I’ve been walking round for days now with this ugly knot in my stomach as my hands shake at every turn. I know it’s inevitable, running into him. He’s here now, living and taking over the practice. I pray so hard every single night that neither one of the girls comes down with something that requires the doctor.

  “Can’t avoid him forever you know.”

  I redirect my attention back to my mother to find her staring at me. “What? Who? I’m not avoiding anyone.”

  She laughs, “Oh darlin’ you really think you’re good at pretending, that’s cute.” My mom can be a little bit of a smartass. It runs in her family. Grams, her and Aunt Sarah, all sass and fire. Yeah, fine, so I guess I got my fair share too, but lately I’ve felt that fire of mine sizzling out instead of burning bright. I’m just tired, and sad.

  “Any movement on the divorce front?”

  “If by movement you mean backwards, then yep, we are flowing nicely.” I climb the steps and sit in the rocker next to hers. “Where’s daddy?”

  “Over at Bobby’s place working on the addition to the kitchen. It’s sad, that man is trying to get his wife to come back to him by doing all the things she asked him to do during their fifteen years of marriage. No one has the heart to tell him she’s shacking up with some guy from Mobile.”

  “That’s sad,” I rock back, laying my head against the headrest.

  “Hate seeing the frown line, sweetheart.”

  “Not frowning momma,” I am definitely frowning.

  “What do you think about me keeping the girls tonight so you can get a little me time for yourself?”

  “I promised them we’d make popcorn and watch Little Mermaid.”

  “Well, your dad and I can hold up that promise, but we’ll do it here instead.” I turn my head toward her, thinking about everything I should be doing instead of moping around. “I have to pick them up in an hour.”

  She waves her hand. “I got them,” reaching out she pats my knee. “I’ll take them by your house, let them get their pajamas and giraffes. Then we’ll come back here, get dinner going and when Grandpa gets home, he’ll be happy to see we’ve got a couple sweet visitors for the night.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Go.” Again she waves me off. “Work, don’t work. Drink, or sleep all day and night. Whatever you need, go do it.”

  What I truly need is for Carson to agree to the terms of the divorce so I can finally move forward from this part of my life.

  I step back from the dress displayed on the mannequin and look over its details. I should be working on my orders but instead I am finishing the surprise birthday dresses for my girls. Very soon they will turn four and I’m making them matching princess dresses, both white, one with purple accents and the other pink.

  I’m not even sure what time it is, but I know I’ve been hiding in the back of my store for hours, lost in my work.

  Part of me wishes I hadn’t taken my mother up on offer to take Riley and Regan. This entire strung-out divorce is making me feel the need to be close to them. Like Carson’s inability to be a father is somehow my fault and I have to make up for it.

  “Zoey?” I look up to see Brook, my part time employee peeking around the corner. She is still in high school but so mature and dedicated. Saving up for college the girl works hard and honestly, I don’t know what I would do without her picking up odd hours.

  “Yeah?” I ask around the bobby pin I have pinned between my lips.

  “You have a visitor,” before I have the chance to ask who she steps back and suddenly the doorway is filled with the man that still to this day manages to make my heart race.

  Jayson Lincoln, tall, fit, his dark smoldering eyes staring at me triggering a rush of heat to fill me from head to toe.

  “Wow,” he says and for a moment I wonder what that one would means. Then I see him look over my workspace, taking in my in-process projects and even those finished and still displayed. “I guess I can’t really say I’m surprised that you can create such beautiful things.”

  Jayson turns his attention back to me and I take a deep breath, because what am I supposed to say. Thank you?

  “You were the one that was making her own clothes by the time she was twelve and had half the girls begging you to make them things too.”

  Why after thirteen years is it so hard for me to relax and be me around him. I shouldn’t feel my heart race and my pulse quicken. I shouldn’t find it difficult to breath or even form a full sentence.

  “I’ve spent the last several days building up to coming to see you.” Jayson takes a few steps into the room and pushes his hands into his pockets, as he rocks back on his heels. His thighs flexing beneath the joggers he wears.

  He was always into cardio, running every day religiously, rain or shine.

  “Say something,” he adds, his smile triggering a whole new set of feelings to flow through me. He always did have the smile that could make me do just about anything.

  “What do you want me to say?” The words sounding hoarse as they leave my lips.

  “What if I said that I’ve missed you?”

  “I would say not enough,” I bite at the inside of my lip. If only things were different. If only he came back to Magnolia Grove, and he and I created a life. But then I think I wouldn’t have my girls and even through all the heartache I’d suffer it all over again to have them.

  Jayson nods, but never looks away from me.

  “I thought about what life could have been if I did come back.”

  “You can’t live a life of what ifs,” I tell him. “They change nothing.”

  seven

  . . .

  Jayson

  She is so beautiful. The glow of her cheeks, the way she stares at me, her chest rising quickly as she tries to hide the way I make her feel. It’s written all over her face and though she does her best to pretend what we had was nothing more than a young love, I know the truth.

  She couldn’t hide it then, and she can’t hide it now.

  “You’re right,” I say taking another step in her direction. “This last thirteen years, all the choices we’ve made, whether they be good or bad, they’ve made us into the people we are today. But it doesn’t change the fact that I wish more than anything you were right by my side for all those choices.”

  “Don’t,” she shakes her head.

  “Don’t tell you the truth?” Regret rushes at me like a tidal wave, but only because seeing her now, this close, kills me. She is so close that I can reach out and touch her but know it’s the last thing she needs.

  “Don’t show up here expecting to say all the right things and for me to fall for them.”

  When she steps back creating some space between us, I want to grab hold and keep her near, but I don’t.

  “I’m only being honest. I was always honest. I never told you things you wanted to hear, I never lied.” We both agreed that the distance while I was away at medical school and she was back here was too hard. “We both thought ending it was for the best. But I’m not going to start lying to you now and tell you that over all these years I haven’t thought about you. I’m not going to lie and tell you that no matter how I tried to move on from you no one else ever compared.”

  “Stop,” she holds up her hand and looks down at her feet.

  “Zoey,” against my better judgment I reach out and hook her pinky with my own. I don’t tug, but simply feel her skin against mine, hers tightens around mine and she looks at our hands. It’s minimal contact but that little touch felt like the greatest connection. “We are going to see each other in town, the last thing I want is to pretend we don’t know one another. I know you Zoe,” she is amazing and kind.

  “You know the old me,” when her head lifts and our eyes connect, I swear I fill my knees grow weak. Her eyes are glossy and being this close I can see how tired they seem. “I’m married, I have two kids, and years under my belt that have made the girl I once was disappear.”

  “I don’t believe that.” I want to say more but I wait for her to tell me the things I already know. Or I hope she does.

  “My life is so upside-down right now, its chaotic and if I’m being honest a complete mess.” She swallows hard. “I know you know,” she takes a deep breath and it’s then she releases my hold. I hate the loss of her touch. “Magnolia Grove keeps no secrets. I know people gossip about poor Zoey and her girls. How I’ve managed to make a real wreck of my life. I’ve dug myself a hole and I’m rapped in that hell with no end in sight.”

  “I wouldn’t consider his mistakes your wrong doings. He is the one losing here Zoey not you.”

  Her lower lip trembles and damn it if I don’t feel it deep in my chest.

  “I don’t know him, and I don’t want to.” She looks at me. “What I do know is he was the luckiest bastard in Alabama and was too stupid to figure that out. That’s on him, not you.”

  “Always saying the right things, but never in the right place,” she says this low but I get what she is saying. All those times in the beginning we would talk for hours and I’d tell her how I loved her and that we’d build a life once I graduated.

  Those calls were what kept me going at first, when I wanted to give up. Being so far away from home, from my brother and grandparents, especially from her, it was hard.

  But those calls got further and further apart until they finally faded and we both realized we were fooling ourselves that long distance for so many years could work.

  “I never stopped thinking about you,” I tell her. “But you know yourself holding on only made things worse for the both of us.”

  We are both silent for a few seconds, her lost in thought and me wanting more than anything to feel her touch again.

  “But you are wrong about one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You are still that beautiful girl that lit me up from head to toe with one smile.” I know I am pushing my limits but it was always like this. It’s one of the many reasons I stayed away when I did revisit. I have never had the ability to hold back my feelings when I was near her. And until now every time I was home, she was attached, married, pregnant, living outside of town with her happy little family, or so I thought.

  Now here I am, spilling everything I’ve spent years harboring, the very second I am alone with her.

  “I can’t do this with you,” she starts to turn around and I grab her wrist holding her in place. “Jayson⁠—”

  “Don’t call me that.”

  Zoey looks back over her shoulder and our eyes connect. Hers narrow, her brows furrow like she’s confused.

  “You never called me Jayson, so don’t start now.”

  “Like I said before, things are different.”

  “So we can’t be friendly?”

  “Friends,” she says with determination.

  “Just friends?”

  “Yes.” She doesn’t waste a second. “I don’t have room for anything more.”

  I want to tell her that she and I could never just be friends. It’s a disaster in the making, but I think she already knows this too. So instead I shrug, “Okay.” I nod, trying not to smirk. “We’ll be friends then.”

  I let go of her wrist.

  “Friends have dinner together, maybe even a cup of coffee or a drink out with other friends. Friends also go to movies together and take walks.”

  “That sounds more like dating.”

  “Oh no.” I can feel myself smirking but it’s pointless to wipe it clean now. I can sense by the smile on her face that she’s picked up on my sarcasm. “Just friends,” I assure her.

  “Jayson,” she says as I start to back away.

  “It’s Jay,” I correct her. “So dinner tomorrow, or coffee in the morning?”

  “Neither,” she says trying to hide her smile.

  “It’s cute how you think this can be avoided.” I motion between the two of us. “It’s Magnolia Grove, Zoey, we both know by tomorrow morning the entire town will think you and I are having some secret affair. Hell, it’s probably already circulating around town that I showed up here late and the two of us disappeared into the back of your shop alone.” Her eyes widen as she registered my words. “So you and I sharing a meal or a cup of coffee is nothing compared to the stories already being created.”

  Again she says nothing as I reach the doorway that leads back to the front of her store. I pause with my hand on the doorframe. “By the way, my grams says that I should taste your cobbler.”

  “Excuse me, what?” Her cheeks redden.

  “Bye, Zoey.” I don’t answer her as I leave the shop feeling like there is a little less weight pressing down onto my chest. I didn’t expect to show up here and have her falling into my arms, however I did say a lot of things I’ve been holding onto for years. It won’t be easy because nothing worth it ever is.

  eight

  . . .

  Zoey

  Me: Wine down NOW!!!! Forget the Wednesday!

  Lucy: Uh oh?

  Emma: Oh shit!

  Me: Girls are with mom, I’m on my way home.

  Emma: Is this a bash on the ex wine down?

  Me: Oh it’s an ex, but not the one you are thinking of.

  Lucy: Dr. Sexy?

  Me: Dr. What?

  Lucy: You heard me…Sexy. Those buns of his, wow!

  Emma: The Lincoln men have good genes. Buns of steel, like bounce a quarter off, pow!

  Me: Hello?

  Emma: Shit, sorry, should I bring the hard stuff?

  Me: Bring it all!!!

  I am in my living room pacing the floor, gnawing on my fingernail, nibbling on my lip, fisting my hands. My stomach is in knots and all I can think is I’ve already screwed my life up, why not add another curveball to the mix.

  There is a knock just before the door bursts open and in walks Emma with an arm full of alcohol. Following close behind with her own stash is Lucy looking disheveled as her hairs blowing in her face.

  “We’re here,” Emma announces placing the bottles on the counter. “But you should know that Mattie was on the phone with Jayson when I left and I already know a lot of the details.”

  “What details,” Lucy says in a rush, placing her own bottles on the counter beside Emma’s. “Catch me up to speed. Seriously why do I feel like I am always one step behind the good stuff?”

  “Dr. Sexy showed up at Zoey’s Treasures, barged in and confessed his long-lived love for our girl here. He spewed thirteen years’ worth of confessions at Zoey’s’ feet and left her with her head spinning. Now the poor guy is wondering if he completed screwed the pooch and will never get the girl.”

  I stare at Emma, blinking at her as she gives Lucy the quick rundown. So okay, it wasn’t exactly what happened but close enough.

  “Seriously?” Lucy asks looking at me all hopeful. “Why did that all just give me butterflies?”

  “He did not profess his undying love for me.”

  “Telling you that he’s never stopped thinking about you and that no other woman has even compared, sorta sounds like a version of undying love.”

  “Why did I invite you?” I ask.

  “Because you love me and know that I will give it to you like I see it which on most occasions is exactly what you need.”

  “I’m married!” I remind her.

  “To a piece of shit that doesn’t deserve you. Who you’ve also been trying to divorce for far too long. Carson Ward is the one who screwed up Zoey not you.”

  “The last thing I need right now is to add Jayson to the mix.”

  “But Jayson looks like he’d be a lot of fun,” Lucy sing songs and I roll my eyes but can’t help the smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

  “I am not jumping from one bed into the next.”

  Emma laughs and I narrow my eyes at her. “Please, you haven’t been in Carson’s bed for more than three years. Besides isn’t his bed your bed.” She isn’t lying, everything he has are the things I brought into the relationship. Including my dignity, my self-respect, and my God damned Kitchen Aid mixer. I love that thing!

  “Semantics.” I wave my hand at her because there is truly no arguing with Emma; she will give and give until you are exhausted from trying to outwit her. I swear the woman has a comeback for everything. It’s part of the reason she and Mattie fit together so very well. He met his match with Em, that is no joke.

  “So,” Lucy says as she leans over on the countertop, resting her elbows as she smiles at me. “You don’t use a bed then.” She shrugs, and I hear a snicker from Emma. It seems they’ve both got jokes today. “Maybe instead you use a wall, or the hood of a car.”

  “Oh, how about those big comfy chairs you have on your back porch, not the ones that rock because that could be dangerous, but those⁠—”

  “Seriously?” I look between my two best friends, I wish I could say I’m surprised, but they never seem to amaze me. They also have the incredible superpowers to make me feel better even when I’m at my worst. “If I didn’t love the two of you so much, I would kick you both out right now.”

  Lucy shimmies, and Emma punches the air in triumph.

  “Plus you brought the alcohol so…” I grab a bottle of wine and walk around the island in search of the corkscrew. “It seems rude to make you leave.” The cork pops, and instead of grabbing a glass I take the entire bottle to the living room and tip it up, taking a long pull along the way.

  Why is my life so backward? Do I have a target on my ass? A sign above my head flashing the words, I live for chaos?

  “You should know that Jay seemed genuinely concerned when he called.” Emma joins me, with a second bottle and a glass for both her and Lucy. With one on each side of me I stare ahead reliving the look in his eyes as he moved in close.