“Thanks.” Without a word, he went out the door.

  Caitlin wanted to hang her head and cry, but she didn’t have the luxury. Cameron was hurting, and Joshua would soon awaken. Quickly checking on him to determine he was still asleep, she gathered her clothes and rushed to shower and dress. She needed to be there when Cameron and Joshua met again, for both their sakes.

  Cameron came out of the guest bedroom and face-to-face with Joshua who was about to enter his mother’s bedroom. The child simply stared at him. There was no bright smile, no hug. Despite the knot threatening to choke him, Cameron said, “Good morning, son.”

  Nothing moved on Joshua, not even an eyelash.

  “I came by to say hi to you and your mother.” Cameron wanted to take his son in his arms, but he didn’t want to upset him. “Are you hungry? I can fix you pancakes.”

  Dismissing him, Joshua continued into Caitlin’s bedroom. Cameron clenched his fists in impotent fury. He only had himself to blame for this.

  “Good morning, sweetheart,” he heard Caitlin say.

  “Good morning, Mommy,” Joshua said. “I’m hungry. Can I have cereal for breakfast?”

  “I don’t see why not.” Together they came out of the bedroom holding hands. Caitlin paused on seeing Cameron. “Joshua, look who has come to visit.”

  “Can I have my cereal?” Joshua asked. “I washed my hands and brushed my teeth all by myself.”

  Caitlin’s eyes widened in surprise at Joshua’s announcement. “You are certainly growing up to be a big boy, but you haven’t spoken to your father and he came a long way to see you.”

  Joshua folded his arms. “I’m hungry.”

  “Joshu—”

  “No,” Cameron said, cutting her off. Correcting Joshua would only make matters worse. “It’s all right. I have some calls to make. I’ll wait in the living room.” Spinning on his heels, Cameron went to the spacious room, taking out his cell phone and activating it.

  He wasn’t surprised to see that he had fifteen messages. Most of them were from Faith and Duncan. He’d left brief messages for both that he was all right and would call Monday. He hadn’t been in the mood to answer questions.

  He still wasn’t, but they had waited long enough. He glanced at his watch. It was a little after eight in Montana and Santa Fe. Duncan would be out already, working on his ranch. That meant his cell was off. Cameron left a brief message saying he’d call, then he dialed Faith’s cell number.

  She and Brandon moved between his apartment over his restaurant that Faith had renovated and her room at their hotel. Unlike Duncan, as executive manager of the hotel, she turned her cell phone on the moment she woke up and didn’t turn it off until she was ready for bed. Since Brandon owned the Red Cactus restaurant, he understood her need to be available.

  He was also crazy about his wife. They were both lucky. Cameron and Duncan had missed the mark.

  The phone was answered on the second ring. “Tell me you’re all right,” Faith asked, her voice a bit breathless.

  Cameron could think of a couple of reasons for her being out of breath this early in the morning. She and Brandon could have just come in from a morning run—which they did—or . . .

  “Cameron,” she said.

  “He’s all right, honey. Aren’t you, Cameron?”

  Cameron rubbed the back of his neck. “Yes, if I caught—I mean I can call later.”

  “You do, and you’re dead meat after Faith worried about you all night,” Brandon said. “Especially after she spoke with Ms. Alvarado.”

  Cameron frowned. “Faith talked with Hope?”

  “Be glad I did,” Faith said as she came on the line. “Or my next phone call would have been to Blade so he could call Shane to track you down. Luke is out of town with Catherine or I would have called him,” she told Cameron, a mixture of pique and anxiety in her voice. “You should have called.”

  Cameron plopped into a side chair. Shane, a retired army ranger, once headed Blade’s security. Married, he now ran his own prosperous security firm in Atlanta. Luke was Brandon’s oldest brother and owned Manhunters, a private investigation firm in Santa Fe.

  “I had a lot on my mind, Faith.”

  “I know,” Faith said softly. “Hope explained about Joshua seeing the tape. I feel so bad for all of you.”

  He still couldn’t take it in. “Hope doesn’t give out information.”

  “It was either tell me over the phone or I was coming to see her in person,” Faith said fiercely.

  Hope didn’t scare easily . . . if at all. There was more to it than that. Perhaps Hope had a soft side after all.

  “Is Joshua up yet?” she asked.

  Cameron swiped his hand across his face. “Yes, and he still acts as if I’m not there.”

  “He’s hurting and confused, Cameron.”

  “I know that, but I can’t help him,” he said, angry at his own helplessness.

  “That’s why I’ve called so many times,” Faith said. “Apparently you’ve forgotten that Brandon’s sister-in-law, Catherine, is a noted child psychologist.”

  He was almost afraid to hope. “Did she say she could help? Did you tell her about what had happened to Joshua?”

  “No, I thought you and Caitlin would want to do that yourselves, but I did call her and let her know someone I loved might call her this morning and ask her to help them. She doesn’t have another workshop until this afternoon. She’s waiting for you to call her.”

  “Do you think she can help?” he asked.

  “If I had a child with a problem, she’d be the first person I’d call.”

  Laughter floated to him from the kitchen. If he walked into the room it would stop. None of them could go on this way. “Please give me the number.”

  Chapter 17

  Caitlin was almost afraid for Cameron to make the call. From the den they looked out to the fenced backyard where Joshua swung on his swing set. After breakfast he’d ignored his father and asked to go play. She’d let him because making him stay or sending him to his room wasn’t the answer. She wasn’t sure what was.

  “We both have to agree on this decision,” Cameron told her.

  Joshua stopped swinging and stared toward the wall of glass in the den. She waved. He set the swing in motion again. Her adventurous son was scared to let her out of his sight for long periods of time. She couldn’t be with him twenty-four/seven.

  “Caitlin?” Cameron asked.

  “Make the call.” They didn’t know how to help their son; perhaps Dr. Grayson did.

  Standing where they had a clear view of Joshua, Cameron activated the speaker and punched in the cell number on the phone on the end table in the den.

  “Good morning. Dr. Grayson.”

  Cameron caught Caitlin’s hand. He’d met Luke’s wife a couple of times in social situations. The last time was Sierra Grayson’s wedding, but this was completely different. “Dr. Grayson, this is Cameron McBride. Faith told you I might call.”

  “Cameron, it’s nice to hear your voice,” she said, then, “Luke said hello. He’s going into the other room to give us some privacy.”

  He glanced uneasily at Caitlin. “You knew I’d call.”

  “A guess. Faith showed us all the family pictures of Joshua,” she said. “I don’t blame her for being so proud. He’s a good-looking boy. You were doing well in this year’s NASCAR races until the race yesterday. There is a great deal of speculation as to the reason.”

  “Luke married a woman as smart as he is,” Cameron said.

  Dr. Grayson laughed. Her voice was soft, cultured. “Thank you for the compliment. How may I help you, help Joshua?”

  She sounded calm, capable. He couldn’t imagine Luke marrying a woman who wasn’t. “I’m here with Joshua’s mother, Caitlin Lawrence. We have you on the speaker phone.”

  “Hello, Ms. Lawrence,” Dr. Grayson said. “Where is Joshua?”

  “Hello, Dr. Grayson. He’s in the backyard playing. We can watch him while we talk,” Caitlin explained.

  “Good, because this conversation is going to be intensely personal. I need you to answer honestly,” she said. “We’ll try this first, and if it doesn’t work, you can bring Joshua to me or I can come to him, whichever I think would be less traumatic.”

  Caitlin edged closer to Cameron. His arm pulled her tighter to him.

  “What do you want to know?” Cameron asked.

  “Everything that led up to whatever difficulties Joshua is going through.”

  “That will take time,” Cameron said.

  “Then perhaps we should get started. Four-year-olds aren’t known for their patience. Who will go first?”

  They’d had to stop twice because Joshua came into the house for water, but Caitlin and Cameron knew the real reason was that he wanted to assure himself that she was all right. Cameron had spoken first, faltering when he told about being left at the altar. With tears in her eyes and stinging her throat, Caitlin had explained her fear, silently asking for forgiveness. The hardest part was explaining her decision to keep Joshua’s birth a secret. To Caitlin’s amazement and Dr. Grayson’s credit, she didn’t appear shocked or judgmental.

  “How did Joshua react to learning Cameron was his father?”

  “He was ecstatic,” Cameron answered, his gaze glued to his son, who was playing with a ball. “My family came up, and we had a party. That’s when Faith took the pictures. He went with me to the garage. At the autograph session he handed me my photographs to sign. We even went to Chicago to do a photo shoot and film a commercial.”

  “He adores his father,” Caitlin said.

  “Until he saw the film of my car crashing into the retaining wall.” His fists clenched. “I didn’t know he was there.”

  “It was my fault,” Caitlin quickly said. “I was busy with a sketch, and he slipped out of the motor coach without my knowing it.”

  “Four-year-olds are extremely inquisitive and inventive when they want to do something they know they shouldn’t,” Dr. Grayson said. “He probably knows how engrossed you become and used your distraction to his advantage.”

  Cameron curved his arm around Caitlin’s shoulder. “You’re a good mother. This is not your fault. It’s mine.”

  “I think it’s time to take fault out of the equation and look for a solution. It’s going to require both of you to work hard.”

  Cameron and Caitlin glanced at each other and both stepped closer to the phone. “Anything,” they said in unison.

  “I think you should hear what I have to say before you agree,” Dr. Grayson said. “Is Joshua still occupied?”

  “Yes,” Caitlin told her. He’d abandoned the ball and gone back to his swing.

  “Good. Cameron, you’re first.”

  “Yes, Dr. Grayson.”

  “What is your goal when you race? Your best expectation?” Dr. Grayson asked.

  Cameron frowned, looked at Caitlin, who seemed puzzled. “To win, and if I can’t, to come in among the top ten.”

  “Have you shared this with Joshua?”

  The questions were becoming weirder, but Faith trusted Dr. Grayson, and Luke had married her, so Cameron trusted her as well. “I told him, but I don’t know if he remembers.”

  “He does.” Caitlin faced him. “He told me when I let him watch a little bit of the race before I switched the TV off.”

  “Then, Cameron, you’re going to have to do whatever it takes to come in among the top ten,” Dr. Grayson told him. “When this is over Joshua will look back on this time and blame himself if you’ve lost because of him.”

  “It’s not his fau—”

  “She’s right,” Caitlin said, cutting him off. “Each time I read that you hadn’t raced well, it tore me to pieces. I knew you wanted the cup, knew how much you loved racing, but, because of me, you were having the worst season of your life.”

  “Then why didn’t you come back to me?” he asked, his voice low.

  “Because, as much as I hated to see you lose, I was more afraid of seeing you hurt or killed the way my father and your teammate were,” Caitlin said, her voice unsteady.

  Cameron folded her into his arms. “Don’t cry, honey. I’m safer on the track than on the freeway.”

  “Cars on the freeway aren’t going in excess of a hundred eighty miles per hour,” she countered.

  “I see this is an old argument and, unfortunately, it’s the key to helping Joshua,” Dr, Grayson said. “Ms. Lawrence, children are perceptive. Joshua is obviously afraid. He’s separating himself from his father because of that fear. Separated, he won’t feel the pain as deeply if something were to happen to his father.

  “He needs reassurance from the one person who has always been there, the one person he trusts implicitly, his mother. The only way to help Joshua is for you, Ms. Lawrence, to overcome your own fears,” Dr. Grayson told them.

  Shaking her head, Caitlin backed away from the phone, staring at it as if it were a poisonous snake. “I’ve tried. There must be another way.”

  “I’m afraid there isn’t,” came Dr. Grayson’s calm reply. “Joshua is taking his cue from you. I bet if you think back over the course of time that you’ve been with Cameron you’ve shown Joshua your fear of his father’s racing.”

  Caitlin’s gaze sought Cameron’s. “I wouldn’t let him watch the race, and when I did, you and the other car were so close, I was so frightened that I picked up Joshua. When you won, I couldn’t stop crying.” Her balled fist pressed against her lips. “Cameron, what have I done to our baby? I never wanted him to be afraid.”

  “Shhh.” Cameron pulled her fiercely into his arms. “Hush. Dr. Grayson just said we’re not going to point fingers or blame anyone, just come together to help Joshua.”

  “I’ll do anything to help him, but I can’t do that. I can’t.”

  “Yes you can,” Dr. Grayson said firmly. “Your son is your motivation. Take yourself out of the equation and simply think of what is best for him. Face your fears. From what I’ve been able to bring up on the computer, NASCAR is one of the safest professional sports around and will become even more so with the car of tomorrow and all NASCAR safety measures for the track and the cars.”

  “I’m not sure I can.”

  “You’ll have to if you want to help Joshua,” came the somber reply of Dr. Grayson.

  “Joshua’s on his way back inside,” Cameron said.

  “Feel free to call me if you want to talk more. Good-bye.”

  Cameron hung up the phone just as Joshua opened the glass door to the terrace. He wasn’t sure if he should let Joshua ignore him or push the issue. He’d forgotten to ask.

  “Mama, I want you to come outside and play with me,” Joshua told her, stopping a few feet from his mother.

  Although Cameron was standing next to her, not by one glance did his son acknowledge him. “I could push you on the swing or we could play catch,” Cameron said.

  Joshua took his mother’s hand. “Come on.”

  Helplessly, Caitlin glanced back at Cameron, then down at their son. “Nothing is going to happen to your father. What you saw on the video happened that day you hurt your arm. Joshua, you don’t have to be afraid for your father.”

  “Can you come outside and play with me?” he repeated.

  Caitlin blew out a frustrated breath. “I’ll be out in a minute. You go ahead.”

  He didn’t move. “I want you to come now.”

  “Joshua, please do as you’re told, or you can come inside to stay,” she said firmly. She might not be sure of what to do next, but she was sure that letting Joshua manipulate her wasn’t a good idea.

  Head tucked down, he went back outside, took a seat on one of the patio chairs, and propped his chin on his folded arms on the table.

  Cameron swept his hand up and down Caitlin’s arm. “If I’m hurting him, it’s best that I leave.”

  “He can be stubborn,” she said.

  His lips curved upward. “Guess he gets that from his mother.”

  She turned to him, misery in her eyes. “Maybe Dr. Grayson is wrong. He’ll get over his fear.”

  “Have you?”

  Her eyes shut tightly. Warm lips brushed across her forehead. She opened her eyes to see Cameron walking away.

  The glass door slid open. Joshua didn’t stop until his arms were wrapped around her. “You aren’t going, are you, Mommy?”

  Her heart aching, she bent and hugged his trembling body to hers. “No, Mommy is not going anyplace.” She had her son completely to herself just as she wanted, but the price was too high. Both Joshua and Cameron were hurting.

  Cameron called Caitlin every night after Joshua was in bed. Each night he’d hope for some indication that Joshua missed his father. There never was.

  The most promising event was Joshua’s going back to school on Wednesday. Caitlin had returned for lunch and again at mid-afternoon to find him busy in the play centers. He’d waved at her and gone back to building a tower with blocks.

  “I’m leaving for Martinsville tomorrow morning to get ready for the qualifying races,” Cameron said, his feet propped up on his table in the sitting room at his home.

  There was a telling pause. “The track at Martinsville Speedway is the smallest track in the series. There’s no passing room. If you don’t qualify well . . .”

  Cameron dragged his feet off the table. “I plan to be in the top ten and stay there. No way am I going to let Joshua feel bad about my poor showing once this is over.”

  “And, according to Dr. Grayson, it all hinges on me,” she said quietly. “The weakest link.”

  “Strongest,” he corrected. “You can do this. You have an extra incentive. You can begin by watching the race on Sunday.”

  “No.” The answer was quick, emphatic.

  He could imagine her standing, pacing. He stood as well. “Call Diana over to watch it with you . . . if Joshua will let you. Otherwise, tape it and, once he’s asleep, we’ll watch it together.”

  “I’m not sure I can do that.”

  “You won’t know until you try,” he said. “I asked Hope to send you a few tapes of races. You were with me for two months during race season. I had a couple of fender benders and a lot of bumps, but I always finished and always came back to you safely.”