“Come on. Don’t talk like that about her.” It was true, and Jillian was very much aware of each dip and curve on Laura’s body. She just didn’t want Diana to covet it so carelessly.

  “Jillian, we’ve known each other for a long time. I can tell when you’ve got more on your mind than the usual. What’s going on?”

  In spite of their romantic history, she considered Diana her friend and a close one. Jillian told her about Laura’s illness and how she’d arranged time for them to work together to see if Jillian could help her. “I’ve taken it a step further here,” Jillian said, handing her a book on animal assisted therapy and sitting back at the table.

  Diana looked at it skeptically and fanned through the pages. “Wait a second. I need to understand something first.”

  “And what is that?”

  “Why are you willing to risk the last twenty years of your life and career for this girl? You do realize that nothing about this looks good from the outside looking in?” Diana leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms.

  Jillian was aware of how it looked. She had no doubt that she’d taken a special interest in Laura, and while she wasn’t violating any policies that she knew of, she wasn’t oblivious to the perception. Without her, Laura wouldn’t have a chance at the institute or in this field. Laura knew that too, and yet she kept trying despite it. If Jillian could help her even a tiny bit, why wouldn’t she? “I’m not risking anything. I’m just trying to help her.”

  “I get it. And it’s wonderfully noble of you. That’s always been an admirable trait of yours. But what if it were anyone else? BJ? Steven? Would you be so willing to help them?”

  “Steven was an ass,” Jillian said without hesitation.

  Diana laughed and nodded her head. “You know what I mean.”

  Of course, she did. Diana was fishing. So much for avoiding the awkward and annoying interrogation part of this conversation. “Yes, I do. Would I help anyone else? Yes, I probably would. Laura has been through a lot. She’s more than qualified to be here and refuses to let this thing beach her. If anyone else had that same determination against such impossible odds then yeah, maybe I would help them too.”

  “At least tell me that you are not sleeping with her.”

  Why was that always the way? It was possible for two lesbians to be in the same room and not want to have sex with each other. That wasn’t necessarily the case here, but sometimes it was. Either way she wasn’t about to confirm or deny that with Diana. “You’re being ridiculous. And I’m not answering that.”

  “Holy shit, Jillian. You’re fucking her?”

  “Good grief, Diana, stop yelling. It’s none of your business. Seriously. Do I ever ask you which one of my staff you’re sleeping with? And besides don’t get self-righteous with me because you didn’t get your paws on her first.”

  Jillian was beyond over with this conversation, and Diana had more than overstayed her welcome. Laura would be horrified to know that she had been the subject of such a discussion, regardless of whether anything had happened between them. Besides, Jillian was positive that whatever they would be doing would be much more than mere fucking. Laura was far too passionate not to put some or all of that into her private life. The thought sent a tingle dancing over her skin.

  “Well, I’ll have you know that neither my paws nor any other part of my body is interested in her. I was just looking out for you.”

  “Everything’s fine. You don’t need to look out for me. I’ve been training animals for twenty years. Conditioning, repetition, reinforcement, exposure. That’s all it is.”

  “Throw a few smelt in her mouth and you’ve got yourself a talking dolphin.”

  “Diana.” Jillian was appalled by the insinuation.

  “What? All I’m saying is that you may need to rethink this idea of yours. Let her sink or swim on her own. Literally. I know you want to help, but there are some things that are outside our expertise. This is definitely one of them.” Diana showed herself out.

  Jillian had thought about that more than a few times. She contemplated letting her go the same night she’d expelled Steven, but she didn’t. She made the deal with Laura for four weeks. Jillian would give her whatever she could in that time. If they succeeded, Laura had the rest of her life to live her dream. If not, then Jillian imagined it would be a matter of time until she found another way. Jillian was determined to do everything she could in the next few weeks to give her the dream. After their interaction with Pepper, she felt that they were well on their way.

  Chapter Twelve

  Once everyone was herded into the conference room, all eyes were focused on the individuals at the front. Laura and her seven fellow trainees stood pressed against the back wall behind Jillian and Fletcher. Diana was at the front of the room alongside two officers from the Florida Wildlife Commission. They’d all been pulled from their current assignments and duties by Jillian who said little else except, “Follow me.” Which every one of them had done without hesitation.

  One of the most important programs conducted at TMRI was the manatee rescue and rehab initiative. As one of the few federally regulated marine life critical care units in the state, their team of emergency responders were dispatched to every rescue and stranding call within a hundred miles of the facility. And today they received one of those calls. According to Diana and the FWC, seven West Indian manatees had found themselves trapped in a shallow pond after swimming over an embankment when the river swelled earlier in the week.

  The energy in the room was electrifying. Moving seven, thousand-pound animals was going to take the combined strength and knowledge of both the institute and the wildlife commission, as well as teams from SeaWorld Orlando, the University of Florida, and the US Geological Survey. The coordination effort that was getting underway was energizing, and Laura was buzzing from the activity. She was excited to be witnessing such an important and integral step in the mission to ensure the survival of these threatened animals. It made her even more proud to be a part of the TMRI family.

  “Is it just me or are you a bit bummed that we aren’t going with them?” BJ said just loud enough for those next to him to hear.

  “Like they need a bunch of newbs like us getting in the way,” Brooke said.

  Laura agreed with both of them, but she had to admit she was more disappointed about not getting to witness the rescue.

  When Diana dismissed the team, Laura and the others pressed themselves tighter against the wall and out of the way. The room emptied as fast as it had filled in a controlled chaos.

  Jillian followed the mass and then stopped in the doorway. She turned around and looked at them all with impatience. “What the hell are you people waiting for? Load up.”

  All eight of them hopped to attention and scurried out the door behind Jillian. The disappointment that they had been feeling was replaced with disbelief as they raced after the others. A convoy of vehicles was staged along the alley between the fish house and the medical building. Team members and staff jumped in and out of trucks with nets, slings, buoys, and crates of every size. If it wasn’t bolted down it was being loaded into a vehicle, and within minutes, they were ready to go.

  Fletcher and Jillian hollered to Laura and the others from a white cargo van at the end of the line. Metal latches clanged and doors slammed along the row of vehicles. The last of their group filed into the van as the first truck began to pull away.

  “Get in the van,” Jillian bellowed at the stragglers. She was already pulling away from the curb before the door was closed. Laura had no doubt Jillian would have left whether the last of them had made it into the vehicle or not.

  From the far back seat, she could see Jillian’s face in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were shaded with sunglasses, but Laura could see the intensity and focus in her angular jaw and the taut muscles of her neck. Her lips were closed tightly but still full and pink. When Jillian’s tongue ran slowly across her bottom lip, Laura did the same out of instinct. When Jillian raised her eyebrow and grinned ever so slightly, Laura knew she’d been caught. It was confirmed when Jillian pulled her glasses down just enough to make sure Laura knew she’d been busted. Jillian laughed out loud, causing Fletcher to look at her curiously, but she said nothing.

  A red-hot flash worked its way up Laura’s neck into her cheeks, and she slid in her seat just short of melting into a heap on the floorboard.

  “What are you doing?” BJ asked, looking down at her.

  “Wishing these windows opened so I could toss myself out onto the road.” Before BJ could give her shit about getting caught ogling Jillian, Fletcher turned around to face everyone in the back.

  “When we get to Crystal River things are going to look and feel pretty hectic. With the different agencies, there’s going to be about forty or fifty people working to trap, assess, and hopefully relocate this aggregation.”

  “What?” Laura asked, deafened by the rushing sound of blood in her ears. “Where?” The rattle in her voice was noticeable even to herself. She grabbed BJ by the arm, and he winced. “Where? Where did he say we were going?” She squeezed his arm tighter until he yelped.

  “Crystal River. Why?” As soon as he said it, his face went white. “Oh God.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. “Fletcher, did you say Crystal River? As in Crystal River Springs?”

  “That’s the one,” Fletcher responded before continuing with his briefing.

  “Okay. It’s fine.” BJ comforted her. “It’ll be fine.”

  Beads of sweat were building on Laura’s upper lip and forehead. She wiped her clammy hands on her pants before swiping them across her brow. “BJ that’s…that’s…” She choked on the words.

  “I know. Don’t worry. When we get there, we’ll let Jillian know and you can just stay in the van.”

  She took several deep breaths, exhaling slowly through pursed lips. She told herself to keep breathing though she wanted to hold her breath. “I can’t do that. Nobody knows, BJ. Just you and Jillian.” She let out a shaky exhale. “I’m not ready.”

  “I know. But you don’t have to get in the water. There are going to be so many people there, and we don’t even know what we’ll be doing. I’m sure we’re just extra hands.”

  She had to know for sure. He was trying to help, but he would say anything to keep her from going into a full panic. “Ex…excuse me…Fletcher?” She didn’t care that the whole van full of people turned to look at her. She took a ragged breath, and her eyes were drawn to Jillian’s who was looking back at her through the mirror. At first her unshaded stare was one of confusion, but then realization struck and her eyes expressed the fear that BJ had vocalized. Oh, shit.

  Jillian turned to Fletcher and mumbled something no one could have heard, certainly not Laura all the way in the back. It was Jillian who responded to the question, “We’ll let you know more of what our role might be when we get there,” she said before making Fletcher turn back around in his seat.

  “Do you have anything?” BJ asked.

  “Huh?” she said, looking away from Jillian’s gaze.

  “Pills? Xanax. Klonopin? Anything?” he asked.

  “Yes. In my bag, but I don’t like to take them during the day while I’m working.”

  “Take one, or half of one. We have at least an hour until we get there. You cannot put yourself through this for that long.” He picked up her bag off the floor.

  He was right. She would either go mad with anxiety or pass out from trying to hold her breath for the whole ride. As she set the tablet under her tongue to dissolve, Laura wished that she was back in the lagoon with Jillian’s strong arms wrapped around her. She closed her eyes and imagined herself there.

  * * *

  Jillian tried to keep her eyes on the road, but she kept looking back at Laura in the mirror. Her face was ashen and the wild panic in her eyes called out to her. She wanted to pull the van over and hurdle every seat to get to her. Jillian couldn’t begin to imagine what Laura was feeling, but her heart beat harder and her breaths came quicker as Laura tried to get a handle on her own. Jillian paced her own breathing with Laura’s and tried in vain to control it and help her through the fear.

  She caught BJ’s eyes and he nodded at her. Laura’s were still closed, but her shoulders had begun to dip into a more relaxed posture. Jillian was glad that he was there with her since she couldn’t be. She wanted to kick herself for not catching this before they got on the road. Jillian had to wonder how they even got this far before Laura connected the dots. Jillian tried to recall if Diana had even given a location during their briefing. Either way, it no longer mattered. Laura was about to confront her demons head-on without any warning, and Jillian didn’t know what she could do to stop it.

  During the ride she looked back often at Laura but never saw her eyes. Her head hung forward with her eyes closed for the remainder of the drive. An occasional glance at BJ assured her that she was all right. After what seemed like a hundred years, they arrived at the staging area. A temporary command center was established in the parking lot where they could coordinate their teams once they assessed the situation on the ground.

  Jillian ordered her group out of the vehicle and sent Fletcher to be her ears among the action. At first glance, she estimated no less than ten people per agency had responded. Their distinctive colored shirts set them apart from each other, as well as the handful of divers standing by with full scuba gear just in case. There wasn’t any situation that they weren’t prepared for.

  “You can go observe, but do not get in the way. Once the briefing is finished, Fletcher will return with our assignments if we have any. If you’re pulled into service or given a directive, don’t ask questions, just do it.”

  As expected, everyone except BJ and Laura rushed toward the action They lingered behind the van hoping not to be seen. “You can head over with them if you want. I’ll stay with her,” Jillian said to BJ.

  He looked at Laura and rubbed her arm. “Are you okay if I go?”

  “Go ahead. I’m fine,” Laura said.

  As soon as BJ was out of sight, Jillian slipped two fingers under Laura’s chin and raised her hanging head. “Hey, you.” Tears formed in Laura’s eyes, and that ripped at her heart. “I am so sorry.”

  “It’s just that I haven’t been here since, you know.”

  “I was so caught up in the momentum that I never even thought about where we were going.”

  “Why would you?” Laura asked, pulling Jillian’s hand from her face.

  The idea that Laura didn’t want Jillian to touch her hit her harder than she could have expected. “I should’ve asked. You wouldn’t have to be feeling like this.”

  “That isn’t your responsibility, Jillian. Your job isn’t to babysit and protect me. What if you weren’t here?” Laura’s voice was shaky but not from nervousness, and it crackled as she raised her voice in frustration.

  “It is my responsibility to protect you. As a trainee in my program it most certainly is my job.” Jillian kept her voice low and calm.

  “But why? Why are you giving me so many chances? Me?” Laura tapped hard on her own chest. “You’ve gone so far out of your way to help me. Why?”

  Diana had asked the exact same question the day before. So many potential answers flooded her mind. Because you need me. Because I want to feed the fire burning inside you. Because I think I’m falling in love with you. Jillian shrugged and just said, “Because I can.”

  “But we don’t even know that. We’re just throwing shit at the wall and hoping it sticks.”

  A painful pang twisted her heart. “Is that how you think I would approach something so important?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. What do you even know about PTSD? About fear or anxiety?” Laura’s voice grew louder.

  “What makes you think that you’re the only one who’s afraid of things? Everyone’s scared of something, Laura.”

  “Tell me. What could the incomparable Jillian Marshall be afraid of? What paralyzes her with fear and anxiety?”

  “Plenty of things,” Jillian said, hoping that Laura wouldn’t press her. She had only ever been afraid of one thing, but since the day Laura entered her life her fears had multiplied. She was frightened of her attraction to Laura and of her desire to just be near her whenever she could. She feared losing her heart and then losing Laura to her dreams. Not to mention losing her career when everyone at the institute found out that she was falling for a trainee. How could she possibly tell Laura that she was her biggest fear? She couldn’t, and she wouldn’t.

  “Like what?” Laura asked after several moments of silence.

  “Heights,” Jillian said.

  Before Laura could ask any more questions or demanded details, Fletcher returned. The rest of the group scurried along behind him. She had tried to calm her down in these few minutes they had been alone, but had just managed to get her more agitated. It wasn’t going to help her with whatever she was about to be confronted with.

  “We’ve got seven of them. Five cows and two juveniles. They’re in a receding retention pond near a subdivision on the north fork of the river. Seems to be as low as three feet in most places. It looks like they washed up over the embankment during the surge last week.”

  Several box trucks and a medi-van drove out of the park to set up down river, where it would be easier to access and examine the animals. “What do they need from us?” Jillian asked.

  Everyone stepped closer hoping to hear that they’d get some hands-on experience instead of just standing around.

  “They need a few hands in the water to help herd them into a confined space. And of course, there’s no shortage for anyone willing to do the heavy lifting. There’s at least one nursing cow and she’s pushing two thousand.”

  “And vet staff?”

  “Two vets are on hand from SeaWorld with a few technicians, and FWC will be tagging the calves before release,” Fletcher said.