“What?”

  “I’ll get you the quest and buff you up just fucking bring that thing down!”

  “Sure bro, yer the boss. I swear.”

  Garon pointed at the Lurker. “Organize Minions! Fight The Battles!”

  Jarrik measured the distance. Hundreds of yards already, dozens more vanishing by the second. The thing was built to climb, and climb fast.

  “Musket.” He said, reaching out to the nearest dwarf.

  “Do it!” Garon screamed, when the dwarf hesitated.

  And Jarrik snapped the sturdy dwarven rifle up in front of his eye, sighted down it, and chanted. “Aim. Far Shot. Crippling Shot.”

  Then he sighted a bit more, the musket tracking as he focused, focused-

  BANG!

  -and fired.

  A pause.

  Red drifted up from the daemon to the sky. the Lurker paused.

  Then the thing stretched, and flailed, falling backward, falling downward, shifting as it went-

  And Jarrik’s coat went flying. “Two Gun Mojo! Quick Draw!”

  BANG!

  BLAM!

  KRAK!

  KRAK!

  BLAM!

  BANG!

  The coat hit the ground.

  Four smoking pistols hit the ground.

  And Jarrik stood there, the two pistols left in his hands smoking, his bandoliers empty of guns, squinting as five red numbers rolled out of the falling Lurker so quickly they appeared as one mixed, mangled, mess.

  Which, incidentally, best described what happened to the lurker when he hit the rocky valley floor from his fall.

  The dungeon core bounced free, skittered, cracked against a rock, and Threadbare and his friends collectively held their breath…

  …but it was made of tougher stuff, and merely ricocheted out to land at the feet of the Jarl.

  “It knows its master,” she grunted in satisfaction, and reached down for it-

  -then froze, as about thirty dwarves brought their muskets up to bear on her, cocking hammers back in unison.

  And Threadbare and his party all heard the chime of a quest completed. The Lurker had been taken down. Not alive, as they had hoped, but that was fine.

  Garon, though, Garon got a slightly different notification, and stood there, jaw open in shock.

  “I… oh my gods.”

  “What?” Zuula asked.

  There came the sound of metal wheels grinding through stony dirt, and King Grundi’s kneelchair crested the hill, escorted by the rearguard. “Well! That’s the bastard dead again,” said the king, grimly. “That fucker’s taken too many a’ mine down, but at least we don’t have to worry about him for another month or two.”

  “Who de hell are hyu! Vhy hyu raiding my stead anyvay?” Jarl Greta said, waggling her club at him, and almost getting shot for her troubles.

  “Guys,” Garon said, vibrating with excitement.

  “Your stead? Why did ya put a perfectly good dungeon in my land!”

  “Hyour land? Ve vas here first!” Greta scowled, and nudged one of her groaning subjects with a foot. “Come on, get up, ve gots some claim jumpers to run off.”

  “Now hold on here, you great blue tart!” The King snapped, shaking an aged fist. “Pretty sure we were here first, just underground, that’s all! It’s still our land!”

  “May I speak, please?” Threadbare offered from the giant’s shoulder.

  “Vhat?” She turned to glare at him, a glare that softened as he patted her face reassuringly.

  “You’re using an outside part of these lands. He’s using an inside part. I really don’t see the problem.”

  “De problem is he’s on my land, pointing der little boomsticks at me.”

  “The problem is that it isn’t her land in the first place!” The King said, glaring around. “And look at this loot! I know half of this loot! It belongs to my people, who died in your deathrap of a dungeon!”

  “Hey, not my fault hyu little guys kept crashing my party!”

  “The party that you made illegally in my lands!”

  “Ahem,” Cecelia cleared her throat. “Sir?”

  “What is it, my dear?”

  “Guys!” Garon said, jumping up and down.

  “Hold on,” Cecelia said. “I was going to point out, sir, that you’re at war.”

  “Yes! Which is precisely why we don’t need a tribe of troublesome giants-“

  “A tribe of troublesome giants who my Father definitely would not be expecting to fight.”

  Silence, then, broken by Garon’s wooden quivering.

  “Huh. Huh!” Grundi said. Then he looked up at the frowning Jarl, who had her arms crossed, leaning on her club. “That’s… a point. Hum.”

  “Fight who to the vhat now?” The Jarl said, confused.

  “Someone we’ll pay you a lot of money to fight.” Grundi said.

  “Bah. Money ve gots.”

  ‘And three kegs of Sunfire mead.”

  That made her pause.

  “Hyu ain’t got nothing like that,” she said, staring at him like he’d announced that he’d bottled the sun. Which was a pretty apt comparison, as anyone who’d ever been fortunate enough to actually taste the stuff could tell you.

  “Oh, I do. It’s the last of my private stock, from the northern breweries before we were cut off.”

  “Hyu svear to me it’s real. And mine if ve fight for you.”

  “It’s real. By my beard and axe, it’s real.”

  “Done!” She said, offering her enormous hand for a shake.

  That settled, Threadbare and his friends turned to Garon.

  “Guys, I just got a job unlock.” Garon said. “A tier two.”

  “Okay. So what’s the fuss?” Madeline asked.

  “It’s for Guild Master.”

  That brought silence. Silence that spread to where the giant and the dwarf were settling terms.

  “I can make guilds. It… I need to read the help screens, there’s so much stuff here. This… this changes everything.” Garon sat down with a bump.

  “How?” Cecelia asked. “Just… how?”

  “You have to be a Ruler, enough to assign or share a King’s Quest. Then you have to lead a party and use both mercenary and ruler skills to complete it. And it has to be a challenging one, requiring multiple parties to complete, and you have to lead one of them. Well…” Garon gestured around at his friends, and himself. “We did that. We can do this. We can form a Guild. We can crack level twenty five.”

  “No,” King Grundi said, rolling over. “I’m sorry lad, you can’t.” Behind him, the Jarl went to try and rouse her people, not realizing just what kind of hangovers they’d gotten from decades of continuous partying.

  “What? It says right there,” Garon pointed at nothing. “All I have to do is say “Form Guild The Threadbarren, and… what? What the hell?”

  “Aye. It did the same thing when I tried,” King Grundi sighed.

  “But…” Garon looked around, and the valley, and at the oblivion rolling in the distance. “We’re not in a dungeon.”

  “Garon?” Threadbare asked, as suspicions rose in his mind, “What exactly happened when you tried?”

  “It told me that I can’t create a guild while I’m in a dungeon.”

  “Aye. Just as it told me when I discovered the job, four years ago, and tried it myself.” Grundi said, looking at Garon with sympathy.

  “Maybe this counts because Jotunher was so close?” Madeline said, rubbing her muzzle with one claw. “We could go somewheah else, and-“

  “No,” Grundi said. “There’s no place in Cylvania that isn’t in a dungeon. The whole land’s a dungeon.”

  “He’s a midboss. That’s why he can die and come back,” Threadbare realized, pointing at the Lurker’s corpse, which was already fading.

  “Aye, and King Melos, damn his foolish eyes, is the dungeon’s master.”

  “How?” Cecelia asked, turning her ceramic eyes to the ancient dwarf. “How do you know this?”

  King Grundi turned, painfully, staring past them. And as one the group turned, to follow his gaze…

  …but there was nothing on the horizon, save for the black sheet of the Oblivion.

  “We helped turn it into one,” King Grundi said. “They came to us for help, you see. It all started with the Seven, with their wizard, Grissle…”

  QUICK REFERENCE: THREADBARE’S NEW SKILLS

  Spoiler: Spoiler

  DISARM Level: 10 Cost: 20 Sta Duration: Instant Has a chance of disarming a foe’s wielded item. The foe must be in melee range.

  RIPOSTE Level: 10 Cost: NA Duration: Passive Constant Whenever you successfully parry an attack, you have a chance at riposting, triggering a free attack with whatever weapon you are currently wielding.

  THREADBARE’S CHARACTER SHEET

  Name: Threadbare Age: 5

  Jobs: Greater Toy Golem Level 16 Cave Bear Level 13 Ruler Level 13 Scout Level 8 Tailor Level 11 Model Level 10 Necromancer Level 11 Duelist Level 10 Animator Level 13 Enchanter Level 10 Golemist Level 18 Smith Level 11 Sculptor Level 13

  Attributes: Strength: 147 Constitution: 163 Hit Points: 388(488) Armor: 57(71) Intelligence: 251 Wisdom: 224(231) Sanity: 475(634) Mental Fortitude: 47 Dexterity: 171(178) Agility: 144(151) Stamina: 339(439) Endurance: 67 Charisma: 126(155) Willpower: 237 Moxie: 363(492) Cool: 20(55) Perception: 131 Luck: 101(108) Fortune: 232(339) Fate: 15(22)

  Generic Skills Brawling - Level 50 (+34) Climb - Level 13 Clubs and Maces - Level 19 Dagger - Level 9 Dodge - Level 13 Fishing - Level 1 Magic Item 1 - Resist Fire 13 Ride - Level 9 Stealth - Level 17 Swim - Level 5

  Greater Toy Golem Skills Adorable - Level 35 Bodyguard - Level 9 Gift of Sapience - Level NA Golem Body - Level 32 Innocent Embrace - Level 17 Magic Resistance -Level 17

  Cave Bear Skills Animalistic Interface - NA Claw Swipes - 44 Darkspawn - NA Forage - 13 Growl - 2 Hibernate - 37 Scents and Sensibility - 21 Stubborn - 10 Toughness - 24

  Ruler Skills Appoint Official - Level NA Emboldening Speech - Level 19 Identify Subject - Level 10 It’s Good to be King - NA King’s Quest - Level 15 Noblesse Oblige - Level 37 Organize Minions - Level NA Royal Audience - Level 22 Simple Decree - Level 15 Swear Fealty - Level NA

  Scout Skills Alertness - Level 3 Best Route - Level 3 Camouflage - Level 13(20) Firestarter - Level 10 Keen Eye - Level 12 Sturdy Back - Level 13 Wind’s Whisper - Level 15

  Tailor Skills Adjust Outfit - Level 5 Clean and Press - Level 20 Recycle Cloth - Level 2 Tailoring - Level 54(69)

  Model Skills Adjust Weight - Level 14 Call Outfit - Level 5 Dietary Restriction - Level 50 (+100 to all pools) Fascination - Level 9 Flex - Level 21 Makeup - Level 11 Self-Esteem - Level 21 Sexy Pose - Level 2 Strong Pose - Level 16 Work it Baby - Level 50 (+50% to raw item bonuses)

  Necromancer Skills Assess Corpse - Level 12 Command the Dead - Level 28 Deathsight - Level 9 Drain Life - Level 8 Invite Undead - Level 12 Mana Focus - Level NA (+11% to sanity) Skeletons - Level 19 Soulstone - Level 45 Speak With Dead - Level 24 Zombies - Level 3

  Duelist Skills Challenge - Level 11 Dazzling Entrance - Level 17 Disarm - Level 1 Fancy Flourish - Level 13 (20) Guard Stance - Level 21 Parry - Level 22 Riposte - Level 1 Swashbuckler’s Spirit - NA (+20 to cool) Swinger - Level 2 Weapon Specialist - Level 38 (Brawling +19)

  Animator Skills Animus - Level 41 Animus Blade - Level 10 Animus Shield - Level 4 Arm Creation - Level 7 Command Animus - Level 19 Creator’s Guardians - Level 33 Dollseye - Level 18 Eye for Detail - Level 20 Magic Mouth - Level 18 Mend - Level 41

  Enchanter Skills Appraise - Level 30 Boost+5 - Level 14 Boost +10 - Level 2 Disenchant - Level 7 Elemental Protection - Level 9 Glowgleam - Level 26 Harden - Level 36 Soften - Level 31 Spellstore I - Level 25 Spellstore V - Level 4 Spellstore X - Level 1 Wards - Level 2

  Golemist Skills Bone Golem - Level 1 Call Golem - Level 4 Clay Golem - Level 2 Command Golem - Level 24 Golem Animus - Level 48 Golem Guardians - NA Invite Golem - Level 12 Mend Golem - Level 55 Program Golem - Level 43 Toy Golem - Level 56 Wood Golem - Level 12

  Smith Skills Adjust Arms and Armor - Level 10 Refine Ore - Level 13 Smelt Down - Level 6 Smithing - Level 50

  Sculptor Skills Detect Clay - Level 8 Mend Ceramic - Level 6 Refine Clay - Level 18 Sculpting - Level 60

  Equipment Journeyman Tailor’s Apron of fire resistance (+6 Armor, +10 Tailoring, Resist Fire 9)(+3 Armor, +5 Tailoring, +4 Resist Fire from WIB) Okay Quality Bling Ringtail Master’s Coat (+5 CHA, +5 LUCK, +5 Armor, +5 Fate)(+2 CHA, LUCK, Armor, Fate from WIB) Rippen Tear Cloak (+10 to brawling, +5 Armor)(+5 Brawling, +2 Armor from WIB) Rod of Baronly Might (+5 CHA, +5 WIS, +10 Cool)(+2 CHA, WIS, +5 Cool from WIB) Sneakypants (+5 Camouflage)(+2 Camouflage from WIB) Yellow Belt of Bravado (+5 AGL, +5 DEX, +5 to the Fancy Flourish skill)(+2 AGL, DEX, Fancy Flourish from WIB) Toy Top Hat (CHA +10)(+5 CHA from WIB)

  Inventory A Folded-steel Dagger (Dagger Level 10) Tailor’s Tools A small jewelry box, now empty. 1 bead of Mend Golem (Level 15) Minorphone (Enhances voice and social skills focused through it twice per day)

  Quests

  Unlocked Jobs Air Elementalist, Berserker, Cleric, Cook, Cultist, Grifter, Spirit Medium, Tamer, Wizard

  Interlude - Vae Victus 1

  The moon rose high through the ornate stained glass windows, as six heroes and one golem slammed open the heavy wooden doors to the shrine.

  Dark, haunting organ music skirled high to the rafters, sending swarms of bats screeching out into the night, flowing through and past the intrepid vampire hunters that had come to put paid to the darkest of vampires; the dread Count Joculah!

  “And so you are here…” said the vampire, brown fingers lifting from white keys, as the organ fell silent. The vampire’s brown hands wormed his way over his brown suit, and smoothed brown hair, testing and touching as only those who never see themselves in mirrors do, making sure that he looked his best for his would-be slayers.

  “Die Monster!” Melos bellowed, leveling a blade that glowed with the leering faces of the trapped daemons within, red and hellish and surging with raw power as he led the charge. “I’m your Challenge! Come face my Entropic Strike!”

  “You don’t belong in this world!” Rezzak yelled from behind the charging demon knight, raising his feathered staff high, and slamming it to the ground. “Angelic Pact! Summon Greater Cherub! Summon Greater Cherub! Summon Greater Cherub!”

  “Fools! It was mortal men who-gah!” The vampire yelled, dodging as Melos’ red blade came way too close to splitting him right down his widow’s peak. “Can’t a man monologue first?”

  “A man? Yes!” The woman in green stepped out from behind Rezzak, pointing at him with a wand in each hand. “A monster? No. Get him, Emmet!”

  As glowing, silvery babies with bows and arrows faded in all around the group, a hulking suit of armor shambled through the doorway, and came in on Melos’ flank. He grinned to see it, grinned behind his helm as he fought the vampire, laying into him with strikes that left dust and scars with every slash. The wounds from Entropic Strike couldn’t be healed, not while the spell was active.

  Then flames wisped around him, as Sabi went into business. The red-silk-garbed woman slid out from behind a tapestry, twisting her hands, as she directed the flames to sear the elder undead. Brown cheeks quirked in a smile under a red veil as the creature burned… burned until he folded his cloak around him, and his flesh started to ripple.

  “You think you have a chance?” Count Joculah chuckled, then exploded into bats. Melos brought his shield up, and the daemon faces in it gobbled and chomped at the flying rodents as they swirled around him. So long as they stay our of my helmet, it’s good. It’s fine. Besides, the fool’s played right into our hands. Come on Sabi…

  “Fire ball!”

  Even with his flame resistant gear, he felt the blast wave, grunted as a red ‘146’ whipped out of him. But as bad as it was for Melos, it was leagues worse for the vampire. Bats shrieked and screamed, and swirled in all directions.

  “This is the point I miss Grissle the most!” Graham shouted, as he put down a rain of crossbow-flung stakes. “Rapid Fire! Rapid Fire!” Vampire bats shrieked and fell, dead or paralyzed from their wood allergies. “Grissle would have been telling us how many hit points the thing had left by now!”

  “Oh, I’ll just pick up Necromancer then!” Melos called over, jauntily. “Got to give you SOME reason to hate me, after all.”

  “Don’t get me started,” Rezzak sighed, as his summoned cherubs went about their business, flapping after the farther-ranging bats and shooting at them with arrows of angelic light. “That’s like a drunkard switching over to chewing brainburn weed.”

  “Leave the arguments for the tavern!” Amelia snapped, keeping her wands going and firing lightning bolts through the few bats that came her way, crisping them with scarcely a glance. In among them, Emmet swung his massive metal gauntlets, trying to catch and crush what bats he could.

  And occasionally, from the shadows, a throwing star would spin out and catch a bat on the wing, turning it into a bat pinned to the wall. It was Jane, Just Jane, doing her thing.

  Melos simply waited.

  And when the Count reformed, the demon knight yelled “Ears!” Before dropping his weapon and shield and clapping both gauntlets to his own ears, then ordering the demons writhing within his armor to scream.

  And scream they did, as the sound ripped through his skull at point blank range, scrambling his sanity, sending him to his knees…

  …but safe, as he saw the count mouth words, words he couldn’t hear.

  The Count’s Command had been the doom of many an adventuring party. Many had fought their way up through the secret entrance in Cylvania City’s catacombs, up to the impossible castle that loomed over a nightmare version of the city, up to the very topmost tower through hordes of vampires, bats, werewolves, lesser undead, and weird snake-tentacled heads that always seemed to try to attack you when you were climbing narrow and slippery stairs.

  It was easy to die in the Count’s domain, to any number of horrible monsters.