“I have an app on my phone.”

  “Seriously? You use an app?”

  “Yes. Can we go outside for a moment?”

  She nodded. “I need out of here anyway.”

  Yeah, fuck, me too.

  She moved off my lap. And I moved to my sink. I washed my hands vigorously with soap. I dropped the bar and scrubbed at my face for a second too. Then with a fresh towel, I dried off. After, I grabbed Lou’s hand and led her out of my station, down the hall, and out the front door of the shop. Kill Devil Ink was one storefront of several in a small shopping strip. We had a sandwich shop to our left and a hemp shop to our right. The sandwich shop was busy with their lunch rush.

  “Jesus Christ,” I exhaled. I locked my hands behind my head. I was about to go off about Nick. Because no part of me understood their relationship. And seeing him sit next to her and lean over to whisper to her had killed me—was still killing me. Was I just her fuck buddy? While he remained her… what? Best friend? No, family. He was her family. Where did that leave me? Why did this kill me so much?

  “I need to go home,” she whispered. “I need to go home.”

  A man stepped past us, on his way for lunch, and she flinched as if he’d touched her.

  “Finn. I can’t be here. I need to go home. It’s too much.”

  The anger left me. She looked as if being outside was physically painful. I stepped past her only to yank open one of Kill Devil Ink’s glass doors. Inside, to whomever could hear me, I shouted, “I’m driving Lou home. I’ll be back when I’m back. Amanda, help Kat for me.” Then I pulled Lou in against my chest. She let me—she let me touch her and tuck her in close to me. “Damn, I’m sorry,” I whispered to her. I walked with her in the direction of my Jeep. She said nothing but she let me lead her.

  I opened the passenger door, helped her step up, and buckle in. She was shaking. Had I made her shake or had the world made her shake? I didn’t understand her agoraphobia. Had the stranger been her breaking point? Had it been the open air? Was my car a safe place for her?

  Was I?

  I touched my lips to her shoulder. “I have you,” I said against her sweatshirt. “I will fight for you.” I didn’t know what I was fighting, but I would fight it.

  I closed her door and hurried for the driver’s side of the Jeep.

  Then I started the engine and drove away in a hurry.

  ~ CHAPTER 35 ~

  LOU

  My phone buzzed in my pocket. I knew it was Nick. And I knew I had to answer before he came chasing after me. I started this chaos, and I didn’t want to pull Nick into it like I’d already pulled Finn.

  “Yes,” I said, answering. I used my rehearsed voice. I knew how to fool Nick. I’d been fooling him into thinking all was calm for half my life. “I’m with Finn. He’s driving me home.”

  “What happened? You just left?” Nick questioned. He sounded as worried as ever.

  “I had to leave,” I said casually. “Finn offered to drive me home. So we left.”

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m surprisingly good.”

  “I’m stressing.”

  “Don’t. I’m fine. Oh, and Finn says, tell his client he’ll be back just as soon as he drops me off.”

  “Yeah, fuck that,” Finn mumbled as he drove.

  “You’re sure you’re fine?” Nick repeated.

  “I’m sure.”

  “Just text me when you’re home or if you need anything.”

  “I will,” I said. Then I hung up.

  I dropped my phone on the floor.

  “I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Finn started to say. “I—”

  I gasped and pulled my knees to my chest. I took deep breath after deep breath. I wasn’t feeling better. No, I only had to fake it long enough to fool Nick. I wanted Nick to have a normal day with his normal girlfriend. Just because I was too messed up to achieve that shouldn’t mean he couldn’t. But I didn’t have the energy to put on the same performance for Finn.

  “What can I do? Lou—tell me how to help?”

  I ignored his words. I closed my eyes and imagined the place I loved most. The dome in the top of my library. I stepped past the shelves. I found my secret spot; the small room that overlooked the neighborhood. My neighborhood. My city. Only, today when I visualized my spot—Finn was tucked inside the space with me. Finn and his large body. Only it wasn’t exactly Finn I imagined. I imagined the image Nick had conjured in my mind earlier when he’d whispered in my ear, “Meat Head reminds me of the Beast. I get your distraction now.”

  I’d been obsessed with the Beast from Beauty and the Beast as a teen. Not the human at the end, but the man in beast form. Trapped. Angry. Broken. In need of love to save him from himself. Obviously, Finn looked nothing like a hairy monster. And I wasn’t sure he possessed any of those qualities. At least not that he showed on the surface. But something about him felt similar. The way he was doubled over Kat—slightly sweaty, slightly annoyed—as he worked on her tattoo. I couldn’t help but imagine him exactly the way Nick suggested. And now, as I pictured my safe place, beast-mood-Finn sat in the space with me.

  I gasped and my eyes opened as I heard the car door open. Finn was right there—regular Finn. He leaned over me to unbuckle the seatbelt. I smelled his familiar scent. He scooped me up into his strong arms. I felt dizzy and groggy from my panic attack. It had been so many years since my last one, part of me hoped I wasn’t capable anymore.

  Turns out, I still was.

  I didn’t let Finn carry me. Not for long. I pushed at his arms until he let me down. Then I walked up the stairs on my own. What I liked about Beauty and her Beast was that she saved him. And not the other way around.

  “I’ll see you sometime later,” I said to Finn at the door. He’d followed me that far. “I think Nick’s mom wanted to have dinner at the house again. So I have that tonight.”

  “Am I invited?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Will you ask?”

  “Whatever. Yes, you’re invited.”

  “Are you pissed at me?”

  “No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know. I’m mad at myself. Okay, bye.” I opened the door and shut myself inside before we could continue this conversation. I was embarrassed. Annoyed with myself. Annoyed with him. Annoyed with Nick for dragging me into all this in the first place. Worse, I was in love with Finn. My heart ached for him. Wanted to belong to him. Whether it was yearning for Beast-mode-Finn or regular Finn… I couldn’t tell. But it was prisoner to one of them the same way I felt prisoner to this house.

  ~ CHAPTER 36 ~

  FINN

  Fuck. I breathed out through my nose, fuming at the door in my face. Then for a few long minutes, I sat on the steps outside Lou’s door. How was I supposed to go back to work like nothing had happened? Somehow, I did. Somehow, I stood. Walked. Drove. Worked. I waited for an invitation to dinner. I planned on showing up whether I received one or not.

  At six on the dot, like before, I knocked on the door with a bottle of wine in one hand and my graphic novel in the other. No word from Lou all day, but I’d wait forever if I had to.

  “Finn,” I heard.

  “Lou, open the door.”

  “I’m mortified.”

  “You shouldn’t be.”

  “I’m never going to be normal.”

  “Fuck normal. Do you think I want normal? I’m so damned bored with normal. Open up, please. It’s a billion degrees outside today.”

  I figured I might be waiting for hours. Instead Lou opened the door a crack. I saw her fair hair contrasting with the black hoodie she liked to wear. Nick’s black hoodie—I decided. I had this feeling it was his. Part of me wanted to burn that hoodie in the Fourth of July bonfire my friend Rhett always hosted.

  “Where’s Mrs. Jasmine?” I muttered.

  “I told her not to come today.”

  “Good. I need some writing advice. And I’m a crap writer. Can I come in?”

  She stared at me for a moment, confused. But then the best thing happened. She opened the door and let me in. Relieved, I stepped into the air conditioning. I wanted to grab her and kiss her. Instead I did one of the most terrifying things I could imagine. I handed her my graphic novel. Sharing it with anyone—that was my heart on my sleeve.

  She took it. She walked with it. She sat on the living room couch with the pages flipping between her fingers. My stomach rolled as I watched her. This level of anxiety was something I typically tried to avoid.

  “Hmmm,” she said as she flipped another page.

  I guessed she was on the part in the beginning that was supposed to be funny. And God—she wasn’t laughing. I bit on my knuckle. Was this a stupid idea?

  “Your main character looks a little like me.”

  “Funny coincidence.” I forced a weird smile. “Where’s Nick’s bathroom? I need to use the bathroom.”

  “Down the hall.”

  I excused myself, setting down the bottle of wine on the coffee table, and then I stepped away. I couldn’t watch her read another second. I moved slow for the bathroom and once inside, I poked around under the sink for no reason whatsoever, other than an excuse to busy my fingers and distract myself for a moment. I found tampons and other girl things. Did Nick buy these things for Lou? I mean, if she couldn’t leave the house then he had to shop for her, right?

  Tap. Tap.

  I closed the cabinet and pulled open the door to find Lou standing there with my novel in her hand. “You don’t need writing advice.” She handed the pages to me. “It’s great just the way it is.”

  Her mood was flat. Hollow.

  “Alright. So you like it—or you don’t like it?”

  “I like it.”

  “You sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “You want me to leave?” I asked. If she weren’t standing in my way, I think I’d already be walking for the door. She was just so… cold. And giving me the impression that I was the last person she wanted to be with right this moment. Until she spoke.

  “You’re a phenomenal artist. The drawings are detailed and rich. I like the way you only use cool tones except on the page with the fire. Your main character was boneheaded most of the time, but also silly and charming. Its brilliant. The whole thing is brilliant.” Her eyes flickered up to mine. “I love it.”

  A heat ran over me.

  “Cool.” Awkward as hell, I ran my hands through my hair. “That’s cool.” I still stood trapped in the bathroom. “I have, um, about ten questions I want to bombard you with now. Yeah.” I balled my fists in my hair. “So, that’s what I’ve got going on right now.”

  “You could earn some questions.” She shrugged.

  “Multiple questions?”

  “The more the better.”

  I took my novel out of her hand. I didn’t want it to get wet or ruined. I moved around her only to toss it out into the hallway. Then I pulled her into the bathroom and shut the door. I planned on tallying up enough questions tonight to last me all week.

  ~ CHAPTER 37 ~

  LOU

  I’d planned on telling Finn we couldn’t see each other anymore. My intention had been to cut off our little agreement and end things cold turkey. But now here I was, bare-butt naked on the sink counter with this helluva gorgeous man’s mouth between my legs.

  His hot breath sending shivers all through me.

  His tongue circling against me.

  His hands digging into my thighs.

  He moved, his mouth pulling away. He stood to peel off his shirt exposing all his lines and edges. Then he pulled a condom out of his pocket before he pushed down his shorts. I squirmed, waiting for him, watching him, anticipating more to come. I still wondered why he’d shared his book with me. What had been his motivation behind it? This. Sex. Here and now. Was that his reason for sharing? Had he sensed I wanted to end things and instead he’d found a way to distract me?

  Once he rolled on the condom, he moved to me. His hands slid against me. He was teasing and playful. Just when I thought I was beginning to know Finn well, he was showing me a whole different version of himself. I don’t know when the air between us changed, from tense to fun—but here we were. I felt giddy and light when he pushed inside me. Stretching me. Filling me. Exposing my vulnerabilities all at once. Which should have been scary. But with Finn, it wasn’t.

  I simply hung on and enjoyed the ride. I let him take me to that special place. The one between reality and ecstasy. I cried out his name. I let the waves wash over me. I basked in the sun. “Damn, that felt good,” I told him afterwards, pushing him away from me now.

  He stepped back.

  He was cute—all sweaty and a little confused.

  I rolled my eyes and pressed my hands to his chest.

  “Can you lay on the floor so I can try it on top?” I asked.

  His eyes went wide. “Sure, honey. Give me a second.”

  He was on the floor a minute later. He seemed as ready as before, so I eased myself down onto him, trying out something I’d been fantasizing about doing since the moment I first laid eyes on him in that tattoo shop. I moved slow at first, getting my bearings, and then I worked to pick up the pace. He felt so good this way. Moving down against him was heavenly. And when his hands changed to touch me, he felt even better. “Finn,” I cried out as a shiver ran through me. I was losing my energy and my focus as my body turned into goo. Finn anticipated what I needed, and his hands went to my waist. He lifted me like I weighed nothing, moving me against his body. I came a moment later. I couldn’t control the rush that swept through me.

  I tipped my head back.

  I screamed his name.

  I might have called him my beast somewhere in the middle of it all. My brain was too foggy with lust to remember. He finished, a look of pure satisfaction on his face, and I climbed off him. I moved out of his way as he stood.

  “Jesus. Fuck,” he whispered.

  His hands shook as he peeled off the condom. Then he grabbed his shorts and pulled them on. He dressed quickly. So I dressed quickly, too. What was the sudden rush? Had I done something wrong?

  “I feel a little lightheaded,” he muttered.

  Oh God. Had I hurt him?

  “Will you take me to your bed?”

  I nodded. I took his hand in mine and led him toward my room. He climbed into my bed as if it were his own. He moved under the covers. I hardly knew what to say or do. Was I too aggressive when I rode him like my own personal cowboy on the cold tile bathroom floor? I hoped I hadn’t gone too far. I didn’t know what to do, so I joined him in bed. I snuggled close to his body, and he wrapped his arms around me.

  “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. You called me your beast,” he whispered. “While I was fucking you—you said it. What did that mean?”

  I buried my face into his shoulder, beyond mortified. “Nothing.”

  He touched my head and he whispered into my ear, “Nope. This is my question. You have to answer. No evading this one.”

  “Okay, fine.” I spoke fast to blurt it all out and get this over with. “I was super into Beauty & the Beast as a kid. Like when I told you I liked a ‘different type’ or whatever. That’s what I meant. I had these crushes on fictional men. And my favorite of all was the Beast. I’m weird. I know I’m weird.”

  “I’ll be your beast.”

  “Stop.”

  I pushed at him. I tried to roll away, but he didn’t let me move.

  “I’m serious,” he chuckled, holding me tight. “I’m your beast.”

  He didn’t even know what he was saying. Or how much I liked hearing it. “Fine. Whatever.” I shrugged, playing it off, pretending it wasn’t exactly what I needed to hear. “I’m going to sleep now. You wore me out, Finn. Stay if you want. Leave if you want. Do whatever you want.” I pulled away from him and reached over to find the switch to my bedside lamp. It wasn’t that late. Not even close to my normal bedtime, but I turned off the light anyway. I snuggled into my pillow on my stomach ready for sleep.

  “Stay,” he muttered. He sounded just about as tired as I was pretending to be. “I’m staying.”

  ~ CHAPTER 38 ~

  FINN

  Her beast. I was into it. I woke with the girl using me as her own personal pillow. She breathed heavy and hard into my shirt. I cleared my throat to wake her. I was too curious to see how things might go this morning. Too curious to wait another moment to talk to her. Would she make me leave? Would she let me stay?

  “Morning.”

  “Hi.”

  “You sleep well?”

  “Yes.” She pushed a finger into my side. “I’m disappointed in you.”

  “What?”

  “First. Mister. You made me come twice and then only used one of your questions.” She hooked a leg over my hip. “Then second, I expected more from you. I thought you’d earn at least four or five questions last night. Instead—only two?”

  I squeezed her thigh. “Is that right? Should I ask you something now? Use up my last one?”

  “Yes. Ask. Ask something big you’ve been wanting to ask. Go for it.”

  Holy shit. “Really?”

  “Really. I’m ready.”

  Okay. Damn. Here goes nothing. “The library. How come you ended up there?”

  She rolled over and stared up at the ceiling. I thought I wouldn’t get an answer from her, but then she grabbed my hand and started talking. “When I was nine, my mom dropped me off at the library. I never knew it would be the last time I saw her. She’d told me the world wasn’t safe anymore, that she wanted me to live somewhere magical, and that she had a special place for me. So we traveled. We traveled for months. From California to Maine. Buses… Hitchhiking… It wasn’t an easy journey. I don’t know why she took me so far. Why it had to be Maine. Why it had to be that particular library. But that was where she took me and that was where she left me. One of the librarians found me within a day or two. Mrs. Fry. She didn’t make me leave. She let me stay. And she sort of helped me along the way. Sort of—but mostly I learned to help myself.”