“About what?”

  “You still have feelings for this guy.”

  How could she deny it when it was so painfully obvious? “I guess I do.”

  “Does that mean you’ll be resumin’ a relationship if he decides to move back to Nashville?”

  She didn’t want to discuss Derek with anyone, least of all Bill, but she knew he deserved some answers. “Honestly, I don’t know where Derek and I will go from here.”

  “But you’re hopin’ he’s still interested in pursuin’ a relationship with you?”

  If she and Mike were face-to-face right now, she’d give him a verbal lashing for discussing her personal life with Bill. He had definitely overstepped, and she intended to let him know at her first opportunity. “Derek and I have a long history. We have a lot of issues to work through.”

  Bill chuckled. “So I’ve heard.”

  That’s it; she was definitely going to throttle her son. Before she could demand to know the details of Bill’s conversations with Mike, they were pulling into Josh and Lexi’s circular driveway.

  “Looks like they have company,” Bill muttered.

  She cursed their lousy timing. The last thing she wanted was to engage in small talk. “Maybe we should just go. I’ll call Lexi and tell her—”

  “We’ve come all this way. We might as well go in and say hello.”

  Before she could argue, he was out of the car and rounding her side to open the door for her.

  He helped her out of the car and settled her arm in the crook of his. Bill was nothing if not a gentleman. In spite of the tension in the car, he was obviously prepared to put on a show for the benefit of her ex’s guests.

  She waited while Bill rang the doorbell, wishing she could feign illness or a headache or…

  “There you are,” Lexi said, pulling them into the spacious foyer. “We thought you’d never get here.”

  Ashley was stunned when dozens of people shouted, “Happy Birthday!”

  “Oh my God,” she said, looking around at the familiar faces. “I can’t believe you did this.” It didn’t take her long to zero in on Derek. He was lounging by the breakfast bar, a drink in his hand, watching her.

  Lexi giggled and pulled Ashley into her arms. “Did it work? Are you surprised?”

  Ashley grinned. In spite of her foul mood, she knew her friends had gone to a lot of trouble to make this evening special for her, and she was determined to enjoy it. “Shocked… stunned… overwhelmed. Take your pick.”

  Ashley’s eyes settled on Mike, who raised his glass in mock salute. The smug smile on his face told her that he knew she was on to him, but he didn’t seem to care.

  Lexi pulled her through the crowd of enthusiastic well-wishers. “Let me get you a drink.”

  Ashley took a deep breath and tried to prepare for the difficult conversations that lay ahead. She needed to acknowledge her feelings for Derek and her precarious situation with her sons before she could even think about moving on.

  Derek watched Ashley circulate, talking and laughing with her friends as she worked the room. She was breathtaking, even from afar. She’d been carefully avoiding his intense scrutiny for the last half hour, but he had no doubt she could feel his eyes on her. It felt like there was an invisible bond between them. The other guests may not be able to see or feel their connection, but it was as obvious to Derek as her lack of chemistry with the man at her side.

  He eyed her date as he sipped his merlot. He was early to mid-fifties, receding silver hair, average height and build. In fact, there was nothing striking about him at all, except of course for the woman on his arm.

  “You haven’t taken your eyes off her since they got here,” Mike said through clenched teeth. “Could you be any more obvious?”

  In spite of Jay’s willingness to cut him some slack, he knew Mike would be a harder sell, but he was up for the challenge. “I have some good news for you, kid.”

  Mike looked skeptical as he folded his arms and leaned against the counter. “Oh yeah, what’s that? You’re headin’ outta town?”

  “No, I’ve decided to take that job after all. I guess I’m going to be your new boss.”

  Mike scowled as he pushed off the counter. “You can’t be serious. Does my mother know about this?”

  Derek hid his smile behind the crystal glass in his hand. He was feeling infinitely better than he had days ago. He and Josh had put the past to rest, Jay was starting to come around, he had a great new job to look forward to, Ashley’s feelings for her friend clearly paled in comparison to her feelings for him, and he was finally coming home, where he belonged. “She will by the end of the evening.”

  “Why’re you doing this? Why can’t you just leave her the hell alone?”

  Derek knew Mike was struggling to control his temper, given their surroundings, but the tension was still unmistakable. Anyone within a few feet of them would know they were arguing, in spite of their hushed tones. “That’s not your call; it’s your mother’s. If she wants me to be a part of her life, then I will be.”

  Mike looked stunned. “You would really do that to her… make her choose between you and her children? And you claim to care about her?”

  When Mike put it like that, Derek realized how far they had to go to bridge the gap between them. “Is that what you’re gonna do, force your mother to choose between us?” He prayed it wouldn’t come to that because he knew that was a fight he couldn’t win.

  “I’ll do whatever I have to… to protect her from you.”

  Mike was tough, every bit as unyielding as his old man back in the day, but Josh was a trained martial artist and that meant he possessed a level of self-control his son obviously didn’t share. “Ashley is a grown woman. She can make her own decisions.”

  “Right, like the decision she made to sleep with you while she was still married to my old man?”

  The room fell silent as everyone turned to stare at them. Derek saw Ashley’s stunned expression before she slipped out the back door. He didn’t hesitate to push Mike aside so he could go after her.

  “I’m sorry,” he whispered, pulling her back against his chest. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you. Obviously, this wasn’t the time or place to have it out with your son.”

  Ashley closed her eyes as a tear slipped down her cheek. “He’s so angry. My God, has he always been like this? Has he been harboring all of this resentment toward us for all these years?” She sighed. “Maybe I should have insisted he talk to someone when he found out about us… a counselor…”

  He wrapped his arms around her waist, reveling in the sweet floral scent of her perfume wafting through the breeze. “Maybe you’re right, but we can’t go back, Ash. You, me, and Josh… we all did the best we could. We made mistakes, we may have failed those kids, but we can’t undo the past. We can only move forward from here and try to forge healthy new relationships.”

  She tipped her head back, resting it on his shoulder. “You really think that’s possible after everything that’s happened?”

  “I think I made a good start this week,” he said quietly.

  She turned into his arms and looked up at him. “You did? What happened?”

  “I had a long talk with Josh about what happened back in college. I needed to try and understand things from his perspective.”

  She fixed her gaze on the buttons lining the front of his shirt. “It wasn’t his fault, you know.”

  He brushed her hair off her face. “I know that. Hell, if anyone’s to blame, it’s me. You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I was too young and immature to recognize that.”

  She leaned her cheek on his chest as she wrapped her arms around his waist. “We were all young and stupid. We acted impulsively, and it cost us so much.”

  Derek kissed the top of her head. “I realized somethin’ this week. I need to focus on making amends with Mike and Jay before you and I can even think about starting over.”

  “How do you plan to do that? You saw how angry Mike is.”

  He loved holding her like this, her soft curves pressing into the hard planes of his body. He couldn’t wait to explore those curves again, in the privacy of his bedroom, but he knew they had a long road ahead of them before he could expect to be intimate with her again. “He’ll come around. I had a good talk with Jay tonight.” He smiled. “He’s a good kid. He just wants you to be happy.”

  She smiled. “Jay is more like me. Mike, on the other hand, is exactly like his father.”

  Derek grinned. “Yeah, he’s as stubborn as a mule.”

  She straightened her spine, obviously ready to defend her son. “He’s protective of those he loves. I love that about him.”

  “I know.”

  Their eyes locked for an intense moment, and Derek knew her children and her ex-husband were the last thing on her mind. It was just the two of them. Time, space, and obstacles were irrelevant. The only thing that mattered was the brief distance between their lips and the sweet longing they shared to taste the forbidden once more.

  Her arms coiled around his neck as she thrust her hands into his hair, bringing his mouth down to meet hers. It wasn’t a gentle exploration. It was an explosion of passion and longing, a testament to wasted years.

  She opened for him and the slow slide of their tongues awakened needs he’d been denying too long… since the last time they made love. He’d always reserved a part of himself when he was with other women, the part that belonged to Ashley.

  Ashley seemed as desperate as he was to solidify their connection, to convince herself that time had done little to dull their insatiable hunger for each other.

  He cupped her bottom, forcing her to acknowledge the evidence of his arousal. He wanted her now. He didn’t care that there was a houseful of people just a few feet away. The only thing that mattered was that the woman he loved was back in his arms, surrendering to the force of their irrefutable bond.

  She finally pulled her mouth away from his as she struggled to catch her breath. “My God,” she whispered. “A kiss shouldn’t have the power to make me feel that way, should it?”

  He smiled as he pressed his forehead against hers. “You’re askin’ the wrong guy, sweetheart. I’m as lost as you are right now.”

  She stroked his cheek before tracing his swollen lips with her fingertip. “I love being with you like this again. Touching you, kissing you, holding you…”

  “Me too, Ash.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off the ground. “By the way, happy birthday.”

  She grinned. “This is the best birthday I can ever remember.”

  “Really? Are you forgettin’ about that year we borrowed Josh’s family’s cabin for the weekend?”

  “Oh God…” she whispered, pressing her fingertips to her lips as a tear slid down her cheek. “I tried going up there once after the twins were born, but there were just so many memories of the weekend I spent there with you. I couldn’t go back. From then on, Josh just went with the boys.”

  Josh had invited him back there several times over the years, but he always offered an excuse. Derek knew walking through those doors would be like walking back in time. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine Ashley sitting in front of the fireplace, wearing one of his flannel shirts, giggling as her roasted marshmallow fell into the roaring fire.

  “Listen, about your boyfriend…”

  She rolled her eyes. “Bill’s not my boyfriend. Would I be out here with you if he was?” She glanced through the glass door leading to the kitchen. “Speaking of which, that was pretty insensitive of me to just leave him inside to fend for himself after Mike’s outburst. He must have noticed you followed me out.”

  Derek couldn’t summon the energy to care about some other guy’s feelings. The only thing that mattered to him was how Ashley was feeling about him. “Where do you two stand?”

  “I told him I just want to be friends. He knows I still have feelings for you.”

  Derek couldn’t have supressed his smile even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. “I can’t say that I’m sorry you set him straight. He’s all wrong for you. Anyone can see that.”

  “And I suppose you’re going to tell me that you’re right for me?”

  He chuckled. “I’d say that’s pretty obvious.”

  She slapped his chest as she tried to hide her grin. “You’re impossible.”

  “By the way, I have something for you.” He slipped the small velvet box out of his pocket and pressed it into her open hand. “Happy birthday, baby.”

  She opened the box and gasped at the diamond encrusted locket nestled in a bed of black velvet. “Oh, Derek, it’s beautiful,” she whispered.

  “Open it.” He held his breath, waiting for her response.

  Her hand flew to her mouth when she saw the tiny photographs mounted in the gold frames: one of each of her sons on the day they were baptized.

  That was the day Derek promised to be there for her kids should they ever need him. “I haven’t forgotten the promise I made to you and Josh that day. The promise I made to your boys…”

  She closed her eyes as she tried to suppress her emotions.

  “I still want to honor that promise, Ash. I know they’re grown men now, but I still want to have a relationship with them. I want to witness all of the important events in their lives, by your side. Their weddings, the births of their children… I want to see it all.”

  The tears were flowing freely now and she wasn’t even trying to stop them. “I want that too, but—”

  He pressed a gentle kiss to her lips to silence her. “I know we still have a long way to go, and I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to make amends with Jay and Mike. Not just for you, but for me and for them. I love those kids. They were like my own sons, and it kills me that I hurt them… that I disappointed them.”

  She held the locket between her trembling fingertips. “Will you put it on for me?”

  He fastened the clasp at the back of her neck before standing back to admire it. “That’s more than a piece of jewelry, sweetheart. I want you to know that I understand how important your boys are to you. They’re your heart, and that’s as it should be. I would never try to come between you. I just want to be a part of your lives… if you’ll let me?”

  Jay cleared his throat before stepping out onto the patio. “Sorry, guys, I didn’t mean to interrupt.” He smiled at Derek. “I seem to be doin’ that a lot tonight, don’t I?”

  Derek grinned. “I don’t mind, Jay.” He could feel the camaraderie they used to share slowly returning and he realized, once again, how much he’d missed it.

  “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, Mom?” He sighed. “I couldn’t help but overhear Mike putting his foot in his big mouth again.”

  She offered her son a watery smile as she stepped into his waiting arms. “Thanks for coming out here to check on me.”

  Jay pulled back to hold her at arm’s length when he noticed the white gold necklace hanging around her neck. “New bling?”

  Derek stepped up behind Ashley, settling an arm around her shoulder. “It’s more than that. It kind of signifies that I recognize your mother’s heart belongs to you and your brother. I’m not tryin’ to take her away from you or make her choose between me and her kids. I hope you know that I would never do that to her or you.”

  Ashley opened the locket to show her son the images.

  The outside lights made it possible for Jay to see clearly. He looked up at Derek. “Wow. That’s a really nice gift.”

  Derek knew he understood the significance of it, and he couldn’t help but feel it helped his cause with Jay, though that hadn’t been his intent. “I’m glad you think so.”

  Jay smiled. “I just got her flowers and a gift certificate to her favorite spa. Are you tryin’ to make me look bad or what?”

  Derek laughed as he slapped Jay on the back. “I don’t think you could ever look bad to your mama, kid.” They exchanged a brief smile. “Or to me.”

  Chapter Eleven

  By the time Ashley returned home, she felt out of sorts. She didn’t want to be alone tonight. She knew if she went upstairs, she would lie awake thinking about Derek, so that wasn’t an option worth considering. She’d already wasted too many nights lost in her memories.

  A drive often helped to clear her head when she couldn’t sleep. Since she’d sipped the same glass of wine for the better part of the evening, she knew she could get behind the wheel without fear of impairment.

  Without taking time to reconsider her decision, she snagged her purse and headed out the door. Being alone with her thoughts in the cocoon of her car always seemed more appealing than rattling around a big, empty house filled with framed photographs and bittersweet memories of her old life.

  As she eased her Lexus SUV out of her driveway, she decided to stop at the local drive-thru for a cup of coffee. Since there was little chance of sleeping within the next few hours, she figured it would help her remain alert for the drive.

  There was no telling how far she might drive or where she could end up. That was one of the few advantages of living alone. There was no one waiting for her to come home. She had the freedom of being spontaneous when she chose to. Though, she rarely made rash decisions; she didn’t think it was in her DNA. Her father, the judge, always told her acting impulsively often landed people in jail.

  The only time she acted without thinking about the consequences was the night she and Derek had to ride out the storm together. But she already punished herself enough for that. She spent years being the daughter her parents could be proud of, a wife Josh could count on, and the mother who baked cookies and attended every school concert and sporting event her children participated in. But it was that one mistake that people, namely her son, couldn’t seem to forgive or forget. Thankfully, her parents still didn’t know about her indiscretion with Derek. If they did, she suspected they might share Mike’s opinion. In her father’s mind, things were black or white, right or wrong; there were no forgivable shades of gray.

  Trying to shut out the whirlwind of condemnation and confusion spinning around in her head, she took a sip of coffee before selecting Ty’s newest CD. She allowed her mind to wander as she traveled the familiar roads of the city she’d called home all of her life. She drove by her favorite restaurants, shops, and place of work before she began navigating the country roads leading out of the downtown core. She had no idea where she was going, but she trusted her inner compass to guide her in the right direction.