair on anyone.

  His mouth felt dry, and he didn’t trust himself to speak, suddenly aware with every inch of his body of how close Gina was to him. Her voice was soft and sweet.

  ?I’ve often thought about you, you know. I guess it was hard to forget you, seeing your picture in the papers and in all those bookshop windows over the years. I’d buy your books just so I could hear your voice in my head. Stupid, huh??

  Rob shifted slightly, feeling awkward. God, it seemed like her body was giving out so much heat. Was it her or was it him? Who the hell knew; the only thing he was sure of was that he shouldn’t be feeling like this. He shouldn’t be wanting like this.

  ?Look, Gina …?

  Her finger came up and pressed itself to his lips, sending Shockwaves exploding through him.

  ?Let me speak, okay??She pulled herself upright, keeping her face close to his. Rob groaned internally. Oh shit, this was hard. This was very hard. Worse than that, he was hard. Was she doing this to him deliberately? Was she still a manipulative little girl underneath all this emotion, toying with him like she did when they were kids? Her words dripped like liquid into his ears, tempting him, teasing him.

  ?Have you ever wondered how things would have been between us if that summer had never happened??

  Her face held all the vulnerability that it had hidden

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  during her childhood, and Rob glanced away in an effort to keep his resolve. Yeah, you’re tempted, Black. You’re more than tempted. But don’t blame her for it; you’ve always been a grade-A shit to the ladies. His voice shook slightly.

  ?But that summer did happen. You can’t just wipe it away.?

  Leaning forward, Gina’s breath whispered past his face. ?You’re not answering my question, Rob. Did you ever wonder? Or was it only me??

  A vein started to throb in his head. ?Yeah. Yeah, I wondered. Sometimes.?

  She watched him for a few seconds, before she spoke, tears reforming in the corners of her eyes. ?It’s been a long and terrible day, Rob. I lost my identity today, and now I want to stop thinking for a few hours. I want to stop thinking with you.?Her lips brushed his, and the moan escaped Rob before he could bite it back, just as it had all those summers ago.

  ?Help me, Rob. Help me be whole again. You’re the only one who can.?Her tongue slipped into his mouth, and hating himself, his resolve, his thoughts of Kelly melted away.

  ?It was meant to be,?she whispered, before their mouths were unable to speak any more.

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  It was half past three in the morning, but the moon was high beneath the clear sky, and as Rob looked out the window over the garden from the darkness of the bedroom, he could see all the way down the length of the lawn to the shadows of the garage a hundred yards away. He had just come back from a quick trip downstairs. He’d put on jeans and without a t-shirt on, goose pimples covered his arms and chest, but he didn’t mind. In some ways the cold felt good. He sucked hard on his cigarette, cancer the least of his worries, as Gina stirred in the bed behind him.

  ?Where did you go??

  Her voice sounded drowsy, as if she’d been on the verge of sleep. He envied her that. Sleep wasn’t something he could imagine for himself tonight.

  ?I phoned the hospital to check on Jason.?He didn’t turn around, but heard the rustle of sheets as she pulled herself upright.

  ?Has there been any change??

  ?No. He’s still in a coma and needing the ventilator.?And they almost lost him a couple of hours ago. He didn’t

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  need to tell her that. That was something he wanted to carry on his own. His own private guilt.

  ?Why don’t you come back to bed??

  Glancing over his shoulder, Rob looked at Gina, who was naked from the waist up, leaning on one arm, hair tumbling free over her shoulder, and he felt nothing except the urge for her to be gone. Out of his bed, out of his house and out of his life. Oh yes, he’d really fucked up this time.

  ?I don’t think so. I’m going to get dressed and make some coffee. You stay here.?

  Even through the gloom, he could see her face clouding over.

  ?Are you feeling guilty about Kelly? I know she’ll be upset, but she’ll get over it. It’s not as if you’ve known her that long. Once this is all over then we can go anywhere we want. Get away from this town for good, and just be you and me. Imagine that, Rob. Just you and me.?

  Rob sighed and paused on his way to the door. There was no easy way to do this. His voice sounded cold in his head, devoid of emotion, detached from the situation.

  ?Look, Gina, there is no you and me. Maybe once there could have been, but not anymore. All we’ve done tonight is find that out. It was a mistake, and if I could undo it, I would. I love Kelly, and I can’t change that, not even for you.?He paused before adding, ?I’m sorry. I really am, but there’s nothing I can do about it.?

  She looked like she’d been slapped in the face, an expression he’d seen on so many women’s faces over the years when he’d destroyed their illusions of love. He’d never expected to see it on Gina’s, though. Strange how life worked out.

  As he picked his t-shirt up from the floor where he’d abandoned it after ripping it off so eagerly only hours before—Oh yes, you’re a shit all right—he could hear Gina’s breath coming rapidly from the bed.

  ?I don’t believe you.?

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  ?Believe me, Gina. Please.?There was a hint of the spoiled child he’d known all those years ago in her voice, and Rob wondered whether a man had ever done anything other than proclaim undying love for Gina in all her adult life. Probably not. And a month or so ago, he’d have been one of them.

  ?Well, maybe I’ll tell your precious Kelly all about tonight. Tell her how you needed no encouragement. She won’t ever want you back then, will she? Not perfect Kelly who everyone cares so much about.?

  She sounded bitter and harsh, and Rob couldn’t blame her for that, but he didn’t have the energy for rows and recriminations. He tugged his t-shirt over his head and as he walked to the door, he said, ?Do whatever you have to, Gina. This is my fault, not yours. I’ll always care about you, but I can’t make myself be in love with you.?His weariness echoed in his voice. ?If you want to tell Kelly, then go ahead. I can’t stop you.?

  He pulled the door closed behind him and padded down the stairs. It wasn’t until he was in the kitchen that he turned a light on, as if he could somehow find solace in the gloom. Gina didn’t follow him down, and for that he was grateful.

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  ?He’s here.?

  Rob had been watching for Jack’s blue Escort from the front room window, and it pulled up outside the house at exactly nine o’clock. What kind of night had Jack and Kelly had? As sleepless as his own? He pushed the memory of his own night’s activities aside as he felt his stomach twist with his old friend guilt. What was done couldn’t be undone, they’d all learned that, and he’d done enough dwelling on the past to last a lifetime. What would be would be.

  He grabbed his keys, eager to get out of the house, and was pleased to see Gina waiting by the door. She’d eventually gotten up at five-thirty, and there’d been no more mention of Kelly and love. Instead, she cooked them both a breakfast neither of them really wanted to eat, and drank endless cups of coffee with him, talking in that soft, sweet voice of times gone by, of Jason and Carrie, reminding him of the good times so easily hidden by the bad.

  Her pleasantness at first had surprised Rob, and then

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  made him uneasy. She was being a little too nice, like someone who knew she was going to get her own way in the end. He didn’t trust her, and that wasn’t her fault, but common sense told him you couldn’t trust someone who’d lost everything. They had nothing left to lose.

  ?Come on. Let’s go.?

  He pulled the door shut behind him and trotted down the path to the car, taking the front passenger seat. Glancing over his shoulder, seeing only Gina getting in, Jack pre-empted his question.

  ?Kelly’s going to meet us up at Syracousse in an hour.?

  Swallowing his disappointment, Rob nodded. So she hadn’t wanted to come. God, all he wanted to do was see her, make sure she was all right. He had to make sure they put everything right. For all their sakes.

  They drove out to Hurstone in silence, the bright eyes in Jack’s craggy, time-weary face occasionally darting to the rear-view mirror, not to check on traffic, but to peek at his other daughter, who sat so still and quiet in the backseat. Rob stared out at the passing visions of normality, people emerging from their houses to go about their daily business, and wondered if they were the only ones whose lives had been tinged with madness, or whether each street had its dark and unnatural secrets, the inhabitants of which were too scared to share.

  Jack pulled up on the gravel in front of the imposing building instead of using the visitors’ parking lot to the rear and turned off the engine, before glancing over to Rob.

  ?Are you going to wait here??

  Rob nodded. ?Yeah. I think just you and Gina should go in.?He looked behind him at the woman whose face had grown pale. ?Are you okay? It’s been a long time.?

  She nodded, regaining her composure. ?I’ll be fine.?

  Sliding out of her seat, she slammed the door and waited for Jack. He took a deep breath before joining her in the fresh air, leaving Rob alone with his thoughts.

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  Gina was going up the stairs ahead of him, and Jack took two painful steps at a time to catch up. He needed to talk to her before the day’s events swallowed them up. Touching her gently, he stopped her before she buzzed for reception to let them in.

  ?Gina, I just wanted to say … I’m sorry about running off like that after Kelly last night. I knew you’d be safe with Rob, and she’s very fragile at the moment, with Tabby missing. I didn’t want to leave her on her own. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. I care about you very much. I always have, and I regret not being braver and bringing you back into our house, our family, all those years ago.?

  Gina stared at him, her face noncommittal. If only he knew her better, then maybe he’d be able to read that expression, to guess what she was thinking, to find the best way to help her. So many ifs, and only himself to blame for not knowing the answers. Well, maybe it wasn’t too late to try to build some of those bridges. He glanced down at his knotted hand that touched her arm. He didn’t have enough time left to waste with wishful thinking and regrets. It was time to start taking action and trying to put things right.

  ?You know, I was thinking that maybe after all this is over we could get to know each other a bit better. I’d like the opportunity if you’d let me.?

  Her eyes flitted away toward the heavy door, and Jack sighed. ?Well, think about it anyway.?

  The nurses had Camilla dressed in a cream linen trouser suit and ready for them in the reception hall. Jack noticed they’d even tried to put a little makeup on her and done her hair. He watched as, trembling, Gina stepped forward and kneeled by her mother’s chair. It felt surreal to be reunited with his first family like this. At times in his life, he’d wondered if the three of them would ever meet with the truth out in the open, but he’d never imagined it

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  would be like this, in these terrible circumstances.

  The nurse pulled him gently to one side.

  ?I just thought I’d let you know that Mrs. Grace is capable of walking with some assistance. We normally walk her around for half an hour or so each day to stop her from getting sores and to keep her muscles active. There’s no physical reason for her not to walk on her own, but she just doesn’t ever do it.?

  Jack nodded. ?We’ll have her back by this evening.?I hope. ?Thank you for everything you’ve done to make her look special. It’s nice for her daughter to see her looking so pretty.?

  Smiling gently, the nurse shook her head. ?That’s no problem. Maybe seeing her daughter again and getting out of here for a few hours will do her some good. She’s no threat to anyone, just a poor, lost old lady. All I ask is that you take good care of her.?

  ?We will. Thank you.?

  Looking into the kindly face to say good-bye, Jack felt like a Judas all over again. First, he’d betrayed Camilla by not taking responsibility for their daughter, and now he was promising to look after her when who knew what the day would bring. What was going to happen when they got up to the house? None of them could answer that, not even the poor, crazed woman he was pushing down the wheelchair slope next to the stairs, and she knew Syracousse better than anyone.

  The wheels bounced loudly on the gravel as they headed to the car, and Rob got out to help him ease Camilla into the backseat and do up her belt. God, she was as light as a feather, and holding her in his arms again, Jack couldn’t help remembering with pain how he had carried her so many times before, up those beautiful stairs to the bedroom, her head thrown back and laughing. Yes, he’d been her lover and her betrayer. Maybe if he’d done what she asked of him her sanity would have survived that awful afternoon.

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  After stowing away the chair in the trunk he got in the front seat and shut the door, Gina having already scrambled into the back to take her absent mother’s hand again. Jack could hear her low, painful whisper, begging for recognition.

  ?It’s me. It’s Gina. Can you hear me, Mum? Don’t you recognize me? It’s your little girl. I’m so sorry for leaving you, I’m so sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise. I won’t ever leave you again. Cross my heart, Mum, cross my heart and hope to die.?

  Jack looked over at Rob, whose jaw clenched and unclenched, almost in time with Gina’s tired, quiet, shameful sobs.

  ?Are you ready??

  Rob nodded, starting the engine.

  ?Let’s go then.?

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  Hearing the sound of tires crunching along the stones of the lane, Kelly smiled a little with relief. Not that she would be pleased to see them, not Rob, not her father. It was way too early for that yet, and she had a suspicion that she would never be ready to forgive them. But standing up here alone, even keeping her distance from the house, filled her with an unsettling fear, like that of something you just can’t quite see but are sure is out there somewhere waiting for you. The kind of fear she hadn’t felt since she was a child not much older than Tabby. The kind of fear that sent your imagination running wild, and was now filling her head with images of Jason lying cold on the track. Jason who’d come up here on his own and now lay broken and ruined in that hospital just one breath away from death.