Watching the three of them walk throughout the home, going in and out of every room, their eyes growing wide and the smiles on their faces, it was perfect. Riley and Regan lay down on the newly installed carpet, rolling around in the open bedrooms with no furniture.

  At one point Riley said something about where her bed would go and Zoey corrected her, I noticed the way she did everything she could not to look at me. I wanted to hug Riley right then and tell her she can put her bed wherever she wants it.

  The four of us made our way back downstairs and out onto the back deck. Again the squeals echoed over the lake as the twins take in the new playset I ordered last week. Last night, well into the evening hours, Mattie and I built it from he ground up. He spent the entire time hassling me, calling me daddy and not once did it bother me.

  I know he meant for it to get beneath my skin but it had the opposite effect.

  “Is that ours?” Regan asks and before Zoey can tell them no, I answer her.

  “I got it for you and Riley, yes.”

  Her eyes light up and she looks at her sister. Instantly the two of them take off toward the playset and I glance over to see Zoey watching her daughters.

  With them being occupied I step in closer, positioning my body behind hers, leaning in to nuzzle her. The smell of her shampoo surrounds me, while I bury my nose in her hair. “I’m not lying,” I tell her and I feel her take a deep breath, her shoulders sagging as she exhales.

  With one hand on her hip, the other on the railing before us, I pull her back flush to my chest. “I hope the three of you are here often,” I could say more. I want to say so much more, but I’ll save that for another day.

  “They look so happy,” she says with a laugh. Turning to look back at me she smiles. “Thank you.”

  Not wanting to overstep I press of soft quick kiss to the corner of her mouth. “It’s theirs, whenever they want to play.” When she closes her eyes, I see her throat bob and I wait for her to get past whatever it is rolling around in her mind.

  We stand there, for how long I don’t know. Laughing and watching as they climb around on the bridge, swing on the swings and bounce on the mini trampoline which is enclosed on the end.

  “They love it,” Zoey waves at them. “It’s a beautiful house Jay,” she adds still watching her girls.

  I focus on her side profile, remembering all the times when we were younger and I held her much like I am now. I get what people have been saying; Zoey is different. But she’s also the same. She is still sweet and loyal. The difference is now she is a loving mother that will do anything to protect her girls.

  “Are we still on for movie night?” I ask as she turns to look back at me. “We can get pizza, or something else if pizza’s not good."

  “Pizza is good,” she insists, “but they’re picky so I’ll have to get them only cheese.”

  “We can do that.”

  One of them squeals which triggers both Zoey and I too look back out into the yard. The sun is casting a glow over the lake. I wish I’d thought of getting some outdoor furniture for us to sit on.

  Instead, I guide Zoey toward the steps that lead down off the deck and direct her to sit, as I move in behind her. She leans back against me. Linking her fingers through my left hand I turn into her and kiss her temple. I could do this every day, loving the feeling of having them all so close.

  Last night I told myself that though I told Zoey I’d wait forever, I couldn’t live up to that promise. I want them. I need them.

  Having them within arm’s reach but not being able to express the true way I feel is too hard. I don’t want to waste another second not showing them how much they mean to me.

  I spent most of the movie, watching Riley and Regan. Amazed by their actions and how perfectly behaved they are. Truly I expected them to be bouncing around talking and giggling through the entire movie. Instead they sat side by side, curled in a blanket, leaning back against the pile of pillows stacked behind them. The way they cuddled together was incredible.

  I’m sure they bicker, but it’s easy to see they adore each other.

  I hear a soft snore at my side and glance over to find Zoey sleeping soundly.

  The day had been perfect, or at least it was to me.

  I realized I could spend every single day with the three of them and it still wouldn’t be enough.

  The credits begin to roll and I lean forward to see both the girls are sleeping too. Practically hugging each other, needing to feel that they are within reach of one another. It’s sweet, the way their fingers are linked together and their heads are turned inward, one head resting against the other.

  “Hey,” I look back to find Zoey sitting up and scooting to the edge of the couch. “They never make it through an entire movie at night.” She smiles as she leans over, looking down at her girls. A smile takes over her lips, before she brushes the hair off the girls’ foreheads so she can see them better.

  “Mommy didn’t make it either,” I offer and she doesn’t look away from her daughters. But her smile does widen, and she doesn’t attempt to deny my accusations.

  “I need to get them to bed.” Zoey stands and I join her.

  “Let me help you.”

  “You don’t have to,” she assures me.

  “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.” When her gaze meets mine, she takes a deep breath in and simply nods in agreement.

  Together we gather them up, me taking Riley and her Regan. I follow her down the hallway into the girls’ room and immediately I look around.

  Two matching twin beds, one with pink bedding the other purple. Very little space between the beds separated by a bookshelf.

  It’s small, but I can see instantly Zoey tried to make it a little girls’ play land. Everything so organized, even though its small.

  After the girls are in bed, covered up and settled we step out into the hallway and she pulls the door closed behind us. Only leaving it slightly ajar she turns and practically bumps into me.

  I don’t want to make here uncomfortable and end the night on a sour note. “I should probably get going, and let you get to bed.” She lifts her chin, looking up at me. “After all you did fall asleep on the couch.”

  Smiling, she pushes against my chest. “Today was a really great day.”

  “It was.” I link our fingers together and side by side walked toward her front door. “Which means we should definitely do it again and very soon.”

  As we reach the door, I turn, and she places her hand on my chest. “Thank you,” she whispers. “For today and for making them laugh. Hell, for making them feel wanted and included.”

  “I would never want them to feel less. They are incredible Zoey. I wasn’t lying when I said I enjoy being with them.” I step closer and place my hand on her cheek, gliding it along her jaw before cupping the back of her neck. “I should be thanking you for allowing me to spend the day with you three.”

  Her eyes grow glassy and I move in a little closer. “I could have days like today, every single day. It was perfect.”

  She smiles, and I lean in closing the remaining amount of distance as my lips press to hers. It’s the perfect ending to an incredible day.

  twenty-four

  . . .

  Zoey

  Emma: Mattie says that Jay spent the night last night???

  Me: Tell Mattie that gossip is beneath him.

  Emma: It’s really not, lol.

  I stretch out in bed and roll over to my side, curling my upper body around the pillow. Propping the phone up I watch the bubble appear and wait, knowing this conversation is not over.

  Lucy: Wait, he spent the night. Details?

  Emma: Was it better than you remember?”

  Me: Don’t you two have better things to do?

  Lucy: No, I haven’t had my coffee yet, it’s brewing so there is time. Please proceed.

  Emma: I’ve had coffee, but I’m nosy so spill…

  I laugh imagining the two of them holding their phones in their hands staring down at the screens waiting impatiently.

  Emma: ???

  Lucy: Still waiting!

  Me: He didn’t stay over, the movie was over by nine, he helped me put the girls to bed.

  Lucy: And?

  Emma: ???

  Me: You two are ridiculous. I walked him to the door, there was some kisses a little heavy petting and then he left.

  I’m met with silence.

  Me: Now you decide to go silent.

  Emma: I’m imagining the heavy petting.

  Lucy: Me too.

  Me: Pervs! Gotta go, the girls are awake.

  I could hear their little feet slapping against the floor just before my bedroom door bursts open. Together they rush me, jumping up onto my bed, climbing over my body.

  “Gigi’s sleepover,” Riley yells happily and until then I forgot about my free night. “We get to sleep in the tent this time.”

  It’s more of oversized teepee she ordered online and then paid Dean Sullivan to come over and put up. Not sure those kinds of things are his normal requests but she can be very convincing. I think Dean was afraid he’d find my aunt Sarah there ready to rub up on him like she did when he completed some work at Sugar Rush but Gigi promised to keep her far away.

  Everyone in town, the men at least know Sarah has no boundaries.

  Now Gigi has a teepee set up in her family room, with a large air mattress inside. The opening is turned at the perfect angle so they have a clear view of the large television for all their future movie nights.

  “Can we go now?” Regan asks and I roll over taking them both with me and I pin them to the bed.

  “Are you ready to leave me already?” I ask as I tickle their sides. “You wake up and you’re ready to run off to Gigi’s and leave me here alone.”

  “You can come wiff us,” Regan laughs before she snorts in laughter.

  “Or you can play with Jayson,” Riley tosses in and I freeze at the mention of Jay from my daughter’s lips. “He’ll push you on the swings.” She adds and I smile remembering him taking turns doing just that with them just yesterday.

  “Can I ask you guys something?” They both stop wiggling and look up at me. Their hair is a mess, knotting from their sleep, and their eyes still filled with the sweet sleepy look that takes an hour or so to clear. They are both so tiny and sweet and impressionable. Their happy hearts amaze me, the ugliness of the past not touching the dreamy look in their eyes. I love that they aren’t tarnished at all by the hate of the man who helped create them. I say man lightly, but the creating part I can’t change. The fact they are so far from being anything like him I am truly thankful for.

  “Do you guys like Jay?” I find myself holding my breath as if I am actually scared of their responses. I already know the answer but I guess this is somehow my way of asking my four-year-old daughter permission to like him too. Or love him, which I do.

  “Him’s a prince,” Riley says with a nod as she shares a glance with her sister. The two of them giggle which never gets old. It’s the best kind of music.

  “I love hims pamcakes,” Regan adds making Riley widen her eyes in agreement.

  “So you like spending time with him?”

  They both look at me nodding with big smiles on their faces. “He makes you smile.”

  “Him makes you smile too,” Regan tells me and her words hit me hard. Had they picked up on my sadness? I’d always tried to be so careful.

  “He does,” I admit, feeling my chest burn. “What do you say we get up and make breakfast, then we can get your bags ready for Gigi’s?”

  They are up and off the bed, rushing from the room, laughing the entire way. I lie there for a few minutes longer listening to the sounds of the laughter and their sweet little voices echoing down the hall.

  I’ve looked at the clock for the hundredth time in less than thirty minutes. The girls are gone, the sun is beginning to set and my mind hasn’t stopped racing.

  Biting at my nail, again I look at the clock and groan in frustration.

  Standing up I walk to the kitchen grabbing a bottle of wine from the refrigerator and placing it on the countertop.

  Again I look at the clock.

  “What are you doing?” I ask myself out loud before grabbing my phone and dialing the one person I know will pull me out of my own head. I get lost there so easily and that is the very place where things get foggy. I’m my own worst enemy, self-doubt is a bitch.

  “What’s up?” Emma sounds a little out of breath, but I’ve learned the hard way to never and I do mean ever ask her why she is winded.

  So instead I pretend to be oblivious to the fact she may or may not be naked and getting busy with Mattie.

  “Can you do me a favor?”

  “As if you really have to ask,” I can almost imagine her rolling her eyes at me. “Whatcha need?”

  I may very well regret this favor. “Can you discreetly ask Mattie if he knows if Jay is staying at his new house?”

  “I can’t do anything discreetly you should already know this.” Before I have the chance to try and tame her, Emma hollers out for Mattie.

  “Emma,” I try to gain her attention but it doesn’t penetrate.

  “Do you know when your brother intends to start staying at his new house?”

  “None of his new furniture arrives until next week why?” He sounds so close and again I ignore the fact I’ve most likely interrupted some alone time.

  "I think Zoey was going to do a drive by.” Immediately I place my hand against my forehead, shaking my head at her choice of wording. But it only gets worse. “Maybe sneak into his bedroom wearing only a pair of silk panties and a smile.”

  “Emma,” I complain but both Mattie and Emma carry on like I’m not overhearing them at all.

  “She shouldn’t let the fact that he’s not yet living there stop her. I’m pretty sure he’d accept her showing up on the front steps of the office just the same. In fact I’m thinking if he knows that chance slipped by, he’d be a little pissed.” Mattie chuckles. “She could show up in a snow suit and the guy’d be smiling from ear to ear. But she should for sure go with option one. I know my brother and option one, yeah silk, go with that one.”

  “You heard the man.” Emma says apparently now talking to me again after ignoring me for the last five minutes. "Show up at the office, offer a little peek show. Some show and tell, good choice.”

  “Hell with the peep show,” Mattie chimes in once more. “Charge in like you own the place.”

  “Why did I ever think you’d offer assistance without blowing it up?” I ask, feeling the heat in my cheeks but unable to hide my smile. She is insane, but I adore her. I should have called Lucy she is the voice of reasoning, well most of the time. Unless she and Emma are in the same room then they tend to gang up on me and I’m left with no other choice but to take it in stride.

  “You know better than to expect simple from me,” Emma laughs. “When will you learn?”

  “Probably never.”

  “But really,” she chimes in. ‘“Go live, have fun, and do all the things you know I’d do.”

  I hear Mattie say something low but again, I don’t ask.

  “I’m not sure I know of anything you won’t do.”

  “True.” She doesn’t even try to deny it. “You don’t have the girls. You love the guy, you’ve missed him since the day he left, even though you tried to pretend you didn’t.” I know Mattie is hearing all of this. “He adores you and your girls. And its Jayson, he’s a great guy, you know you’re safe. Go enjoy life, stop holding back because some prick didn’t realize how lucky he was to have you. Jayson knows, believe me when I say Dr. Jayson Lincoln wants to build a life with the three of you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Trust me,” Emma sounds so sincere. “I have the inside scoop, now go have some fun.”

  She ends the call before I can say anything more. Lowering the phone to the counter I look around the kitchen, the quietness of the house really hitting home. She’s right, I do love him and there hasn’t been a day since he left thirteen years ago that I haven’t missed him at least once at some point.

  Before we were a couple, we were friends and he was always someone I could count on. Even when we weren’t together deep down, I knew if I needed him, I could have reached out.

  We were young, we had no idea how to make a long distance love last. But he’s here now, he’s here and the next step, it’s up to me.

  twenty-five

  . . .

  Jayson

  I’m standing in the kitchen, reaching inside the refrigerator for a beer when I hear a light tapping on the backdoor. Leaning over to look out the window above the sink to see a shadow moving along the back patio.

  I set the bottle on the counter, peeking around the wall and get a glimpse of blond hair in the window at the top of the door.

  Stepping in closer I pull back the curtain at the side of the door and see the side profile of Zoey as she looks around the backyard, toying with the belt on her jacket nervously.

  Excitement for the unannounced visit rushes through me.

  I flip the lock, opening up the door and she turns around to face me, her eyes scanning over me from head to toe. I try not to smile at the delightful look in her eyes when she sees me shirtless but the corner of my mouth wins the battle as it tips up in a grin. I still run daily, I still do nightly sit ups and pushups, I take care of myself, and she seems pleased.

  “This is a nice surprise,” I say breaking the silence as I step aside allowing her to enter before closing the door behind her.

  “If you were busy, I could go.” I notice the way she has yet to look me in the eyes, as she moves in further and turns around looking over the space. “I probably should have called first.”

  “Hey.” Reaching out, I touch her hip and wait for her to face me. “I’m glad you’re here.”

  Zoey finally looks up and our eyes lock, she shrugs and smiles at the same time like she is unsure. “This is so unlike me.”