“Okay. I will. I’ll do things your way. My way isn’t working for me.”

  “Good. I’ll get this sorted for you, Nova, I promise you.”

  I focus my eyes out the window, aimlessly watching the world go by, hoping someone can help me. I don’t seem to be any good at saving myself, and instead of my savior rescuing me, I destroyed him. Perhaps it’s time to leave my fate in the hands of my best friend who seems to have it all together. I don’t like relying on other people all the time, but something has to work. I’m getting really desperate here…

  * * *

  Knock, knock.

  I lift my head up, wondering where I am for a moment. This is familiar, but it doesn’t feel right. I should be in Zane’s soft bed… but of course, I’m on Clara’s couch. I forgot about my run away. In my dreams, I was still with him, in his arms. I stretch upright, trying to shake that thought from my brain.

  Knock, knock.

  I wonder why Clara isn’t answering her door, but then I remember she had the start of a migraine before, so she’s probably asleep and Kem is working nights this week. The guest will have to wait.

  Knock, knock. Knock, knock. Knock, knock.

  They are persistent. Especially since it’s… ten thirty at night. People don’t usually call that late unless it’s an emergency. If Clara is ill, she won’t be up for hearing bad news, so I should just send them away. I don’t really want to move from where I am, but I force myself to get up and pad across the hallway to see who it is. I rub the sleep from my eye and fumble with the overcomplicated lock, the emotion keeping me exhausted.

  “Hang on,” I call out, my voice hoarse. “Let me just…”

  I finally pull the door and it swings back much too hard. It hits the wall beside me which causes me to wince. But once I’m certain that I haven’t woken Clara up with my clumsiness, I turn back to see who’s at the door.

  Oh my God.

  My heart sinks. It falls into my shoes and leaves my blood completely ice cold. I rub my eyes again just to check that I haven’t lost my mind, but unfortunately, I’m still very much sane.

  “Jeremy… what the hell are you doing here?”

  16

  Zane

  I read the note about a hundred times, my heart hammering in my chest as I do. Nova is gone, my one shining ray of hope in a hopeless situation has vanished, and she hasn’t said anything else to suggest she might ever come back.

  I really wish she didn’t leave, my heart actually hurts, but I really don’t have the brain space to get her back here. I need to fix my business, it’s everything to me, and with everyone now thinking that I’m involved in some drug ring I don’t know how to get her back.

  Ring, ring...

  I grab my cell phone before it can ring out again, hoping that it’s Nova coming back here. I’ll immediately apologize and tell her that I’ll stop being so closed off and cold to her. I know that she only wants me to open up, to tell her what’s going on. And the only reason I’ve kept her away is that I don’t want to burden her with anything else.

  What a mess.

  But it isn’t Nova... it’s Dan.

  “Hey, Dan...”

  “They know, Zane.” The strain radiates through his voice. “They know about the girl.”

  “What girl?” I rack my brain trying to work out what I’ve missed, but it’s full of fog.

  “The charity girl, the one you’ve been... spending time with.”

  “Nova? Who knows? What are you talking about?”

  “It’s a new story in the local paper,” he continues. “It’s basically saying that you use your position of power to pick on vulnerable women to get them into your bed, that the charity helps you with this...”

  “What?” I shriek out in shock. “How can that even be a thing? No one will believe that. I’ve worked with so many women and nothing like that has ever happened.”

  “There’s pictures of you and Nova. It doesn’t matter how many times it didn’t happen because there’s one time it did. She’s on your doorstep, kissing you.”

  My heart ices over. I can’t even remember that happening, it’s been such a long and confusing time. Although a short time really, considering the irreparable damage that it’s done to my life.

  “K... kissing me?”

  “Yes, so now your reputation is damaged even more. This is bad, Zane. Really bad.”

  I groan in agony, not needing him to tell me that. I couldn’t be more aware if I tried. I’m fucked, and I don’t have any defense this time because there’s evidence. It won’t help my case with the other rumors as well, will it? My reputation is going to be destroyed.

  “What am I going to do, Dan? This is such a mess.”

  “Maybe you should get out of town for a while and lie low.”

  “Surely, that would make me look guilty?”

  “I think... at this stage, you look guilty anyway.”

  “Yep, you’re probably right about that one. Fuck!”

  “I tried to warn you, Zane, helping people never does you any favors. You shouldn’t bother helping anyone. It just comes back and bites you on the ass.”

  His attitude really isn’t helpful, but what can I do about it? I can’t exactly disagree with him now, considering the mess that my life has become, just because I wanted to help.

  “Maybe I can fix it if I stay though…”

  “Well, if I were you I would just keep out of sight for a bit, just to stop getting hurt.”

  I peek out of my window without moving the curtains too much, and there is a selection of reporters gathered outside my house. Not enough to be classed as a mob or anything but it’s a pain. A freaking nightmare because I’m stuck here, officially separated from Nova.

  “Yeah, alright. I’ll keep my head down for a bit.”

  “I’ll keep you up to date if I hear anything.”

  “Thanks, Dan, I appreciate it a lot.”

  I hang up the phone and peer out the window to see the reporters nudging one another and laughing as if destroying my life is some big joke. Anger burns and bubbles inside me, I want to go out there and really tell them what I think, but I’m sure that would only make things so much worse. Then, they will really have something to say about me.

  “Fucking hell.”

  I consider calling Nova, to see how she’s doing with all of this but since she hasn’t contacted me, and it seems that, by reading between the lines, she doesn’t want me to contact her, I don’t bother.

  Maybe she hasn’t heard the news story yet…

  I guess it’s possible, but she probably has. And since she’s convinced that Jeremy is behind all of this, if I’m just a teeny bit selfish then it’s easier for me without her here. Just for a little bit.

  Instead, I do the one thing that I know I shouldn’t and I click on the news story to see it for myself. It’s heart-wrenching to continually see my reputation dragged through the mud but it’s like a snowball continually getting bigger no matter what I do. Seeing the picture of me and Nova kissing is a confusing set of emotions. On the one hand, I’m very annoyed that this is public knowledge when it really doesn’t need to be, but on the other, I just want my one mistake – who really doesn’t feel like a mistake – back here by my side.

  “This will all be over soon,” I mutter reassuringly to myself. “This will all be over and I can get my life back on track. All I need to do is pick up the tattered pieces of my reputation, get my company running as it once was, and then try and see if Nova still wants to speak to me…”

  It feels impossible, but I guess nothing is. I just need to tackle it one moment at a time. The first thing I need to do is take a few deep breaths and try not to lose my mind…

  * * *

  The talking is louder now, more reporters have joined in, which has me even more prickly. I don’t want to think of myself in terms of angry anymore, because I’m afraid I really will lose my shit. I just can’t stand all these people thinking that it’s okay to treat me like this. Like I’m a caged animal who deserves to be locked in a cage because I ‘did something wrong’.

  Mom: Hi. Zane, it’s been a while again. How are you?

  I stare at the message from my mom again, wondering what I should do about it. I haven’t replied yet because I don’t know where I’ll even begin, but now I need to. But not through text messages, not even through a voice call. I want to see her face.

  I don’t even pause to think about what the time will be in France, I just video call her.

  “Zane?” She rubs the sleep from her eyes. “Are you okay, Son?”

  “Oh, sorry. Is it really late?”

  “Don’t worry, I had my laptop open anyway. I just had a feeling that you’d want me.”

  “You knew, huh?” I reply wryly. “Is that because you’ve seen something about me?”

  “I haven’t seen anything. Call it mother’s intuition.”

  I sigh loudly, thinking about Mom’s warning only a short time ago to keep away from Nova. Mother’s intuition was perfect then, she knew what was going to happen before I did.

  “Okay, well it was right. Things aren’t going well…”

  “What’s going on?” Mom sits up straighter. “Are you okay?”

  I hate this, I know I’m going to hear some variation of ‘I told you so’ but I do need her advice now.

  “Not really. I’ve made a big fuck up, Mom. I really have.”

  She nods slowly. “Okay, tell me all about it.”

  “Well, it starts with the charity client I was telling you about the last time we spoke.”

  “The one I warned you about?”

  “Yes, the one you warned me about. Well, your warning came to light. You saw it before me. I got in over my head and I fell for her.”

  “Oh… hell…”

  “Yes, and now, as expected. Her husband is going in on me, trying to ruin my reputation.”

  “What has he done?”

  With regret, I tell her all about the new stories and the police raid of the office. I can see her face falling as I get to the part with the photographs. She doesn’t like it any more than I do.

  “So, now the press is outside your house?”

  “Yes, I don’t know what to do about it. Obviously, I can’t go out at the moment…”

  “No, I would suggest that you stay in. At least for a little while. Where is she?”

  “Nova?” I suddenly realize my mistake as I say her name aloud for the first time. “She isn’t here. She left because she was so upset about all the trouble she got me into.”

  “Have you spoken to her? Are they harassing her as well?”

  “I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to her since she left.”

  “Maybe you should try.”

  I furrow my eyebrows together. “You don’t think that’s dangerous?”

  “Maybe, but son, I know you well enough to understand that you wouldn’t have done any of this if that woman didn’t mean the world to you. She must be incredibly important for you to risk it all. You don’t want to lose her.”

  She cares so much about my company and I know that the last thing my mom wants is for me to lose it, so to hear her say this really clears the fog in my mind a little bit. Perhaps things aren’t as simple and straightforward as I would like them to be, but that doesn’t mean this isn’t something worth fighting for.

  “Yeah, I’ll think about it, Mom.”

  “And you always have a place to come to in France, if you want a getaway. You haven’t been here for years, it would be lovely to see you.”

  The yearning to hop onto a plane and to put all of this behind me for good is almost too much, but if I go I don’t think I’ll ever want to come back, and I do have stuff to fight for here. I don’t want to run and look like I’ve done something wrong. I don’t want to push Nova away for good, potentially sending her back to Jeremy, I don’t want to lose my livelihood.

  I shouldn’t have to either. Yes, I have done some things wrong, but only a bit… It was only love, making me go nuts. People do way worse and don’t have their lives destroyed.

  Jeremy thinks that he can control everyone, he’ll always have so much power. It’s time to take this asshole down, to prove to everyone that he isn’t on top of the pile.

  With a smile on my face, I try to call Nova as a first step. I just want to speak to her, to see how she is. I don’t even know how I managed to convince myself not to a minute ago, it’s so silly to keep away from someone who in such a short space of time means so much to me.

  So much that I might even move her…

  Ring, ring… ring, ring… ring, ring…

  But that exciting, potentially life-changing thought remains only for me because she doesn’t answer. I guess just because I want to speak to Nova, doesn’t mean she wants to talk to me.

  “Hi, this is Nova, sorry I can’t come to the phone right now, please leave a message after the bleep.”

  “Hi, Nova, it’s me…” I pause, mid-sentence, unsure of what else I want to say, then like a fool I hang up. I don’t even know what makes me do it, only I don’t know what to say.

  Maybe Mom is wrong, maybe I am wrong, perhaps this just isn’t meant to be.

  17

  Nova

  “Just hear me out,” Jeremy begs before I can slam the door in his face. “Please.”

  There are so many things that I want to do, so many ways in which I want to tell him to go fuck himself but thinking about what he’s already done to Zane scares me. Maybe I need to placate him a bit, just to get him to lay off.

  “I don’t know what you could possibly have to say to me, Jeremy. You’ve been following me, trying to ruin me, pushing me further away from you.”

  “You’re my wife. I need to know where you are all the time, to make sure that you’re safe. Even if you are shacking up with some other man.”

  I fold my arms across my chest, refusing to be intimidated. It’s funny how when I’m not inside Jeremy’s house I can feel a bit more secure in myself. Also, we’re outside Clara’s home, there could be people around, I don’t think Jeremy will act out just in case.

  “You don’t have any right to tell me what to do, Jeremy.”

  “I’m your husband.”

  “You haven’t acted like my husband for a very long time. Years, in fact. You have cheated on me left, right, and center the whole time, so you ruined our wedding vows ages ago.”

  He looks gob smacked like I’ve punched him in the face. However brave I’m feeling, it isn’t that brave. I don’t trust him not to smack me right back if I lash out first. Then he would probably feel totally okay about it because I started it.

  “You don’t have any proof that I’ve done anything wrong…”

  “The lipstick, the perfume, the gifts you buy your mistresses… it wouldn’t take me long to prove what a bad person you are.”

  He opens and closes his mouth a couple of times like a goldfish before speaking out again. “Okay, so maybe I haven’t always been the best, but we could make it work.”

  “How?” I demand. “What do you suggest?”

  “Marriage counseling? A mediator? A vacation. We could go to New York like you’ve always wanted.”

  “Nope, it isn’t me who’s always wanted to go there. Must be one of your other girls.”

  “You’re acting like you don’t even want to try, Nova.”

  “I don’t think I do,” I admit very honestly. “And I’ve tried to tell you. I’ve been trying to make you see that it’s over and I think you know it which is why you had lashed out…”

  “I never hit you,” he insists like that makes him a beacon of morality.

  “I know, but you have been violent.”

  “How the fuck have I been violent?”

  “Pushing, shoving, locking me in a cupboard…”

  “I didn’t lock you.”

  I shake my head dismissively. I’m not going to go around in circles with him, not a chance in hell. I’ve spent enough of my life trapped in this cycle.

  “Look, Jeremy, there isn’t any counseling that will work. This has gone too far now. There isn’t any coming back from what’s happened. I don’t think we can ever get to a happy place where the past doesn’t matter anymore. It’s too toxic and we need to walk away.”

  He slaps his palm hard against Clara’s door frame making me jump. It seems he still has his fear in me which I guess is just what he wants.

  “Fuck you, Nova. You are fucking selfish bitch. I gave you everything. You had a nice house, a great life, money pouring out your ass.”

  “I didn’t want any of that.”

  “The hell you didn’t. You were happy to stop working, to sponge off me.”

  “No, I wasn’t. You were the one who wanted that.” I’m not going to be blamed for his choice. “And you wanted to dress me in a certain way, I was always just a pawn in a game for you.”

  “And now you’re taking the clothes from another man… who apparently wants you dressed like a scruff. That’s a real step up, you bitch.”

  I’m taken aback, so much so that it takes me a couple of moments to respond. “Jeremy, you can’t keep hurting me anymore, I’m done with you.”

  He grabs my wrists and pulls me to him, reminding me of his physical strength. “I am not done with you, Nova, and I never will be. I refuse to give you up.”

  I gulp, trying to swallow my fear down. “Is that why you’re doing all this stuff?”

  “What stuff?” he growls back, his eyes raking hungrily up and down me. I need to keep him talking before he takes a step I’m not prepared for. It seems the fear of being seen isn’t bothering him anymore.

  “The news articles. About Zane. The drugs… me…”

  “They weren’t ever supposed to find out about you, but you had to be a slut in public with him, didn’t you? I just didn’t want him working with the charity anymore.”