“Should we be worried about those?” Threadbare asked.

  Graves glanced back. “No. They’re temporary, and-“ he blinked behind his visor. “Oh my goodness the levels. Status. Help.” He blinked again. “Okay, Death Knight only gets nastier.”

  “I don’t think I want you to teach me that job after all,” Missus Fluffbear squeaked, watching the zombies who weren’t chasing them feeding on their fallen comrades. “That’s really not Yorgum’s um… style. Ooooh, levels!”

  And indeed, now that the rolling waves of sheep were done, the party was reaping the rewards. In more ways than one, as Madeline searched the suffocated midboss for gold, and Zuula hunted for other items.

  Threadbare was no exception to the gain.

  You are now a level 13 Cave Bear!

  CON+10

  WIS +10

  Armor +5

  Endurance +5

  Mental Fortitude +5

  You are now a level 8 Duelist!

  +3 AGI

  +3 DEX

  +3 STR

  You are now a level 9 Duelist!

  +3 AGI

  +3 DEX

  +3 STR

  You are now a level 16 Golemist!

  INT+5

  WILL +5

  “You leveled golemist again? So quickly?” Cecelia said, taking a break from checking her own status to look at the party screen. “This has to be because you’re double dipping. Taking in experience every time we win a fight.”

  “More like dipping sevenfold,” Garon pointed out. “Besides the cats and Fluffbear and Graves, we’re all earning him experience. And that’s not counting the Golem Guardians boost that you guys are getting. And the Creator’s Guardians boost.” Garon sighed. “We need to reshuffle. Marva, would you be upset if you went back in the pack?”

  “Not at all,” Cecelia’s double said. “If you’re sure you don’t need me anymore, Lord.” She smiled at Threadbare.

  “It’s fine. You’ve done plenty. Thank you!” He hugged her, and golden light flared.

  You have healed Prinses Seselia 140 points!

  Your Innocent Embrace skill is now level 15!

  Back in she went, and as zombie sheep collapsed in the distance, their animation timers up, the group reshuffled the party.

  Fluffbear got tucked in with Pulsivar, Mopsy, and Graves, who immediately animated the Wolf as a slavering, red-eyed ghoul. Zuula talked Pulsivar and Mopsy into letting it be. Graves also rummaged around in the pack and pulled out a black, twisted wand. “It’s tight enough in here I might have to drain the charges left in this thing,” he decided.

  “That’s the one from that Arxus guy, who tried to taunt ya in the fort, ain’t it?”

  “Yep,” Graves said. “Just a drain-life wand with a hair trigger. Can suck someone dry in a matter of seconds.”

  Everyone else went in Threadbare’s party, and Garon’s old group sighed in relief as Threadbare’s twin animator and Golemist buffs amped up their stats. Not by a HUGE amount, but enough to give them another edge.

  Your Creator’s Guardians skill is now level 28!

  Your Creator’s Guardians skill is now level 29!

  Your Creator’s Guardians skill is now level 30!

  “Here. De crowning touch.” Zuula offered Threadbare a wolfshide cloak.

  “Where did that come from?” He glanced over to the slavering, ghouled where wolf, and didn’t see any bare patches, beyond a few wounds.

  “Don’t ask how loot drop. Just put on de cape.”

  “What does it do?”

  “Enhance natural weapons. Like, oh, bear claws.”

  “What?” Madeline said. “Oooh! I could… I… nah, you eahned that one the hahd way. But if you find a bettah cape, I got dibs on yah old one.”

  “Adjust Outfit,” Threadbare said, and snapped the cloak tight in his hands until it was teddy sized. Then it went around him like a mantle.

  Your Adjust Outfit skill is now level 5!

  Cecelia got the Sheep’s fleece that it had worn, which evidently made the wearer seem less threatening to monsters. Then it was time to get moving, before the wooly bullies and their midboss minder reformed.

  The rest of the trip across the field went a lot easier. Refreshed and refilled for the most part by their level-ups, the remaining, fairly-small Wooly Bully herd fell with little trouble.

  About the only thing that gave them pause was a herd of sheep-like humanoids in bikinis pursued by a very excited giant in a kilt waving a barrel of alcohol that Graves announced to be watered-down scotch, after the fight was done. But the wandering scotchman and the beautiful sheeple weren’t that hard to put down, and the group was through the distant archway and into the far tower of Jotunher before anything else found them.

  They were confronted by a stairwell, with signs pointing up and down. The one pointing up read “Tightens.” The one pointing down read “Luusens.”

  And immediately, Threadbare’s nose flared at a familiar odor.

  Your Scents and Sensibility skill is now level 21!

  “I smell gunpowder,” he announced. “The Lurker is close.”

  “Up or down?” Cecelia asked.

  “I don’t know.” Threadbare said, sniffing at the stairs going in both directions. “All I know is that a gun got fired around here at some point.”

  “Up,” said Madeline. “This dungeon, tallah is bettah, right? So the dungeon wants you to go to the tallest place. That’s wheah he’s heading.”

  “If you want I can scout ahead,” Kayin offered. “But…”

  “Yeah. It might not be you who returns, just the Lurker wearing your face. Since he’s near, we need to stick together. Come on.”

  “One minute,” said Threadbare, patting Pulsivar’s back. “Bodyguard Pulsivar.”

  Your Bodyguard skill is now level 9!

  The big cat had come way too near to losing another life against that wolf. He might not have many ways to help protect him, but Threadbare would take what hits he could for his fuzzy brother.

  Thus readied, he led the way up the stairs, with Missus Fluffbear falling in on the flank.

  When they found the first enormous giant corpse, he knew they were on the right track.

  “Hurry!” He urged, eyes hunting around, buffed and keen, looking for the sneakiest of the Hand.

  BANG!

  The gunshot sounded close! Threadbare and the rest upped the pace!

  Through an opened set of double doors, past a few wine presses, over a few screws and giant-sized screwdrivers, past a giant-sized set of furniture currently disassembled with some incomprehensible instructions and a plate of meatballs next to it, the group made their way through the now-emptied giant-sized living area that for no reason they could tell had blue arrows on the floor. Occasionally they passed common household items with little namecards next to them, on which were written symbols that were presumably words in the giant tongue. Either that, or someone had really disliked an incorrectly-assembled wardrobe and very much misspelled the name they’d given it when they called it a DOMBAS.

  Finally, they burst through a set of double doors, to witness the tail-end of an epic battle;

  A three-foot tall teddy bear, with a wicked grin, leaped from floating rock to floating block, dancing around a blue-shirted giant wielding a pick. On the back of the shirt was a simple nametag, that read “Steve.” Below the ruins of what once was a floor, lay a void of inky blackness… the flagstones that were remaining were floating in midair, suspended by nothing in particular. As they watched, the giant brought the pick down in a flurry of chops, narrowly missing the teddy bear as he backflipped to a new set of blocks. The picked block crumbled and fell into nothingness…

  …and a series of knives sunk into the flagstone Steve was standing on, destroying it in a rush of red numbers. Steve fell silently into the abyss, and a door across the hall shuddered open, revealing a treasure chest.

  Then, as the toys started to head into the room, hopping gingerly from block to block, the teddy bear glanced over and grinned, quickdrawing his pistol. “Too easy!”

  BANG!

  Cecelia squawked as her block got shot out from under her, and fell into the abyss…

  “Call Golem!” Threadbare shouted.

  Your Call Golem skill is now level 3!

  …and instantly appeared in Threadbare’s arms. He sat her on Pulsivar’s back, as he urged the cat toward the Lurker.

  “You cheater!” The bad parody of him yelled, in a horrible imitation of his voice. Then it hopped with incredible agility, making long bounds across widely-separated blocks, before darting through the newly-opened door.

  “Don’t take risks!” Garon urged, and the toys, along with their living companions, made it slowly around the mostly-intact outer edge of the arena, hurrying through the door just before it started to close.

  “What is spleef?” Zuula wondered, as she held up a t-shirt emblazoned with the words SPLEEF CHAMPION

  “Where did you get that?” Glub asked.

  “Treasure chest tucked in one corner. Shame to let it be.”

  Garon shook his head, looking around the room. “Mom, that was risky.”

  “Dis ain’t?” She pointed straight ahead.

  A long hall, at the very top of Jotunher, the stone room was full of pillars upon pillars, some wooden and some stone. To either side, diamond-shaped windows let in light, lining the hall and casting golden beams down at the end, on the massive throne and its giant occupant. Easily twenty feet tall, with a club half her size at her side, the massive blue woman was draped in a toga and wearing a set of golden laurels. She had one massive foot up on the opposite knee, and was busy filing her toenails. Her waistline and stomach betokened many a good meal, but her arms were no less muscled than the guards downstairs had been.

  “Where did he get to?” Threadbare said, looking around, at the many, many sight-obstructing pillars, and the countless patches of shadow broken by bright light. It was an ambusher’s paradise.

  But Threadbare and his party weren’t the ones being ambushed, as it turned out.

  “Hey! My name is Threadbare!” The Lurker shouted, stepping out from behind a pillar, and doffing his hat to the giant.

  “No!” Garon shouted, running forward, waving his arms. “He’s a-“

  The giant lady looked up at the Lurker’s disguised form, and stared with confusion… that turned to a grin. Such an adorable little thing!

  “Fuck you, fartsniffer!” Fake Threadbare shot her in the face, turned around, slapped his bear ass, and ran giggling out of sight behind a different pillar.

  “Oh shit,” Glub said, as the lady rose to her feet, grabbing up the club, and slamming it against the floor so hard the entire room shook. “It’s on!” he went flying, tumbling to the ground… as did most of the rest of the toys, and Graves, too.

  And Threadbare as well, rolling out into the light, and looking up just in time to see the giant matron’s gaze fix on his, blood dripping out of the bullet wound in her cheek, and murder writ large in her eyes…

  THREADBARE’S CHARACTER SHEET

  Name: Threadbare Age: 5

  Jobs: Greater Toy Golem Level 15 Cave Bear Level 13 Ruler Level 12 Scout Level 7 Tailor Level 11 Model Level 10 Necromancer Level 11 Duelist Level 9 Animator Level 12 Enchanter Level 10 Golemist Level 16 Smith Level 11 Sculptor Level 13

  Attributes: Strength: 142 Constitution: 161 Hit Points: 381(481) Armor: 57(71) Intelligence: 236 Wisdom: 216(223) Sanity: 452(608) Mental Fortitude: 47 Dexterity: 163(170) Agility: 135(142) Stamina: 308(422) Endurance: 67 Charisma: 120(149) Willpower: 222 Moxie: 342(471) Cool: 20(48) Perception: 126 Luck: 96(103) Fortune: 222(329) Fate: 15(22)

  Generic Skills Brawling - Level 50 (+34) Climb - Level 13 Clubs and Maces - Level 19 Dagger - Level 9 Dodge - Level 12 Fishing - Level 1 Magic Item 1 - Resist Fire 13 Ride - Level 9 Stealth - Level 17 Swim - Level 5

  Greater Toy Golem Skills Adorable - Level 34 Bodyguard - Level 9 Gift of Sapience - Level NA Golem Body - Level 32 Innocent Embrace - Level 15 Magic Resistance -Level 17

  Cave Bear Skills Animalistic Interface - NA Claw Swipes - 44 Darkspawn - NA Forage - 13 Growl - 2 Hibernate - 37 Scents and Sensibility - 21 Stubborn - 10 Toughness - 24

  Ruler Skills Appoint Official - Level NA Emboldening Speech - Level 19 Identify Subject - Level 10 It’s Good to be King - NA King’s Quest - Level 15 Noblesse Oblige - Level 37 Organize Minions - Level NA Royal Audience - Level 22 Simple Decree - Level 15 Swear Fealty - Level NA

  Scout Skills Alertness - Level 3 Best Route - Level 3 Camouflage - Level 13(20) Firestarter - Level 10 Keen Eye - Level 12 Sturdy Back - Level 13 Wind’s Whisper - Level 15

  Tailor Skills Adjust Outfit - Level 5 Clean and Press - Level 20 Recycle Cloth - Level 2 Tailoring - Level 54(69)

  Model Skills Adjust Weight - Level 14 Call Outfit - Level 4 Dietary Restriction - Level 50 (+100 to all pools) Fascination - Level 8 Flex - Level 21 Makeup - Level 11 Self-Esteem - Level 21 Sexy Pose - Level 2 Strong Pose - Level 16 Work it Baby - Level 50 (+50% to raw item bonuses)

  Necromancer Skills Assess Corpse - Level 12 Command the Dead - Level 28 Deathsight - Level 9 Drain Life - Level 8 Invite Undead - Level 12 Mana Focus - Level NA (+11% to sanity) Skeletons - Level 19 Soulstone - Level 45 Speak With Dead - Level 24 Zombies - Level 3

  Duelist Skills Challenge - Level 10 Dazzling Entrance - Level 17 Fancy Flourish - Level 13 (20) Guard Stance - Level 21 Parry - Level 22 Swashbuckler’s Spirit - NA (+14 to cool) Swinger - Level 2 Weapon Specialist - Level 38 (Brawling +19)

  Animator Skills Animus - Level 36 Animus Blade - Level 10 Animus Shield - Level 4 Arm Creation - Level 7 Command Animus - Level 19 Creator’s Guardians - Level 30 Dollseye - Level 18 Eye for Detail - Level 20 Magic Mouth - Level 18 Mend - Level 41

  Enchanter Skills Appraise - Level 30 Boost+5 - Level 14 Boost +10 - Level 2 Disenchant - Level 7 Elemental Protection - Level 9 Glowgleam - Level 26 Harden - Level 36 Soften - Level 31 Spellstore I - Level 25 Spellstore V - Level 4 Spellstore X - Level 1 Wards - Level 2

  Golemist Skills Bone Golem - Level 1 Call Golem - Level 3 Clay Golem - Level 2 Command Golem - Level 24 Golem Animus - Level 48 Golem Guardians - NA Invite Golem - Level 12 Mend Golem - Level 47 Program Golem - Level 43 Toy Golem - Level 56 Wood Golem - Level 12

  Smith Skills Adjust Arms and Armor - Level 10 Refine Ore - Level 13 Smelt Down - Level 6 Smithing - Level 50

  Sculptor Skills Detect Clay - Level 8 Mend Ceramic - Level 6 Refine Clay - Level 18 Sculpting - Level 60

  Equipment Journeyman Tailor’s Apron of fire resistance (+6 Armor, +10 Tailoring, Resist Fire 9)(+3 Armor, +5 Tailoring, +4 ResistFire from WIB) Okay Quality Bling Ringtail Master’s Coat (+5 CHA, +5 LUCK, +5 Armor, +5 Fate)(+2 CHA, LUCK, Armor, Fate from WIB) Rippen Tear Cloak (+10 to brawling, +5 Armor)(+5 Brawling, +2 Armor from WIB) Rod of Baronly Might (+5 CHA, +5 WIS, +10 Cool)(+2 CHA, WIS, +5 Cool from WIB) Sneakypants (+5 Camouflage)(+2 Camouflage from WIB) Yellow Belt of Bravado (+5 AGL, +5 DEX, +5 to the Fancy Flourish skill)(+2 AGL, DEX, Fancy Flourish from WIB) Toy Top Hat (CHA +10)(+5 CHA from WIB)

  Inventory A Folded-steel Dagger (Dagger Level 10) Tailor’s Tools A small jewelry box, now empty. 1 bead of Mend Golem (Level 15) Minorphone (Enhances voice and social skills focused through it twice per day)

  Quests King’s Quest - Take Down the Lurker

  Unlocked Jobs Air Elementalist, Berserker, Cleric, Cook, Cultist, Grifter, Spirit Medium, Tamer, Wizard

  A Small Giant Problem 3

  The Giant Jarl strode toward the little bear, club raised high. It was stone, an ancient column of some sort that had grips hammered into it, and it whistled as it came down at Threadbare.

  Who, fortunately, was agile enough to not be there when it hit, so hard that the floor shook again.

  AGI+1 Your Dodge skill is now level 13!

  He looked back to see Pulsivar scrambling away, and sighed, chasing after the cat. Though as giant footsteps echoed behind him, he wasn’t sure he was doing Pulsivar any favors at all.

  “Over here! Quickly!” He heard his voice call, and saw a furry hand beckon from behind a pillar… then looked past him to see Kayin and Graves hesitating.

  “That’s not me!” he shouted. Then threw in “Guard Stance!” because here came that club again-

  -and this time he didn’t escape.

  It caught him in the back, knocking him into the air, to thump against the wall, then bounce to the floor. A red ‘139’ drifted up, and he gasped, rolled to the side, and stood up.

  Grinning, the giant pulled her club back, and took a few more steps toward him-

  -and then his friends swarmed her from all sides.

  “I Challenge you!” He called to her, dusting his shoulder off-

  Jarl Greta Sumvonesdottir resisted your Challenge!

  -but his efforts didn’t get through her Cool. Unlike the Lurker, he hadn’t honed his social skills to insanely good levels.

  Which was a problem, because he saw, from his slightly removed perspective, that another Graves had entered the fight.

  “Look out! A fake Graves!” But his small voice was lost in the din, and the bellowing, and the clamor of the fight. Horrified, he saw one of the Graves move up behind Cecelia and glance down at her unguarded back…

  “I Challenge you, Lurker!” He yelled through the Minorphone.

  Your Challenge skill is now level 11!

  Startled, the false Graves and Cecelia whipped around to stare at him, and both caught a giant boot for their trouble-

  -as what he’d thought was the real Graves shanked Zuula in the back of the head and ran off giggling, shape blurring as he darted behind a pillar. Zuula, enraged, pulled the dagger from her head and threw it at the giant.

  “Um…” Threadbare canceled his challenge against the very real Graves, and started dropping Mend Golem spells instead.

  Graves, for his part, stood up painfully and whipped out the wand he’d prepared, triggering a three-charge burst and healing himself up to full.