“What’s happening?” Sal, my receptionist, hisses at me. “Why are they here?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrug helplessly. “Apparently they think there are drugs here.”

  “Why would they think that? You aren’t that sort of person at all!”

  “I know, but they have ‘had a report’.”

  “From who? It can’t even be a disgruntled client because you always win.”

  I cock one eyebrow. “Maybe that’s the issue. Maybe it’s someone I’ve beaten.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  I decide to let Sal in just a little bit. “Well, I had a threatening letter the other day. Dan reckons it was someone that I beat so I chose to ignore it at the time, but maybe now I’m wondering if this is all linked.”

  “You should definitely tell the police that. It’s obviously linked…”

  “I think it might be too late now. They’ll assume that I’m making excuses.”

  “But it might be relevant…” She’s getting too excited about this. I should have kept my mouth shut. “You should at least give them the information, so they know.”

  “Yeah, or this could be a rival or something. Maybe it’s even a mistake. They aren’t going to find any drugs in there, nor will they get any evidence that I’m involved in some drug ring. Maybe I shouldn’t make a big unnecessary drama out of this and just let them do their thing and leave them to it.”

  Sal opens her mouth but seems to think better of it and snaps it back closed again. We both stare defiantly at the wall, just waiting for it to end. My mind starts to wonder if this is some sort of punishment for the last few days of sheer happiness that I’ve had. Ever since Nova walked into my house, I’ve been flying higher than air, basking in our joy. We’ve become a little like a real couple, eating meals together, enjoying one another’s company, sliding into the bed together at the end of the day… it’s been wonderful.

  Sure, there are times when she seems a little closed off and secretive. Sometimes I see her eyeing her phone with fear, but I guess there will still be times that she’s afraid something is going to happen. I do too, a bit, but nothing has happened, so I recently came to the conclusion that Jeremy would rather keep this quiet than go on a mad manhunt for his missing wife. He must be so afraid of people finding out the truth about him.

  But I guess that’s a happiness that shouldn’t be mine. Not really. She’s still a client, still married to someone else, still unattainable even though we’ve both been acting otherwise, so this might be a comeuppance.

  I guess I deserve it too.

  Hours pass. At least, it feels like hours, before the officer exits my office without anything. Of course, he won’t have anything… although a tiny bit of me feared that something would have been planted.

  “Thank you for your time, Mr. Black, our search is completed…”

  “So, what now? You obviously didn’t find anything.”

  “We didn’t, no.”

  “So… what now?” I repeat. “What happens now?”

  “If something needs to happen then someone will be in touch.”

  “Do I not get an apology or something? You were mistaken.”

  “We are following orders and tracing tip-offs.”

  “So, that’s it. Do I just have to take that you tore my office apart today? That I lost work time?”

  The officer seems to sense that I’m about to explode, so he makes a hasty retreat, leaving me with millions of unanswered questions.

  “Unbelievable.” Sal looks as pissed off as I feel. “What do we do now?”

  I blink a couple of times, trying to bring myself back to reality. “I guess… we just carry on. We get back to work and hope that nothing like that ever happens again.”

  * * *

  “Sal, where is my two o’clock appointment?” I can’t stop the harassment from filling my tone.

  “He… canceled.” She doesn’t want to tell me this, I can see it in her eyes. “The news story…”

  “That fucking story! I can’t actually believe it. Why would people believe this? It’s ridiculous. And who tipped the fucking reporters off to ensure they got a picture of the police coming here?”

  Sal doesn’t answer, but she doesn’t need to. We have been going around this over and over again the last two days since all of this broke. It had to be the same person who sent them here. Now, although nothing was found, a lot of people seem to be taking the attitude that there’s no smoke without fire. Even people who I have worked with forever. It’s driving me mad, the more I defend myself, the guiltier I look.

  “What am I going to do about it, Sal? I can’t lose my business over this.”

  “Don’t you have anyone you can get some advice from?”

  “I…” I don’t know how to answer that. I almost spoke to Nova about it last night to see what she thinks, but she appears to be increasingly fearful with each passing day. I didn’t even mention the initial drug raid because I don’t want to pile unnecessary pressure on her. “I suppose I could speak to Dan.”

  I haven’t seen much of him because he’s been busy. I know he’s working on a massive case, but it’s a little hard to ignore the voice in my mind that tells me that he wants to protect himself.

  “Yeah, he might know what to do… I wish I could offer you advice.”

  “You are coming here every day to work and that itself is enough support, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

  She smiles thinly, and I can almost see her worrying about her job. It sure as hell isn’t that bad yet but I really hope it doesn’t get there. I cannot lose my business, it defines me, it’s everything. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, and I refuse to let it go just because someone has decided to take a grudge up against me.

  I try to reassure Sal with my eyes that she won’t need to worry, but I don’t know if she takes it from me. She continues to look like she’s expecting a million more cancellations today, which she might be right about. People don’t ever want to get associated with a shady lawyer, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to prove otherwise.

  I might be fucked. Maybe I should just move to Hawaii and forget all about it, put this life behind me. It would be simpler and possibly a lot more pleasant, especially if Nova comes with me…

  No, Nova is the reason I can’t give this up yet, I need to get her divorced first.

  I head into my office and use the time to call Dan. He doesn’t answer for the first few rings which amp up my paranoia, but he manages to shut it down as soon as he answers in his usual friendly tone.

  I don’t know why I’m getting so worried. He’s my friend and he always will be.

  “Hey, buddy, how’s it going? I’m so sorry I haven’t been in touch…”

  “No, I know you’ve been busy and things have been crazy here too.”

  “What happened? What’s this drugs bullshit? Why would anyone think that about you?”

  “I don’t know. The cops got a tip off, apparently I associate with shady people.”

  “Do you think this is related to the note you got?”

  I sigh and nod. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking that a lot.”

  “I’m sorry, it’s my fault, I told you to just ignore it.”

  “I was going to ignore it anyway.”

  “You shouldn’t have done that… then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.”

  “Whoever set it up called the press too. They are determined. I’m sure it would have happened regardless.”

  “Do you know who it might be? Have you made any specific enemies recently?”

  I have a theory and now I think this might be the time to share it. I need to get it off my chest to someone, and this is the only person who won’t judge me at all.

  “Well, I think it might be linked to the charity case I’m working with…”

  “I keep telling you not to do those. They are more trouble than they’re worth.”

  “I haven’t ever had trouble before…”

  “No, but it was always going to happen, wasn’t it? Those people are trouble.”

  “It isn’t Nova’s fault, it’s her asshole husband.”

  “Uh oh, I can hear something in your voice there…”

  “What do you mean?”

  Dan pauses thoughtfully. “Do you like this Nova? Is that why her husband is pissed?”

  “I…” I automatically want to deny it, but I can’t.

  “Oh no, Zane, that is trouble. Falling for a client.”

  “I never said I was falling for anyone.”

  “No, but I can tell. You know that’s so wrong. You’ll end up in so much trouble. You could actually lose everything. And if her husband has it in for you then you really are risking too much.”

  My words get stuck in my throat, I don’t know what to say to Dan because I know that he’s right. It’s all well and good getting lost in the feelings I have for Nova when we’re safe in my home, but there is a big wide world out there and I could lose all that I’ve worked for.

  All the words of warning that I’ve received race through me, making me doubt everything. I really do deserve everything bad that’s happening to me, and now I cannot stop it.

  I’m fucked.

  15

  Nova

  I pace the room, unable to stop for even a moment, anxiety zig-zagging through me as I walk. I’ve chewed my thumbnail down to my finger, but I can’t stop biting. This is horrible. It’s the worst thing to ever happen. And it isn’t even happening to me, that’s the worst thing. The threatening texts that I’ve been receiving from Jeremy and trying to ignore have come to nothing, not with me anyway. He’s decided to target Zane instead.

  This is a million times worse. It’s hurting someone that I actually care about, but I suppose it’s typical of Jeremy. He will want to take me down and anyone who’s helped me, without ruining his reputation.

  Zane is being really closed off as well, I think that makes it harder than ever. I don’t know what’s going on his mind, which is destroying me. He didn’t even tell me about the initial drug raid, I just thought that he was having a bad day. It wasn’t until it started to be in the news that I learned anything about it.

  Now, he’s slipping through my fingers like sand. I can’t get hold of him however hard I try.

  Ring, ring… ring, ring…

  I grab my cell phone the moment it rings, desperate to see if it’s Zane. He’s at the office so much that I barely see him, but it isn’t his name that comes across my screen. It is someone else I want to speak to though.

  “Hi, Clara. How are you? Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah… is everything alright with you? Sorry I’ve only just called, I was bushed and out when we got back. I’ve just come around and saw all this stuff about Zane. The drugs thing…”

  I burst into tears, the emotion that I’ve kept bottled up finally coming out. “It’s Jeremy, I’m sure of it.”

  “He’s started this?” I can hear the frustration in Clara’s tone. “I was worried something would happen.”

  “Yeah, I know you were worried. I’m sorry, I should have listened to you…”

  “It’s okay. I understand, you reacted because you were scared. Where are you staying now?”

  “I’m still staying with Zane…”

  “You’re still there? No, I think you need to get away before you anger Jeremy more. Come to stay here.”

  “I don’t want to get in the way of you and Kem. It’s your anniversary period. You just got back from your trip, you don’t want me hanging around and getting in the way…”

  “I want you here. You’re my best friend, I want to support you, you know that, Nova!”

  “But you’ve seen what Jeremy has done to Zane, I don’t want anything to happen to you…”

  “He won’t do anything to me, believe me.” Clara sounds fierce. “You’re coming to stay with me. I will come and pick you up this afternoon. Will give you some time to get yourself all packed up.”

  “Yeah, right… okay.” I don’t know how sure I am about this, but I know there’s no arguing with Clara right now. “Okay, so I’ll get my stuff all sorted. I better try and contact Zane as well to let him know.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be relieved. He doesn’t need this drama in his life.”

  Her words hurt, but of course, she doesn’t know what she’s saying is painful to me. She thinks I’m just staying with a lawyer who’s helping me, not that we’ve been sleeping together and developing feelings. Zane might be offended that I’m going but he might also be happy about it. Maybe I have become a burden.

  “Right, yes.” I gulp audibly. “I guess I’ll see you soon then.”

  We say our goodbyes and hang up the phone, but I don’t take the phone away from my ear for a while. I’m frozen on the spot, stuck in place, while I try to digest this. Clara is coming for me, she will take me away from here, this little chapter of my life is going to be over. Whether it’s a moment of madness or something else, I don’t feel ready for it to be done yet. It’s a shame that it’s been stripped away from me.

  I sigh sadly, trying to digest the emotions before I weep some more. My face is still wet with the tears I cried earlier, I don’t really want to add to it. I need to just accept what I can’t change.

  “I hate this,” I mutter to myself. “I hate the hurricane of destruction that comes from being me.”

  Bad luck seems to follow me everywhere, it’s almost as if I’m not destined for happiness. I don’t want to fall into a pity party because I don’t know how I’ll get myself out of it, but the weight of the world rests on my shoulders. How am I supposed to get the freedom I so desire if Jeremy is taking everything that I want? And he must suspect that Zane is going to help me with the divorce, so he wants that stopped.

  I log onto the Internet, about to torture myself some more. I see all the stories about Zane and all the nasty comments that come with it. It’s unfortunate that people seem to want to believe the bad in him when he hasn’t done anything wrong. People are even delighting in his misery, it isn’t right.

  “I should go,” I tell myself decisively. “He doesn’t need this. Jeremy won’t let him out of this until I’m out of the picture. There isn’t much that I can do for Zane, except leave him alone.”

  So, with a heavy regret hanging in the pit of my stomach, I head into the bedroom to gather up the things that Zane has brought for me. I need them, I can’t live without them now, plus I don’t think Zane has any use for them. I have to pay him back anyway, which means we’ll have to keep in touch. Sadly, even after all of this I still want that. He might not, but I do. My heart won’t be able to take never seeing him again…

  * * *

  The car pulls away from Zane’s home and I peer desperately out the window, wishing I didn’t have to leave without saying goodbye to him, but he isn’t home from work yet and I have no idea when he’ll be back. I left him a note explaining all the things that I’ve wanted to say but I haven’t had the chance to because I can’t say it to his face. I’ve listed out my suspicion that it could be Jeremy who has targeted him and said that I will do whatever he wants me to do to make it okay again. I’ve also thanked him and said that I’m sorry for leaving like this… the only thing I haven’t said is how I feel about him, but there’s no point in overcomplicating things.

  “Are you okay, Nova?” Clara asks me quietly. “Is there something else going on here?”

  “What do you mean?” I can barely drag my eyes to her. “I’m just a bit sad about all of this.”

  “Hmmm.” I can feel her giving me a side eyed stare. “I have a feeling it’s more than that.”

  I hang my head low, knowing that Clara can see right through me. We’ve been friends enough for her to know what I’m like. She could always tell when I’d done something wrong as a teenager and I guess it’s the same now. All the justifications I gave myself while with Zane vanish as I imagine saying what I’ve done aloud.

  It doesn’t matter what Jeremy did, I’ve done wrong as well.

  “I… I…”

  “You’ve got feelings for Zane. I knew it! I could tell even when I spoke to you.”

  “What?” I immediately jump to defensiveness. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “You do. I thought there was something in it when you said you were going to his place…”

  “I just needed saving, I wasn’t thinking along those lines.”

  “It’s okay,” Clara tries to reassure her. “I understand why, it’s just… complicated.”

  “I know.” My head falls into my hands. “I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “Has anything happened?”

  I know I can’t lie, not now. There’s no point anyway. Not if I need advice. “Yes,” I whisper.

  “Oh wow. Okay.”

  I glance up to see Clara pale. I’ve really screwed things up, I can see it through her eyes now and this is bad. Really bad. It might even be unfixable. I hope she isn’t regretting getting involved in this.

  Bleep, bleep.

  Before I can say anything else, there’s an unwelcome noise from my cell phone. I assume it’s going to be Zane, so I grab it quickly to see what he says, but it’s just another threat that has a chill creeping up my spine.

  Unknown Number: I’m still watching you, wherever you go.

  “Is that him?” Clara demands. “I can tell you’re all panicking now.”

  “It’s him. He just wants me to be scared, that’s all.”

  “You need to go to the police, this is getting silly.”

  “That will make it worse. You know Jeremy only cares about his reputation.”

  “So, you’re going to let him destroy you? Not under my watch.” She grips the steering wheel so tight that her knuckles almost turn white. Anger rolls off her in waves, I want to say something to calm her down, but I don’t think I can. Everything I say and do is wrong at the moment. “We have to stop this, Nova, it’s madness.”