“I just need a little time to think…”

  He took a step toward her. “I’ve given you fifteen years to decide how you feel about me.”

  She knew if he touched her now, she would still be putty in his hands, in spite of her reservations. “Please, don’t do this,” she whispered.

  He traced her cheekbone with his index finger as her eyes drifted closed. “I could walk away and let your kids win, or I could stay and convince you that I’m the man you’ve always thought I was.” He brushed her hair off her face. “What do you want me to do, sweetheart?”

  Chapter Six

  Derek had no intention of walking away from her again. Her son could show up wielding his weapon like a madman, threatening his life if he didn’t start walking, and Derek would invite him to take his best shot. That’s how committed he was to seeing this through. He’d walked away from her once before, but this time, they were going to stay and face their fears together.

  It would take some time, but he would win Jay and Mike over eventually. He knew they were good guys. They loved their mama and just wanted to protect her. Derek would have felt the same way in their position, but he was determined to prove to them that no one would ever love Ashley as much as he did.

  “That’s not a fair question,” she said, pressing her palms to his chest.

  He’d missed the little things, the feel of her hands on his skin, her husky voice rousing him from a deep sleep, the smooth slide of intimacy when they finally connected. He wanted her back, and this time, he wanted it to last forever.

  “It’s the only question that matters right now, honey. What do you want? Don’t think about what your kids want, or what your ex wants, or even what I might want. The question is… what do you want?”

  She bowed her head so he couldn’t see her face. “I want the same thing I’ve always wanted… you.”

  Her quiet admission sent him reeling. He couldn’t count the number of times he’d fantasized about her saying those words to him over the years. There were too many nights when he’d taken the wrong woman to bed, imagining she was Ashley. But no matter how beautiful, smart, or sexy his date was, she didn’t have a prayer of measuring up to his memories of the woman who stole his heart when he wasn’t old enough to realize that a love like theirs only came along once in a lifetime… if you were lucky.

  “I want you too, sweetheart.” He leaned in to whisper in her ear. “I want to be your lover, your best friend, your rock. Do you remember what that was like when I was your everything and you were mine?”

  He felt the slight tremor move through her, and like always, they were able to communicate without words. He knew she was feeling it too, but her fear of the unknown was still standing in their way.

  “You have a life in Arkansas.”

  Arkansas was never his home. It was a place to escape when living without her became impossible to endure one more day. “What if I told you I’m ready to rebuild my life here, with you?”

  She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned into his chest. “I want that, I do, but we’d have a long and difficult road ahead of us, trying to convince Jay and Mike to forgive us.”

  He clenched his teeth in frustration. Everything he ever wanted was so close he could almost reach out and grab it, but she was still just out of his reach. “I don’t need their forgiveness or their approval. All I need is you.”

  She sighed. “You may not need it, but I do. As much as I care for you, I’m not going to do anything to jeopardize my relationship with my kids. If I did and it didn’t work out between us, I’d have nothing left. I’d be completely alone, and I’m not going to lie; that scares me.”

  He couldn’t comprehend her position. He wasn’t a parent, but he was no stranger to loneliness. Even when he was in a committed relationship with a woman, he still felt alone. He knew Ashley was the only person who could fill the hole in his life… and his heart. “Do you want me to try and talk to them again?”

  She stepped out of his arms and raked her hands through her hair. “I think we both know they’re not ready to listen.” She pointed to the cellphone on the counter. “That proves how serious they are about keeping us apart. They resent you. They think you betrayed them and destroyed our family.”

  Derek started pacing the floor, just to put some distance between them. Whenever he was within a few feet of her, he just wanted to pull her into his arms and make her forget the world outside of their locked door. But he knew a temporary reprieve wouldn’t help him earn the life he wanted.

  “They were just kids then. They couldn’t possibly understand what I felt for you or what it was doin’ to me, bein’ in love with my best friend’s wife and knowin’ there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.”

  He stopped at the French door leading to the patio. The pool was a reminder of the fun he used to have, tossing those kids around on a warm summer day while watching Ashley out of the corner of his eye, allowing himself to pretend, for just a moment, that it was his family, not Josh’s. He hated himself for feeling that way, but every time he tried to suppress his feelings, they just got stronger, until they started to consume him, day and night.

  She walked up behind him, pressing her cheek to his back. “I know what you’re thinking. I stand here and look out at the backyard and I can see you, I can see them, as though you were all right here in front of me. Then I close my eyes and it’s gone. I realize my kids aren’t kids anymore, you’re living in another state, Josh is remarried with kids of his own, and I’m here, all alone, rattling around in this big, empty house, with just my memories to keep me company.”

  Derek closed his eyes, trying to fight back the wave of nostalgia. They couldn’t go back. He couldn’t erase the mistakes he’d made in college or the mistake he made years later. If he had it to do again, he would have leveled with Josh. He would have told his best friend that he needed to step aside so he and Ashley could find a way to make their relationship work. Now here he was, faced with the decision of taking the easy way out and going back to Arkansas or staying here and fighting Ashley’s sons for the privilege of loving their mother. It seemed like a no-brainer to him, but Ashley had to be onboard or he’d be fighting a losing battle.

  “What do you want me to do, Ash?” The decision had to be hers and hers alone. They were her kids and he wouldn’t do anything to create a rift between them.

  She sighed. “Can we just take it slow, get to know each other again, and see where it takes us?”

  Ashley still knew him better than anyone else on the planet. She knew his heart, his goals, and his dreams. None of that had changed. And standing in the circle of her arms, twenty-five years later, he knew it never would. “I can’t take more than a few weeks off work.”

  She slipped her arms from around his waist and took a step back. “Josh said you had a job offer here in Nashville. Does that mean you’re not thinking about taking it?”

  He shrugged. There was a part of him that wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her. They were so close to having everything they’d ever wanted, and she was too afraid to take a risk. “I don’t even know what the job is yet. Besides, there’s no way in hell I can stay in Nashville if you and I can’t be together.” It would be torture knowing she was here, free to pursue a relationship with him, but she’d chosen not to.

  She turned away and began pacing the floor. “I don’t know what you want me to say. This is all happening so fast.”

  He chuckled. “Fast? Really? I don’t know that I’d call twenty-five years in the making fast, sweetheart. I’ve loved you more than half my life.”

  She turned to look at him and her eyes were brimming with unshed tears. “You know I feel the same way.”

  “Do you? I don’t know.”

  He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans when the urge to reach out and pull her into his arms got harder to resist. He hated to see her hurting, but he knew they couldn’t get to the other side of this without some pain and tears.

  “When do we get our shot? You and Josh had your chance. Your boys have had you their entire lives. When do I get to make you mine?” That’s all he wanted, the opportunity to claim her as his best friend, his life partner… his wife.

  When she would have responded, her cellphone rang. She glanced at the screen and a blush crept up her neck, staining her cheeks.

  Derek looked at the screen. Bill Morrow. “Aren’t you gonna answer that?”

  “Um… I can let it go to voicemail.”

  He knew if she refused to answer, it was because she had something to hide, which pissed him off even more. The Ashley he knew didn’t keep secrets from him, especially not where other men were concerned. “Answer the goddamn phone.”

  She winced at his tone before picking it up and connecting the call. She took a deep breath before pressing the phone to her ear. “Hi, Bill. What’s up?”

  Derek listened carefully to the pitch of her voice, her mood, the words she spoke to her caller, and those she didn’t. He was trained to read people and he was damned good at it. His every instinct told him that this Bill character was Ashley’s lover, and the mere image of it made him want to trade the tool belt for his gun and track this guy down. He knew his possessiveness was irrational. She was a beautiful, single woman. She could sleep with anyone she wanted and he had no right to weigh in on it, but right or wrong, he knew he couldn’t stand by, knowing she was sharing another man’s bed.

  She disconnected the call and set the phone down on the counter before looking up at him. “I’m sorry about that.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at her. “You wanna tell me who the hell this Bill guy is?”

  She licked her lips as her eyes darted to his. “He’s… uh… a friend.”

  “Bullshit.” He stared her down. He knew he must be making her feel like one of his suspects during a particularly intense interrogation, but he couldn’t summon an ounce of sympathy when the jealousy was burning a hole in his gut. “Now, you wanna try tellin’ me the truth?”

  She released a gusty sigh before shoving her hands into the pockets of her robe. “Fine. He’s Mike’s partner. We’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months.”

  He should have known her son would be behind this. It certainly explained Mike’s determination to make sure he stopped this relationship before it even got started. He’d already handpicked the right man for his mother, and once again, he must think Derek was trying to interfere with her happiness.

  “Have you slept with him?”

  Her mouth dropped open. “You have no right to ask me that.”

  “Don’t I?” He smirked as he pointed at the phone. “You were pretty curious about what happened with Heather last night.”

  “That’s different.” She crossed her arms. “I was already seeing Bill when you came back to town. You just hooked up with this Heather person last night… after you left me.”

  “Did I hear you makin’ plans with him?”

  She had the grace to look embarrassed as her eyes shifted to the floor. “He went to a lot of trouble to get tickets to the Reba concert for my birthday. It would be rude to tell him that I’d changed my mind. Besides, I didn’t think anything had been settled between us.”

  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The thought of going out with, much less sleeping with, another woman right now was appalling to him. What the hell was she thinking? “I’ve gotta get outta here.”

  She grabbed his wrist when he walked past her. “Derek, wait, please don’t leave like this. We need to decide where we go from here.”

  “You just decided for me when you accepted a date with another guy. Hope you have fun.”

  Derek was still cursing himself for allowing his temper to get the best of him when he was turning onto the road leading to his brother’s log cabin. He needed a little peace and quiet to sort things out and gain some perspective.

  When his cellphone rang, he was tempted to ignore it, until the number flashed across the screen. It was one of Nashville’s finest, and unless he missed his guess, it was the top cop, calling to talk to him about the job offer Josh mentioned.

  “Hello.”

  “Damn… it sure is good to hear your voice, McCall.”

  Derek smiled, in spite of his foul mood. John Mathers was one of his closest friends on the force back in the day. It had been too many years since they took the time to reconnect. “Same goes. How’s life been treatin’ ya, Chief?”

  John chuckled. “I can’t complain. Listen, I was sorry to hear about your brother. He was a damn fine man.”

  John and Dave went to high school together, and Derek knew the two men had remained friendly over the years. “Thanks, John. I know he felt the same way about you.”

  “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make the funeral. I was tied up in meetings all day.”

  “No problem, I understand. Before I forget, thanks for the flowers.”

  “It was the least I could do. Listen, you got time to stop by my office? There’s somethin’ I wanna talk to you about.”

  Derek had nothing to do and nowhere he needed to be. Besides, if he didn’t listen to Mathers’s proposal, he would always question what might have been. “Sure, I can be there in half an hour, if that works for you?”

  “Sounds good. I’ll see you then, buddy.”

  Derek was surprised by the number of familiar faces he met at the police station, though he knew he shouldn’t be. He knew most men and women in uniform felt the same way he did; they were in it for life. They stayed on until it was time to collect their first pension check or a bullet took them out before they got the chance.

  Derek was waiting at the reception desk to speak to the woman with a phone pressed to her ear when Mike rounded the corner.

  He glared at Derek. “What the hell are you doin’ here?”

  “Chief Mathers asked me to stop by and see him.” He could have told the kid it was none of his business, since it wasn’t, but he didn’t want to burn any bridges with Mike or Jay, not as long as there was still a chance he could make their mother see reason.

  Mike raised an eyebrow. “Really? What’d he want?”

  Derek shrugged. He wasn’t willing to tip his hand yet. “I don’t know. The chief and I go way back. Maybe he just wanted to catch up, you know, pay his respects in person.”

  “Or maybe he wants to offer you a job?”

  Derek knew that police stations, no matter how big or small, were like most high schools in that gossip spread like an ant infestation. If he was being looked at for a top spot, he wasn’t surprised that Mike had heard about it. “We’ll see what he has to say. I’m here to listen.”

  Mike glanced through the window of an open interrogation room. “You got a minute to talk before you go in to see the chief?”

  Given his open hostility the day before, Derek was surprised that Mike seemed willing to be civil today. “Sure, why not?” He had nothing to lose and everything to gain by making peace with Ashley’s son.

  Mike ushered him into the room and pointed to a chair on the other side of the table. “Have a seat.”

  Derek smiled. “No thanks, I’ll stand.” The kid may be good, but Derek had been at this a lot longer. He knew Mike was trying to lower his defenses so he could pump him for information.

  Mike leaned back in the chair and sighed. “I guess you know about the picture I sent my mother?”

  “I was with her when she got it.” He wanted to give the kid hell, but he couldn’t. He was just trying to protect his mama, and Derek had to respect that. “You wanna tell me why you felt the need to do that? Heather was just a friend, someone I hadn’t seen in years.”

  “Yeah, but my mom didn’t know that.”

  At least he had the guts to be honest. Derek had to admire that. “Just so you know, it didn’t work.”

  “I didn’t think it would be enough, but at least it planted a seed of doubt, right? I just have to keep workin’ on her.”

  Derek braced his hands on the back of a chair and leaned in, glaring at Mike. “You need to mind your own goddamn business and stay out of my way.”

  “My mother is my business, McCall. You hurt her and you disrespected my old man. I can’t forget and I won’t forgive… ever.”

  “It’s not your decision to make. It’s your mother’s, and whether you like it or not, I’m in love with her. I want to be with her, and I know she wants me, too.”

  Mike folded his arms over his chest. “She’s got a boyfriend, ya know.”

  “I know all about your partner. Trust me, I’m not worried.” Mike didn’t need to know that little piece of knowledge set him off not more than an hour ago.

  He smiled. “I don’t believe you.”

  Josh’s son was obviously cut from the same cloth as his old man. With only a few years under his belt, he was already an astute cop. “Believe what you want. Whatever you think your mother has going with this Bill guy can’t compare to the history we have.”

  “Tell me something… How could you do it, man?”

  For the first time, Derek saw the bitterness and anger replaced by a hint of sadness and regret when he looked at Mike. “Do what?” He took the seat across from Mike, knowing this may be his only chance to say what he should have said before he left for Arkansas years ago.

  “How could you sleep with your best friend’s wife? How could you come over to our house, pretend to be my old man’s buddy, pretend to care about me and Jay, all the while you were just there for my mom?”

  Derek closed his eyes. There was no easy way to make him understand that he loved all of them; he just happened to be in love with Ashley. “You’re wrong, Mike. Your father’s been like a brother to me, long before we ever met your mom.”

  “Really? Would you have thought about screwing Avery or Christine, or hey, how about Nikki?”