She spins and flicks her buttery blond hair over her shoulder, her pale green eyes matching mine with the smile. She’s definitely here, the woman who looked after me until she couldn’t any longer. My heart yearns for this to be real, to have her back in my life.

  How different things could have been.

  “I’m here, sweetie. Come here. Let’s have a hug.”

  I fall into her embrace, inhaling deeply, breathing her in. I don’t remember everything about her, this might not even be exactly as she looked, my brain could be filling in the blanks, but the scent of her I know very well. I won’t ever forget that. She’s sweet and citrusy. It’s lovely.

  “This is nice, Mom. I’ve missed you a lot.”

  “I’ve always been with you. You know that.”

  “You haven’t though, have you?” My voice grows thick with emotion. “I know what you mean, it’s nice that you’ve always been in my heart, but you haven’t been around.”

  “No, because I sure as hell wouldn’t have let you marry that idiot.”

  As she mentions Jeremy, although not directly by name, all the memories come flooding back. Him, standing at Clara’s door, yelling at me, begging me to get back with him, begging me to forget about everything. Then him stepping to one side and acting like a freak… followed by gunshots. Guns pointed at me as the hitman killed me.

  Oh no… All of a sudden I see Mom through a different light. Maybe this isn’t all happening in my mind, maybe this is some sort of afterlife thing. I don’t like to think about that sort of thing too much. Much as it’s comforting to know that I might see my parents again, I never wanted to end up disappointed when it didn’t happen… even dead.

  But now, I might be dead, and this might be real.

  “Mom… I feel all…” I burst into sobbing tears that rack through my whole body. “I don’t know. I’m sad. I didn’t want to end up dead. I didn’t want Jeremy to win.”

  She holds me tighter. I listen to her chest for a heartbeat but I don’t get one which only confirms my fears. This isn’t good. I cry harder.

  “You don’t need to worry about this,” she shushes me. “You don’t need to worry anymore.”

  In my mind’s eye, I imagine Jeremy looming over me, laughing loudly at what he’s done. This must be what he wants because I don’t want him anymore. He did tell me that he wouldn’t let me go which I guess is the first ever promise that he’s stuck to.

  Now, I’m dead, no one can have me.

  “Mom, I don’t like this. I don’t like it one bit.”

  “It’s okay, you don’t need to worry.”

  As she pulls back, she doesn’t look like herself anymore. I blink a couple of times and as my vision clears again, she’s become my father. I see his warm smile, his jokey aura, the way he always liked to have fun. He was a big, burly man who always swamped my mother, but you couldn’t be near them without soaking up little of their incredible love.

  “Daddy?” I whimper. “Now you’re here?”

  “Sure am, sweetheart. I’ve come to remind you not to give up.”

  “Not to give up? Isn’t it a bit late for that?”

  “It’s never too late for that.”

  I stare at him, desperately hoping that he’ll just explain what he means because right now, I’m not seeing it. He cocks one eyebrow at me, trying to force me to figure things out for myself. He was always that way.

  “Dad, I wish you weren’t killed in that accident.”

  “Do you not think we wish the same thing? Me and your mother never wanted to leave you. You were our much-wanted baby, all we wanted was to raise you. We didn’t want you to be raised in the orphanarium.”

  “Yeah, it didn’t do me any good, did it?” I can’t help but sulk.

  “What do you mean? You’re an amazing person, Nova.”

  “Pfft,” I scoff. “Have you seen some of the questionable choices that I’ve made?”

  “Jeremy wasn’t the best idea, I’ll give you that, but you were just about to get away from him.” He nods slowly. “That tells me how strong and smart you are.”

  “He made sure that didn’t happen, didn’t he?”

  “He tried to.”

  “What do you mean? This is me… dead, isn’t it?”

  “Is it?” He hooks his hand around his ear. “If you listen closely enough, you can hear hospital machines bleeping. That sounds good to me.”

  Of course, now that he’s said that, I can hear the bleeping. But I don’t want to get my hopes up in case it isn’t right. I can’t start hoping about life again.

  “So, if there are machines bleeping that means Jeremy hasn’t won. It’s time for you to win.”

  “How do I do that?”

  I need some fatherly advice. I’ve never had that before and now it’s all I want. I wish he was here to take control for me, but I’ll take what I can get.

  “You need to wake up, that’s the first thing. Wake up and then fight him again. Make sure you not only get divorced from him but also that he goes to jail. You can’t let him do to someone else what he did to you.”

  I nod, a bit more determined now, he’s right. I shouldn’t let some other woman feel the fear that I have, struggle like me, be threatened and shot.

  “Yeah, I agree. So, I just need to wake up then.” I glance up towards the sky as if the answer is there. “How do I do that? How do I wake up?”

  “I guess that’s something that you need to work out for yourself.”

  Great. So much for the fatherly advice. I know he’s given me some, but I can’t put it into action, can I? Not while I’m still here in some hospital bed. If that’s where I am.

  As I look back down, Dad stands next to Mom, but now they are out of reach for me. I keep trying to take another step closer to them but they fall backward. I guess I’m not allowed to touch them anymore.

  “Don’t go yet,” I cry out, but my voice fades into the distance. “I’m not ready for you to leave. Please, there are still so many things I want to ask you.”

  Even knowing that they are just figments of my imagination isn’t enough, I guess I’ll never be ready to let go. I wasn’t ready to lose them the first time around and I never will be. My heart breaks. It almost shatters into a million pieces.

  “Well, well, well.”

  I hear him before I see him. His sneering, nasty voice. I don’t know why he’s here in my mind, I want an escape from him after everything that he’s done to me.

  “It’s good to see you here, Nova. I didn’t think I’d ever get to see you again.”

  “Fuck off, Jeremy. You tried to kill me.”

  “I know I did. And now you’re planning to take me down. I heard you.”

  I still don’t turn. I don’t want to see him. Even here. This is my new safe space, my new space under the stairs. I can’t have him affecting it as well.

  “I don’t want to talk to you, Jeremy, I’m done.”

  I hear footsteps as if he’s pacing behind me. “I just want to know what your plan is. Because I’m smarter than you, richer than you, and I have a network. You have no one. Absolutely no one. You’re a nobody who cannot take me down.”

  “I have truth on my side, Jeremy. That’s all I need.”

  He bolts out that horrible, nasty laugh. “Oh, you naive fool!”

  “People take down powerful people when they have the truth.”

  “No, Nova, they don’t. You’ve let that man affect your mind.”

  I huff and toss my head backward, trying to calm myself down before I really lose my mind. “That man has nothing to do with you. Don’t even talk about him.”

  “So, you can fuck him, but I can’t talk about him, is that so?”

  “I’m not going around in circles with you, Jeremy. Not here. Just fuck off.”

  “I need to warn you not to come for me. It won’t work. It would be better for you to just give up. Just stay here where it’s calm. Where everything is okay. Where all is nice.”

  “Leave me alone, Jeremy. Don’t bother me anymore. I’ll do what I want.”

  Each word he says only sparks my determination even more. All I want to do now is snap my eyes open and fight this asshole. I want to go hard, I need to take him down, I want to succeed. He’s so smug, so confident that I can’t destroy him, even in my mind. But I will. I’m determined.

  “I’m here for you.” This voice is different and it’s coming from somewhere near me. “I’m here to help you with this. I’ve wanted to help you with this from the moment I first saw you.”

  Zane stands there, looking like a dream come true. Immediately, my heart flutters with excitement. All I want to do is cling to him and never let him go.

  “Oh, Zane, you’re here. Oh, thank goodness.”

  He comes to me. One moment later he’s right in front of me, his finger grazing down my cheek as he stares lovingly into my eyes. I can feel his deep emotions racing through, darting and dancing through my body, touching me all over. The confidence that Jeremy stripped from me comes flooding back the moment this wonderful man is here.

  “I’m sorry I left. I shouldn’t have left.”

  “You had to, I understand. But we shouldn’t ever let anyone come between us again.”

  “Especially not Jeremy.”

  I lean my head against his chest. “Especially not him. I’m so sorry for everything that he’s done to you.”

  “Look, don’t worry about that. Just worry about fighting him. We need to take him down forever, and at this point, after everything that he’s done to you, you need to be a big part of this. There is only you. You know that, don’t you?”

  I nod, knowing that he’s right. It does have to be me. I do have to be the one who fights Jeremy. No one else has been through what I have at his hands.

  “So, Nova, you just need to wake up. Wake up, Nova. Nova wake up!”

  “I heard you the first time,” I half laugh to cover up my frustration. “And believe me, I’m trying. All I want to do is wake up.”

  “You know how to do it,” he tells me softly while brushing his thumb against my lips. “Just feel it and it’ll happen.”

  “Feel what?” I need to ask before I get lost in his eyes. I’m already swimming in them, loving every moment of him here. “What do I need to feel?”

  “Everything. Life. All of it. Just wake up, Nova.”

  “I want to, Zane.”

  “Wake up, Nova. Please.”

  Frustration builds, I want to scream with it, the only reason I don’t is that I’m here in my happy place with Zane. The way he’s making me feel is intense, overwhelming, it’s almost like he loves me as much as I love him.

  God, I really do love him. So much so that I want to tell him. I want to wake up more to tell Zane that I’m in love with him than I want to take Jeremy down…

  Although I do still want to do that too.

  20

  Zane

  “Where the hell are the cops? This is getting ridiculous.”

  “I think we should just go,” Clara joins in my rant. “I don’t think they are coming.”

  “But they have to come. That’s their duty.”

  “Unless something distracted them.”

  I stare wide-eyed ad Clara. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, unless Jeremy has got them killed on the way over.”

  It’s all quite a conspiracy theory, but with everything that’s happened over the last few days, I would believe anything. I want to talk to the cops, but at the same time the hospital is pulling me in. I want to get there to see how Nova is. The desperate need to believe that she’s alive is the only thing keeping me going.

  “What shall we do then? Shall we leave? Shall we sneak out and get to the hospital?”

  “You think?” Clara chews the inside of her mouth, her nerves shining through. “I guess we’ll be more protected there than here, won’t we?”

  I nod even though I’m not totally convinced myself. I’m pretty sure if Jeremy wants to take me down, he won’t care where it happens. Right now, I think he’s just toying with me, playing a game of cat and mouse. I can almost feel him creeping up my spine, watching me, piercing me with his gaze. It makes me shudder violently.

  But I can’t let him win.

  “Yeah, I guess so. Let’s give it a go.”

  Clara stands but she doesn’t look ready to bolt. She’s almost bouncing on her toes, but in an unsure manner as if she might fall back down onto the couch at any given moment.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” I ask her, needing to be sure.

  “We don’t have a choice, do we? We have got to do something, and I can’t think of anything else. I mean, we could go to the police station, but the hospital is probably nearer…”

  “Plus, we need to check out how Nova is doing.”

  “Okay, so my car is out in the back. We need to get there.”

  “You think we can do it without… attracting any attention?”

  “We haven’t heard anything for a while. Maybe they are gone now?”

  Clara cocks her head and rests her hands on her hips knowingly. “You don’t believe that, do you? Jeremy is on a fucking mission to destroy the people who took away his reputation. That is honestly all he cares about. He wants to take you down.”

  I sigh and nod. “I know, I heard you, but we have got to do something.”

  “So… we just run to the back? Race to the car?”

  “I can go first if you want. Then you can follow. They are after me anyway.”

  “I don’t exactly want to see you all blown up though.”

  “I know, I don’t intend to get shot, trust me.”

  “Yeah okay. Let’s do it then.”

  I head towards the back door, keeping my strides more confident than how I feel inside. I need to be strong for Clara’s sake. Once we get to the door, I turn to her and half-smile.

  “Right, I’ll race out to the car, you wait here, then I’ll signal for you to come.”

  I suck in a couple of deep breaths, darting my eyes everywhere. I can’t see anyone for now, but that doesn’t mean anything. Jeremy could have the best guys in the city on it. I don’t know what the crime scene is like here, despite all the rumors, but it could be awesome. So awesome that hit men could be anywhere, waiting to assassinate me.

  Fuck it, I eventually tell myself decisively. It’s time to just do this. For Nova.

  I duck my head low and run. I look like I’m in the middle of an action movie, which I suppose is a little like how I feel… but not in a good way. My heart pounds, my breaths come out ragged like I’m running a marathon rather than a couple of feet to the car.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mutter as I run. “Fucking hell. Fuck.”

  My fingers shake as I hit the button on the key to open the car. I’m sweaty, it could slip away from me given half the chance. There is so much relief when the car pops open and I yank the door open to slip inside.

  Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.

  My heart almost explodes from my chest, but now I just feel crazy. Jeremy isn’t coming for me at all. He’s nowhere to be seen, nor are any of his men. I have a feeling he’s laughing at me somewhere, knowing that he’s got me.

  But he did shoot Nova, so there is a risk, I can’t forget that.

  I wave Clara over and even though nothing happened to me she runs like there’s no tomorrow. Her legs move so quickly, it’s ridiculous. But I understand. I feel her pain. I know that from my own run just moments before.

  “Come on, Clara,” I mutter with terror. “Come on, get here swiftly.”

  She does. She jumps into the car and almost skids right across to my lap. She jumps in so hard. “That was fucking nuts.” She shakes her head. “Let’s get out of here.”

  I bring the car to life and speed along the roads, feeling incredibly confident with every passing second…

  Bang!

  Clara screams and ducks her head. I wish I could do the same thing, but I need to keep my eyes on the road. Even more so now.

  Bang! Bang!

  “It’s okay,” I try to reassure the very terrified Clara. “I’ll get us away.”

  Bang! Bang!

  Now I don’t just have to worry about me, it’s her and the car too. If one of those stray bullets hit my vehicle then I’m screwed, we could end up spiraling off the road.

  Bang!

  “I don’t think they want to hit us,” I try to tell her. “Or they would.”

  But she continues to scream, not reassured at all. The sound vibrates right through my brain, making this the most stressful car journey of my life. I can understand why she’s still scared…. it sure as hell feels like they are zoning in.

  I turn out of the estate, sucking in a breath, expecting the worst, but nothing happens right away. It’s silent, aside from the normal Las Vegas noises. But I don’t relax right away, not until I’ve been driving for about ten more minutes.

  “Clara!” I call out. “Clara, stop! They aren’t shooting anymore. We’re fine.”

  She curls around into the fetal position on the passenger seat, making herself as small as she possibly can. I wish there was something to calm her down, but I just need to keep going.

  I blink the sweat out of my eyes, the strain getting more intense with every passing second. My house, and hopefully the shooters, are peeling out of view. I just hope Jeremy doesn’t have more guys at the hospital. He must know that Nova is there.

  “We’ll be there soon,” I say to Clara, but also to myself. “Won’t be long now.”

  I tap my fingers on the steering wheel in the same pace as my heart beat as we go. It’s very difficult for me to get any air into my lungs, but I keep sucking in deep just to stop myself from getting too dizzy. My head wants to lose control, but I can’t let it.

  “Okay, Clara.” I can’t keep the tension from my tone. “We’re here.”

  “We’re at the hospital?” She doesn’t uncurl right away. “Is there anyone here?”

  I want to lie to reassure her, but I can’t. “I don’t know, but this time I think we should just do the run together. I’ll park as close to the door as I can.”