Wow. My brain could not process.

  “My mom and I had struggled before the move. We lived in shelters. We lived on random couches. We lived on the street at one point. My mom did a lot of drugs then. I didn’t recognize it at the time, but when I think back on the moments, I know she did. Or maybe she had a mental illness like me. Maybe that was why she took me across the country and then left me. Who knows?”

  Lou sighed. She sat up. She pulled her knees and the covers to her face. Then she stayed still for a long moment. I traced my fingers over her back, thinking for a while about what to say in response. “Your mom loved you,” I settled on. “Whether she was high or had some kind of illness—doesn’t matter. She loved you and it seems to me that she did take you somewhere safe to protect you. The library was your safe place, right? And then Nick? He helped keep you safe too?”

  She made a small noise and nodded her head. I sat up to be closer to her. I suddenly had a hell of a lot more respect for Nick. I thought of the tampons I’d spotted in the bathroom—I pictured Nick buying and providing those sorts of essentials for Lou over the years.

  “Yes. Nick would come check on me every day. Then when he went to college, he’d email me no less than five times a day. That was when he had Mrs. Jasmine start coming to check on me. She tried to push me to leave, but I only did when the library started its renovations.”

  “Maybe Nick isn’t a total dumbass after all.”

  That made her smile. And sink into me.

  “I love you, Lou Lawrence,” I told her. I scolded myself for saying the words out loud. For being so brass and bold with my feelings. But I could not contain the words as they left my lips. Or my next. “I’ll be your beast.”

  “Stop, Finn.”

  She shoved at my shoulder. Playful now. Lighter now. Happier now.

  “I promise,” I added.

  “Stop.”

  “Pinky promise.”

  “Oh gosh. You’re ridiculous.”

  “I promise,” I repeated. I said it in a joking manner, but I meant it with all my heart. Fuck three weeks. Fuck a timetable. I was here for forever now. Forever—if she’d let me.

  ~ CHAPTER 39 ~

  LOU

  An ‘I love you?’ Out of Finn’s sultry, handsome lips? I had to be imagining things. And if I wasn’t—had he only offered those words out of pity?

  I didn’t know how to feel about this.

  Or him.

  I hid in the bathroom trying to process it all when my phone rang.

  “Hey, pumpkin,” said a voice as I answered. It was Mrs. Jasmine. Today was her last full day in town. Yesterday, I’d lied to her. I told her Finn and I had a date. That had been my excuse to get out of the dinner we were supposed to have.

  “How was your date with Finn?”

  “He’s a wonderful man.”

  It wasn’t a lie. But I felt like I was omitting something as I said it.

  “I’m so proud of you. For getting out. For making a connection. No matter what becomes of it. Although, he does seem pretty wonderful. Are you seeing him again today?” Finn… Finn was still in my freaking bed on the other side of the house! “Yes. He might take me to the beach.”

  There was no chance in hell I was going to the beach today. I wasn’t sure why I lied again and added that to my story. I guess some part of me wished I were brave enough to be stepping in the sand today. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t that person.

  “Wow. That’s great news. Well, I won’t keep you. I just wanted to check up on you.”

  “Thanks, Mrs. Jasmine. For everything.”

  “Don’t mention it. Oh, and I’ll be stopping by soon. Sorry, that was why I was calling. I hope I don’t miss you before you head to the beach. I wanted to say goodbye, and I need to catch Nick today before he leaves for work. Is he still home? He has some explaining to do. I’ve been here almost a full week now, and I’ve barely seen him.”

  Oh God. Nick was going to get an earful. Sometimes he took for granted just how lucky he was to have a mom who cared so much. “He’s not home.”

  “Oh.”

  “I think he’s at Amanda’s house.”

  “Okay. I’ll try to get her address instead. If I don’t see you before I leave town tomorrow, know that I love you. And if you ever need anything at all—you call me. Okay?”

  “I will.”

  “Bye, sweetheart.”

  “Bye.”

  As I ended the call, melancholy washed through me. I wasn’t sure where it came from. I’d been on my own for so long now that I shouldn’t be sad over Mrs. Jasmine leaving town. And I shouldn’t have been sad about Finn. I still had him. He was literally in my bed right this moment. Our relationship hadn’t expired. Not yet, at least. But all at once I felt this crippling loss for the man deep in my gut. It knocked me to my knees.

  “Hey.” I heard his voice. “I heard you on the phone. Did you want to go to the beach?”

  “No,” I breathed. “No, I don’t. I just said that to say that.”

  “Okay. I have to get to work.”

  “Have a good day.”

  “Alright. You have a good day, too. Can I come back after work?”

  “Sure. Whatever you want to do. Bye.” I traced a finger over the grout square perimeter of one of the bathroom tiles. Then I nearly toppled over backward when Finn opened the door to the bathroom. I stood to my toes. I pushed at his chest. “Don’t scare me like that.”

  He grabbed my face in his hands and he kissed me. He kissed me even though I was still trying to push him away. He tasted warm and familiar. I had no resilience against one of his kisses. It took me no less than three seconds to relax and give in. He dug his fingers into my hair and tasted me deeper. When he broke away, he had a small smile on his lips.

  With his eyes on me, he said, “I meant everything I said to you. Fuck three weeks, okay? I’m not on a schedule. We… us… this… it’s not on a schedule. I’m going to be back tonight. And then I’m going to be back the next night. And so on.”

  “What if you get bored of me?”

  “It’s different this time.”

  “How do you know?”

  “I just know.” He pressed his forehead to mine. “I just know,” he repeated. “I’m late so I’ll probably work through lunch. But I’ll be back. I promise.” He moved his hands down my back and squeezed my butt. “I promise, Lou.”

  “Lacey. My real name is Lacey.”

  “Lacey.”

  “Don’t call me that.” I gave him the sternest look I could muster in the moment. “Only call me Lou. I told you because I wanted you to know. Not even Nick knows. But that doesn’t mean I like my original name.”

  “Got it.” He put his hand to his chest. “Alright, Lou. See you tonight.”

  “Bye, Finn.”

  ~ CHAPTER 40 ~

  FINN

  For the first time in a while, work wasn’t so boring. Patrick complained all morning long about his hopeless love life while I tattooed some large man’s stomach—and I actually found both enjoyable. The art was fun, the conversation stimulating, and I knew my change in mood had everything to do with Lou.

  Lou—my girlfriend.

  I liked the sound of that. I wanted to make that official.

  I loved knowing I’d see her later. Learn something new about her later. She was letting me in—one question at a time. We had time. We had all the time in the world to figure things out. To take things slow. To enjoy each other.

  I’d never been this hopeful about anything in my life.

  I’d lost hope when my mom died.

  Now I felt like I’d found that hope again.

  Amanda came in several hours late. Long after Patrick had to reschedule three of her appointments. “Where were you?” I asked when she walked past my station. I pulled off my gloves and left my current client. “Give me just one minute,” I said to the man waiting for me to finish his giant bleeding heart. “I need to take care of something.” I followed Amanda down the hall. “Amanda. Are you okay?”

  Reluctantly, she stopped to talk to me. Her pink hair was all windblown and crazy—like she’d spent the morning on the beach or something. “We’re having a girl.”

  “Congrats. That’s awesome.”

  “Nick’s so excited.”

  “Good? That’s good news, right?”

  “Yes. Nick and I are great. I’m just tired. I’m always tired now.”

  I guess that’s what pregnancy does to a person. I put a hand on her shoulder. “Take the day off then. John will understand. I’m here. Patrick’s here.”

  “No.” She brushed my hand away. “I need to work. How about you and Lou? Since Nick and I are official now and everything, he’s planning to live with me at my house until the baby comes. Then we might look for a bigger house together. He hasn’t talked to Lou about any of this yet. He worries about her. Like all the time worrying. Especially now that she’s dating you. So how much longer do you think you’ll stay with her?”

  “Like, at her house?”

  “No. Like, with her? A week? Two tops? A couple days? It would be helpful for us if you could get me an estimation on your break-up date. Just so we know when Nick’s going to have to do damage control.”

  “Ouch, Amanda.” I rubbed at my face and took a step back. She was my best friend—and this was what she thought of me.

  “Don’t you think the longer you drag it on, the more you’re going to hurt this poor girl? You’re her first—you know that right? Her first everything. So I’m sure she’s developing an attachment. Maybe even an unhealthy one given her mental state. I know you like to fuck around and have your fun—no judgement there—but seriously Finn, you really picked a poor choice this time around.”

  I couldn’t even answer Amanda with words.

  I simply breathed out through my nose. Then I took another step to walk away.

  Amanda was pregnant. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been so polite. My hands shook and my legs trembled. Skipping lunch after all the calorie cutting I’d been doing lately hadn’t been the smartest of choices. I only made it a few steps before the world went foggy and my knees gave out under me. I fell to the floor. And that was the last thing I remembered before everything went dark.

  ~ CHAPTER 41 ~

  LOU

  “Finn is in the emergency room.”

  Those were the single most terrifying words I’d ever heard in my life.

  Finn hadn’t returned when I’d expected him. And instead I received a phone call from Nick. “I’m not sure what happened,” Nick explained. “I’m here with Amanda in the waiting room. He’s been with the doctors for a while now. He fainted or something at work. Possibility hit his head when he fell. He was unconscious for a little while. He’s awake now though, and the doctors are running some tests. He should be fine. Amanda says the reason he fainted was related to his diet or some dieting thing that he does. Something like that.”

  Dieting?

  Aside from never really seeing the man eat, I had no idea what Nick meant.

  “What do you mean dieting?” I sat on my bed, my heart pounding, my hands trembling, and I held the phone tight to my ear.

  “I need to go. I’ll call you back as soon as I know more. The doctor is coming to talk to us now. Don’t panic or anything. Finn is fine.”

  The line went dead.

  I sat there in my quiet room—alone and afraid. I didn’t own a car, nor did I have access to one. Even if I did, I didn’t know how to drive. Aside from that major transportation issue, how could I leave the house and go to him on my own? With my agoraphobia, I wasn’t sure if I could even step outside.

  Jumping to my feet, needing to try, I slipped my phone into my pocket and dropped the book I’d been reading earlier. Then I raced downstairs. I flung open the front door—

  Only to make it two feet outside.

  All my anxiety came rushing down on me. The person I loved—yes, I loved him, I realized right then and there!—was in the hospital and I physically and mentally could not get to him.

  I stepped back inside, carefully closing the door. I locked it and sank to the floor. My hopelessness and insecurities crushed me. This was the type of feeling I avoided at all costs. I couldn’t even put aside my fears and make myself reach the person I loved when it mattered most. Shouldn’t a person in love be able to break all boundaries? Doesn’t love conquer all? Worse still, I noticed something off about Finn last night, after sex, when his hands shook, and he’d needed to lie down. How come I hadn’t pushed him to explain what was wrong? Instead, like always, I was blinded by my own problems.

  After a moment on the floor, I sat up and dialed Finn’s number. It rang and rang until his voicemail picked up. “This is Finn. Leave a message.”

  His voice on the line sounded foreign and familiar all at once.

  “Hi. It’s Lou,” I said for the recording. “I’m sorry I can’t be there with you now. I just can’t. I hope you’re okay. I hope by the time you hear this you’re already laughing about fainting and falling. Get better soon. Please. Okay. I love you. Bye, Beast.”

  I hung up, knowing I shouldn’t have said that I loved him. Or called him such an intimate nickname. I shouldn’t have done either because I knew having a recorded copy of my words would only be means to use against me. I would have to retract those words later. But for the moment, it felt good letting them slip briefly into the universe.

  ~ CHAPTER 42 ~

  FINN

  I was beyond embarrassed.

  First, mortified having to endure a lecture from the emergency room doctor about nutrition and eating properly. Especially since nutrition and eating healthy was my thing. One of my passions. And then secondly, uncomfortable having Nick and Amanda wait three hours for me. After that, they’d driven to the pharmacy, and now Nick was parked in the middle of my driveway, waiting on me to get out of his car.

  “Sorry,” I said. “I wasn’t paying attention. Can you drive me over to see Lou instead?”

  Nick looked over his shoulder and glared at me like I was an alien in the backseat asking for a ride back to Mars.

  “She was expecting me a while ago,” I added.

  He sighed, turning back around in his seat. “Given the circumstances, are you sure you shouldn’t take the night off from her? Give it a rest?”

  “Thank you for your input. But are you going to drive me to her fucking house or not? Or should I get out and start walking?”

  Nick grumbled, but reversed out of my driveway.

  “Thank you.”

  “No problem,” he muttered.

  He still had an attitude.

  “Whatever you fucking want to say to me, why don’t you just say it, Nick?” I sat up straighter and put my hands on the shoulders of both his and Amanda’s seats. They both needed to hear this, and so I leaned forward to tell them. “I’m in love with Lou. I’m ‘I-forgot-to-fucking-eat-today’ in love with Lou. I don’t need your sarcasm. I’m aware my history with women isn’t good. She’s aware. I think she’s falling for me despite that. Just let me be and let me love her.” I sat back in my seat. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here for her. So, no Amanda, I can’t give you an estimation on our break-up date because there isn’t going to be one. You don’t see me harassing you two about your relationship. So, I’d appreciate it if you showed Lou and me the same respect.”

  Perfect timing.

  I finished telling them both off just as we reached Nick’s rental house. I hopped out of the car before either of them could say a word. Without a goodbye, I hurried up the steps for Lou’s front door. It was locked, so I started knocking. I didn’t stop until she turned the handle and let me in. Her arms slid around my stomach, and I slammed the door behind us.

  Damn. She felt good.

  “I… um. I haven’t been eating well lately. It’s something I do sometimes. And I let it get away from me. So I fainted—low blood sugar, they said—and I hit my head like an idiot.”

  She squeezed me a little tighter.

  “I have periods where I bulk and eat more. And then periods where I cut calories. I’m taking a break from both for a while. So, can we order some takeout, get in our pajamas, and get the fuck in bed?” I didn’t have an overnight bag with me this time. But, hell, I’d go through Nick’s closet and wear some of his clothes if I had to. I didn’t care. I only wanted to stay.

  “That’s fine.”

  She seemed sad. But maybe she’d only been worried for me.

  “Sorry about today,” I added.

  “Don’t apologize.”

  “Oh, I forgot my phone at work somewhere. Could you call for takeout?”

  “I don’t have a credit card.”

  I felt my pocket. “Damn, I guess I left my wallet in Nick’s car. Fuck, I left it on his seat. I’ll get it from him tomorrow. Let’s go see what’s in the refrigerator instead.” I walked with her toward Nick’s kitchen. We had a lot to figure out. Her agoraphobia would be a giant hurdle for sure. But I had faith that we could work around it. Because I had faith in us. Faith in the love I’d started to develop for her.

  ~ CHAPTER 43 ~

  LOU

  Finn cooked me dinner. The guy bumped his head and had one hell of a day, and here he was—looking damn sexy, shirtless and in Nick’s sweatpants, cooking us dinner in the late midnight hour. He made one of the best omelets I’d ever eaten. He joked around about fainting, exactly like I’d pictured he might. I didn’t say much. I only tried to savor this time with him. Then, afterwards, he was seductive as hell as he led me upstairs to my room and climbed into bed with me. He kissed my neck and touched me between the legs.

  He hadn’t heard my voicemail.