I’m not sure I will ever fully feel whole again.

  four

  . . .

  Zoey

  “Gigi!” Riley takes off barreling into my grandmother’s legs as she braces herself for impact. My grandmother, known as Gigi to my girls and myself, has lived alone for years. My grandpa passed before I was even born, who was apparently a stubborn man very set in his ways. Not that she didn’t love him, but after he passed, she swore she’d never give up her freedom again.

  I didn’t know her before but from what my mother and Aunt Sarah say, Gigi is a completely different person now. She loves life, spends most of her time surrounded by friends and family, and never shies away from a new adventure. She watches my girls on most days and they are always telling me about a new activity or trip they’ve taken. From painting to building a fort in the backyard, they never have a dull day with Gigi.

  “My sweet little beams of light.” She hugs Riley and holds out her other hand for Regan to join them. The three huddle together, sharing a moment as little giggles can be heard. “It’s been far too long since I’ve last seen you both.”

  “We was here yesterday.” Regan wrinkles her little nose in confusion, and I smile as she looks at Gigi like she is crazy.

  “I know.” Gigi releases them and places her palm over her heart. “Like I said beautiful one, far too long.”

  Riley smiles, Regan too, and both look back at me.

  “I told you that you both make the day better. Even Gigi thinks so.”

  “And the nights, and my dreams.” She tickles them both as they start to back away both holding their giraffes. “And every single little second in between.”

  Riley and Regan may have a shitty father, one they barely know because he’s either drunk or pretending they don’t exist, but they are lucky. They have a town full of people who love them, they have my parents, Aunt Sarah, Emma, and Lucy, but most of all they have Gigi. I’m thankful they don’t have the chance to miss the man that from day one has neglected to accept his fatherly duties. I know one day they will ask, and I dread the day I have to have that conversation. How does one tell her daughters that their father is selfish and worthless without saying those words?

  It’s a conversation I pray I’ll never have to have but know that I’m being delusional to think I won’t. A problem for another day.

  “What are we doing today?” Regan asks excitedly.

  “Aunt Sarah needs some help at Sugar Rush.”

  “Um, is that such a good idea?” Instantly my heart drops as I think of the girls in my aunt’s candy shop, with hot fudge, mixers, and machines that assist the process. The disasters that could happen are piling up in my mind, one after another until I’m buried in the possibilities. Trips to the emergency room are flashing through my mind.

  “Oh child.” Gigi waves her hand at me with a laugh. “We are driving to the supplier to get the items she is running low on. Apparently, she under ordered, I assure you because she was distracted by a late night visitor last Tuesday that didn’t leave until Wednesday afternoon.”

  I wrinkle my nose at the image that fills my mind. Aunt Sarah never married, she insisted that there was way too much of her to give just one man. Instead she has her puppets on a string. Yep, that is exactly how she refers to them, she tugs, and they come running. Her Tuesday, and her occasional Thursday afternoon, and if she’s feeling exceptionally frisky that week, her Sunday mornings. All three know the score, do not expect more, because she will never budge on that.

  Aunt Sarah is a free spirit, the kind of lady that meets the mail carrier on the dock wearing her skimpiest bikini and a martini at eight a.m.

  Poor Mattie, the first time he had to ever be met with that sight. Conrad never flinched, he was used to years of Aunt Sarah’s ways, he truly should have warned Mattie about her.

  To be a fly on the dock posts and witness that morning, I’ll admit would have been funny to observe.

  “Just do me a favor and don’t let the girls make Sarah’s special candies.” Gigi snickers and quickly covers her mouth. “I understand they are too young to realize what they are making but there will be a day that they think back to this point in their lives and I don’t want to have to explain why I allowed them to decorate P E N I S and B O O B I E shaped candy.” I spell out the words instead of saying them. Both Riley and Regan are too busy dancing around in a circle. They are both too busy to pay any attention to our conversation but I don’t want to take the chance.

  “I promise,” by Gigi’s smile I am not so sure I fully believe her. Aunt Sarah likes to make a private adult stash of candies and goodies that some of her regulars like to grab for gag gifts or bridal, and bachelor parties. She has no shame and I’ve walked into Sugar Rush a time or two to find her nibbling on a chocolate covered penis.

  I shiver as the visions come back. I grew up witnessing and overhearing too many things I wish I could forget. She warped my mind and I don’t want the same for my girls.

  “What do you have planned today?”

  “Lawyer,” I grumble. If Reece wasn’t a friend of my dad’s, I’d have to take out a loan to get divorced. Carson has been dragging it out, and there is no reason for it other than he wants to be an ass. He literally never wants to see the girls; he never even asks about them. He used to call almost daily asking me to come back, then those calls moved on to him telling me I wasn’t fulfilling my wifely duties, to him yelling at me for ruining his life. Which makes no sense because all he has to do is sign the damn papers. I want nothing of his, I left everything but the girls personal things and my own behind. I live in a rental property owned by my parents and took none of the furniture with me.

  He has his automotive shop, I have Zoey’s Treasures, and besides the court ordered support he has to pay for the girls, I left the money alone. He could be freed of any other attachment to me. But for some reason he chooses instead to make me miserable.

  “Maybe you should play hardball so he realizes how easy you were letting him off. Give him a little nudge,” Gigi shrugs. “Reece can be a real hard A S S if he needs to be, maybe you should cut him loose on you know who. Ask for half of everything. Have the value of the home, the auto shop, split all the belongings that are still in his possession right down the middle.”

  I’ve thought of it, so many times.

  But then I fear that all it would do is reflect on the girls somehow and I have to keep them sheltered. They are both so happy and oblivious, and they’re too young to be tainted by their parents’ mistakes.

  “Well, I will take these two angels and we will have ourselves a day full of joy,” Gigi assures me. I’m so grateful for her. Grateful for my parents basically taking me back in after a failed marriage and all of them stepping in when I need them most.

  “I shouldn’t be later than five,” I say and of course she waves me off. She would keep the two of them forever if I asked her to.

  “Go enjoy your day.” The girls come running in my direction to hug me goodbye. Both squealing excitedly, “I’ve got this.” Gigi ensures me.

  I’m not so sure the day will be enjoyable. It always puts me in a mood after I’m faced to go another round with Carson and his ridiculous demands.

  I have orders to fill and some bookkeeping to finish up. I’m thankful that I have Fiona there today to help handle the front of the store. She has been a lifelong friend of my mother’s and knows what I am going through. I don’t have to explain and I don’t have to worry about her asking me a million questions I don’t want to answer.

  I also know after another battle with Reece and Carson’s attorney, I won’t feel much like being social.

  five

  . . .

  Jayson

  “You ready for this?” Georgia, my best friend Eric’s younger sister and my grandfather’s nurse asks. I guess she is my nurse now, but still after a week I haven’t gotten quite used to anything about this practice being my own. I know I will always refer to it as his. It’s the very place that holds so many memories from my childhood. It’s the very place I truly discovered how wonderful a man my grandad was. Its where I went to observe him being vulnerable with his patients and treating each and every one of them as if they were a member of his forever growing family.

  “Why do I feel so guilty?” I stand in the doorway to my grandfather examining room and feel nauseous. Why did I wait so long? Why wasn’t I here with him, at his side, exactly where he wanted me to be?

  “Can I tell you something?” I look over to find Georgia standing at my side smiling at me. Fresh out of college my gramps hired her on the spot and she has been his sidekick every day since. If there is anyone that knows him in the sense that I do, it’s her. She watched him doing what he did best.

  Taking care of others.

  “Yeah,” I say trusting that she is going to say something I need to hear.

  Georgia has grown into a beautiful woman and from what Gramps used to say, one hell of a nurse. His praise means something because the care of the people of Magnolia Grove was not something he took lightly.

  “Doc wanted you here, and yes he tried for years to get you to give up what you had in Mobile and join him.” I close my eyes right before she places her hand on my forearm offering me a squeeze. “He wanted to know that what he built and the people of Magnolia Grove would be cared for. You were the only person he trusted to do that. So whether it was years ago or now, his dream came true, because here you are. You’re carrying on in his name, making the people comforted by the ideal that their health is still protected by the only man Doc trusted to do so.”

  I nod, feeling too raw to respond.

  “Let go of the guilt Jayson, and be the doctor he’s always known you to be. Because I can assure you the last thing doc would ever want is for your regrets to be dragging you down.”

  Georgia steps away, giving me some time to reel in my emotions. I move further into the very room I shadowed my gramps and the place he spent years giving his all to every person that walked through the doors.

  His stethoscope lays on the tray next to the examining table. Gliding my finger over his initials that Grams had engraved on them. I smile remembering when he gave me that very same gift after he sat in the front row of my graduation ceremony. No one clapped louder than he did when I was handed my degree, no one smiled bigger.

  I take a deep breath, squaring my shoulders.

  “We open the doors in fifteen.” I turn around to see Marcy our receptionist paused in the doorway. I get what her and Georgia are doing, they are worried I’m gonna break. And though I do feel unsettled I refuse to fail.

  “We’re good.” I nod, “Let’s go ahead and open the doors now.”

  She gives me a nod, a smile tugging at her lips. I know they miss him tremendously; Gramps was good people. Always making sure they both knew how much he appreciated their dedication. He treated people right, and he treated them with grace.

  I spend most of my morning with random visits, unrelated to their illness and more related to my mental well-being. Nothing like this would have happened in the city, not many slow down long enough to worry about the next guy.

  Fussing over someone else, bringing a covered dish so that I don’t go hungry, those are the things that remind me of what an amazing town full of caring people I left behind. It is right then as I stand in the middle of the waiting area of my granddad’s practice surrounded by so many that loved him dearly I feel settled. Its then I know I’m home and know that this is where I want to build the rest of my life.

  “Are you sure you’re okay in that small space above the office?” Grams asks me as she takes a seat at the opposite side of her kitchen table. “I always thought it was so stuffy there.”

  “I don’t need much space.” I’m the opposite, actually enjoying the cozy area. I think it’s partly because being there makes me feel closer to him.

  “One day you might.” Grams smiles and I know what she is thinking. Most don’t bring up Zoey to me, I think everyone knows how I felt about her and those closest to me understand that those feelings are still very much real.

  “Maybe.” I shrug, twirling the cup of iced tea in my hand hearing the ice cubes clinking against the side of the cup. “Who knows, maybe I’ll do a little house hunting and find myself a place on the water.”

  “One with a big enough space for a little one to run,” Grams hints. “Or little ones,” she adds.

  My mother and I have never been close, truth is Charlotte Lincoln isn’t the kind of mother who offers comforting hugs or soothed her sick children during the times they needed it most. Nope, that was always Grams.

  Mattie and I learned at a young age to not expect the warm smiles from Charlotte, and to never call her Charlie or Char. Of course Mattie loves to call her both to get a rise out of her, never missing the opportunity to poke the bear, so to speak. I’ll admit, I do find enjoyment in her reaction to his antagonizing behavior.

  My father is the peacemaker, who married the ice queen. I’m pretty sure the only reason she ever had kids was to make my father happy. Thank God we had Gramps and Grams, they gave us more love than we could ever wish for. Not a day went by they didn’t offer us a place to turn to or a shoulder to lean on.

  “Maybe I’ll find myself the biggest house in Magnolia Grove and fill every room with little ones.” Of course this makes her smile widen as I assume she is imagining the very thing.

  She’ll always miss Gramps, hell all of us will, but she’s already looking for something to occupy her thoughts. And it seems me having kids is her new goal.

  “Is that roast I smell?” Changing the subject, I breathe in the scent and she laughs.

  “With roasted potatoes and fresh rolls.”

  “If I can find me a wife that cooks even half as good as you, Grams, I’ll be the happiest man alive.”

  “Have you had Zoey’s homemade lasagna or dumplings?” She glances back at me as she opens the oven. Sneaky little devil found her way to get right back to the topic I averted us from only a few minutes ago. “She can also make a mean apple streusel and peach cobbler too.”

  “Is that so?”

  She only nods her head, lifting the roast from the oven and placing it on top.

  “You should stop in and say hi. Maybe she’ll make you one?”

  “I’m thinking it’ll take a whole lot more than a hi.” She could barely form a hello at the funeral and I haven’t seen her since.

  “It’s the distance you two had, is all,” Grams assures me. “Give it time and the awkwardness will be gone.”

  “You picked up on that too, huh?”

  “Who didn’t?” She shrugs. “It was a train wreck darlin’.” She laughs when I give her a lift of my brow. “Pretty sure half the town talked about it for hours afterward, until they all found something new to focus on.”

  “Great,” I mumble.

  “But most of them are rooting for you to give her and those girls something they’ve never had.”

  “Yeah, and what would that be.”

  “A man they can count on.” Her words gain my full attention as a knot forms in my stomach. “Well, besides Zoey’s daddy that is. That husband of hers has never treated them right and to this day he’s still dragging them through the coals. Doesn’t want ‘em, but doesn’t want anyone else to have ‘em either. It’s sad really, because those little girls are the sweetest and Zoey’s raising them on her own. She is doing an incredible job of it too.”

  She busies herself getting the rest of dinner on the table and I stand, helping her get the plates and silverware, then refreshing our drinks. But the entire time all I can think of is Zoey and her girls.

  six

  . . .

  Zoey

  “Momma.” I pause along the sidewalk leading up to the front porch of my parents’ home. Flowers lining each side. Reaching down I drag my finger along the wilted peachy pink petals. “Your Azaleas are looking a little rough.”

  She sighs dramatically, shaking her head.

  “I know, I already have a call into Wade. He’s supposed to come rescue them from their impending death.”

  Wade Jenkins is Magnolia Grove’s very own landscaping God. Most of the woman drool over him, both older and young. My very own momma being one of those many women.

  “Are you sure you didn’t just call Wade so he can work shirtless in your front yard while you and Aunt Sarah ogle him?”

  She shrugs, smiling but doesn’t deny it.

  I continue up the sidewalk and climb the stairs. “You’re a married woman.” Who adores my father as much as the day she married him.

  “Yes, I am,” she agrees with a nod, “and no one will ever heat my insides like your daddy does.”

  “Eww, Momma.” I fake a shiver, lifting my hands to place them over my ears. Truth is, I wish for a love like they have.

  She laughs a little. “But sweetheart I am not dead just because I’m married and that Wade Jenkins looks very good without a shirt on.”

  I do not deny her words. He is very attractive.

  “But you should know that I’d never invite Aunt Sarah over, she has no filter. I do enjoy her antics, but poor Wade shouldn’t have to work under those conditions.”

  Poor Wade, I laugh at my choice of thoughts. Because something tells me he enjoys the attention.

  “Where are grandma’s babies?” She looks around half expecting them to suddenly appear out of nowhere.

  “Katie Dunagan’s birthday party.” Elsie and her mother are brave individuals for hosting a party of three and four-year-olds on their own. When they insisted I leave the girls and go take a couple hours to myself, I know I stared at them blankly for a solid minute. It was more like a hallucination. No one in their right mind would do such a thing, right?

  “No Emma and Lucy?”

  “They’ve got their own things going on.”

  Momma nods but says nothing. I already know what she is thinking. It’s the same thing she thinks every single time it seems that I am alone with nothing to do. Truth is I have a million things I could be doing. I have orders to fill at the store, laundry piled so high that it’s spilling out of the baskets and the dishwasher needs unloaded. Toys to pick up, windows to clean off the fingerprints from, and so on, but the motivation to do any of those things is gone.