A text from my dad.

  Dad: Got her to come back to Fallen Crest. I think she’ll leave you alone. We need to have a talk, though. Love you, sweetie.

  Me: Thanks, Dad.

  The relief was palpable. I had nothing else to give, to say. She did what she always did. She’d ransacked my insides. A part of me wanted to go to her, beg for her forgiveness. Another part knew that was pointless because she’d never stop. Ever. She needed attention and I had no more to give her. Attention, energy, sympathy. I didn’t even know if there was a difference, she just needed it.

  Now there was the other part, the aftermath part. Where I felt guilty for just being. Being present. Being alive. I didn’t understand it, but I felt it. Every time. If someone could’ve explained why I felt this after seeing her, I’d love to know. I just knew I felt it, and I’d carry it until I could either drink or fuck it out of me.

  So far, last night, I had done neither.

  I eyed Cruz, who was coming from the bathroom.

  He eyed me back, padding barefoot over to the bed. He sat, bending down to pull some socks on. “Hey.”

  I sighed, not going through the rest of my phone. “Hey.”

  He glanced to the phone, then to the clock on his nightstand. “Bunch of us are heading to campus for breakfast. Interested in joining?”

  I shook my head. “No. Thanks for letting me crash here. I’m going to head back. She left.”

  He gave a nod before standing up and disappearing into his closet. He came back out, pulling on a hockey sweatshirt. He returned to his spot, pulling his shoes on. “You sure? You can crash here tonight if you want.”

  “She’s gone. I’m fine. I’ll be fine.”

  He hesitated, then nodded and stood up. “Okay. See you later then?”

  He didn’t wait for an answer, going to the door.

  “Hey.”

  He stopped, looking back.

  I scooted up in his bed, pulling the covers with me. “Thank you for last night.”

  His eyes flickered, a soft frown showed, but he lifted his chin. “Yeah. No problem.”

  He left, and I rolled out of bed, quickly dressing. Cruz drove me here last night, but his house was only a few blocks away. I could walk it and get home in plenty of time to get ready for class. I was hurrying, this time easing out his window.

  I’d just dropped down from the stairs to the alley by their house when my phone started ringing.

  I silenced the call and went to the back alley.

  I was a block from the house when my phone started again.

  I answered, “Hey.”

  It was Tasmin.

  “So.” She hesitated, then took in a deep breath. “Okay. I am calling you to give you a heads-up.”

  Oh no…

  She kept on, “My brother just called me. He found out that Zeke’s friends with a guy from Alpha Mu here, and yeah… Zeke’s coming this weekend for a visit.”

  I almost dropped the phone. “Zeke is coming?”

  “Knowing Zeke, I’m sure he’ll have other guys with him, but yeah. I think my brother freaked over what you said to him. He’s sending Zeke to make sure you don’t hurt me or something like that.”

  Jesus. My head was pounding.

  “Are they staying at the Alpha Mu house?”

  “I’m not sure. I don’t know why my brother’s so worried. You don’t actually do anything. Threats, but those are always empty. It’s like I know you better than he does.”

  Right.

  I frowned. “Okay. Thanks for the heads-up. I appreciate it.”

  “Yeah. Um…are you going to be studying again tonight? At the library? Maybe we’ll see you there?”

  “I don’t know what I’m doing tonight, but I’ll let you know. Sometimes we study at my house.”

  “Oh. Yeah! That makes sense. Where you live. I’d study there too if I lived in a house now. You know. Except for the dorms, not that the dorms are bad. We have the lounges and…yeah…”

  My headache was getting so bad.

  “I gotta go, Taz. Thanks for letting me know.”

  “Yeah! Sure. Okay. See you later…”

  I ended the call and went to unblock Blaise.

  I couldn’t believe I had to freaking deal with this.

  Once he was unblocked, I hit call.

  He didn’t answer, but I left a voice message. “Jesus Christ, Blaise. If you actually think I’m going to hurt your sister, you never knew me. Taz is nice. The fact you think I could hurt her? What’s the one thing I avoid like the plague? Drama. Hurting your sister would bring that in copious amounts. You can chill out. I’m not going to do anything to he–BEEEEEP!”

  The call cut out.

  My mom. Now my ex.

  I growled, stuffing my phone back in my pocket, and ignored the buzzes coming in. When I got to the house, I went up to my place, and stopped just inside the door.

  She’d been here.

  She’d invaded my space. My dishes were moved. Food that wasn’t mine was in their place.

  She had started to go through my bag.

  I hated that she was here. I hated that she had violated this sanctuary of mine.

  Fuck her. Fuck–just fuck her.

  And fuck how I felt guilty at thinking that.

  No one would understand the feeling of someone getting under your skin, taking your life as if it’s theirs to control, and how much energy it took to fight to get it back. No one would understand unless they were in the same shoes.

  My phone buzzed.

  Cruz: I forgot I drove you last night. Did you get home already? I can come back and give you a ride.

  Me: I’m good.

  I was such a liar.

  28

  CRUZ

  I’d texted Miles when I knew Mara was at class, so he met me in front of her door. He was leaning against the wall as I came from the stairs, and shook his head. “If you’d asked for this before the party last Friday, I’d be like hell no. But…” He unlocked her door, and let me in. “Don’t fuck anything up, because our girl takes no prisoners.”

  I dipped my chin towards him. “It’ll be fine. I’m just doing something to help her out.”

  Suspicion flared in his gaze, but he cocked his head to the side. “If she’s pissed about whatever you’re going to do, I’m throwing Gavin under the bus. I’ll tell her that he stole her keys to give to you.”

  “Dude. Just tell her I stole her keys.”

  His eyebrows dipped down. “That’s a better idea. Anyways.” He held up a finger, making a clicking sound. “Have at it. This never happened.”

  I shut the door.

  I saw the look on Mara afterwards. Someone violated her safe place. I got it. I understood.

  Garbage bags were pulled out of my backpack, and I got to work.

  I hit the kitchen first.

  The food her mom had brought was put in the garbage bags.

  I found Mara’s real food, and put them back where she had them before. Her towels. Washcloths. They were taken and put away. I was guessing a little, but remembered which went to the bathroom, and the others were put in the hallway closet. When I opened that door, I saw I’d been right. There were two giant empty spaces on one of the shelves.

  Dishes were put back.

  Glasses.

  Even the silverware was returned to the original drawer.

  Mara might’ve had no idea that I remembered this shit since most of my time was entering, then exiting her bedroom, but I noticed things. Always had.

  Her mom had gotten into her bedroom, with her nicer clothes moved to her closet and some of her mom’s clothes put in the drawer. That stuff was put in the garbage bag as well, and I dug in her closet, finding everything to get it back in the spot Mara had designated.

  After that, I combed through the place.

  The bathroom’s toilet paper was switched around. I corrected that.

  She had put some of Mara’s toiletries under the sink, putting her own things in its place. That was all made right.

  The living room. There were some blankets that Mara liked to grab for her lap. She usually kept them on the couch, so she could easily grab one without getting up, but her mom had stuffed them in the back of the closet. Those were put back.

  After that, I studied the room, standing, feeling something else was off.

  The air.

  The place didn’t smell like Mara. It reeked of cheap perfume.

  Windows were opened. I found a fan and had that going, helping to clear it all out. When that was done, I looked around for the usual spray that Mara liked and did a few sprays.

  There. It looked like no one had been in here.

  I grabbed my bags, hit the lock, and headed back out.

  The rest of the week, I never heard from Mara. I half expected it.

  Seeing her mom, hearing her mom, being in the same room as her, I could feel how toxic the lady was. Everything clicked. Mara hadn’t been Mara in that room. She was a shadow of herself, and I hated that.

  Hated seeing that. Hated feeling that from her.

  So, her ghosting me, not wanting to see the person who was a witness to that moment, made sense. She was feeling vulnerable and exposed, and I seriously did get that shit. Fuck. She had no idea how much I got it. That’s why I was brief the next morning, giving her space, not pushing anything. Normal people, that’s what they’d do. They’d want to know what happened, get all the emotional feelings out. Feel all close to each other and shit.

  Her and me? No. We didn’t do that shit.

  That’s the time when you close up and rally and pull away because even while you don’t want to do it, you have to so you feel safe again. You don’t feel safe being raw and exposed. Which goes against the grain, but again, I get it.

  “Penny for your thoughts?”

  I started to answer Barclay, but Atwater skated next to him and said the same thing. A goofy smile on his face. “Penny for your thoughts?”

  “Penny for your thoughts?” That was Labrowski.

  Keys was next. “Penny for your thoughts?”

  “Penny for your mind?”

  The third line was next.

  Then the fourth.

  They all repeated a variation of the same question, and I scowled, but I was also fighting back a grin. “You guys planned that like some TikTok video?”

  They all started laughing.

  Atwater shoved one of the third linemen. “Except for this dumbass. Mind? The phrase is thoughts.”

  He scowled and ducked, skating backwards. “Don’t hit me again, dude.”

  Atwater went right after him. “Oh! What are you going to do about it?”

  They moved off, half wrestling and half pretending to have a brawl, but we’d just finished practice so no one cared.

  Labrowski moved up in Atwater’s place. “Serious, man. You good? You’ve been spacing all week.”

  “Can’t be about those pictures of you and Daniels up on the hockey blogs.” Barclay moved in. “That was a week ago.”

  “That was a whole week ago?”

  They were talking about me as if I wasn’t here. And because I was in a mood, I skated away.

  “Cruz! Come on.”

  I headed for the locker room and held up my stick to Barclay. “You guys seem to be having a better conversation about me so have at it. You all figure shit out. Let me know what you’ve decided.”

  I stepped over, walking the rest of the way.

  Some of the guys followed, their voices filling the locker room.

  I went to my area, peeling off my uniform and pads before sitting down and bending over to start unlacing my skates. Labrowski sat next to me, doing the same. He glanced over a few times before he said, “Listen, I’m known for doing crazy shit, but when it comes to the games, I’m steady. You being melancholy this whole week is fucking the dynamic up. Guys notice. You’re not captain, but you set the tone for us, so whatever’s going on, get it out of your head. We’re playing Minnesota this weekend. They’re good. We need you at your best.”

  “Dude. I’m aware. I’ve been quiet, that’s it. My head’s always on straight for the game.”

  “I know, but…you have influence. Theirs might not be. Just be aware of that.”

  He was right. I’d been noticing the looks from the guys, but me being quiet wasn’t all about Daniels. Wasn’t even a third about Daniels. Mom. Titi. Then Sabrina Burford coming up afterwards and mentioning Titi.

  Then the whole storm with Mara’s mom.

  That threw me way, way back, and I’d not been ready or wanting to go to memories of why I could identify Mara’s mom’s deal or the look in Mara’s eyes when she came out of the bathroom.

  We were leaving for Minnesota in the morning, so I had one night.

  I needed to hash some stuff out with Daniels, and her ghosting me was not going to continue. We were officially in the ‘between shit’ that she always said she didn’t want. We were there. I was making us go there.

  I was finishing dressing when Barclay came over. “A bunch of us are going for some pizza. You in?”

  I checked my phone. It wasn’t even eight yet. “Yeah. I can go for a couple slices.”

  “Sweet!” He pounded me on the chest before grabbing his bag. “Can I ride with you?”

  As soon as we entered Pete’s, the guys headed for the back room. It was mostly a bar, known for their pizza and a couple games in the back room, so it wasn’t uncommon for some kids to be playing back there if their family was here during normal ‘dinner’ hours. Labrowski and a few of the other guys were the only ones legal to drink, so they ordered a pitcher. We were in training, and we had a game tomorrow, so it would only be one pitcher. The guys had been here enough and the workers behind the bar were fan-guys. Because of that, it was the place we came whenever we wanted a beer and didn’t want to get any shit for it.

  D1 hockey went a long way around here.

  But because it’d gotten out that the team hung out here, a lot of upperclassmen also started coming as well. Which normally wasn’t an issue, but I saw a back booth where Carrington was at, along with a few other Alpha Mu brothers.

  Barclay sat down next to me, nodded in their direction. “Wonder if Miller is here?”

  I glanced over, hearing Mara’s roommate. “Over there.”

  “Sweet. I like the Miles kid too.”

  They weren’t alone.

  Miles Gaynor, Gavin Miller, a few other guys were heading in from the other section of the bar and right behind them were a bunch of sorority girls. Burford was there. She was grinning, her head down, her hand lightly touching Miller’s back, but when their attention shifted our way, so did hers.

  Her hand fell away. Her head jerked up. The grin vanished, and her eyes got real wide. She stumbled in her step before righting herself.

  “What’s that about?” Labrowski joined us, setting the pitcher down and a pile of plastic cups next to it. He was talking about Burford.

  “Nothing. I know her from school.”

  “College?”

  Labrowski stifled a laugh.

  I rolled my eyes at Barclay. “High school, dumbfuck.”

  “Really?”

  I nodded.

  “You two don’t look cool. I thought you were cool? You studied with her when you first hooked up with Daniels.”

  “How do you know that?”

  Labrowski snorted, laughing under his breath.

  Barclay winced before also snorting. “You came back reeking of sex. After that, Daniels was the only girl sneaking out of your room. Figured that was the first time. Was I wrong?”

  I swore, long and low. “Had no idea you were this observant back then.”

  Labrowski hooted, hitting the table with his palm. “Observant! Barclay?”

  Atwater was coming back to the table, a wide grin on his face and his own pitcher of beer in hand. He set it down, rounding the table to drop down on my other side. “Barclay? Too bad he doesn’t use that skill on the ice.”

  “Hey!”

  Labrowski’s head tipped back, more laughter came out. “Burn!”

  “Dude.” Barclay was scowling and he motioned to the second pitcher of beer. “We have a game tomorrow. One pitcher is fine, but two? Everyone has a phone nowadays. What are you thinking?”

  Atwater didn’t seem to care, shrugging and pouring himself a cup. “If we ask real nice, they won’t post. No one wants to get us in trouble.”

  Labrowski grunted, taking his own pitcher and pouring for himself. “Don’t say that around Styles. He found out sometimes they gonna post what they wanna post.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Fuck off, all y’all.”

  “Damn.” Atwater shot upright, motioning behind Labrowski. “Watch it. They’re coming over.”

  The rest of the team was heading in, but they weren’t alone. Gaynor and Miller joined, along with a couple other Alpha Mu brothers. Burford and her sorority sisters joined too, lingering at the end except for two of the girls. They were eyeing me.

  “What’s up, everyone?” Gaynor went around the table, fist pumping half the team. I held mine up as he went past. He paused, just briefly, but kept on, rounding and sinking down on the other side of Keys.

  Miller joined him, giving everyone a nod hello. “You all going to win tomorrow?”

  The guys started to talk, but I was feeling attention from one of Sabrina’s friends. Slender. Pretty face. Dark hair. She had mean eyes, the kind that say they know something about you that you don’t want them to know. Because of that, I leaned forward. “Who’s your friend, Burford?”

  The mean-eyed chick just grinned, all knowing and shit. Smug.

  Sabrina sighed, looking defeated for one second, which wasn’t a typical Sabrina Burford thing. She’d picked up a drink and set it down before motioning to the girl. “She’s from a sister sorority.” Her mouth closed and it was obvious she had no inclination to say anything more.

  The ‘friend’ didn’t care. Her grin widened and she half leaned over the table. “Hi! I’m Kit. Kit Carlson.” She gave one pause before the Cheshire smile came out. “We have a friend in common.”