A cloying sensation blanketed my skin. It felt an awful lot like…jealousy.

  My head kicked back in surprise. I was…jealous. I knew it was irrational, but I didn’t take after her like Millicent did.

  I looked like my mother.

  And maybe my father. But when I thought about him, all I could see was Leopold’s face—

  My stomach twisted sharply, and I shook my head. Gods, I was being silly.

  Refocusing on Seraphena, I started to speak when I saw that she wasn’t even looking in my direction. Eyes the same shade of green as…well, part of my eyes, and pierced by silvery-gold streaks, were fixed on Casteel and Kieran. She stared at them so intently that I wasn’t even sure she was aware of my presence. My senses stretched out, but it was like coming up against a thick wall. Unease skipped through me as footsteps echoed from down the hall.

  “Your Majesty,” Kieran’s low voice broke the tense silence as he lowered himself to a knee.

  Oh, my gods. We were being so disrespectful. She was the Queen of the Gods, and we were just standing there. I started to kneel but halted as my attention focused on Casteel.

  He was wary, very much so, and hadn’t so much as budged an inch.

  “Please rise,” the Queen of the Gods requested. “Such formalities are not necessary.”

  I was only vaguely aware of Kieran rising. It rattled me to hear her voice in the here and now instead of in distant impressions of a time long before mine.

  But not as much as how she was staring at Casteel and Kieran.

  Something was wrong.

  The air in the chamber thickened as Seraphena stepped forward, the webbing of veins beneath her eyes lighting up with eather. “This is…” Her gaze darted between them. “This is impossible.”

  Casteel angled his body so he was once more positioned partially in front of me.

  Tension gathered in my muscles, and the essence throbbed. I so did not like how she was eyeing them. I sidestepped Casteel, or at least tried to. He mirrored my movement.

  Seraphena lifted a hand. Without looking behind me, I knew Reaver had entered the Solar, and she was sending him a message to stay back. The tiny hairs on my nape lifted.

  “Is there a reason my granddaughter hides behind you?” Seraphena asked.

  “She’s not hiding,” Casteel replied.

  “Doesn’t seem that way to me.”

  “Then you’re mistaken.”

  Hiding? I wasn’t hiding—

  Feeling my chest and throat warm, I realized I was once more staring at Casteel’s back… and now Kieran’s, which meant I was sort of hiding. Unwillingly, but still.

  “You should step aside,” Seraphena said, the eather continuing to fill the chamber with barely restrained energy. “Both of you.”

  “Now, you see…” Casteel’s tone and stance epitomized someone unbothered, but I knew better. Especially when he spoke that softly. “You telling us to step aside makes me feel like maybe we shouldn’t.”

  Clearly, he hadn’t been exactly truthful regarding what he’d said during his pep talk earlier.

  “I’m not hiding,” I said. “They’re just being…them.”

  A snort came from behind me.

  I moved to the side just as Casteel did.

  “I see,” Seraphena remarked.

  “Cas,” I hissed, my eyes narrowing. Gripping the back of his shirt, I held him in place and stepped forward.

  His shoulders tensed, but he didn’t attempt to block me this time. My gaze went to Seraphena. Her stare remained locked on Casteel. I didn’t think she had looked in my direction once, and I was, well, starting to get annoyed. “Is there a reason you keep staring at him and Kieran?”

  “That’s a good question,” Casteel remarked.

  The Queen stiffened, and several moments passed before the essence faded from her veins and dimmed in her eyes. Her attention finally shifted to me.

  The moments of silence that followed felt like an eternity as she studied my features just as I had hers. I knew the moment she saw the scars. Her lips pressed together firmly, and a bolt of eather streaked across her eyes like lightning. I raised my chin. What had Kieran once told me? Among my people, scars are revered. And his people were mine.

  Seraphena’s gaze lifted to mine, her expression smoothing out.

  Uncertain of what she was thinking or what was going on with how she’d stared at them, I smiled in a way I hoped didn’t look as weird as it felt.

  “Hi,” I said, waving. I stiffened, my cheeks warming. “Did I just wave at you?”

  The corners of her lips tipped up ever so slightly. “You did.”

  I wanted to smack myself.

  Seraphena gave Kieran a small smile as Casteel dipped his head and brushed his lips against my temple. “You’re perfect,” he whispered.

  Seraphena’s lips curved into a fuller smile, which was much better than her eyeballing Casteel as if she weren’t sure what to make of him.

  She approached me silently. Casteel was immediately on guard, his sharp gaze fixed on her. She slowly lifted her hand, and I sensed that Casteel wanted to intervene but held himself back. She cupped my cheek.

  Her touch was warm, and a buzz of energy danced across my skin. I breathed in the light but unmistakable scent of lilacs, fresh and spring-like. She made no sound as her gaze tracked slowly over my features, this time not lingering on the scars.

  Her throat worked on a swallow, and when her lips parted, I noticed a slight tremor. It seemed like she wanted to say something but held back. A rosy flush spread across her freckled cheeks. Realizing she was a few inches taller than me, I tipped my head back a little to meet her stare. Her emerald-and-silver eyes were glossy as she breathed in deeply.

  The gold cuff glinted as she dropped her hand and stepped back. “Well.” She cleared her throat. “I was hoping not to make this awkward.”

  “I think you failed at that,” Reaver commented.

  Casteel and I looked over our shoulders to where Reaver stood near the door.

  “I did.” She sighed, drawing my gaze back to hers. “But did you expect anything less?”

  “Not really,” Reaver answered.

  “I’m not…great in social situations,” she offered when we refocused on her.

  “Neither am I,” I admitted, some of the rigidity easing from my muscles. “At least you didn’t wave at me.”

  “Well, that’s not as bad as me staring at…” Her gaze flicked to Casteel, lingering for far too many seconds before sliding to Kieran, who was staring at her like…well, like he was staring at the actual person responsible for the creation of his people. “Who, I assume, is your husband.” Her arched brows rose. “Or husbands?”

  I did not hear her correctly.

  There was no way.

  Casteel or Kieran—possibly both—made a sound similar to a choked laugh. I knew then that I had heard her right.

  “In case you haven’t realized, you’re making things more awkward.” Reaver strode toward the credenza and picked up a small carving knife I’d had no idea was there or why. “The one nearly standing on top of her is the husband.” He pulled an apple from a sack. “Not sure what you’d call the wolf.”

  Said wolf sent him a glare.

  “I hadn’t been expecting such a warm welcome,” Seraphena tacked on, sarcasm dripping from her tone.

  “Sorry about that.” I shot Casteel a look that promised we would most definitely be talking about that later. He simply raised an eyebrow in return. “But you were staring at them in a…quite concerning way.”

  Seraphena’s gaze slid back to them, eather streaking across her eyes. “Because I am concerned.”

  Essence pressed against my skin as I pulled away from Casteel, my senses heightening.

  Obviously picking up on the rise of eather, Seraphena’s gaze flicked to mine. “I’m concerned about what I’m picking up from them. They feel like…”

  “Primals?” I suggested. Both Kieran’s and Casteel’s head jerked in my direction.

  “Yes.” A slight crease formed between her brows as she looked at Kieran. “You feel as if you carry the embers of life inside you.” Silver streaked through her eyes as she addressed Casteel. “And you. You feel like you carry the embers of death. Attes mentioned something like that, but it’s impossible.”

  Again, I felt a weird twinge in my chest upon hearing his name.

  “How?” she demanded.

  “They are Deminyen,” I said. “Or the three of us are, rather.”

  Reaver halted mid-slice, and I realized he may not have overheard us when he waited in the hall.

  “Deminyen?” Seraphena repeated. Her gaze lowered and then shot back up. “Did the three of you complete a Joining?”

  That was the very absolute last question I wanted my grandmother to ask me. I could feel the heat creeping into my cheeks as I forced my voice to level. “Yes. It was, um, a very run-of-the-mill type of Joining.”

  “Run-of-the-mill?” Casteel murmured under his breath.

  I ignored him.

  “It seems to have had some…” Kieran tilted his head to the side. “Unexpected results.”

  Seraphena’s laugh was short and throaty, and I felt some of Casteel’s wariness ease. “I would say.” Her smile was a little wider now, more genuine. “This…could be good. Really good.”

  “That’s your opinion,” Reaver muttered.

  Kieran smirked at him as awareness pulsed through me again. Another draken was nearing the castle. More than one. Aurelia and Nithe. Had Thad returned from Pensdurth?

  Reaver paid no attention to that as he sliced into the apple. “By the way, Millicent isn’t around. Not sure where she is.”

  “That’s a shame,” Seraphena said with a soft sigh of disappointment. Her gaze drifted back to Casteel and Kieran, then to me. “I think…we’ve gotten off on the wrong foot.” Her brows furrowed a little again as her gaze roamed over my features once more. “I would’ve been here earlier, but…we had to deal with some issues.”

  “We heard,” Casteel said.

  Surprise flickered across her face. “You did?”

  “Rhahar told us before…” I trailed off as her face tightened and her back stiffened. There was a glassy sheen to her eyes. My breath caught. “Did he…?”

  Seraphena closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “Rhahar is…he’s gone.”

  CHAPTER 35

  POPPY

  The breath I took went nowhere as I pressed my hand to my stomach.

  I knew it.

  But I had hoped I was wrong.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, hating that apologies were all I could give her. “He was protecting us—the city. If he and Saion hadn’t shown up…”

  Seraphena nodded, her throat working on a swallow.

  “Sera,” Reaver called, his gravelly voice soft in a way I’d only heard it once—at Ironspire.

  “I’m okay,” she assured him, her eyes opening. The glint of unshed tears was still there, and her hands were fisted tightly, but her voice was steady. “Rhahar was so incredibly brave to make the choice he did. He had a split second to make it, and he did. He gave his life not only for his cousin but also for the realms.”

  Hearing about his sacrifice made my chest ache, even as confusion rose. “I…I don’t understand.”

  “Rhahar belonged to a Court Nyktos and I created, one not tied to the essence of the realms as Saion’s Court is. If Saion had perished?” Seraphena’s gaze lifted and roamed over the walls and ceiling. “I do not believe we would be standing in this chamber right now. It would be underwater.”

  That made sense. It was why I had hoped I was wrong. The release of power was nowhere near as bad as it should have been when a Primal fell. But I didn’t understand how or why Seraphena and Nyktos had created a Court for Rhahar. Or why he’d felt like a Primal god. So many questions rose. I started to ask one of them but stopped myself. It didn’t feel right to badger her with questions.

  “I am truly sorry,” I repeated.

  A small smile appeared. “He knew what could happen when he left for this realm. As did Saion. It was a risk both knowingly took.”

  I nodded, even though I was sure that knowledge didn’t make his death any easier to process. I didn’t know Rhahar, but I was still saddened by his death. I couldn’t imagine what it would have been like if I’d known him for as long as she had. But I did know what loss felt like. I knew how heavy and sharp it was. How it felt nearly impossible to overcome.

  “Rhahar said Nyktos believed it was a trap,” Casteel spoke up.

  Her gaze returned to him. “He did, and it was.” She cleared her throat and blinked several times. I knew before she spoke that she would do what I would when desperately trying not to let how much I was affected show. She would change the subject. “I know Ascensions can be difficult.” She paused, the essence pulsing vividly in her eyes. “Yours more than anyone else’s.”

  My stomach twisted sharply as my mind flashed from Kolis to feeling her presence in the field of poppies. “It was…” I glanced up at Casteel, noticing the tic in his jaw. “What it was.”

  Her brows rose.

  I stepped closer to Casteel. “But I’m fine now.”

  “I’m relieved to hear that,” she said, and I heard the sincerity in her voice. “But I wasn’t just speaking about the Ascension and what happened during it. I meant what happened afterward.”

  She was talking about the Continents.

  “How…bad was it?” Seraphena asked.

  “It was…” How could I summarize what I’d seen? Only two words seemed appropriate. “Horrific.” A knot of sorrow lodged in my throat as Casteel folded an arm around my waist. “And devastating.”

  Seraphena’s eyes closed. “I knew that. Gods, I did.” Damp lashes lifted. “I tried to go. You shouldn’t have had to face that without me.”

  Without me.

  Hearing that caused a wholly different kind of emotion to choke me. “I know you tried to cross.” I cleared my throat. “I felt you before you were stopped. But I wasn’t alone. Holland was there.”

  “Who is Holland?” Kieran asked, and I realized I’d never mentioned him by name while around him.

  “I know who Holland is,” Reaver announced, having sat in one of the armchairs with his apple.

  “Good for you, Reaver-butt,” Kieran snapped.

  The draken’s eyes narrowed.

  “He was one of the Fates,” I told him before turning back to Seraphena. “My Ascension destroyed that realm.”

  Casteel stiffened beside me. “Poppy—”

  “It’s true. It did,” I said quickly, looking at the Queen. “Right?”

  Seraphena didn’t look away. She held my stare, and she didn’t mince words. “Yes.”

  “What the fuck?” Casteel growled, stepping forward as Kieran’s head whipped toward her.

  I threw an arm out to block Casteel as Reaver moved to stand, the knife halfway through the apple. “It’s the truth. That’s all.”

  His gaze flew to mine, the amber of his eyes having cooled to a polished citrine. “It’s not your fault.”

  “He’s right,” Seraphena said. “It happened because of your Ascension, but it’s not your fault. You didn’t…choose any of this.”

  “I know.” The words tasted a bit bitter.

  A moment passed, and then another, before Casteel exhaled heavily. Stepping back, he wrapped his arm around my waist again and pulled me to his side. Tense silence enveloped the chamber.

  “This isn’t going at all how I planned,” Seraphena murmured.

  “You had a plan?” Reaver once more settled in the chair, cutting through his apple.

  “I had the idea of one.” Seraphena inhaled deeply. “Anyway, I’m sure you all have many questions, but first, I need to thank you on behalf of Ash and me. You brought my sons—” Her breath caught, and her eyes closed. “You brought my sons home.”

  Anguish, raw and powerful, pierced her shields and slammed into me. I’d never felt such sorrow before, and the glimpse of what she felt was brief. I didn’t even get to taste the tangy bitterness or the acidic burn before her shield was back in place. Still, it was long enough for me to know it wasn’t just agony I sensed in the storm of emotions.

  It was also rage.

  Scorching, devastating rage that could level cities. That fury mixed with a heavy, choking, helpless sort of sorrow that only a mother could feel. I didn’t know how she bore such torment.

  The arm around my waist tightened as Seraphena’s eyes flew open. Streaks of eather swirled through her irises, making me jerk back. Only then did I realize I’d moved toward her, guided by instinct—the need to ease her pain.

  Lowering my outstretched hand, I stepped back against Casteel. “Sorry,” I whispered. “I wasn’t thinking—”

  “I am the one who should apologize.” She blinked away the glistening sheen in her eyes, swallowing thickly. I suddenly realized Reaver was standing. “I’m fine,” she assured him.

  A muscle flexed in his jaw as he watched her for a few seconds and then dropped into the chair by the table again, picking up the piece of apple he’d sliced.

  “You would think I’d have better control of my emotions after so many years,” she said with a weak laugh, then cleared her throat. “But my sons…”

  “It’s all right,” Casteel said as I reached down and placed my hand on his. His fingers curled against the front of my vest, just above my navel. “We cannot imagine what you and Nyktos felt.”

  “I hope none of you ever has to find out.” Inhaling through her nose, she tipped her chin, her gaze meeting mine. “But because of you—because of all of you—both of them are with us now. There are no words to truly express how grateful we are.”

  “You don’t have to thank us.” I shifted from one foot to the other, feeling a dull throb of awareness—the approach of…wolven. Many of them.

  Behind me, Casteel glanced at Kieran. He was frowning and looking toward the Solar. “How is…Ires?” I asked.