“And here I thought it was just your penchant for touching things,” Casteel said, closing in behind me.

  Seraphena smiled at that. “Jadis would’ve felt it when you tried last time, but she was likely…afraid and didn’t understand what she was feeling.” She closed her eyes. “She’s awake.”

  Reaver’s head lifted as I looked at her. “How do you know?”

  “I can feel it through the notam,” she explained. “Place your hand beside mine and summon the essence.”

  I did as she instructed and put my hand beside Jadis’s wing. Closing my eyes, I willed the essence to the surface. It responded at once in a heady rush and flooded my veins.

  “Jadis, baby,” Seraphena called softly. “Come back to us.”

  I could feel Reaver shifting his weight toward us when nothing happened. “Sera,” he said, his voice hoarse.

  “Give it time,” Sera whispered.

  Panic began to swell as desperation filled me once more. I pushed harder, my heart pounding. If this didn’t work, would she ever return to them? I didn’t—

  I jerked as the stone beneath my hand heated. My heart leapt. I felt the vibration of a faint tremor. “Something is happening.”

  “What?” Reaver exclaimed. “I don’t see any—”

  Stone cracked like thunder, silencing him. I pulled my hand back as a chunk of it fell away from her talons, revealing worn-down black claws with dull edges.

  Thin fissures appeared along her torso, spreading over her wings, limbs, and head. Her stone form shuddered at the same instant I felt Casteel’s arm around my waist. Lifting me onto my feet, he drew me away as Seraphena leaned back. Reaver had frozen, his mouth open as if still caught in the middle of what he had been saying.

  Sections of stone slid to the ground, revealing thin, leathery wings. They drooped at her sides, one hanging at an unnatural angle. Greenish-brown scales appeared along her tail, her torso, and across her slender neck. A serpentine head lifted a few inches as she drew her head back. Her horns—oh, gods. They had been sheared off, cut in the middle, leaving ragged stumps behind. Jadis turned her head past Seraphena, past me—

  A fine layer of stone slipped from the side of her face as she opened her eyes. Vibrant blue eyes locked on Reaver, and he…gods, he dropped to his knees. Or fell, losing his grip on the torch. Snapping forward, Casteel caught it.

  Reaver pitched forward and barely caught himself with his hands.

  A wave of shimmering, silver light swept over the draken as Jadis shifted, becoming even smaller. Her wings retracted, and her tail disappeared. The scales along her hind limbs gave way to legs that were a shade of copper tinged in gray and without the luster of her father’s coloring. Her skin was stretched tight over bone and riddled with…scars left behind by claws and teeth—like the marks left on my body. Wounds that hadn’t healed properly.

  I swallowed the bile rising in my throat as Casteel turned his head away.

  The bones of her hips jutted out as if they sought to break free of the skin. Her stomach was sunken, and her arms were no bigger than twigs. Tangled strands of black hair streaked with crimson covered her face and chest.

  She was so…godsdamn thin, emaciated, her arms trembling under the weight of holding her upper body up.

  “Jadis,” Reaver rasped.

  I clasped my hand over my mouth as the female draken scrambled back against the wall, her feet slipping on the ground. She pulled her knees to her chest, and a noise escaped her: the dry, hoarse, unintelligible croak of unused vocal cords.

  “Jade,” he whispered.

  She twisted away suddenly, pressing her hands against the sides of her head as the noise scratching from her throat grew louder and louder until I realized it was just a single word, repeated over and over.

  “No. No,” she cried, tugging at her hair with her dirty hands. “No. No.”

  Even without being able to sense Jadis’s emotions, the anguish and terror she experienced were palpable. I desperately wanted to ease her suffering as tears welled up in my eyes.

  “It’s okay, Jadis.” Seraphena scuttled forward on her knees. “I’m here. It’s okay now.”

  Jadis shifted toward the sound of Seraphena’s voice, quieting.

  “You’re safe.” Seraphena spoke softly and carefully as she continued inching closer to the draken. “You’re free, and we’re here with you.” Reaching her side, she slowly curled her fingers around Jadis’s fragile wrists. “You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you.”

  Bony fingers loosened around her hair, and she lifted her head. I caught a glimpse of hollow cheeks and pale, chapped lips. “S-Sera?”

  “Yes, sweet girl. It’s me.” Seraphena smiled, but it looked like it hurt her to do so. “I’m here.”

  Jadis’s hands shook as she held them out in front of her. “Is…t-this real?”

  Gods.

  “Do you feel my touch? That’s real,” Seraphena assured her. “This is real.”

  Jadis clamored forward and clutched at Seraphena’s blouse and hair. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “I’m sorry—”

  “No, no, sweet girl.” Seraphena wrapped her arms around Jadis, and I blinked back tears. Holding Jadis tightly against her, Seraphena smoothed her hand over the back of her head. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. Okay?”

  The breath I took went nowhere as Jadis’s response, broken by sobs, was hard to decipher. I couldn’t look anymore. I turned away as Seraphena worked to calm the draken.

  Reaver remained on his knees, his features stark as he stared at them. I could tell he wanted to go to her but was holding himself back. I went to his side and placed my hand on his shoulder. The ridges of his scales were sharp. He didn’t react—not a single flicker of movement or breath.

  The soft thud of leather straps and swords hitting the ground drew my attention. I looked over to see Casteel straightening. He pulled his shirt over his head and quietly and slowly approached. “Here,” he said, his voice low.

  Seraphena glanced back and took the shirt. “Thank you.”

  Casteel silently moved back as she returned to Jadis. He picked up the straps and swords he’d left on the ground. It took a bit of time for Seraphena to get the shirt on Jadis, and I didn’t think she liked the smell of Casteel—or anyone but Seraphena.

  “We’re going to get you home to your daddy,” Seraphena said as Jadis huddled against her, swallowed by the shirt. “He’s waiting for you.” Running her palms over Jadis’s arms, Seraphena said, “Reaver is going to take you home—”

  Jadis shook her head wildly. “No. No—”

  “It’s okay,” Seraphena said, her tone soothing. “You don’t need to shift. I’ll open the realm for you two. But I can’t return yet.”

  Jadis continued to shake her head as she clutched at Seraphena. “No. S-stay with me.”

  “I can’t, sweet girl. I can’t return yet,” Seraphena told her as Reaver stood. “But I won’t be long.”

  Reaver inhaled deeply, his features contorting with anguish before smoothing out. “I want to take you home,” he said, taking a step toward them. “Okay? I—”

  “No!” Jadis shouted, and I winced at the pained sound she made as Seraphena gasped. “I don’t w-want to be here.”

  “We’re going to take you home.” Seraphena shifted onto her knees. “You’re not going to stay—”

  “I didn’t w-want to wake!” she screamed. And, dear gods, my heart truly broke then. “I d-don’t want to be h-here anymore.”

  Casteel inhaled sharply, his jaw flexing as Reaver…gods. Reaver’s normally sandy-hued flesh paled, and the outline of scales on his skin became more visible. He looked like he’d taken a dagger to the chest.

  Seraphena held the draken to her, her eyes closed as she cradled Jadis. “But we want you here. We need you here with us. We love you so very much,” she whispered. “So very much, Jadis.”

  Jadis’s hoarse cries shook her and Seraphena. I stepped back. Casteel did the same, and I knew he felt the same as I did. We didn’t belong here. We shouldn’t be witnessing this.

  As Seraphena spoke quietly to Jadis, my gaze went to Reaver.

  He remained where he stood, his brow furrowed, lips pressed into a thin line, and hands clenched into fists at his sides. His chest rose with ragged, uneven breaths that bled agony into the air with every exhale.

  “Reaver,” Seraphena called, her voice thick with barely suppressed emotion. “I summoned Aurelia. She will be here shortly to take Jadis home.”

  The unspoken message was clear. She was asking Reaver to leave.

  He looked like he would argue for a moment but then bowed his head, his hair falling forward and shielding his face. With a nod, he turned on his heel. Chest aching, I watched him leave the chamber.

  Seraphena’s gaze flicked to us as she rocked the too-small draken pressed against her. She didn’t need to vocalize what she needed. Taking my hand, Casteel led me out, but it felt like some part of me would remain there, with all the parts of Jadis I knew would also stay.

  CHAPTER 37

  POPPY

  We didn’t speak until we returned to the sunlit hall.

  There was a knot in my throat. “That was…”

  Stopping by one of the windows, Casteel laid the strapped swords on the floor and pulled me into his arms. “Yeah.”

  I rested my cheek against his bare chest, feeling his heartbeat. “I wish I could’ve helped her. Took away her pain.”

  “I know.” He ran a hand over the back of my head, and we stayed that way until I felt the presence of a draken drawing near.

  I looked up to see a statuesque woman wearing a loose, gold tunic and nothing else, carrying something dark in her hand. Her hair was as black and glossy as shadowstone, and her skin was a warm, rich brown. I almost didn’t recognize her since I’d only seen Aurelia in her mortal form once, and that had only been for a few seconds.

  Stunning, cobalt-blue eyes met mine as her steps slowed. She bowed her head, then lifted the balled-up black material. “Reaver asked me to give this to you when we crossed paths earlier,” she told Casteel.

  He turned and took what appeared to be a shirt.

  “That was thoughtful of him,” I said, considering…everything.

  “He said something about you all being as prudish as mortals,” she added.

  Casteel, the least prudish person I knew, arched a brow.

  “Do you know where they are?” I asked.

  “I do.” Aurelia started forward but stopped, the lean muscles of her thighs tensing. “She’s not…” Her chest rose with a deep inhale. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

  Wrapping my arms around myself, I wished I could lie. “Yes.” I glanced down the hall we’d come from and then at Casteel, who was scowling at the shirt. “You should prepare yourself for the worst.”

  Aurelia closed her eyes, her lips pursed. Then, with a slow breath, she nodded again and turned, her footsteps quiet and quick. Within seconds, I no longer saw her.

  “Does Reaver think I’m an adolescent boy?”

  I faced Casteel. “What?”

  Lifting his brows, he held out the shirt. “I’m bigger than he is, yet he picked out a shirt that wouldn’t even fit him.”

  The tunic was…smaller than one would’ve logically chosen. “I’m sure he was in a hurry and grabbed what he could.”

  “Uh-huh.” He pulled the shirt on over his head. The stitches stretched along his shoulders, and I swore I heard some pop as he jerked it down over his waist. His hands fell away, and he met my gaze. “I can barely breathe.”

  Despite everything, I laughed. “It is tight.”

  “Tight is an understatement.” He bent, and I half-expected the tunic to rip up the center of his back as he picked up his straps. “I would call him an asshole because he is one, but right now, he gets to be an asshole.”

  My smile faded as I remembered the look of absolute desolation on Reaver’s face. “I’ve never seen him look like that.”

  “Do you know what their relationship is?” Casteel slipped the strap over his chest, the simple act loosening the stitches along his biceps. He sighed. “I thought they were related, but apparently, they were only raised together.”

  “He’s never really talked about her much, so I’m not sure.” I drifted over to the window. “Whenever he did speak about her, I heard the sadness in his voice. I know he believed she was already gone.” Her hoarse words echoed in my mind. “She said she didn’t…”

  “She needs time.” He sounded closer. “To get through what she’s been through.”

  What she’s been through…

  The breath I took was sharp. It stung, and the dense, scale-like foliage of the cedars blurred. I knew only a fraction of what Casteel had suffered while in captivity. How long did it take him to get through? “Did you…?”

  He leaned against the window’s ledge. “Did I what?”

  My fingers dug into my sides as I looked at him. I had a faint memory of him talking about how he’d dealt with the trauma he’d experienced, but I knew we hadn’t had that conversation. “Did you not want to live after you were freed?”

  Turning his head, he was silent as he watched the wind sway the branches, shaking their deep bluish-green needles. “I wasn’t thinking of anything when I was first freed. Or it felt that way. Maybe there was too much going on in my head.” He squinted as the warm rays of sunlight sliced over a cheekbone, magnifying the natural hollow beneath it. “But later? Weeks, months, and years later? Yeah, there were times I didn’t want to wake up when I went to sleep.”

  Pain lanced my chest, and I forced myself to breathe through it.

  “Don’t.” He turned to me, the line of his jaw hard like the iron surrounding us. “Don’t pity me, Poppy.”

  “I don’t,” I said, ignoring the sharpness of his tone.

  He crossed his arms. “You forget I know what you’re feeling.”

  “Well, you must not be that good at deciphering it,” I countered, angling my body toward him. “I feel sad that you wished not to live. I empathize. I’m angry that you experienced what you did. And I feel helpless because I can’t do anything to change it. What I don’t feel is pity.”

  He silently held my gaze for a few seconds and then exhaled roughly. “I’m sorry.”

  “You don’t need to apologize, Cas. I get it.”

  The aura of eather pulsed behind his eyes as he let out another breath, this one less harsh. “You do. We don’t have the same past, but we both have things we don’t want to be pitied for.”

  We did.

  I ran my tongue over the backs of my teeth. “How did you cope?”

  “I didn’t. Not really.” His throat moved on a swallow. “I drank the memories away. Fucked them out of my head. And when that didn’t work, I was reckless with my life and Kieran’s.” A faint pink stain climbed up his throat as his words struck a chord of familiarity in me. He exhaled slowly. “I used to think I got my shit together before I started planning to find and free Malik. That having that goal cleared my head or was proof I cared about life, but that’s bullshit. My plan was reckless as fuck.”

  “It was,” I agreed, resisting the urge to reach out, touch him, and ease the pain I knew he shielded me from. But he wouldn’t want that. Not right now. “You didn’t care about life even then?”

  He inhaled through his nose and continued watching the cedars. “I cared about life—Malik’s. I cared about Kieran’s. So, I stopped doing extremely dumb shit. But mine?” He shook his head. “No.”

  The ache expanded in my chest as I followed his gaze.

  Several long moments passed before he said, “Ask what you want to.”

  “It’s annoying how well you know me.”

  He responded with a low chuckle. “The answer is yes, by the way. I care about my life now.” He pushed off the window when we felt Seraphena, then dipped his head and kissed me softly. “Ask me why later.”

  I met his eyes. “I will.”

  Draping his arm over my shoulders, we turned to find Seraphena coming up the hall. She was pale, her eyes glassy.

  “Aurelia will return shortly,” she told us. “She knows she is needed here.”

  “How was Jadis before she left?” I cringed as soon as the words left me. “I mean, I know she wasn’t…good.”

  “I understand.” Seraphena’s faint smile was reassuring. “She calmed. I think it just being the two of us helped.” She glanced at the rotunda and sighed. “Did Reaver return?”

  “No,” Casteel answered.

  She looked over at him and then did a double take.

  “Reaver.” He sighed. “This is the shirt he thought fit me best.”

  Seraphena mashed her lips together, but it didn’t stop the smile. It only created a grin with puffed-out cheeks.

  “But it was nice of him to even think of getting you one,” I offered. “Especially since he wasn’t…”

  The amusement vanished from Seraphena’s face. “It was hard on Reaver—it’s going to be hard on him,” she said. How she said it gave me the impression that she knew that firsthand. “But they’ll be okay. We’ll make sure of it.” Her gaze returned to me. “I need to get back, but I have to talk to you about something first.” She paused. “Alone.”

  Casteel stiffened beside me, but I spoke before he could. “Whatever you need to discuss with me can be said in front of him.”

  “You’re right. It can be said in front of him.” She held my gaze, and something in her stare caused tiny balls of bloodstone to form in my stomach. “But it doesn’t need to be.”

  That comment caused the balls to multiply. There was a heavy meaning there I didn’t understand—or want to. “I want him here,” I said.

  Seraphena looked like she wanted to argue.

  “She wants me here,” Casteel began, and my head cut toward him sharply. His voice was soft—too soft—when he finished. “So, you’ll have to physically remove me.”