As I showered, I thought about tonight’s elimination. No doubt, I needed Gabrielle to go. She was an outcast from the other women too, I’d noticed. So I wasn’t the only one not comfortable in her presence. Besides, Nana Steele would probably kiss me on the lips if I got rid of her.

  The thought made me smile.

  The smile faded as I thought about Nana some more. My trip to D.C. hadn’t come out the way I’d hoped. But it was early yet in the investigation. I was beginning to believe in miracles, I realized.

  Half an hour later, I was sitting at the breakfast table with the remaining women. Gabrielle licked jelly from her lips. Had I really thought that was sexy once?

  I clearly had been only a penis-thinker once, as Nana would say. But I was thinking with my entire body now. No, even more than that. I was thinking with my brain. My spirit. My instinct. My soul.

  I’d never felt more alive than I felt now.

  Because of her.

  Phil Harris stepped into the room, and all cameras turned to him. “Good morning, everyone. I hope you slept well because you’ll need all the energy…” he wiggled his eyebrows, “and bravery you can muster.”

  The entire table of people groaned. Well, except Gabrielle. She deepened her voice and said straight to me, “I’m not afraid of anything.”

  Holy fuck.

  Turning back to Phil, I listened to him instruct us all to be ready in two hours. “Wear jeans and sneakers or boots. We’ll be outside, so wear a heavy coat and bring your gloves and hat if you have them.”

  Gabrielle grumbled something I couldn’t hear, but other than that, we all just looked around at each other before continuing to eat breakfast.

  Earlier, O’Dell had mentioned that I wasn’t spending enough time with each of the women and he needed additional footage to splice into each show. So, he staged some one-on-one time with each girl. Surprisingly, it wasn’t uncomfortable at all.

  He had me tossing a ball with Emery while we talked about mundane things like the books she loved and what she preferred to write. I learned that she really wanted to write screenplays. “I can’t wait until characters who were only once in my head come to life on the screen or stage.” I wondered who of all the people I knew would be able to help her make that dream a reality. Or maybe Nana Steele could help her out with her enormous contact list.

  Phil had me sit by the fire with Gabrielle so we could talk more about her horses and why she loved them so much. For the first time, I saw a different side of the sex bomb when she talked about the feelings she had when a horse gained enough trust to let her ride him. Maybe there was something more substantial beyond the vapid sex goddess appearance. Too bad she hadn’t shown her more compassionate side earlier.

  With Amy, Phil instructed us to talk about her mother’s illness and her helplessness about it. It pissed me off that he’d intentionally chosen a topic that would make her cry. I really liked the woman. She was someone I could call a friend, and my stomach twisted as she wiped tears away and gathered herself. I liked her perseverance. It reminded me of Emery.

  Becca was a bit harder because we really didn’t have much in common. I got the feeling that she really wanted, more than anything, access to my Rolodex so she could get more high-level clients. We talked about building the stadium, but then we began talking about the poverty she’d grown up in. She’d fought and clawed her way out of a tiny trailer park, and when she didn’t feel she was smart enough to go to college, she chose sales. “I started selling vacuum cleaners door-to-door, and did so well I eventually gained enough confidence to go for something broader.” My respect for her multiplied in the time we spoke. And she was another example of how you couldn’t judge a book by its cover.

  The two hours passed fast, and we were soon in a single van. The three-hour drive to upstate New York gave me even more time to talk to each woman, and get to know her more.

  It was bitterly cold and the mountain covered in snow when we stepped outside the van, and I wondered what we’d be forced to do up here.

  Then I turned and saw the sign.

  Ziplining?

  In the Catskills?

  In December?

  These people were crazy.

  The cameramen got into position, and the scene was called to action. Phil Harris, bundled like an Eskimo, began, “Brrr… it’s thirty-six degrees on top of the beautiful Catskill Mountains of New York, and I’m sure you’re wondering why we’re here. Love can be a scary thing. It can take you out of your comfort zone. Today, you’re going to prove your commitment to being with Rhett by descending the longest zip line in the United States.”

  I expected all of them to toss Phil the bird and march away. To my surprise, the women all stayed. They were shivering but not going anywhere. It was humbling.

  Phil directed everyone to the building where they’d be fitted for harnesses. I headed that way too. O’Dell yelled, “Where are you going?”

  “If they’re doing this, so am I.”

  Shit.

  O’Dell nodded his agreement as if he had any choice. And soon, I was standing on a wooden platform, a harness squeezing my balls. It was decided that I’d go first, so I could “catch” the women at the other end.

  I was happy to see that they’d provided snowsuits, much like one would wear for skiing, so it made what we were about to do much more bearable. The red plastic helmets wouldn’t win us any fashion awards, but we all looked equally dumb, so that was okay.

  We’d been given our instructions, and the women all seemed pretty calm until we were taken to the wooden platform. There, the freak-outs began. I was surprised that the first to back away was Becca. She didn’t seem like the back-away kind of girl.

  “I’m not sure about this.”

  It did look daunting. The line was over three thousand feet long, and we’d be zipping along at fifty miles per hour, hanging by nothing but straps six hundred feet above the ground.

  “Come on, I’ll catch you at the bottom,” I promised. Becca took a shaky breath and nodded. “Want to go right after me? Get it over with first so you don’t have anything to dread?” She nodded again. I held out a fist, and she bumped it, finally giving a little smile.

  Pulling down my goggles, I stepped to the edge while the crew positioned the cameras and men hooked me to the line. Shit, this was high. Too bad I didn’t have a little of Todd Morris’s blood in me. He’d have been halfway down by now.

  “Action!”

  Well, shit.

  Refusing to look like a coward, I saluted the women and jumped. Soon, I was shouting and laughing, the adrenaline shooting through my system. The trees whizzed by and it was over way too soon. I was shaking with excitement by the time I hit bottom.

  “Nice run, Rhett,” one of the cameramen said.

  After getting unhooked, I could do nothing but wait. The zip line jerked, and a crew member said, “Next one’s up.”

  Hoping Becca hadn’t backed out, I narrowed my eyes and could see a figure flying toward me. Whoever it was, she was screaming her head off. And it was Becca. She was laughing like crazy when she got to me. She collided into me with a hug, her laughter still ringing in my ears. “That was so fun!”

  Moments passed before the crew member said, “Next one’s up.”

  The line vibrated and another figure grew bigger. It was Amy, and she was screaming at the top of her lungs. Like Becca, she was also laughing. She was shaking with adrenaline when I got her.

  “Next one’s up.”

  A twist of anxiety hit me as the line vibrated. I didn’t know if this was Gabrielle or Emery. As the figure got closer, I recognized the former. She wasn’t screaming but smiling really big when she got to me. “See, nothing scares me.” She looked me up and down and gave me a big wink. The old Gabrielle was back.

  “Next one’s up.”

  Anxiety hit me full force as soon as the words were out of the crew member’s mouth. The line vibrated, but not as much as with the other girls. Was it because she was so small? Would she get stuck? Would she slip out of the harness?

  My heart was pounding, my adrenaline surging. I couldn’t lose her. Please, God, don’t let me lose her.

  Then she was in my arms, laughing. I held her close, too close. And for too long. I only realized that when she whispered, “Everyone’s watching.”

  I still didn’t let her go. The images of her falling, of me not being able to save her, they were so real, I could almost see her blood on my hands.

  “I’m okay, Rhett. I promise.” With a few more reassurances, I let her go.

  When I turned around, nobody met my eye except Gabrielle, who was glaring at Emery.

  That’s when I truly realized how much I’d fucked things up.

  The van was quiet as we rode back to Long Island. The girls were quiet during dinner.

  And no one seemed surprised when I voted Gabrielle off later that night.

  Her chin lifted, she strode up to me, and I prepared myself to dodge a kick to the nuts. Instead, she said, “You chose poorly.”

  When she marched off, I thought the knight in the Indiana Jones movie said it better.

  ***

  The women were still quiet the next morning at breakfast. It was like my obvious affection for Emery had snuffed the life out of them.

  Emery and I had talked about it last night, and she thought I should address the elephant in the room as soon as possible. She was right. And even though the cameras were rolling, I decided breakfast was the best time. O’Dell would have to deal with the editing later.

  “Can we talk about yesterday?” I began, and all eyes turned to me. “I know that I overreacted when Emery came down the line, and my reaction left each of you feeling uncertain about where you stand in the competition.”

  Emery sat there quietly, not looking at me. Amy spoke up. “It’s okay, Rhett. This entire show is a pressure cooker. A few days isn’t nearly long enough to connect with everyone.”

  “That’s my fault,” I admitted. “I had a very short window in which I was able to do the show. We decided it would end up being okay, kind of like speed dating on steroids.”

  “It has been a lot of fun, and I for one don’t regret the time I’ve spent here,” Becca added, giving me a soft smile. “And like you said on the first night, we can all part as friends.”

  Feeling relieved, I nodded. “Thank you for that. And I really do feel like I’ve made some friends here. In case you don’t know, that’s not something that’s very easy for me.”

  Amy reached out and patted my hand. “Maybe it will be easier for you in the future because of this experience.” She wiggled her wrist, the bracelet I’d chosen for her catching the light. “Just have faith.”

  Faith.

  When I glanced over, Emery was looking at me, tears in her eyes.

  There may or may not have been tears in mine too.

  For the first time, I was glad that I’d done the show. Not just because I’d met Emery, but because of all the experiences I’d gained by being here and meeting these women.

  That night during the elimination ceremony, it crushed me to vote Becca off.

  But she smiled through her own tears. “Friends,” she reminded me.

  I held her close for a long time before letting her go. “Yes, friends.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

  Emery

  And then there were two.

  I missed seeing Becca the next morning. Amy felt the same.

  Rhett was quiet too as he sat down to breakfast. He’d had another dream last night, and I’d held him while he cried in his sleep. There were dark circles under his eyes, and my heart broke for him.

  I remembered holding Ryan while he cried too. Sometimes, the tears were from fear of being discovered. Other times, they were from self-hatred — that he wasn’t brave enough to come out. But it was hard to watch a man cry, especially the big, strong ones who seemed invincible.

  It was a reminder of just how fragile we all were.

  When Phil Harris came into the room, and the cameras clicked to him, he did his usual bright welcome. “Over the next few days, things will be different. Ladies, you’ll both be going on an overnight trip with Rhett. Emery will go first while Amy and Rhett’s trip will begin tomorrow.”

  We stared at each other.

  “Where are we going?” I asked.

  Phil beamed. “That is a surprise. You’ll need warm clothes, is the only hint I’m giving you. And you’ll need to pack fast. Your private jet will leave in an hour.”

  I jumped up from my seat. “An hour!”

  Phil laughed. “Better hurry.”

  Hurry I did.

  When Juliette burst into the room behind me, I was so glad to see her. “I’m going too,” she said, “but I found out earlier so I’m already packed.”

  With her help, I was ready in twenty minutes, and I got to grill her on her relationship with Rhett’s bodyguard.

  “Oh, Em… he’s,” she wrapped her arms around herself, “everything.”

  My heart melted for my friend. She told me, in vivid detail, about her first time with him, and how he was so softhearted even though he looked like a badass on the outside.

  “It’s still early,” she said, “but I really like him, and I think he really likes me. So… we’ll just see where it goes.”

  Of course she grilled me too. I was careful to only mention the good stuff, none of the bad. We didn’t have enough time to discuss anything too deep. And I didn’t want to break Rhett’s confidence either. We were still learning to trust each other in every way possible.

  When it was time to go, I remembered my journal and grabbed it from the nightstand by my bed. I didn’t know if I’d have a chance to write, but I’d have it just in case.

  A little while later, I was climbing the steps to the private jet. I’d seen pictures of them, of course, but pictures didn’t do this thing justice. Creamy oversized seats were covered in leather so soft I never wanted to leave them. The jet featured a bedroom, full bathroom, and a galley kitchen. There was even an espresso machine.

  “I could live in here,” I gushed, stroking the leather again.

  Rhett smiled. “I sometimes do.”

  I gaped at him. “Is this yours?”

  “Yep. I travel a lot, so it’s handy to have.”

  I eyed the leather sofa. “You really are rich.”

  He laughed and pulled me to him. “That’s what my accountant tells me.”

  There was enough room for two cameramen, Juliette, Dillon, O’Dell and several other production assistants. When Nana Steele strode on, I was so happy to see her. The cameras caught all my actions and reactions. They probably caught the shiver that went through me when Rhett whispered close to my ear, “If we were alone, I’d make you a member of the mile-high club.”

  Instead, he held my hand, stroking his thumb across my skin. I gazed out of the window at the mountains in the distance. “I really wish they’d tell us where we’re going.” The suspense was killing me.

  When the flight attendant told us to buckle up for the descent, I continued to stare out of the window, hoping to recognize something. We hadn’t gone very far since we were in the air for only an hour and a half.

  “I don’t see any big airports anywhere,” I said.

  Mr. O’Dell smiled. “We’ll be landing at a small private airstrip. From what I’ve heard, this is the biggest plane that’s landed there in a while.”

  I pulled my seatbelt tighter and watched the ground grow closer, thinking the area would have been pretty if the grass was green and the trees full of leaves instead of everything looking so dead.

  When I first caught sight of the airport, I elbowed Rhett. “Look, I’m not sure that’s safe.”

  His eyes widened when he caught sight of it too but assured me that the pilot wouldn’t risk our lives unless he was sure he could set us down safely.

  I smiled like I believed him, but didn’t breathe again until we were rolling to a stop.

  Behind me, Juliette muttered, “Where are we? Hicksville, USA?”

  And suddenly, I couldn’t breathe.

  Staring out the window harder, I tried to see if I recognized anything. Please, no. Please don’t let this be what I feared.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Rhett was gripping my hand. I turned on him. “Where are we?” My voice was too high, too panicked, I knew, but I couldn’t stop it.

  Reaching for my seatbelt, Rhett pulled me to my feet and grasped my face with his hands. “What’s wrong?”

  I could only shake my head. The door was open, the steps unfolded. I jerked away from Rhett and ran to the front of the plane and down the stairs.

  Mr. O’Dell was at the bottom, his nose wrinkled in distaste. I grabbed his arm, jerking him around. “Where are we?” He looked at me like I was crazy, then softened when I added, “Please tell me.”

  He swept his arm out. “Don’t you recognize it? We’re in your hometown.”

  I’d never fainted in my entire life, but I watched my world grow dim. Then black.

  ***

  “Emery!”

  Something was tapping at my cheeks, like a woodpecker looking for a meal.

  “Emery!”

  I inhaled something foul, and I snapped awake, trying to get away from it.

  “She’s coming around.”

  I was lying on the creamy leather couch, anxious faces hovering over me. When my eyes connected with Rhett’s, I remembered everything and promptly burst into tears.

  Feeling foolish, I tried to sit up, then took the tissues Juliette handed me.

  “Emery, what is all this?” Rhett asked softly. “I’ve never seen you back away from anything. Why here? Did something bad happen to you here?”

  The cameras were rolling, and I tried to ignore them.

  How did I explain?

  My mom’s grave.

  Ryan’s grave.

  The bitches at the Dollar General.

  Stink-y Em-er-y.

  I shuddered.

  My dad’s house. The filth I’d grown up in.

  I didn’t know where to begin.

  “Emery, do you remember when you told me about secrets and how they only grew until you released them?”