No, she didn’t want to think about the past tonight. Tonight was about forging a new future, together.

  Derek laid her on the bed and came down on top of her as he braced his weight on the arms bracketing her head. “Are you sure about this, sweetheart? If you want to wait…”

  She reached for the buttons running the length of her fitted black blouse. She had wasted years pondering the repercussions of her actions, trying so hard to be the perfect daughter, the perfect wife and mother. She’d eventually lost herself in her bid for perfection, and she knew the one person who could help her recapture that lost, carefree girl who used to love life was the man hovering above her, waiting for her to give him the green light.

  Instead of responding to his question, she spread her blouse wide to reveal the gunmetal silk and lace bra she’d selected at the lingerie shop that afternoon.

  His eyes devoured her, taking in every inch of exposed skin. “God, you’re beautiful.”

  Suddenly she felt shy and uncertain. It had been fifteen years since Derek had seen her without the benefit of clothing, twenty-five years since they had an intimate relationship. She didn’t have the same hard, athletic body she had back then. What if he was used to dating younger women, women who didn’t bear the evidence of a C-section, and…

  “Stop,” he whispered, leaning down to press his lips to the pulse point in her neck. “Don’t question yourself, not with me. You’re more beautiful than you’ve ever been. Bein’ here with you makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world, baby.”

  It was unnerving that he seemed able to read her mind without so much as a hint as to what she was thinking. Unnerving, yet somehow comforting.

  Ashley reached inside his shirt and ran her hands over the taut muscles above his waist. She would have felt better if time had taken its toll on him, too. Instead, he seemed to be as fit and toned as ever. “How do you stay in such great shape?”

  He chuckled. “In my line of work, you need to have a stress reliever or you’ll go crazy. Mine just happens to be the gym.”

  She was glad it wasn’t recreational sex; though she had no doubt there had been a fair share of women in and out of his life over the years. “Tell me something. Why didn’t you ever marry or have kids?”

  He grinned as he pressed his arousal into her stomach. “You want to talk about this right now? Really?”

  She answered his question by wrapping her legs around his waist. “You’re right. We’ll talk later, much later.”

  He looked into her eyes for a split second before claiming her mouth in a hot, hungry kiss. They were tearing at each other’s clothes before she could catch her breath.

  She watched him toss garments over his shoulder to the floor—his, hers, she couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was feeling him inside of her again. “Please…” she whispered, skimming his shoulder with her teeth.

  “God, I wish I could promise this would last all night, but I want you so damn much…” He pressed the clasp at the front of her bra before circling her peaked nipple with his tongue.

  She arched into his mouth, silently begging him to give her more. His hands branded her at the same time his tongue seared her sensitive skin, reminding her that he was the one, the only one, who could make her feel this way. “Derek… I…” Before she could find the words to express the maelstrom of sensations coursing through her body, he robbed her of speech when he penetrated her wet core with his fingers. “Yesss…”

  Derek guided her body like a world-class maestro leading his orchestra. He concentrated all of his attention on the tiny bud under his fingertip, circling it slowly, lazily, until he’d led her to the rising crescendo.

  Her heart was pounding in her ears and her throat was dry, but she knew she was bathing his fingers with the evidence of her arousal. “Oh…” She couldn’t have stopped the force of her release for anything. It took over her body, viciously demanding her complete and total surrender.

  “That’s it, baby,” he murmured in her ear, holding her close as she rode out the delicious pulses wracking her trembling body.

  “Sweetheart, I want to make you come apart like that again. But if I don’t sink inside of you soon, I’m gonna lose it. And I sure as hell don’t want it to go down like that, not tonight.”

  His breathing was ragged and she could feel the perspiration beading on his forehead. She knew he was as close to the edge as he’d ever been, and she wanted, more than anything, to be right there with him when he finally lost control. “Now,” she whispered.

  He pulled the side drawer opened and grinned. “Thank God my kid brother’s always prepared.”

  She would trust Derek with her life, and since an unplanned pregnancy was no longer a risk, the condom wasn’t necessary. “We don’t need that… unless you want to.” She’d had two lovers in the years since her divorce, one a retired pharmacist, ten years her senior, and the other an accountant who needed prescription medication to help him perform.

  “Sweetheart, I always use protection. It doesn’t make sense to take that kind of risk.”

  She forced a smile even though it hurt to be classified in the same category as his other lovers. “Of course.”

  Derek set the package down on the bedside table and lowered his body over hers, careful to bear the burden of his own weight so as not to hurt her. He brushed her hair off her face. “We have a lot of decisions to make before we talk any more about the future, right?”

  She felt the panic bubbling up in her throat. What was he talking about? Was he having second thoughts about them, or was he asking her for more than she’d ever be able to give him?

  “The condom is for your protection, not mine. I’ve always been careful, but I would never want to put you in a situation you weren’t ready for.”

  Oh God, he was talking about an unplanned pregnancy. How could she possibly tell him that was never going to happen? She knew many women her age still had healthy pregnancies, so she wasn’t surprised Derek still felt it a viable option, but he was so wrong.

  She pushed against his shoulders. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, when he was poised above her with so much love and hope in those intense blue eyes. She couldn’t stand to tell him the truth about her situation, not now, when he still saw her as a sexy, virile woman capable of carrying his child. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”

  He looked stunned by her rebuttal. “Why? Because I want to wear the goddamn condom or because I want to take care of you?”

  She closed her eyes. He was pressing her weight into the mattress, refusing to let her run or hide, but she couldn’t face him either. She knew he deserved to know the truth. They couldn’t plan a future together without full disclosure, but it never even occurred to her that he would consider a child of his own part of the plan. Of course it made sense. Derek was a youthful, sexy man. He could easily date a woman ten or fifteen years his junior, one who would be able to give him a family of his own.

  “No, this isn’t your fault. It’s mine. I just…” Don’t want to disappoint you.

  “Baby, just relax. You’re nervous; I get that.” He smiled that arresting McCall smile that made mature, intelligent woman act like giddy teenagers. “We’ll take our time. We’ve got all night. I’m not goin’ anywhere, and I’m not lettin’ you go anywhere either.”

  It had been a long, long time since she made love to a man like Derek, fifteen years to be exact, but it wasn’t her physical discomfort she was worried about. It was the emotional fallout that would inevitably come when he learned she couldn’t give him what he needed. She knew she should just pose the question. She should ask him if he wanted a baby with her. If he said yes, she could tell him why it would never happen and allow him to the opportunity to walk away now, before they got in any deeper, but she couldn’t form the words. Her tongue felt thick and useless in her mouth.

  He dipped his finger into her wet heat as his tongue slid into her mouth, breaking past all of the barriers she’d been trying to erect to keep him at a safe distance. He was wearing her down with every slip of his masterful tongue, coaxing her to submit to his will.

  She could only moan into his mouth as he brought her closer to another climax with the barest brush of his thumb. It was so unfair that the only man who ever made her feel this way was the one man she could never have.

  “Ash,” he whispered, pressing kisses along her jawline. “This is what I want, all I want, every night for the rest of my life.”

  Was he saying what he sensed she needed to hear or could she, on her own, really be enough to satisfy him for the rest of their days? Before she could resolve her conflict, her body silenced her mind, commanding her full attention. She felt the power of her climax move through her. She was clenching, trembling, and crying out his name as he continued his intimate caresses across her tender, swollen flesh.

  “Are you ready?” he whispered, pressing his lips against her ear.

  She could only nod. The force of her orgasm robbed her of the ability to think clearly. There was no fear or sorrow crowding her mind now, only overpowering need.

  Derek reached for the condom and made quick work of rolling it on before balancing his powerful body above hers. “There’s no goin’ back now. Once I make love to you again, you’re mine. I won’t let you go, ever.”

  Thrill bumps chased each other along her skin at the intensity of his words. She had no doubt he was sincere, but would he feel the same way once she disclosed her physical limitations?

  He eased his way into her body slowly, carefully, all the while clenching his teeth. His eyes were closed and his head was tilted back. “Jesus, Ash, I didn’t expect it to be like this.”

  She knew she was impossibly tight. Three years of celibacy tended to have that effect on a woman. “It’s been a while,” she whispered, closing her eyes to hide her shame.

  “How long?”

  He cursed softly and she knew her body was making it difficult for him to maintain control.

  “Damn it, answer me. How long has it been since you made love?”

  She wanted to say fifteen years, because it had been, but she knew he was referring to the physical act of sex, so she said, “Three years.”

  His eyes flew open, burning her with their intensity. “You haven’t slept with a man in three years?”

  He sounded so shocked by her admission that her cheeks burned hotter, prompting her to turn her head to hide her embarrassment.

  “Hey,” he said, coming down on top of her. “Don’t do that. Don’t hide from me. I wasn’t judging you. I was just surprised, pleasantly surprised.” He stroked her slowly, kissing her lips tenderly. “Hell, I don’t even want to think about the last bastard who shared your bed.”

  She smiled. “Believe me, you and he are nothing alike.”

  He tilted his head back to look her in the eye. “Oh yeah? What’s that supposed to mean?”

  She loved baiting him, but it was difficult to think of a witty response when he was filling her so completely, treating her to the kind of erotic pleasure she’d been forcing herself to live without. “Back in school…” She could barely get the words out as the pleasure he was imparting moved to the forefront. His thrusts became deeper, more demanding, and she had no choice but to follow his lead.

  “I’m waiting…”

  “You would have called Al a nerd.”

  He laughed. “Glad to hear it. I sure as hell don’t want to think about some muscle-bound Greek god doing this to you.”

  She smiled as she opened her eyes to look at him. He was the only man in the world who could erase her fears, doubts, and insecurities with a smile. No matter what happened between them, this man had owned a piece of her heart for the past twenty-five years, and he’d claimed a bigger piece tonight. First when he gave her the locket with her sons’ photos, then when he made her feel beautiful and sexy for the first time in years.

  “I love you,” he whispered. “I love you so damn much. It scares me just to think about what you could do to me.”

  It was difficult for her to imagine Derek, a former sharpshooter, Squad team member, and hostage negotiator, could be afraid of anything. “I feel the same way.”

  She knew he was nearing his physical breaking point. So was she.

  Derek used his hand to coax a final climax from her as he gave in and surrendered to the force of his own release.

  Derek could sense the shift in Ashley’s mood before they made love. Something he said or did spooked her. He leaned over the bathroom counter, staring in the mirror, as he tried to figure out what the hell he’d done to screw this up… again.

  He tried his best to make her feel at ease with him, to prove to her that he was in this for the long haul, and he didn’t care how many obstacles they would have to face. To him, she was worth it.

  Pushing away from the counter, he took a deep breath and forced himself to put one foot in front of the other as he walked toward the bedroom. He didn’t want a breakdown in communication to cost him another chance with Ashley because he knew, with everything in him, this was his last chance to get it right.

  When he returned to the bedroom, she was snuggled up under the duvet, sound asleep. He smiled. It was a little thing, watching her sleep, but it had been too many years since he’d been able to enjoy that small luxury. He missed it. Hell, who was he kidding? He missed everything about her: her smile, her laugh, the way it made him feel when she told him she loved him.

  He’d spent the past twenty-five years comparing every woman he met to the woman sleeping in his bed, and he knew he’d spend the next twenty-five living in the same quasi-limbo if he didn’t find a way to make her believe in him again.

  He eased in beside her and pulled her tight against him. Morning would come soon enough. They would have plenty of time to sort out their relationship when the sunlight finally forced them to face their fears.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Ashley woke the next morning cocooned in Derek’s strong arms, her head on his bare chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Before she could bid him a good morning, the cell phone on the bedside table rang.

  He groaned as he lifted his head off the pillow and opened one eye to look at the screen. “Damn it, it’s work. I have to get it.”

  She sat up to allow him to retrieve the phone.

  “Hey, Martin, what’s up?” Derek sat up, running his hand over his tousled hair. “No shit? Hell yeah, I wanna be there to interrogate him. Okay, hold him ‘til I get there.” He glanced at the neon numbers on the alarm clock. “I shouldn’t be more than four hours.” He laughed. “Yeah, that worthless piece of shit best get used to bidin’ his time behind bars. Hey, thanks for lettin’ me know, man. Yeah… later.”

  Ashley’s whole body tensed at the news he was leaving town. He was going back to his old job, his old life. Would he opt to stay in Arkansas after all? Would he decide that giving up everything that was familiar to him would be irrational when his future in Nashville was still so uncertain?

  He turned to her, a grin splitting his handsome face. “I guess you heard. We finally got him. Damn, I’ve been workin’ on that case for the better part of a year. I was beginnin’ to wonder if it would ever happen.”

  She drew her knees up to her chest. She wanted to share in his joy, to be happy for his success, but it was difficult when there was still so much uncertainty plaguing her. “Congratulations.”

  He leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Thanks, hon.” He pushed the covers back. “I guess I better grab a quick shower. Looks like I’ve got a plane to catch.”

  “Do you want me to fix you some breakfast?”

  “No time,” he called over his shoulder. “I’ll just grab a bite at the airport.”

  Just like that, he dismissed her, like some annoying one-night stand who was intruding on his busy life. “Um, okay.”

  He closed the door behind him with a definitive click.

  She stared at the raised pine panel, trying to make sense of what just happened. Last night he was so loving, so demonstrative, making her feel as though their relationship was the most important issue in his life. But this morning, he was like a completely different person.

  Ashley decided she could work through her feelings in the privacy of her own home, curled up in her own bed, where she would be free to cry without being caught in the act. She wasted no time getting dressed and scribbling a note, which she left propped on the kitchen counter between his keys and wallet, where he’d be sure to find it.

  Derek,

  I had a great time last night. Thanks again for the beautiful gift. Good luck in Arkansas.

  Stay Safe,

  Ashley

  She knew it was impersonal and certainly less than he deserved, given the incredible night they spent together, but she couldn’t very well bare her soul on a piece of lined paper.

  Besides, she knew his mind was somewhere else right now, as it should be. She’d followed the case he was working on, along with the rest of the world. He and his team got a dangerous serial killer off the streets before he could claim another victim. He had every reason to be proud of his accomplishment and to be stoked about seeing the case through to the end. Arkansas was clearly the place he needed to be, at least for the foreseeable future. Beyond that, only time would tell.

  Derek was whistling when he came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. His life was finally coming together. He had the woman he wanted, the perfect job waiting for him upon his return, and he could leave Arkansas knowing he and his team were responsible for getting another dangerous criminal off the streets.

  He frowned when he saw the rumpled bed. Pausing mid-step, he listened for some hint that she might be in another part of the house. Silence. “Shit,” he muttered, walking quickly into the main living area. He walked into the kitchen when he saw the scrap of paper on the counter. He read it once, twice, three times, before he crumpled it up in his hand and tossed it into a nearby wastebasket.