“Angela was there?”

  “Listen to me right now, I can’t be the one to tell you, but I’m letting you know, she’s probably almost back to Grant West by now. You need to go to her. Okay? You hearing me?”

  “Fuck! Fuck! Yeah. Jesus. Okay. You’re okay?”

  “I’m okay.”

  “It’s late. Where are you?”

  “Don’t worry about us. Call Angela. Okay?”

  “Okay. Jesus, okay. Let me know when you’re back.”

  I was so tired and sore. My body had stiffened up from waiting at the station.

  Mara said, “There might be a small inn here. We could stay here and go back in the morning?”

  I gave her a look. “You really think either of us could get any sleep in an inn around here?”

  Her mouth flattened, and her shoulders dropped dramatically. “We’ll need coffee then.”

  I drove to a nearby gas station, filling up the tank. Mara went inside, but came out and met me as I was going in. She had a bag of food hanging from her arm and her hands were filled with two coffee cups. She raised one. “For you.”

  I nodded. “Thank you. I’m going to take a quick piss.”

  “I got water as well. Gatorade.”

  “Thanks. Here.” I turned and hit the unlock button.

  “Thanks.”

  I moved past but turned and walked backwards. She did the same, watching me and for a moment, both of us paused. There was no one else here, except one gas attendant inside. We were in the middle of fucking nowhere, had gone through what we went through, and she never broke down. Not once. She stayed and she fought for me. She’d been my anchor when every part of me wanted to go back and finish the job with Carrington. Then she took care of me, thinking ahead, fighting back in her way, and she was there for Angela. She stayed for Angela, the whole time when we went to the police station.

  Mara was the one who talked Angela into pressing charges now, not later.

  She did that, and even though Mara was saying she did that for me and for Angela, there’d been something about her, like she was too familiar with the whole process.

  The thought hadn’t fully formed in my head until now, but it’d been there. In the back of my mind, ruminating. Now I couldn’t let it go.

  She saw the question in my eyes. Her chin lifted. Her face cleared of all exhaustion. She knew something was coming from me, and my God, but she wasn’t even flinching. She was facing it head-on.

  “That ever happen to you? What he did to Angela, or what I thought he’d done to her?”

  She blinked, once. A stricken look flashed in her gaze, but then it was gone after she blinked a second time. “Once, yeah. When I was too young to know anything.”

  Everything in my body clenched up. She’d been hurt, and I hadn’t known her then. It was still there. It still hung over her. She was still carrying it.

  “What happened?”

  She lowered her head, shaking it, slowly. Her fingers tightened around the coffee cups, but then she looked back up, and a whole different expression was there. It looked deep, tortured. “I don’t carry emotional scars from what the guy did. I went to therapy, worked that out of me, but it’s what my mom did that hurt the worst.”

  “What’d she do?”

  “She made it about her. It’s what she always does.” She rolled her eyes, before looking away. “Can you hit the unlock button again?”

  She started walking back, and I hit the button. I waited until she got inside.

  Until she got comfortable, turned to face me, and I hit the lock button back again.

  People were precious and Mara, I was realizing how precious she was.

  Maybe more than she wanted to know.

  40

  MARA

  We got to Cruz’s house so late. Or hella early in the morning.

  After he parked, I got out, my bag in hand and circled the truck, but he took it from me. We gave each other a long look, but no words were shared. He carried both our bags inside.

  Atwater, Barclay, and a couple other guys were up, all sitting on the couch and doing nothing.

  Cruz had opened the door for me. I went in first, but he came around me, his hand touching the small of my back. “What are you guys doing?”

  Atwater had bags under his eyes. His hair looked as if he’d been running his hand through it. “Waiting on Labrowski. He was supposed to let us know if everything was okay.”

  Barclay was on his phone. “And we’re supposed to let him know when you got here.”

  Atwater asked, “What’s going on? I’ve never seen Labrowski act like he did this morning. He let out a yell or something, woke half of us up. Tore out of here and yelled that we needed to let him know when you got back. That’s it. Radio silence until you just walked in. You’ve been at the beach until now?”

  Cruz’s mouth tightened, and he started to shake his head. His hand rested more firmly on my back, urging me forward a little bit. “Give him some time. If he comes back, he’s not going to want to talk to anyone, but guys, he might not come back till later today. Best thing, go to bed.”

  “What the fuck!” Barclay shot up to his feet, staring at his phone before he showed his screen. “Carrington was arrested by Outpost. It’s–”

  One of the other guys shoved up too. “It’s all over my social media. It’s saying sexual assault.”

  The other guy stood with him, looking at his phone too. “Does it say against who?”

  Atwater and Barclay both looked at us, gazes pondering before slowly moving to me.

  I held up my hands. “It wasn’t me.”

  “Labrowski…” Barclay was putting the pieces together. “That’s where you guys were. Only one person I know who’d Labrowski would light out of here for. Say it wasn’t Angela, man. Say it!”

  Cruz didn’t say it. “Let it go.”

  “Fuck! Fuck, Cruz! Where’s he at? Fucking Alpha Mu–”

  “Stop!” I held a hand up and everyone went silent. All eyes went to me. This was getting out so fast. Who would’ve released that already? I doubted it was Carrington or his friends. Angela, no way. Labrowski? I doubted that. The only others who knew–except her roommate. It wasn’t Cruz or I, but her roommate would’ve known or might’ve known, depending on what Angela told her.

  I said, “It’s so late. Trust me, everything that needed to happen, happened. If it’s not out who it was, leave it alone for now. Okay? Just, trust me. You want to help? The best thing to do is wait and let Labrowski know you’re there for him when he gets back.” I reached for Cruz’s hand, locking our fingers. “I’m tired, and I have a quiz in a few hours. I need to get some sleep.”

  We both went up, silent, and by unspoken agreement, we put our bags away, went to the bathroom. He turned the shower on while I started stripping. He came back, helping me with my clothes and I helped him with his. For a moment, he rested his forehead to my shoulder, and I reached up, my hand cupping the back of his head.

  A wave of warmth and tenderness rose within me. The small things.

  Him waiting for me to get inside his truck before locking it. Him carrying my bags. Him coming to help with my mom, putting my apartment back in order because she had violated it, how he held his little sister, how he cared, how he didn’t hesitate for a second with Flynn, how he stared at me, needing me to keep him from doing worse to Flynn… All that rose inside me.

  How he looked at me right before everything. “I’d like to be your man. That’s what I’d like to be.”

  I threaded my fingers through his hair but turned to him. My lips grazed his ear, his cheek as he lifted his head to look at me.

  I said, my voice breaking, “I want to be your woman. That’s what I’d like to be too.”

  His eyes starting shining, a fierce expression looking back at me, and then his mouth was on mine, and I sagged into his arms. A wall exploded inside me. I was done. This moment, him and me, I was changed because he was in. He was so inside me that I hadn’t realized how inside he was, but now I was seeing him and feeling him, and he was mine.

  He was my man.

  He dipped, lifting me up.

  I wound my legs around his waist, and he carried me into the shower.

  It was an easy adjustment once he pushed me against the wall, and he slid inside. Up into me.

  We both paused at the connection before he began moving, going slow. So achingly, fuckingly slow. A tornado of new emotions swirled in me, feelings that I’d never experienced before.

  I’d never made love before. I’d never had someone make love to me, but the gentleness, the tenderness, how he savored touching me, kissing, tasting, this was what that was like.

  He was my first.

  The softness. How he stared deep into my eyes and I felt it all the way to my heart, my chest overflowing. How I gasped, my fingers holding onto him tightly back as he moved inside me.

  God.

  We were moving together, but I felt him in every inch of my body, and my feelings, my emotions. It was like he’d always been there, always would be there. I broke, my entire body jerking at my climax, and I gasped, because this was so much. Almost too much. Like I’d been given a window to another world, and I could only stare in befuddlement.

  It was magic.

  I was seeing, sensing, feeling, breathing magic in physical touch.

  I’d never be the same again.

  I didn’t want to look at what time it was when we were about to fall asleep, but I set my phone alarm. Cruz curled around me, his arm over my waist, our hands linked. I lifted a leg, and he slid one of his between mine.

  We went to sleep like that.

  Just. Like. That.

  The calls started after that.

  Blocked calls (19)

  41

  CRUZ

  Practice sucked ass. I dragged. Most of the guys dragged. Labrowski didn’t show up, which Coach was going to tear into him for why the captain was a no-show, but it was done. Think I got an hour of sleep? I didn’t even know, but when we got back to the house, I went upstairs.

  “Yo.” Barclay had bags under his eyes too. “Breakfast?”

  I grunted, heading for the stairs. “Sleep.”

  He rubbed at his eyes, yawning. “Sounds good to me.”

  The usual routine was practice, back to the house, shower, get ready for morning classes, and a bunch of us would head to campus for breakfast. After that we dispersed, some staying on campus for early classes and others heading back to the house. Or going to the weight room to lift. This morning, I meant what I said.

  I got to my room, opened the door, and stopped short.

  A part of me had expected her to be gone. Like normal times. Before, she hardly ever slept over. There’d been the few occasions, but normal Mara. She’d be gone. Giving me her body, nothing else. I’d gotten used to it. Hell. I loved it in the beginning, but it changed. Started changing more this semester, and now here I was. Here she was, still sleeping in my bed.

  And I stood just inside my door, watching her sleep.

  She was curled in a ball, toward the wall. Some of her hair was peaking out of the blanket, and I could see her form breathing. Slow. Peaceful. I didn’t want to wake her up. What happened last night, no one should deal with that. Her. Angela. Other girls. No one. But seeing how she handled Angela. Hearing how she spoke to her, the knowing in Mara’s eyes.

  “You might not feel it now. Every part of you is probably screaming at you to run and hide. You will regret that. There will be a day where you wished you had the strength you’ll have later, that you had rallied it today so you can tell the police what happened to you. It’s today. It’s not later. You don’t have the strength? Take mine. Take Cruz’s. You are not alone today, but you will feel alone for so many days after this. I can’t take that away from you, and trust me, I would love to do that. I can’t. But today, right now, trust me. I don’t want you to feel the regret later.”

  Then later, when I asked, “That ever happen to you?...”

  “Once. When I was too young to know anything.”

  I knew it then, knew it when she said those words, and I was sliced from the inside out.

  I loved her.

  I don’t know when it happened. Hadn’t expected this to happen, but it was there.

  All the times she pushed people away, when I knew there was more inside. Could feel the pain behind her exterior, knew there was so much sweetness behind her cold walls. Knew it. Had tasted it. She gave me that of her, that side of her she didn’t give to anyone, and I was learning that she had never given to anyone before.

  Warmth. Heaven. Sunlight. That’s what she gave me, and things had changed.

  A part of me had been bracing for walking into an empty room, feeling that coldness after she left because it’d always been there. I just hadn’t noticed. I hadn’t cared because it worked with me. Not wanting what we had now, but now having it, and knowing I never wanted to go without it again.

  She rolled over in bed, the covers shifting, and her face was poking out. Enough for some oxygen.

  I moved closer, brushing a strand of her dark hair to the side. It was a whole myriad of dark red, chestnut, and a few blonde mixed in. Looked fucking gorgeous on her. I loved her hair. Could grab a handful and you never know what part of the rainbow you’d get, then you could tug on it and you’d get a whole different reaction from her.

  I went to the bathroom, closed the door, and did a quick shower. After that, throwing on some clothes, I went back to bed and slid inside, loving the warmth that was her own cocoon. Loving how that cocoon smelled of her, just waiting to greet me back as I reached for her and gently pulled her to my side.

  She nestled into me, one of her legs slipping between mine, and I turned to her. Kissed her forehead. My head went to the pillow as I breathed her in, and I pulled her even closer, her front fitting to mine and my hand rested on her ass.

  Oh yeah, I thought as I went to sleep. A whole wall had shifted inside of me, shifted to let something in that I never had before either. She did that. She shifted the wall.

  I’d never let her put it back.

  42

  MARA

  We did our quiz first thing in class, but it wasn’t until after when the TA called my name.

  I looked up. My bag was packed, and I was ready to go. “Yeah?”

  She motioned for me to come to the front of the class. The professor had already left. “Come here. I want to talk a bit.”

  I frowned but went over. I was getting As and Bs on everything so far, on the quizzes, on the test, on the papers due.

  “Mara.”

  I looked at the door. Wade was there with a question in his gaze, but I remembered Angela and waved at him. “You can head out. I’ll be fine. You don’t have to wait for me.” I didn’t know if that’s what he was asking, but I didn’t want to risk the topic of Angela. I didn’t want to bold-face lie to my roommate, not if I didn’t have to.

  He nodded before heading out.

  “Mara.” The TA gave me a tight smile, putting her own laptop away in her bag. She set it on her desk and inclined her head toward me. “Field trips are coming up.”

  This again? “I’ve been doing well on all my stuff.”

  “You have. Yes, but being book smart isn’t always the same as being world smart. Look, I’m not trying to ride you or anything. We had another freshman in the class and when we did our field trips, it ended in disaster. I said it before, but there’s a reason this is an upperclassmen course.”

  “You’re judging me because I’m a freshman.”

  “Yes. That’s the criteria for this course.”

  “What do you want from me? I’m doing everything right in the class.”

  “We’re going to the facilities next week. I’m just stressing again how important it is for you to act respectful. The patients there are people. They’re mothers and fathers and daughters and sons and brothers and sisters. Just remember that. You never know someone’s circumstances. You could end up there one day. I could end up there one day. People just, have struggles and sometimes we’re clueless about it. I guess that’s all I’m stressing. The opportunity that Dr. Chandresakaran gives the students means a great deal to me.”

  I was seriously so tired of this. I could open myself up, give her my entire life’s resume about how aware I was of what she’s talking about, but I didn’t. That was not her business, no matter what she was pushing on me. “I’ll be fine.”

  “You’re doing presentations when you get back on what you learned. I’ll be looking forward to what you learned.”

  I almost laughed, because going to that facility wasn’t going to teach me anything I didn’t already know. “Yeah. Me too. Can I go?”

  She nodded, a half-smile but also a half-frown on her face. Her problem wasn’t mine, and I wasn’t going to take it on. But as soon as I was in the hallway, I checked my phone and saw a text.

  Angela: Could you come over?

  This. This I would take on.

  Me: Leaving class right now. What dorm and room?

  My phone buzzed again.

  Kit: I don’t know where your mom is, but word is getting spread around town. My cousin told me that your mom is saying mad shit about you. Saying you came onto her boyfriend when you were like 12. She’s saying crazy stuff.

  I stared at the phone, everything beginning to circle around me, until I shut it down.

  I couldn’t focus on this crisis today.

  Word spread fast. Everyone at Grant West knew about Carrington. They knew he’d been arrested for a sexual assault and no story or rumor was spread about me, about Cruz, or a fight at the beach. It was not spread about who the girl was, and everyone was asking.