“Only that?”

  “Only that. I can go if you want me to go. You seem uncomfortable.”

  I was. Raw and split open. My skin still felt hot, and the feeling wouldn’t fade. “I need some space now.”

  I looked up to see his reaction. He didn’t seem upset.

  “No offense,” I added.

  “I’m not offended.”

  “Come back tonight?”

  “I can do that.” He moved to kiss my cheek. He even lingered. “My shirt is downstairs somewhere. I’ll get it as I go. But know that that was the best fucking morning of my life. No lie.” Then he stepped around me. And he left.

  I breathed out.

  I thought it was a pretty good morning too.

  Maybe one of the best of my life, also… if I were being honest with myself.

  ~ CHAPTER 28 ~

  FINN

  I skipped down the deck stairs, out into the sun, and straight to my car. For the first time, I felt like I’d made progress with Lou. I now had an extra week, thank fuck! And a way to communicate with her. It seemed bringing that beautiful girl to orgasm worked as a way to lessen her defenses. I planned on testing that theory every chance I could. By the end of week three, she’d be begging me for a week four. The idea of staying longer with a girl I liked made my heart race. But kind of in the best way.

  Plus knowing she’d learned my last name a while back—it meant she was possibly interested in me after all. I was on a high this morning. Loving life. Loving North Carolina. Loving my job. Possibly... loving this girl.

  I went home. Showered and shaved.

  I didn’t have to be in to work until later. Rather than getting the sleep I needed, I cleaned up some of my house, some of my scattered artwork, wondering the whole time if I could get Lou to come hang out at my place. If she could trade one place indoors for another place indoors. She hadn’t moved to NC all that long ago. She’d made the trip for that. She’d stepped into the tattoo shop, too. I wondered exactly how the boundaries of her agoraphobia worked, and how much I could push them.

  I was uselessly scrubbing old oil paint on my tile floor when another thought hit me. Lou didn’t know the exact date of her birthday. Remembering that from earlier made my stomach hurt. I had to take a slow calming breath. Because, what sort of circumstances had led to her not knowing her own birthday? What sort of fucked up parents had Lou grown up with? Even when my own mom had been sick, she’d still made moments like my birthday a priority. My last birthday spent with Mom—she’d bought about thirty different cakes. All varying sizes. All with different numbers on them. She knew she wouldn’t live to see any more birthdays with me. So she wanted to celebrate 30 more years of birthdays with me all at once.

  Tears burned behind my eyes thinking about that day.

  Thinking of how magical it had been to see 30 cakes lit up all at once.

  I used the palms of my hands to rub at my eyes.

  Then I sat back on my ass, lingering on the cold tile.

  I’d ignored my own birthday for a few years after that. But last year I’d let Amanda, plus a few other local friends, take me out. Make a deal of it. It had been fun. Light. Easy. I wondered if I could do something for Lou. Have cake. Have balloons. Celebrate a new day with her. She’d probably hate it. But maybe I could get to a place with her where she could trust me with something like that.

  I stood up, tossing the sponge I’d been scrubbing the floor with into the sink. I needed sleep. I needed another fix of Lou—because I’d only barely scratched the surface with her this morning. I needed to keep my head even and my mind focused. My hands were itching to create. To paint. To draw. I’d spent the whole night on my graphic novel. But I knew it wasn’t good for me to get too wrapped up in creating.

  Balance.

  Balance was everything.

  So, I left for work early. I’d find my monotony there.

  ~ CHAPTER 29 ~

  LOU

  It was late. Finn had agreed to meet again today, but since it was now past midnight it was technically the following day. That meant today marked two weeks. He wouldn’t ask for three weeks one minute only to cut this off at two weeks the next minute, right?

  He texted he was coming. I wanted to trust him. But as I sat on the living room couch, white-knuckled and on edge, waiting on him, I wondered just how much I could trust him. Would I ever trust him? I found it impossible to really trust anyone. Anyone other than Nick.

  Mrs. Jasmine and Samantha had been over today for lunch. It had taken everything in me not to talk about Finn and only Finn all afternoon. But I’d been careful. I’d kept my thoughts to myself. Now the house was empty, Nick was over at Amanda’s again, and I had all these expectations for tonight.

  There was a slight knock on the door. A tap so quiet I almost missed it. I hurried to check. Through the peephole I spotted Finn’s familiar face.

  I yanked open the door.

  He wore jeans and a fresh white tee. He had on a baseball hat, one he immediately turned backward as his eyes fell on me. “Hi,” he whispered.

  I seized his hand and yanked the man into the house.

  On my toes, grabbing his neck to bring him to me, I pressed my lips to his. He was warm and familiar, adorable, sexy, and mine. If only for a short time—mine.

  I broke away from his lips after a second, letting his neck go, a little embarrassed I’d practically jumped him before I’d even had a chance to close the front door.

  I closed it now, locking all the locks.

  Then I noticed he had a backpack slung over his right shoulder.

  “What’s that?”

  “I’m gonna stay the night. If you’re okay with that.”

  Was I okay with that? Because my heart thumped hard at those words. My stomach felt a little unsettled. Part of me screamed ‘yes,’ and another part of me screamed ‘no.’ I struggled to decide where I fell between the two.

  “It could be on the couch or it could be in your room. Or you could tell me no chance in hell. I’m fine with whatever.” He dropped his bag to the floor. “I’m exhausted though.”

  I remembered how earlier he wore the same clothes, like he hadn’t slept the night before. It seemed he still hadn’t.

  “Did you work today?”

  “I did.”

  “Then after work?”

  “I worked out. Then I worked on some stuff at home.”

  I nodded. It kind of felt like there was a lie somewhere in there. Or at least an omission of the full truth. But whatever it was—it wasn’t my business to ask. I kept my secrets guarded. I wouldn’t probe at his.

  “You hungry?”

  “Yeah. But I’m skipping dinner.”

  Unsure what that meant, I grabbed his backpack off the floor, slinging it over my shoulder. I’d made up my mind. He could stay here with me. Stay in my room. In my bed. I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but something—be it the lie or the omission—was slightly off with him. It might have been nothing, but it was enough for me to want to keep him close.

  “Let’s go to bed then. I’m tired too.”

  He smiled. A small movement of his lips. “Sure.” Then he followed me down the hall and up the stairs.

  “Is Nick not home?” he asked on the way.

  “No. I assume he’s with Amanda again.”

  “You okay with that?”

  “Yes. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  Inside my room, I dropped his bag.

  “I just need to change for bed,” I told him.

  “Yeah. Me too.”

  I gave him a polite smile. Then I dug through my dresser for my pajamas. Finn picked up his bag from the floor and opened it on the bed. He tossed his hat inside and exchanged it for a pair of sweatpants. Without saying anything we each changed right in front of one another. I caught a glimpse of his abs and a flash of his underwear. I did an excellent job pretending not to notice either. He did the same. His eyes barely lingered on me while I was half-naked beside him.

  Then we each crawled into bed.

  He on his side. Me on my side.

  An entire body could have fit in the space between us.

  I moved to click off the light beside my bed.

  “You love him? Now or ever?”

  “Who?” I said into the dark.

  “Nick.”

  “What?” Where did this question come from?

  I flipped the light back on.

  “You can’t ask me stuff like that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Just don’t.”

  Finn stared at me for a moment. Then he locked his fingers behind his head and gazed up at the ceiling. “Let’s fuck,” he said into the room.

  I stopped breathing for a moment—lungs burning.

  “Like now?” I managed to choke out.

  “Now is good for me if it is for you.”

  I’d wanted him since the very moment I first laid eyes on him. Wanted to know what he looked like naked in all his tattooed glory. Wanted to feel a beautiful man like him inside me. So was this it? Was this really going to happen?

  “Okay,” I whispered. “Now is good for me too.”

  ~ CHAPTER 30 ~

  FINN

  I was testing Lou. Was she testing me, too?

  Because, holy shit, I said the words—let’s fuck—and now she was digging through my bag for the condom I told her I had in there. I had put one in there, not expecting anything at all. I still didn’t expect anything at all. But it was in there, and dickhead me told her so.

  She found it, holding it up between two fingers, showing it off like it was a pretty shell she’d picked up off the beach after a hurricane.

  I sat up, running my hands over my hair.

  “Cool,” I mumbled.

  She stepped back to me.

  My dick, the traitor, was fucking hard. But this wasn’t what I wanted tonight. I moved to my knees in front of her on the bed. I peeled off my shirt, while the blood in my veins pumped so hard, I could hear it in my ears. I was still testing her, like this was a game of chicken, wondering which of us would recoil first. She showed no signs of backing down.

  “You know where to put that, honey?”

  “Yes.” She used her teeth and tore the wrapper.

  “You gonna fucking put it on me?”

  Her blue eyes were on me. Holy shit—she was. My heart was racing out of control. The world felt a little hazy. She moved to touch my chest with her free hand, and I caught her wrist before she made contact. If she touched me, I knew I’d be inside her a minute later. I couldn’t—wouldn’t let this game go that far. But now I knew, it wasn’t a game.

  “Give me something more,” I whispered to her. The game was over. Everything was real now. I was desperate to know anything more I could about her. “I need more. You love him?”

  “Nick? No.”

  “You knew him when you lived in the library?”

  “Yes.”

  “And? Anything else. Give me anything else.”

  “Fine. For so long, Nick was the one person who knew me. Aside from the librarian who took care of me. He was always there for me—my best friend. But nothing more.”

  I loosened my grip on her wrist but didn’t let it go. “You said you had crushes on boys in the library. But you never fell for Nick?”

  Why couldn’t I get my mind off of her and Nick? I’d never been jealous a day in my life. Why did this matter so much to me? Why wasn’t I getting off right now rather than interrogating her?

  “I was in love with a different type. I loved characters. I fell in love with characters—from favorite books. They were better than real people. I convinced myself for the longest time that I was this princess. This girl trapped in the dome of my library.”

  “And that your prince would come?”

  “No.” She breathed out. Her cheeks were flushed. “I wanted a different type.”

  Shit. I still didn’t understand what she was trying to say.

  “Finn,” she muttered. “Fuck me like you said. Don’t be gentle because I’m a virgin. Don’t be careful because you think I’m innocent. Treat me the same as any of the other girls you’ve been with.”

  I stared at her.

  I’d never been so stunned in my whole damn life.

  And impressed.

  “And next time, earn the questions you ask,” she added.

  Wow. Seriously—hold the fucking front door.

  I grabbed her neck, and I kissed her. I kissed her rough and hard with no restraint. I had been careful with her. I’d always been careful with her. But that caution I’d held so tight to my chest went out the window.

  ~ CHAPTER 31 ~

  LOU

  Finn hopped off the bed. He had his hands around my neck, and he kissed me. His lips on mine felt like an explosion. He was a man possessed by lust. Like the only rules that mattered were his rules.

  “Get naked,” he said against my mouth. “Now.”

  I almost giggled.

  He was bossy and stern, and I liked it. I realized he wasn’t playing around. He was serious now. I listened. I peeled off my shirt. Then pushed down my bottoms.

  His voice went low, and he bent closer to my ear to whisper, “Good girl. Get on the bed. Lay on your belly. Your face in the sheets and your ass in the air.”

  Oh—have mercy.

  I watched him for a second. Once I determined he wasn’t playing around, I listened. I moved onto the bed. I was on my belly like he’d asked. He startled me when he took the condom out of my hand. I’d forgotten it was still clutched between my fingers.

  I couldn’t see him. But I heard movement. I heard the crinkle of the condom wrapper. Was he putting it on? Was he naked behind me? Was I not allowed to look?

  My heart raced. This was wild. This was fun.

  I felt him as he touched the small of my back. He traced over my skin with the lightest of pressure, teasing me, moving slow, making me wait. Then he nudged at my thighs, getting me to open my legs wider.

  Suddenly, something touched me. It wasn’t his hand. “Tell me yes.” His voice was so low it was almost unfamiliar. “Tell me your pussy is mine. That I can have it anyway and anywhere I want.”

  “It’s yours,” I breathed.

  He moved. He positioned himself against me, and he pushed inside me. I gasped. Not from pain, but from the surprise of it. He inched in slowly, carefully. It felt so good having him there. My body was aching for him. I wasn’t sure what to expect—how rough would he be? How fast? How hard? But the second he was in, he pulled out. He pushed me over on the bed. He moved on top of me.

  His face was serious. So unbelievably serious.

  “I can’t fucking do it. I can’t treat you the same way I treat other girls. You’re different, so I’m different with you. I can annihilate your beautiful pussy another day.”

  How… sincere… at least I think?

  “Okay.”

  He reached between my legs, touching me gently. Then he moved down my body. This made me more nervous than I’d been with my face in the pillows. I knew what he was about to do, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it. With his eyes on me and his arms wrapped under my thighs, he put his mouth against my center. I choked on a breath. His mouth was hot, and his tongue circled my clit.

  If this was what he meant by different… Then hello different!

  My hands went to his hair.

  He kept moving his mouth against me.

  My body burned. My chest felt gooey. The way he slipped against me was utter insanity. I could get used to this if this were all he wanted to do. I squeezed my thighs against his face as it all became too intense. I couldn’t last any longer. I was going to come.

  “Finn,” I muttered. “Oh God, Finn.”

  I was so close. Another second, and sweet bliss would have washed through me.

  But just when I was nearly over the edge, Finn stopped with his mouth. He moved on top of me. He pinned my hands down to the bed. He hovered there. His cock pressing right against my entrance but not moving at all.

  “Kiss me,” I whispered.

  He did. Like I was something precious to him.

  I was too close. I pinched my eyes shut. I didn’t want to come from only a kiss—even a kiss as slow and careful one like this. If he didn’t do something immediately that was what was about to happen.

  Then he pushed inside me.

  I broke away from his mouth and screamed out as electric fire burst through me. It was only magnified by the feeling of his cock filling me—stretching me. Because the man was thick and strong and, holy shit, did he feel good right where he was.

  Shockwaves ran through me, and they kept coming. Finn wasn’t even moving. When I finally opened my eyes, little pulses still clutched through my sex. And Finn watched me. He hovered above me, and he watched me like I was his little science experiment. “Did you just come?”

  Yeah, no shit.

  “Shut up,” I whispered. I turned my head to the side, embarrassed. “You know I did.”

  “I loved it.”

  “Shut up.”

  He kissed my cheek. “It was nice.”

  Nice? Nice?!

  He had this cocky-ass smile on his face. I was going to argue with him, but finally he began to move, and I shut my mouth. He was gentle, slow, and careful with each movement. It hurt some, but mostly I savored the alien feeling of it all. Finn finished a few minutes later. He slowed, and he squeezed hold of me. Then he did something especially crazy when he nestled his nose against my neck. I tapped his arm, so he’d loosen his hold of me.

  “Did you just come?” I said, being smart.

  “Shut up,” he muttered.

  He took a breath and moved off me. I watched him peel the condom off. He was still hard. He got out of bed to toss the used condom into the trash can. Then he brushed a hand through his hair. I just stared at him. Stared at him and his muscular body. He was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

  I curled up in the bed, turning on my side, turning away from him.

  I didn’t know how I felt.