Cruz cursed, taking it all in.

  Cups were everywhere, liquid seeping over the counter and onto the floor. Pizza had been ordered, but the boxes were soaked. The pizza was picked over, only a few bits here and there remaining, but even those looked nibbled on. A few guys were in the kitchen, but Cruz scowled at them. They scrambled out.

  I bypassed him, locating a garbage bag under the kitchen sink, and began going over what was on the counter, tossing everything or most everything into the bag.

  Cruz began helping and we worked together until most of the trash was bagged up. After that, he took the bags to their dumpster or wherever their garbage went, and I began taking care of the dishes. Most could go in the dishwasher until that was full. I started a load, and by then, a few guys came in, hearing the sounds.

  I started piling the extra dishes in the sink, plugging it and began filling it with warm water. Added soap.

  “What are you doing, Daniels?” Atwater was confused, looking around, but he was weaving on his feet.

  Cruz came back in, seeing his friend almost toppling over. “Go pass out in your bed, dude.”

  “Huh? Oh. Yeah. Okay.” He headed off, bumping into the wall as he did.

  “Daniels.” Gavin came around the corner, surprisingly sober. “Didn’t know you were here.”

  Cruz turned on the oven then pulled out a bunch of frozen pizzas from the freezer.

  Enough of the counter had been cleared and wiped down so I started washing some of the dishes.

  “I’m surprised you are. Your frat didn’t do a party tonight?”

  “They did, but I heard this one was off the chains so a bunch of us came over. Where were you?” There was a bag of chips and a bowl of cheese. Gavin wasn’t as sober as I thought. He began munching on the chips, dipping them in the sauce and not noticing how bad that cheese looked. It must’ve been sitting out for hours.

  I pulled it away from him, dumping it.

  “Hey.” He reached for it with his chip, but I raised my arm, pushing him back.

  “I just saved your life. You can thank me when you’re sober.”

  Cruz had opened the fridge and pulled out a new jar of cheese. He grabbed one of the bowls I washed, rinsed it, dried it a little, and poured the cheese into it. He slid it over to Gavin with the jar still tipped over. “Sit. Let it drip out.”

  Gavin sat on a stool on the other side of the island. He stared at the bowl, nodding at what Cruz told him. He kept eating the chips.

  I glanced back, seeing Cruz had four pizzas ready to go. The oven was still heating up.

  He laid out some towels, moving the dishes I’d cleaned and put them to air dry. Once he was done with that, he touched my hip. “You want something to drink?”

  I nodded. “Rum and coke.”

  “Me too, please.” Gavin didn’t look up from his eating but held up a finger.

  Cruz narrowed his eyes at him before moving into the other room where they had more booze set up. Once he was gone, Gavin raised his head up and gestured in his direction with a chip. “You two a thing now?”

  I stopped washing dishes. “What?”

  “Know you’re fucking. Pictures are all over social media of you two.”

  “Pictures?”

  He indicated the house. “Here. Tonight, I’m guessing. He was all over you and some of you two on a couch. There’s one where you’re making out against his truck.” He focused back on me, but his eyes were slow to center. He was on something; I could see it now. “Could’ve told me you were fucking him.”

  “It’s no one’s business.”

  He laughed at that, tipping his head back. “You and him? It’s everyone’s business. You two are hot. Gotta say that. You do a porn, make sure to sell that shit. It’d make you six figures.”

  “Stop talking.”

  Pictures. There were pictures and Cruz was the golden boy after last night’s game. Of course there were pictures. Everyone had a phone. We were getting more and more reckless. Then again, being secret hadn’t been the main objection.

  I’d known word would get out, but this was faster than I’d thought.

  Cruz came back, holding a beer and two other drinks. He put one in front of Gavin and handed me the other before narrowing his eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  Gavin was fixated on his current chip, but he started laughing.

  “Shut up,” I hissed.

  Cruz looked between us two.

  Still staring at his chip, Gavin asked, “You going to tell him or am I?”

  I opened my mouth.

  He beat me to it, dropping his chip and staring at Cruz with some hostility. “Pictures of you two all over social media. Congrats. If you were fucking in secret, you’re not anymore.”

  Cruz went still, cursing under his breath before his eyes slid my way.

  I felt sick to my stomach, but I mean, we both made the decision.

  He said softly, “Don’t freak out and ghost me.”

  An unbalanced and a little hysterical laugh left me before I closed my eyes and just shook my head.

  Shit, shit, shit.

  “Is that her freaking?”

  “No. That’s her not being happy,” Cruz answered Gavin.

  “You’ve seen her freak then?”

  They were still talking about me like I wasn’t here.

  “Yeah. One time there was a bad one. Blood–”

  “Blood?”

  “Screams.”

  “Screams too? You were screaming, Daniels? Or wait, screaming from coming?”

  “Shut up, both of you.” But they were talking casual, maintaining a cool and calm effect and I knew they were both doing it for me, so I didn’t flip the fuck out. I wanted to flip the fuck out.

  I wanted to do more, but I thought about the real problems in my life. My mom. That put things into perspective for me. There’d be more attention on me. More girls who might pretend to like me, but mostly more girls who’d hate me. It just happened. Jealousy was rampant. And Cruz being Cruz, I was not looking forward to class on Monday.

  I asked Gavin, “Are you going to give me attitude about this later?”

  He shook his head, going back to his chips. He pulled the cheese jar from the bowl and set it aside. The oven beeped at the same time, and Cruz put two pizzas in as Gavin replied, “Wanna fuck you. Sorry, Styles. I’m keeping it real.” He focused back on me, ignoring how Cruz’s jaw got hard. “Have since I first saw you, but I didn’t get there first, and because I like you as a friend, that’s what I’m cool with being.” He dipped a chip into the cheese. “I’m really hoping to stay awake until those pizzas are done.”

  Cruz moved in, touching my hip and jerked his chin toward the stairs. “We should talk.”

  I nodded, going with him.

  He followed, saying over his shoulder, “Watch the pizzas.”

  “Did you not just hear me? I’m hoping to stay awake. Not a ringing endorsement to keep your house from burning down!”

  Cruz ignored him.

  We went to his room, but this was pointless.

  I grabbed the rest of my stuff.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m going home.”

  “Hey–whoa.” He jumped in front of me, his hands in the air.

  Maybe I should’ve been panicking. I don’t know, but I wasn’t. I was tired. So very, very exhausted. And I looked up, knowing Cruz was worrying about me freaking out, so I spoke calmly. “Turn the oven off and take me home.”

  His eyes cleared and he lowered his hands. “You sure?”

  “I want to go home, and I want to go to my own bed.”

  His chest rose. He looked like he had something else to say, but then everything went flat. His eyes. His mouth. His shoulders.

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  I checked my phone before heading to bed.

  Blocked calls (7)

  One got through to my voicemail, and when I clicked to hear it, it was deep breathing. They didn’t say anything.

  Of course.

  I blocked that number too.

  25

  MARA

  I went on lockdown over the weekend except for a brief roommate dinner. Other than that exception, there’d been no Cruz. No Miles. No Gavin. The only one who got through was Zeke, and that was via the phone before I silenced his alerts. His first text was a picture of Cruz and I holding hands, walking through the hockey house.

  Zeke: I rate this hand holding at a 7.5. It emotes, but a bit shy on the passion level.

  His second text was a picture of me sitting on Cruz’s lap. We were in the back room. I didn’t know anyone had a phone there.

  Zeke: This is an 8.35379. Bodily contact, but your eyes are closed. What it lacks in angst, it makes up for in passion.

  The third was a picture of Cruz crushing me against his truck, his mouth on mine, and my hands in his hair. It was another situation where I didn’t remember touching his hair, but I must’ve because I was holding entire chunks of it in the image.

  Zeke: A 10.000000. Well done, Daniels. Not handing out any awards here, but if you were on my Olympics team, you’d be a solid silver.

  Me: Fuck you.

  Zeke: Trying to make a joke of it cause I know you’re freaking. Let me know if you want a road trip out of there, even for a weekend.

  I was tempted. That said volumes, but I was. Zeke would be fun, and he’d be protective. He wouldn’t hit on me. There’d been one moment I had bad judgment when I was spinning out the end of our senior year, but nothing happened.

  I was eternally grateful.

  I had other texts over the weekend, but after Zeke’s invitation, I decided to do my own ‘getting away.’ I turned my phone off and spent the weekend alone. There was a trip to the grocery store, a couple to get coffee, and I was in the library most of Saturday. That’d been the best decision. I had no idea how empty the library was on Saturdays.

  Sunday was a different story.

  I was studying at a back table on the second floor when a pair of books landed on the table next to me. Tasmin Shaw was glaring at me, her mouth tight as she swung her bag down on a chair and began unpacking her things.

  I straightened in my seat. “What are you doing?”

  “You are annoying.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You’re annoying.” Her phone. Her computer. A notebook. Two pens. She spread her texts out, and then sat down in the chair across from me with an extra oomph. She glared at me. “You have major baggage. You were so rude to me, and you know it wasn’t warranted. I’m nice and you know that too. But I saw the pictures. They’re all over social media. You and Cruz Styles? Do you have, like, a self-sabotaging button or something? I know you like to keep things on the down-low, and that’s who you end up banging? Anyways, I’m here because you need support and sucks for you, you already unloaded on me. I’m aware of the root of your baggage. You made a mistake when you confided in me in our floor’s bathroom last semester, and fuck you, but you made me like you in that moment. So whatever. Even you being a total bitch to me, I’m still here.” She ended it with a harrumph and snapped open her computer.

  I took my phone out and pulled up Zeke’s number. I hit dial.

  “Daniels! What’s the what? More pictures? Wait. I mean, not more pictures? Or no…”

  At hearing Zeke’s greeting, Tasmin raised her head, her eyes holding mine steadily.

  I held hers right back and asked, “Is Blaise with you?”

  Zeke got quiet before he started coughing. “Uh. Yeah. Why…you don’t want to talk to him, do you?”

  I almost smiled at the supreme caution he was having around ‘his boy.’ “No, but you might want to let him know that his little sister is sitting across from me at the library, and she’s informed me that she’s going to be my support system. Instead of being a bitch to her again, I’m going to cease fighting it. Let your boy know and if he has a problem with it, he can suck it.”

  I enjoyed the myriad of emotions that flashed across Tasmin’s face. Shock. Horror. Caution. Fear. And then she ducked her head down. I caught the slight grin she was trying to hide from me.

  “Well, technically, he doesn’t need to ‘suck it’ anymore, since you know he’s super–”

  “I don’t care. Bye.” I ended the call and started a countdown.

  Three.

  Two.

  One–Tasmin’s phone started blowing up.

  Zeke did his job, but Tasmin just gave me another withering glare before answering, speaking tightly, “I do not give one fuck what you’re going to say.”

  Now I was the one smiling because I was fully enjoying this. I wasn’t hiding my smile, though, and it only grew as I heard her brother’s voice over the phone.

  She cut him off, “I don’t care. I. Don’t. Care. You’re not listening to me. I am here. You are not.” There was a pause as she listened to him, before she huffed out, “You can tell Cross anything you want. When my twin calls me, I will put my foot down. You’ve not endured me when I put my foot down. Cross has. I’d advise you to ask him what that experience is like, and yes, make sure you use the phrase that I’m putting my foot down.” Another pause as she listened to him. “Whatever. Fuck off, Blaise.” She rolled her eyes and said quickly, “I mean, I love you, but fuck off about this. You have no say.”

  She ended her call, putting the phone back down.

  It started blowing up right away.

  She declined that call. She declined the next, and the next three.

  I was almost scared to ask, but, “Are those all Blaise?”

  “No. I think he sent out a group text. My boyfriend is probably coming here. My twin is calling. My twin’s girlfriend is calling. They’re all calling.”

  I grunted. “Maybe you shouldn’t be my friend. It’s a lot of work, if you ask me.”

  She seared me as she upped her glare to a whole new level. “I get you being exhausted because of your mom, but what’s your issue with having friends? You had a whole group of them at Fallen Crest.”

  “They were the mean girls. I just didn’t let them be mean to me, and Zeke aside, I’ve found that if I let someone in, they always hurt me.” I leaned over the table. “Always.”

  She got quiet, blinking a few times. “That sounds harsh and lonely.”

  She didn’t get it. Any of it. “Just leave me alone, Taz. I’m not worth it. Trust me.”

  A new determined expression came over her. She sat up straight, raising her chin. “Deal with it.”

  “So, you’re going to study with me? Is that your plan?”

  She checked her phone. “Until Race finds me. I’m sure one of my brothers called him.”

  “I don’t do good with friends.”

  She needed to be warned.

  She lifted her head again, a softer smile on her face. “Fully aware, Mara.”

  Shit. Why did her using my first name make me feel soft?

  “Mara?”

  We both looked up at the sound of another voice. Skylar was coming down our aisle, backpack over her shoulder, and a few other girls with her. A couple guys too. I didn’t recognize any of them. She frowned before flashing me a grin. “You’ve been holed up here studying all day?” She was taking in the somewhat private alcove that I found, and also the very large table we were at. She nodded at the empty space. “Mind if we join?” She gestured behind her. “Just a few of us. The rest are looking for their friends.”

  I opened my mouth, but Tasmin beat me to it.

  She perked up, a bright smile on her face. “Yes! We’d love if you joined!”

  Skylar frowned a little, but gave a casual nod before she took the seat next to me. Some of the other girls filed in, spreading out over the end of the table. The guys with them took off, giving the whole table a two-finger salute.

  I had to give Tasmin some points because she waited until Skylar was nice and settled in before she started.

  “So.” She leaned in, her elbows resting on the table. She rested her chin on her hands and gave another closed-mouth smile at Skylar. “Do you remember meeting me? How was the rest of your birthday? Was it amazing? What’s it like living with Mara? I’ve decided that I’m going to be her friend, whether she wants me to be or not. Do you have thoughts on that?”

  “Uh… I think that’s great.” Skylar frowned, glancing at me.

  I had a feeling this was the precursor for how the rest of the day would go.

  Tasmin Shaw chose her mission: me.

  26

  MARA

  Skylar stayed the whole time until the library closed. Her friends did too, and not only did Tasmin remain the whole time, but her boyfriend joined. When he showed up, they had a silent conversation via looks. It lasted a couple minutes. Everyone noticed, raising their eyebrows except for me, and then, with a sigh, Race moved to take the seat next to his girlfriend. She leaned over, gave him a kiss on the cheek. He shook his head as he pulled out his books to start studying.

  We were heading out now and stepped outside the building.

  “We’re going to take off.” Tasmin waved, her hand in Race’s. “See you later. Mara, don’t block me on your phone. I now know where you live.”

  I just groaned, refraining from comment as they went off in the opposite direction we were going.

  Skylar burst out laughing. “She’s…she’s something. Yeah.”

  My phone buzzed.

  Cruz: Wanna come over?

  “That Styles?”

  I jerked my head up at Skylar’s question. She said it softly, cautiously. She held up a hand. “Sorry, but I saw the pictures.” Her two friends waved, taking off. Skylar returned the gesture before she turned to me again. “Miles also kinda informed us about your deal too.”

  “Miles knew about Cruz?”

  She nodded. “He said he saw you guys one time, but you didn’t know. So, you’re normally pretty private, right?”

  I barked out a laugh. “I—I just like my own privacy, space. And I think something is wrong with me because everything I do has the opposite effect.”