Finn climbed into bed with me.

  “What’s your question?” I whispered.

  “I get another?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Will you be my girlfriend? Like officially?”

  “No,” I blurted out the word without a second thought. “No. I just—I don’t know. We’re friends. Friends with benefits. Isn’t that good enough?”

  “Sure. That works, too.” I don’t think he was very pleased with my answer. “Let’s get some sleep. We can talk more tomorrow. Good night, Lou.”

  “Good night,” I answered.

  I reached over, and I flipped off the light.

  ~ CHAPTER 32 ~

  FINN

  Fuck. For the first time in my life, I knew what I wanted. I knew who I wanted. Potential was always the missing component. And it was there with Lou! I guess she didn’t feel as strongly. She didn’t send me out of her bed. I took that as a good sign. But she shot me down so fast—like the idea of being my girlfriend, officially, could never be on the table.

  Why?

  I’d never sleep. Not after that blow to the gut.

  Only, the next thing I knew I woke to the morning light. The sun blurred my vision as Lou came into focus. She lay asleep on her stomach beside me. Somehow, I’d managed to fall asleep, even after everything, and now here we were. Her blonde hair hid her face, and the side of her tit was exposed to me. We weren’t touching. I don’t think we’d touched at any point in our sleep. I wanted to grab at her now and yank her closer. I restrained. I only breathed out, staring at the ceiling, waiting on her to wake up. I was used to waking up in strange beds, strange rooms. Lou’s sure was strange. All the books in stacks. My mission on these sorts of mornings was usually ‘how quick can I get the fuck out?’ But today was different. I stayed. Instead I thought, what can I do to get to stay?

  Finally, Lou moved. She pushed her hair out of her face and blinked her eyes open.

  “Hey,” she whispered in a sleepy, sexy, little voice. The sound went straight to my cock.

  I gave her a nod.

  I didn’t trust my mouth so early.

  Nor did I trust the tightness in my chest.

  “I get a question, right?” she muttered.

  I stared at her. “What?”

  “You came, so I get a question. It should work for me too.”

  I moved my eyes back to the ceiling. Do not smile like a fucking idiot, I scolded myself. Because my lips were working at turning me into a grinning fool because of that one little sentence. I rubbed at my face to hide my emotions. “Shoot.”

  “How many girls have you been with?”

  Of all the things she could have asked—that was it for her? “Lots. I don’t know. I don’t keep track.”

  “Why lots?”

  I peaked at her.

  She snuggled against her pillow, watching me. When I didn’t answer fast enough, she said, “New question. How did I compare? To the majority.”

  “Eight out of ten, baby.” I gave her a wink. My go-to line when other women asked ridiculous comparison questions like that. It wasn’t true, of course. Lou fucking blew my mind last night. Not because she was some hot-rod, porn-star, firecracker in bed. But because something about it had been honest. I would never dare admit that.

  Or I thought I would never…

  The next words out of my mouth surprised even me.

  “There’s always a spark missing. This component that I can’t put my finger on. When I don’t find it on the first fuck, or the second, or the third fuck—and I never find it—then I don’t waste time. So I move through relationships fast. I’m always searching, and there’s no point in searching slow.”

  “Oh.” Her voice was low. “Okay.”

  “I lied.” Dammit, my heart raced. I turned on my side. “You were a ten.”

  “You’re full of crap.”

  “I’m serious. It’s not about how fast, how hard, or how dirty you can fuck a girl.”

  “Then what’s it about?”

  “Something else. And I can’t wait to keep sleeping with you until I figure it out. Because I think you have it. That thing I’ve been missing.”

  My favorite Bob Marley song started to ring from my phone. I groaned in frustration. It was my morning alarm for work. My phone was somewhere across the room, mocking the hell out of me. I didn’t want to leave Lou’s bed or walk out on this conversation, but I’d missed too much work recently, and I couldn’t be late on my day to open.

  “You want to come with me to work?” I dared to ask.

  “No,” she said with a smile.

  “Because you can’t or because you won’t?”

  Her smile left. “Can’t.”

  “It won’t be busy. Not today. You’re welcome to—”

  “Can’t,” she repeated. Her stare was blank, distant. I could see that I’d caused her anxiety in suggesting she leave the house. I didn’t want to hurt her. That was the last thing I wanted. I wished I could take back my words.

  “Alright. Can I come back later? Earn another question? Or maybe five.”

  That got her eyes back on me. “Yes. Always.”

  Always? I liked that. I loved that.

  I climbed out of her bed. I moved to get dressed in a new shirt and pair of shorts from my bag. She had her gaze on me as I changed. I spent a lot of time in the gym. Cutting calories lately had not been easy. In fact, I was starving as hell right this minute. But her appreciative eyes on my body made all of that torture worth it.

  “Bye, honey,” I told her. Dressed and ready, my bag slung over my shoulder, I bent over her bed to kiss her soft lips goodbye.

  She moved to her back to let me.

  The sheet twisted with her body. The material left little to the imagination wrapped over her chest and stomach. Oh fuck, I felt like someone swung a baseball bat and hit me in the chest. I could do this every morning, I realized.

  I cleared my throat and snapped out of it.

  “Let me earn one question before I leave?”

  She gave me permission with the smallest, shyest nod. Hell, yes. I dropped my bag. I worked to loosen the sheet over her. I let those beautiful breasts of hers free. I did not have another condom, but it didn’t matter. I just needed to touch her. I slid my hand down her soft skin and straight for her warm center. I fucking loved seeing all of her in the daylight, every inch of her. She was wet, needy, and I pushed two fingers deep inside her. With my thumb I rubbed at her clit.

  Shit, she felt like heaven.

  I dropped to my knees.

  This would have to be fast. I needed to leave five minutes ago. I ignored the desire I felt burning in my chest and the thickness building in my cock and focused on the job at hand. Literally at hand. It didn’t take long for her breathing to quicken and then for my name to start crossing her lips.

  “Finn… yes, Finn,” she whispered.

  I moved faster. And faster. Unrelenting. When she curled into my arm, I kept going. My desire to be inside her had never been greater. Why was she so damn addictive? I could find another girl to fuck by noon if I wanted. But I craved her. I craved only her. I craved that sexy voice of hers and her company. I craved hearing my name on her lips. I craved feeling her convulsions on my fingers. I craved every moment spent with her.

  She finished. And I felt it. Her tremors.

  Then she pushed my hand away. I reluctantly stopped touching her. I left her wetter than before, which killed me to walk away from. All I wanted now was to spend the day buried balls-deep inside her warmth. But that would have to wait.

  “Yeah,” I mumbled, grabbing my bag in a dizzy haze. “Yeah. Okay, see you tonight.”

  She pulled the sheet up over her breasts. Her nipples were hard, perfect little points. Such a shame to hide them. “Thanks, Finn.”

  “Don’t mention it.” I couldn’t meet her eyes.

  I stepped for the door.

  “What’s your question?”

  “Um.” My brain was mush. “Your last name?”

  “Lawrence. But that’s the name I gave myself. Lou Lawrence. I thought I was being creative with the alliteration at eleven years old.”

  I stared at her. I had a million more questions. But for the first time, I didn’t feel compelled to bombard her with them. This was enough. “Your name is beautiful. Like you. Have a good day, Lou Lawrence,” I told her as I left her room.

  ~ CHAPTER 33 ~

  LOU

  I had a slow morning. After Finn left, I laid in bed for hours, avoiding certain thoughts and memories, and instead let myself fantasize about Finn. I created stories in my mind with him as the lead. But it was all just dramatic fiction. Spending time with Finn in real life was better than anything I could imagine. When I started seeing him, this was what I wanted. A taste of an alternative life. I’d had my taste. And it tasted like warm apple pie on a fall day in Maine. But I wasn’t delusional enough to think that letting myself enjoy this for too long was healthy for me.

  Nick came home around noon.

  I hopped out of bed. And dressed quickly.

  I needed to see Nick.

  I needed his advice.

  “Oh, hey,” he said when I snuck up on him in the kitchen.

  He looked exhausted, sorting through a stack of mail. He had bags under his eyes but a relaxed ease to his smile. He hadn’t been around enough to check the mailbox. He handed me some of the magazine ads he knew I loved to flip through. But I set them aside on the counter.

  “I haven’t seen you since dinner with your mom.”

  “Yeah. I’ve been with Amanda.”

  “Good, I guess. I’ve been with Finn.”

  “That’s still happening?” He stopped sorting the mail. “He’s a fuck-boy. You know that, right?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “I know.”

  He sighed, and I feared a lecture. So, I changed the subject. “Will you buy me tampons? I’m going to need them for next week.”

  Nick was used to buying me tampons. He’d been doing it since I was fourteen. “Yeah, of course. Do I need to buy you condoms as well? We definitely don’t need two babies coming.” He was dead serious as he asked.

  “Haha,” I deadpanned. “No, you don’t need to buy me condoms.” My face burned. Tampons were one thing for us to discuss and for him to buy me, condoms were a whole different matter.

  “Good,” he said giving me a strange look. “Good, right?”

  “Yeah, good,” I assured him.

  I wanted to be brave enough to tell Nick I’d lost my virginity. But I wasn’t. Still, I was pretty proud of myself. Finn was one hell of a guy to lose your virginity to. I wondered how many virginities he had under his belt. Plenty, probably—mine now included in that list.

  “Finn asked me to come with him to work. That’s weird, huh?”

  “And do what? Watch him tattoo people?”

  I shrugged. “I suppose.”

  “I’m going to spend lunch with Amanda there before I head back to work. Maybe it isn’t that weird. You want to go? I’ll drive you back here after. We’ve got to leave now though because I don’t have much time.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “No. I’ll be with you. What could go wrong?”

  Panic washed through me the same way it had when Finn mentioned me leaving this house. I breathed in and out in the way I’d taught myself years ago. “A million things could go wrong,” I huffed.

  “They’re scenes in your head.”

  “But what if—”

  “You did it before. You stepped in that shop with me before. You can do it again. The second you’re ready to leave, just say my name, and we’ll leave. If you stay two minutes, so be it. You moved here with me for this very reason. Let’s go. Let’s try. Today is as good a day as any.”

  “I should probably call your mom and spend the day with her. Since you aren’t!”

  “My mom can handle herself. She’s the one who flew here for a surprise visit. She can manage on her own for a day or so. Let’s go surprise the shit out of Finn.”

  “You just called him a fuck-boy two seconds ago!” I whined.

  “Whatever. If he’s motivation for you to leave this house, then I’m one hundred percent supportive.”

  I shifted on my feet. Oh God, I was actually considering going. Part of me wanted to surprise Finn. Catch a glimpse of him around other people. Normal people. Judge his character in a different setting, his natural setting.

  “Okay. Okay.” I squeezed my hands into balls, then released them. Then repeated. Squeezing hard enough for my nails to leave marks. “Okay. Yeah. I can do this. Let’s do this. We can do this.”

  I needed one thing first. My giant hoodie that used to be Nick’s hoodie.

  Was I actually going to do this?

  Yes, I think I was.

  ~ CHAPTER 34 ~

  FINN

  My lower spine screamed in agony. I’d been detailing the same tattoo on the same woman’s thigh all morning. I needed to piss, stretch, and eat. I needed to speak with Amanda alone. Check on her and her pregnancy. Because I hadn’t seen her in a couple days, not since the awkward dinner with Nick’s mom, and she was working today. But all of that was contingent on me finishing the job in front of me.

  “You okay, Finn?” the girl in my chair asked.

  “Good,” I grunted.

  “You’re usually not so quiet.”

  “I’m fine.”

  I pressed the needle back against the inside of my client’s thigh. The skin was thin and sensitive in this spot, and she kept flinching every time I moved. I’d worked on this woman before. A few times now—she had always asked for me.

  Amanda came into my station. “Hey. Nick’s bringing me lunch. Should I call and have him get you something too?”

  “No.”

  “You sure?”

  “Perfectly sure.”

  “Are you still cutting?”

  “Yes.”

  “You look thin. Be careful.”

  “I know what I’m doing.”

  With the back of my gloved hand, I wiped at the sweat beading on my forehead. Then I pressed the needle against this girl’s skin again. She jumped at the same time I heard the front door to the shop chime.

  Patrick wasn’t in today.

  “I got it,” Amanda called from the other side of the partition.

  “Cutting what?” my client whispered. Her name was Kat.

  “Calories,” I clarified.

  “Oh,” she breathed. “I thought—”

  I stopped paying attention. I pulled the needle off her skin. Because it was Lou. In the flesh. In the shop. She stepped into the entrance of my station, her blue eyes on mine. She had on the same over-sized black hoodie she’d worn on the day we’d met. The hood covered her blonde hair. Nick was with her. Nick wore his weird-ass knit beanie. Together they looked like a pair of kids waiting on a snowstorm.

  My mood shifted.

  My chest grew hot.

  How… how was she here?

  My station had some extra chairs. Lots of times, especially in a beach town, getting a tattoo was a group activity, so I had room for other people. I nodded at the chair closest to mine.

  Lou stepped over and she sat. Her hands were hidden inside the sleeves of her sweatshirt. As was any discernible trace of her body shape. It was almost like she was hiding herself in there.

  “This is Kat,” I said softly. Lou and I were only a foot or so apart. “I’ve designed several of her tattoos. Kat—this is my friend Lou. Lou’s going to watch.”

  “Sure,” Kat mumbled. “Whatever.”

  Kat wasn’t pleased. Frankly, I didn’t give a damn what Kat thought. If she wanted me to keep working on this tattoo, she’d have to deal with the company. Nick moved to sit beside Lou. For as close as I was to Lou, Nick was closer. He leaned in and whispered something into her ear. She didn’t flinch at his nearness. I couldn’t hear what Nick said over the sound of my tattoo gun, but whatever it was, it made her smile.

  And it made my stomach burn.

  Trying to ignore it, I went back to work. I focused all my energy on Kat’s leg. After a minute, Nick stood up and stepped away. Lou stayed. She wasn’t speaking. Just watching me work. Even though Nick was gone, the tension in the room still had its hands around my throat. The truth was—I’d been inside Lou less than twelve hours ago. I was the only person to touch her like that. So why did a few words in her ear from another man make the blood inside my veins scream at me?

  “Does it hurt?”

  Lou’s voice in the room helped the tightness in my shoulders.

  “No. It should, but Finn is gentle.” Kat proudly boasted. “He’s always gentle. On me, at least. It’s why I prefer his hands touching me, and why I’ve started requesting only him.”

  Bullshit. I was hurting her. I could tell. And I wasn’t being particularly gentle. No more than any other artist would be.

  “I know Finn is gentle,” Lou told her. “He’s gentle on me too.”

  “Do you have tattoos under that sweatshirt that he’s designed? May I see them? I love seeing Finn’s other custom work. He’s so talented.”

  “I don’t have any tattoos.”

  It took her a second, but Kat realized what Lou meant. “Oh. I need a bathroom break.”

  Kat, annoyed, hopped off the table while I was mid-work. Her leg was still inky and bloody. “I should cover that,” I yelled after her as she walked out of my station, disappearing down the hall.

  Aching, I moved back in my seat. I carefully peeled off my gloves and tossed them in the bin. I eyed Lou. “What’d Nick whisper to you?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and sat back. “Nothing.”

  I wheeled my stool over to her. Enough. My heart was already burning.

  I pulled her into my lap, into my chair with me.

  She yipped at the sudden movement.

  “What’d he say?”

  “Have you slept with Kat before?”

  “I don’t sleep with my clients. Was that what Nick said in your ear?”

  “No. But—how do you meet the people you fuck if they aren’t clients?” She whispered the word ‘fuck.’ It was the first time I’d heard her say the f-word.