His nostrils flared, and he ran a hand through his hair.

  “Tell me, Rhett,” I insisted and almost reached out to him before pulling away. “Please.”

  A long moment passed, and I watched a war play out in his eyes as the muscles played in his jaw.

  “I was born Jonathon Samuel Gordon,” he snarled. “My father is Mack Gordon. Google him. After that, if you aren’t afraid, come back to me. I’ll make you afraid then.”

  My heart hammered. My stomach churned. Spiders of anxiety walked up and down my spine, but I wouldn’t let the fear stop me from pressing him.

  “No, you need to tell me. Say it out loud. Get it out of you.”

  “No!” He said it so loudly, I jumped, but I recovered quickly.

  “Yes!” I yelled. “Rhett… Jonathan… whoever you are… I want to hear it from you.”

  He turned away from me, running his hands through his hair, grabbing at the roots. I caught his arm, stopping him. Slowly, he turned as if he was an old man. “I can’t.”

  “Why, Rhett? Please talk to me.”

  His face crumpled, and my heart broke open for him, a piece of it falling into the darkness of my soul. He looked so broken, so defeated, I ached for him. “Because I can’t bear to see the fear in your eyes when you learn the truth.”

  I let that settle into the space between us before pushing him further. With a gentle voice, I asked, “Why would I fear you, Rhett?”

  He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, grinding so hard I was afraid he’d hurt himself. But I left him alone, waited for him to say whatever he was going to say. “The only other woman I ever loved left me after she learned the truth.”

  The part of my heart that wasn’t broken started beating harder, faster. Was his secret really that bad? I reached up and pulled his hands down, looked into his haunted eyes. “Tell me, Rhett.”

  His shoulders fell, and I linked his hands with mine. When he tried to pull away, I tightened my hands into fists, not letting him go. “Tell me.”

  “My father is a serial rapist.” The words exploded from him in a whisper. “He raped nearly a hundred women before he was caught. My mother was one of them. He kept her tied up and hidden for days before she was able to escape.”

  I couldn’t breathe.

  “She got pregnant with me, and because she was Catholic, my grandparents wouldn’t let her have an abortion. Emery, she went mad. Every time she looked at me, she saw him. Until she couldn’t bear looking at me another day and took her own life.”

  His face crumbled again, and he clamped his jaw shut, the muscle popping under the skin.

  “I look like him, Emery.” He yanked me to him, reaching up until his hands were in my hair, pulling my head back until my neck threatened to snap. The red in his eyes looked darker than I’d ever seen. “I am like him.”

  Time stopped as we stared at each other, and I processed it all.

  He liked BDSM. He wanted it rough. He would only touch a woman with permission.

  If his mother was as emotionally distraught as he said, how many horrible things had she said to him? How many horrible things had he said to himself?

  My eyes burned, and my body began to shake. Unbidden, a sob escaped my lips. As I watched through a blur of tears, Rhett’s face changed, and he let me go, stepped away, his complexion ashen.

  “You look just like Renee looked when I told her,” he said softly, defeated. “If you want to go, I’ll make sure you receive the hundred thousand dollars. I won’t blame you or hold it against you.”

  I’d never seen anyone look so broken. Not even when I looked in the mirror.

  I wanted to take his pain away. His hurt. The bitter belief that he was a monster.

  With wariness in his eyes, he watched me walk to him. He searched my face as I cupped his with my hands. “We all have the ability to be monsters, Rhett. None of us know what we’re capable of doing. We all have terrible thoughts. Wishes. Nightmares we’d like to see come true. The difference between you and your father is that you don’t act on those thoughts. What you do with women is consensual.”

  He was nowhere close to convinced. “But—”

  “I’ve done a little research, and there are millions of people who play in the BDSM world. Thirty-six percent of Americans experiment with it. Enjoy it. So your sexual preferences are in line with a third of America.”

  “But most of America doesn’t have my genetic history,” he argued.

  “True. And most people don’t take the same precautions as you. They don’t make one-hundred-percent sure that the partner is consenting. You do.” I stroked his forehead with my fingers, soothing away the lines, then cupped his cheek. “And you do all that because it’s important to you to be a good man.”

  His face collapsed on itself, and he began to shake, but I didn’t let him go. When a tear slid down his cheek, I wiped it away and smiled when he wiped mine away too.

  “Rhett, I accept you for the man you are. I’m not afraid of you. I… I care for you. And I want to show you just how much I trust you and care for you. I want to make love with you so badly, it hurts each cell in my body.”

  He gazed down at me, his eyes looking deeply into mine. After long moments had passed, he blew out a shaky breath. His next words were unexpected. “Are you a virgin?”

  I didn’t hesitate to tell the truth. We were past secrets any longer. “Yes.”

  He closed his eyes, and my gut churned.

  “Rhett…”

  He opened his eyes again, but they were tender, not hard as I’d expected.

  Wrapping my hand around his wrist, I stepped even closer to him. So close that his erection pressed into my belly. “It never has to go beyond this if you don’t want it to. My virginity isn’t some prize. It isn’t your responsibility. Due to circumstances in my life, I’ve simply not been with a man yet sexually. So don’t feel as if you have to keep me around or add me to your life in any way you don’t feel fully ready for. I’m a big girl. And I’m ready to become a woman. And I’d like that experience to be with you.”

  His pupils dilated. “Are you sure?”

  I smiled up at him. “I’ve been unable to think of anything else these past couple days.”

  He blinked. “It’s incredible that we’ve only known each other for such a short time. In some ways, I feel like I’ve known you for so much longer.”

  I nodded. “I agree. In some alternate universe, maybe. Do you believe in soulmates?”

  A scowl appeared on his face. “No. I, uh… well…”

  I laughed. “I don’t believe in them either. I was just testing you.”

  He laughed too, and I could feel the rumble of it in my own chest. “Testing or teasing?”

  Giving him what I hoped was a sexy grin, I winked. “Both.”

  His personality changed in an instant, became darker, heavier. “Do you know what happens to people who tease me?”

  I batted my lashes. “You make sweet love to them?”

  He threw his head back and laughed. “God, you’re a mess.”

  “Will you make love to me, Rhett? Introduce me to this world of lovemaking?” My heart began to jackrabbit. “Then introduce me to the things you like sometime soon?”

  His nostrils flared, and his hands gripped my hair. “I think I’ll do both.”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Rhett

  Someone said that confession was good for the soul, and I thought I just might believe that now. I couldn’t believe we just had that conversation. That I told her my deepest secret. And I couldn’t believe that Emery was still here. Or how incredible I felt.

  I thought I’d lose her, that she’d run just as Renee had so many years ago. Watching the woman I loved walk out of my life had broken something profoundly important inside me, confirming everything I’d always known about myself.

  That I was the spawn of a monster. Therefore, I must be a monster too.

  But Emery was still here, looking so strong and confident as she asked me to introduce her to sex. Introduce her to my world. The only world I thought I belonged to… until I met her.

  Worried that I’d scare her away but needing to know how willing she was to explore, I wanted to make her first time more than memorable. I wanted it to last and be filled with every sensation possible while still respecting how innocent she was.

  “Your safe words are yellow and red,” I said, my tone deeper now, more authoritative. “Like a traffic light, if you want me to slow down, say yellow. If you want me to stop, say red. Do you understand?”

  She swallowed, showing her nerves, but when her eyes met mine, she was the picture of serenity. “I understand.”

  I stroked a finger down her face. “What are your safe words, Emery?”

  “Yellow and red.”

  I nearly corrected her when she didn’t add “Sir” to the end, but let it go. I’d teach submissive etiquette another time. “Very good.”

  Turning, I walked over to the standing oversized mirror near my closet and moved it farther into the bedroom. When Emery appeared in the reflection, I stopped and held out my hand to her. “Come to me.”

  Looking a bit shaky, she didn’t hesitate to do as I said, stopping a couple feet in front of the mirror. Stepping closer to her, I held her face in my hands, gazing into her beautiful eyes.

  “Are you sure about this, Emery? There are things you can’t unsee, can’t unknow, can’t unfeel.”

  She licked her lips. “If you don’t kiss me soon, I think every cell in my body might explode.”

  I laughed. God, she was adorable.

  Giving her what she wanted, what I needed, I lowered my head until my lips were pressed against her forehead, her temple, the tip of her nose. Finally, our mouths connected, and she moaned, making me crave her even more. It didn’t seem possible that a single kiss could make me feel so much, but it made me feel everything. Lust, yes. But it was mixed with a combination of hope and possibility that I was almost afraid to trust.

  I buried my hands in her hair, cupping the back of her head to hold her in place as I deepened the kiss. My tongue swept over hers, plundering her mouth, possessing every inch of its sweetness. Her fingers dug into my shoulders, pulling me closer, as if I had any intention of walking away.

  “I need you,” I whispered against her mouth.

  I could stand here forever and drink from her lips, but I needed to feel her skin. Sliding my lips up her jaw and to her ear, I bit the lobe until she cried out, her nails raking into my scalp.

  Breaking away long enough to pull her sweater over her head, I tossed the bulky thing to the floor before reaching out and sliding my hands down her silky arms. Walking around her, I watched her reflection in the mirror as I did the same with her tank, revealing even more of her beautiful olive skin. In only boots, leggings, and bra, she looked even more exquisite than most women did in fine lingerie.

  Unhooking the bit of lace, I slipped it down her shoulders and off her arms, revealing the body I’d come to crave. Small but beautifully formed, her breasts fit perfectly on her lean frame. Skimming my hands around her waist, her stomach clenched as I touched her flesh there. She stopped breathing as my palms traveled up her ribs until I was cupping her breasts.

  “Breathe, Emery.”

  Air burst from her lips as I ran my tongue across her shoulder, then up her neck, feeling her pulse pounding beneath my lips. I pinched her nipples, and she threw her head back when I pinched them harder, then lifted a hand to slap the underside of one breast.

  Watching her reflection, I gauged her reaction. Shock and confusion at my sudden punishment was followed by a low, throaty groan. The sound went straight to my dick. Continuing to watch her, I slapped the other breast before kneading them with my palms, soothing the stinging skin.

  “I want you to feel everything, Emery. The pain. The pleasure. Feel how they heighten each other.”

  “I will,” she breathed, her head falling back onto my chest. “I want it all.”

  Kissing her neck again, she shivered as I ran my hands down her ribs, not stopping until one slipped into her leggings, and I was cupping her sex. Her slick folds parted for me like the finest silk, and it took everything inside me to go slow, be careful. Watching her in the mirror, I slid a finger into her wet heat, nearly cursing at how tight she was.

  Her breaths came heavy and fast, her hands searching for something to hold on to as I massaged her clit with my thumb while gliding my finger in and out of her body. With my other hand, I grabbed her hair, pulling her head back until our mouths could connect again.

  As my fingers moved, I took her bottom lip between my teeth, nibbling at it before drawing it into my mouth. I licked and sucked the soft flesh even as I fingerfucked her harder. Her body jerked the moment I touched her clit, and I knew it wouldn’t take much to get her off.

  “You’re so fucking responsive,” I said as I released her mouth. As much as I loved kissing her, I wanted to watch her come more. “I want you to come for me. I want to feel you fall apart because of my touch.”

  I moved my thumb over and around the little bundle of nerves, circling, applying more pressure with each stroke. “Let go, Emery. Watch yourself come.” My voice shifted into the command tone I used with Subs. She didn’t flinch, just did as I said.

  She rotated her hips, telling me without words that she didn’t want me to stop. I increased the pressure on her clit, earning a sharp cry from her. Her nails raked across my forearm, and I hissed, the sting of pain doubling my pleasure too.

  A shudder ran through her.

  “There you go. Surrender to it. To me. Let go.”

  She wailed, body tensing then trembling, and I watched her face tighten, and eyes roll back in her head. Her breathing was even more labored as she thrust and ground against my fingers. She was close, and knowing I was about to see and feel her come made my cock so hard I thought I’d burst through my pants.

  With a cry, her body seized and convulsed around my finger, her face contorting in an ecstasy that was almost spiritual to witness as she let out a low, hoarse wail. It was the hottest, most amazing thing I’d ever experienced.

  I couldn’t wait to see what she looked like when she came on my tongue. My cock. Over and over. But all that could wait. Right now, I wanted to explore her even more.

  Kissing her gently as her breathing calmed back down, I slowly slid my hand from the front of her leggings. I waited until her eyes fluttered open to lick my fingers, tasting her sweet nectar. Fuck. She tasted good.

  With long, leisurely steps, I walked around her in a full circle before stopping to stand behind her again. “You have such lovely skin,” I told her, tracing the vertebrae down her center. The muscles shifted as her breathing became even more ragged and goosebumps appeared on her arms.

  Kneeling behind her, I unzipped her boots before sliding one then the other off her feet. The socks came next, then I was hooking my fingers in the leggings, pulling them down, her panties coming down with them.

  I’d known she had a perfect ass, I’d seen its outline in the little shorts a couple of times now. What I didn’t know was that a small birthmark shaped like a heart rested high on her left cheek.

  I kissed it, circling the mark with my tongue as I ran my hands up her legs, feeling the muscles move under my palms.

  “Look at yourself,” I instructed her and stood to meet her eyes in the mirror. “Do you see how beautiful you are? How sexy?”

  She only bit her bottom lip, not responding.

  Pulling her hair to the side, I whispered deep into her ear. “One day, I want to use a flogger on you, a paddle, watch your skin glow with the stripes from a whip.”

  She shuddered, the involuntary movement making me smile, pleasing me a great deal.

  Bringing down my palm, it was my turn to shudder as the sound of it meeting the flesh of her ass filled the room. Her breath hissed from between her teeth as I soothed the sting away.

  “Pain brings on endorphins, adrenaline, heightening your senses. Can you feel it, Emery?”

  She licked her lips. “Yes.”

  Walking around until I was facing her, I kissed her mouth before sliding my teeth down her jaw to nip at the skin of her throat. She smelled like the jasmine she loved, and I inhaled deeply, imprinting the scent on my brain.

  Bending, I kissed her shoulder, then lower until my lips wrapped around a nipple. Her fingers dug into my shoulders as I sucked. Sinking to my knees, I kissed down her belly, licking one hip then the next before nuzzling the soft curls with my nose.

  On my knees in front of her, the irony of the position wasn’t lost on me. She was supposed to be the submissive here, but I was the one being subservient. I didn’t care.

  She accepted me. Still wanted me. Trusted me. Still looked at me as if I were a good person. A good man.

  I’d bow down to this glorious creature for the rest of my life if I needed to. But I knew I wouldn’t need to. She was my equal in every way. We’d both give and both take.

  She whimpered, and I looked up at her. “Has anyone ever tasted you, Emery?”

  Breathing hard, she shook her head. “No.”

  Loving that I’d be the first to give her this pleasure, I took my time stroking my tongue up the sensitive crease where her leg met her middle. Her belly jerked, making me grin as I pushed her legs farther apart. Smiling, I licked her slow and deep, catching her by the waist when her legs grew weak.

  She tasted good. Clean and sweet. The musk of her arousal filling my nose.

  Taking my time, I feasted on her, circling her clit, teasing her entrance with my tongue as I pulled her folds into my mouth. I loved the little sound she made as I sank my tongue as deep as it would go. Her fingers dug into my hair, pulling my scalp, which only made me eat her harder. Faster.

  Loving her in this way. Pleasing her. Repaying her for the gift she’d given so openly.

  And as she cried out, coming on my tongue, her body spasming with pure pleasure, all that existed for me was her.

  I didn’t know when it had happened, but at some point, this tiny person had become important to me, and was on the verge of becoming my entire world.