“It will be.”

  “I’ll see you around, Chris.” Ash walked out of the office, put back more right than she’d been when she entered it. She snagged Avonlee and walked out of the school with a lightness in her step that she hadn’t felt in years.

  Chapter Thirteen

  With her down jacket on, Chris stepped out onto the playground during the end of the day rush. It had been a bit since she’d managed to get out there and see the parents picking up the kids. The energy and excitement that filled the playground this time of day was exactly what Chris needed to keep her mind focused.

  Chris couldn’t get Ash and her family out of her thoughts. She’d even stopped by Isla’s classroom, despite the awkwardness, twice to check on Rhubie, but she seemed to not have as many issues as Avonlee. Still, Chris watched the girls for any sign that they were struggling more than typical. But since she’d come out to Avonlee, Chris hadn’t noticed any struggles. As much as she would love to tell her that Esther was also a part of that community, she wasn’t willing to out anyone else. Her job was to protect her teachers as much as possible, and Esther had enough going on at the minute that she didn’t need any more drama in her life.

  Avonlee raced by her toward the second-grade door and snagged her sister in a big hug. Chris’ lips quirked up as she watched the reunion. It was probably the first time she’d seen Avonlee be cheerful. They moved rapidly to the playground set and started running around on it together, ignoring all the other kids around them.

  Chris talked with a parent here or there and hugged kids as they trickled home. It didn’t take long for Ash to show up, but the playground was half empty. Chris smiled to herself as she walked over to where Ash was looking for the girls.

  “They’re playing,” Chris answered, shoving her hands into her jean pockets and rocking up on her toes. “Avonlee ran to snag Rhubie from her teacher, and they’re on the play equipment.”

  “Oh, well, that’s good I guess.” Ash sent Chris a shy smile, her cheeks red, but Chris couldn’t tell if it was from the chilly air or something else.

  It was finally a decent day outside, so Chris didn’t mind staying out there longer than she normally would. They stood shoulder to shoulder, watching the girls play and other kids started to disappear. Chris realized belatedly that they were the only ones on the playground.

  Ash caught her attention, another slow smile lighting her lips. “I wanted to thank you for the other day.”

  Which day? The impromptu but interrupted make out session? The dinner? The fill in at Hope in Action? Or the awkward reveal about Mari in her office?

  “Avonlee has been a lot more relaxed since talking with you about your sexuality. I think she felt a bit slighted and on her own out here, honestly.”

  “Ah.” Chris smiled, warmth filling her chest. “I’m glad she’s coming into her own.”

  “She’s more comfortable now. I think Kelli has still been giving her issues, though.”

  So Avonlee had told Ash who it was that was primarily bugging her. Chris hadn’t heard of any other incidents involving the girls that week, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t happening. It just meant that it wasn’t as bad or that it hadn’t been reported. Chris rolled up on her toes again. “I’ll keep an eye on it.”

  Ash drew in a sharp breath. “And thanks for giving me a few days to recover.”

  Chris turned sharply then. Confusion swam through her, and she eyed Ash down. “Recover?”

  “I sometimes forget how much it hurts that Mari isn’t here anymore. Being the only parent isn’t only traumatic but exhausting.” Ash frowned. “I hate sometimes that there’s no backup.”

  “Oh, Ash.” Chris reached out and touched her arm lightly, squeezing through the thick down jacket. Once again, her heart was breaking for this family. “I’ll back you up as much as I can.”

  “I know that now.”

  “Forgive me for the cruel question, but how did Mari die?”

  Ash sighed heavily and nodded toward the small bench on the side of the playground. Chris followed her to it, realizing belatedly that this was going to be a much longer conversation than she’d originally anticipated. It was a good thing it was a rare warm day that February.

  They settled onto the bench. Ash’s gaze never left the girls playing. Chris could understand that. They were an easy and good distraction, but Ash probably also wanted to protect them from the conversation that was about to happen.

  Ash’s face didn’t change. She folded her hands together and leaned over her knees, her head downcast. The anticipation of what she was about to say built up in Chris’ chest. She desperately wanted to know, but she didn’t want to force Ash to share either.

  “Mari was in a car accident.”

  The words jarred her.

  Chris blinked sudden tears away. Reaching out, she covered Ash’s clasped hands and rubbed her thumb along the smooth skin. “I’m so sorry.”

  Ash shrugged slightly, but Chris couldn’t tell why. Either it was because she didn’t see it as a big deal or she was trying to make it seem like she didn’t. Chris suspected the latter, because no sudden death of a spouse wasn’t a big deal.

  “It was a single car accident.” Ash’s jaw tightened. “She survived the accident, initially. What killed her was what happened afterward. She was in ICU for weeks before she finally succumbed to the injuries and everything else going on.”

  Chris wanted to know what everything else was, but she hesitated to ask. She wanted Ash to guide the story, share what she felt comfortable disclosing.

  “It was a long winter break.”

  “I can’t imagine.” Chris squeezed Ash’s hands before breaking the contact and leaning back into the bench. The girls played together as if nothing had happened, giggling and laughing. They were completely untouched by the conversation happening at the moment, though both obviously deeply wounded by the death of their parent.

  “No one can. I can barely believe it myself half the time. But it’s been two years, Chris. Sometimes it feels like yesterday, other times it feels like ten years ago, and some days—the worst days—it feels like it hasn’t happened yet.” Ash wiped away the tears falling down her cheeks.

  “You’ve been through so much.” And everything Chris had thought about the past few weeks was proven true again. “You can’t expect to have dealt with it completely.”

  “Do you ever?” Ash let out a wry laugh.

  “Probably not.” Chris licked her lips and watched the girls go down the slide one after the other. They were so joyful. It was hard to imagine the devastation they had survived. “You’re stronger than your trauma. You know that, right?”

  “Doesn’t feel that way.”

  “No, no, it doesn’t.” Chris stretched her arm across the back of the bench.

  They fell into a comfortable silence. Avonlee ran up to them, asking to show off some trick she mastered on the monkey bars. Chris clapped her hands and cheered as Avonlee landed. Rhubie climbed up to try her hand, but she slipped off almost immediately. She’d get there, eventually. She needed to grow another six inches to really be able to grasp on better.

  “Do you have time today?” Ash asked suddenly.

  “Time for what?” Chris was confused by the turn of the conversation. She furrowed her brow and looked into Ash’s bright blue eyes. Waves of emotion swept through them, but it was too quick for Chris to completely decipher.

  “For this. I know you usually have meetings after regular school hours.”

  “Oh.” Chris looked at the building, then back to Ash. She shook her head slowly. “Actually, today I don’t have any meetings.”

  “Is that rare?”

  “Yeah.” Chris smiled. “Seems like a good day to be without, though.”

  “I’m keen to agree with that.” Ash looked lighter than she had moments before, the weight of the conversation easing as it naturally should. “Do you remember what I turned in for that paper?”

  “Seventeen years is a long time.” What she didn’t add was the drinking had made it longer and killed a lot of her brain cells in the process. “I barely remember any specific papers. I wish I did, though.”

  “I wrote a story about a nymph who was lost in the woods and ran into another nymph, also lost.”

  “Delfina.” The character’s name came back to Chris suddenly.

  “Yeah.” Ash’s lips curled upward. “That’s the first book I ended up publishing.”

  “Is it?” Chris’ brow creased.

  “It’s completely different now than it was then. I promise you.”

  “Didn’t want to publish your first draft?” Chris knocked her shoulder into Ash’s. “I really am proud of you for doing that, you know. It’s the one thing you always said you wanted.”

  “It was.” Ash’s voice became sad again. “It’s not now.”

  “I can respect that. But don’t give up on dreams just because trauma gets in the way. Promise me that.” Chris was touching Ash’s hand again, this time, letting her fingers linger in a way that was wholly inappropriate for a principal and a parent. But Chris didn’t want to let go. She threaded their fingers together, clamping down and waffling their hands. This felt perfect. She hoped Ash thought the same, but then again, how could she? She’d just revealed one of her deepest secrets, which meant that Ash wasn’t in the right state of mind for this.

  Rhubie ran up, and Chris instantly dropped Ash’s hand. The girls couldn’t see this. No one could see what she was doing. They were sitting in the playground at the school for fuck’s sake. Chris had to stop taking so many risks. That was what had sent her down the rabbit hole of drinking to begin with.

  “Mama! I’m so cold.”

  “Let’s get going.” Ash sent Chris a look of disappointment. “Dr. Murphey and I are done talking anyway.”

  Ash gathered the girls up along with their backpacks. Chris walked them to the corner of the school property closest to where Ash had parked before she dipped back into the building. She was just about to head to her office when she stopped in her tracks, Mel staring at her with a stern look on her face.

  “You have some ‘splainin’ to do, Lucy.”

  Chris’ stomach dropped. She shook her head and pressed a finger to her lips. “Not here.”

  Mel snagged Chris’ wrist to stop her from sneaking by. “My house. You have one hour to get your butt there before I chase you down.”

  Chris knew better than to argue with her best friend, so when her hour was up, she found herself at Mel’s house and sitting on the couch with Esther in a chair and Mel next to her. She had no idea where to start but she was pretty sure Mel had already figured it out.

  “Please tell me you didn’t know she was a parent when you took her home.”

  “I didn’t,” Chris squeaked out, taking a large sip of cold water.

  Esther rubbed her temple. “So you’re in a relationship with Avonlee’s mom?”

  Chris shook her head rapidly. “No. No, I’m not. I’m not doing that at all. We had sex, once, and that was it.” Except it was way more than that, and Chris hadn’t even scratched the surface. “And then we kissed once, about a week ago. And she’s my former student.”

  “What?” Esther and Mel said at the same time.

  Chris went through the whole story from start to finish, her cheeks heating at the parts she really didn’t want to share. She was crossing so many lines with them, but she and Mel had always managed to walk the line of boss and employee while maintaining their friendship. She had to believe they could continue that.

  “Are you drinking again?”

  “No.” Chris sneered. “I swear I’m not.”

  “Okay, just checking, because this is a wild story.”

  “I know.” Chris closed her eyes and rested her head on the back cushion on the couch. “What am I supposed to do now?”

  “Nothing. You’re not supposed to date a parent.”

  “Says you.” Chris shot Mel a dirty look.

  “Hey, Esther is a teacher, too.”

  Rolling her eyes in an exaggerated motion, Chris stayed still. Mel did have a point. But she already knew the decision was made. As much as she might want Ash, they couldn’t have a relationship. Not now, and probably not ever for that matter. Still, it didn’t mean that she didn’t want to try at some point. Ash made her feel like she mattered, as though she wasn’t as screwed up on the inside as she’d originally thought.

  “Just be careful, Chris. I don’t want you to do anything stupid.”

  “Stupid and me? Ha!” Chris gave an odd grin, halfway between a grimace and a laugh because she knew without a doubt, Mel was right.

  Stupid was her middle name.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Ash 8:53 pm - Thank you for today.

  Ash stared at her phone, wondering exactly what she was doing. They had been so careful to put up boundary lines between them, but at every turn, Ash barreled right over them. From the conversation in her office at Hope in Action, to the dinner that was definitely a date, to the kiss afterward.

  Pausing on that last thought, Ash closed her eyes as she sat on her couch. The house was quiet. The kids were in bed and should be falling asleep shortly if they weren’t there already. It had been a good day, one of the rare ones she had with Avonlee lately, and she wanted to revel in it.

  Chris 8:56 pm - Anytime.

  Disappointment surged through Ash. She wanted more than a simple conversation with Chris. She wanted to dig deeper now that the intimate bond between them had increased. Snuggling down into the couch with the television playing quietly in the background, she knew she had to be clear in what she wanted.

  Going through part of Mari’s story earlier that day had been tough, but it had also been freeing. It wasn’t the first time, but it was still rare for Ash to talk about Mari without crying. Chris had made it so easy for her.

  Ash 8:57 pm - What are you doing tonight?

  She wasn’t going to give up, that was for damn sure. With her warm tea in hand, Ash pulled her legs under her body and flicked her gaze up to the screen in front of her. She’d completely lost track of what was on it and realized belatedly that it was still the kids show she had yet to turn off. Reaching for the remote, she changed it to something else.

  Chris 8:58 pm - Was just settling in after finishing up work.

  Ash 8:58 pm - Me too. Girls are asleep, hopefully. But I’m watching TV. Can’t remember the last time I did that.

  Chris 8:59 pm - Raising kids is hard work.

  Ash’s lips curled upward. The conversation between them deepened right as she anticipated and in the way she wanted it. It was Ash’s turn to take this another step further, in the direction she wanted. Her thumb hovered over her phone. Was this really what she wanted? To step into another relationship? Even if it was only potential, was she ready for it? Were her girls?

  Ash 9:03 pm - I can’t stop thinking about the other night.

  Chris 9:03 pm - Which night?

  That was an apt question. Ash pulled her lip between her teeth, staring at the screen even more. There was no doubt in her mind. She wanted this. To know that Chris was just as interested in her, to know that she had support outside of her family, that her girls were looked after—it was exactly what she wanted.

  Ash 9:05 pm - Snagging on the sidewalk.

  She could almost see Chris’ laugh and smile in reaction to her chosen words. She’d specifically picked them, hoping to get that rise. She just wished she could actually see Chris now, touch her, be snuggled against her. But with her girls sleeping mere feet away, that wasn’t going to happen. Ash bit her nail, waiting for any kind of response to know if Chris was thinking about it or if they were not on the same page.

  Chris 9:06 pm - That was an unexpected but pleasant surprise.

  Giddiness coursed through Ash’s chest. Was this actually happening? With full awareness of who they were to each other, were they actually going to go beyond this mere friendship they seemed to have struck up?

  Ash 9:06 pm - I would love to kiss you again.

  Chris 9:06 pm - If only.

  Ash paused. Was she pushing too much? Her nerves kicked into high gear, and she wasn’t sure which way Chris wanted to go with the conversation. Or if she was being obvious enough with what she wanted. Ash hovered her thumb over the phone and decided to just come out with it.

  Ash 9:08 pm - I can’t stop thinking about fucking you.

  Chris 9:08 pm - Fuck.

  She wasn’t getting what she needed to know where to go with this. Ash was just about to write something else back when the three little dots appeared, indicating that Chris was typing something. She held her breath as she waited for the response.

  Chris 9:09 pm - What are you doing, exactly, right now?

  Was this the invitation Ash had been waiting for? She looked around her house, the door locked, the bedrooms quiet. She did what she’d wanted to do for hours now and stretched out her legs on the couch, pointing her toes before picking up her phone again.

  Ash 9:09 pm - Touching myself.

  Chris 9:09 pm - Are you thinking about me?

  Ash 9:09 pm - Your mouth against mine, fingers inside me. Can you make me come?

  Since Ash had told her as much, she slipped her hand under her loose pajama bottoms and pressed three fingers against her. Her skin was hot, burning and ready, her outer lips already swollen. When had she gotten so aroused? She dipped two fingers farther down and gathered some of her juices, moving the pads of her fingers back to her clit and starting slow circles.