“Uh…yeah, that one.”

  “You asked out your bully?”

  Well, when her sister put it like that, it didn’t sound good at all. Her defenses went up in an instant, her shoulders tensed, and the joy that she’d just found was quickly pulled out from under her. “She’s not a bully.”

  “Ash.” Char grumbled, “You ranted about her your entire junior year of high school. You hate her.”

  I love her! But the words wouldn’t leave her chest. Ash clenched her jaw tightly as she pulled out onto the main road. How was she supposed to defend against this? Char hadn’t seen them together. All she’d known was they’d had a one-night stand and Ash had been devastated to find out that Chris was the principal at the school. She’d done a poor job of keeping her sister up to date on her life. Her stomach twisted hard because she didn’t want to lose the happiness that she’d found.

  “I didn’t like her then,” Ash finally said. “Now it’s a completely different story.”

  “Stories.” Char sighed heavily. “She’s not bullying you into this, is she?”

  “No.” Ash gnawed on her lip again. “No, she’s not. I asked her out.” It was mostly the truth. Char didn’t need the details until she was ready to hear them. “I want this, Char. You’ve been telling me for months now that it’s time to get my feet wet. I thought you’d be happy for me.”

  “I am happy.” Char paused. “I just want to protect you. You’re my baby sister, and I know what you went through after Mari died.”

  “Yeah. It sucked. And it still sucks. But I can’t live in the past anymore. Maybe someday I’ll be able to think about Mari without wanting to cry, but I’m not going to give up on happiness until that happens.”

  “Good for you, sis.” Char sighed. “I am happy for you. I promise.”

  “Thanks.” It wasn’t quite the reaction that Ash had wanted to get, but she would take it. And she would focus on Chris and just how much joy she got from their relationship. And maybe she would find hope in love again.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Their schedules were a mess. It took an entire week to find a time when they could get together, and Chris had to skip her regular AA meeting for it. She hesitated as she drove through the snowy streets toward the steakhouse. She should have planned the date at her place, made it more intimate, but Chris wasn’t sure they were ready for that.

  A date.

  She almost couldn’t believe that she was going on one. It had been so long since she’d truly thought about this being a possibility, about the fact that it might be worth it again. But Ash was shockingly insistent, and quite honestly, it just felt good to be around her.

  Chris wished the kiss in her office the week before had been better—longer, smoother, more intense—but she was hyper-aware of anyone who could walk in on them at any minute, and the fact that the school had cameras everywhere. When she’d been with Andry, they’d never minded about those things, but they’d moved to the district already married. This was dating, which was different, and Ash was still a parent at her school.

  Pursing her lips, Chris turned into the parking lot and tried to find a spot near to the door, but it was packed. She was glad she’d put her name on the waitlist. Then they wouldn’t have to wait for so long, hopefully. Maybe Ash was already inside.

  She was so nervous.

  Ripples floated through her, daring her to stop what she was doing and run back to her AA meeting where she knew she was going to be safe. This was a risk, and even though she was sober for nearly two years now—that anniversary was coming up quickly—Chris wasn’t sure she could handle this. Going back to her life of AA meetings and work seemed like a much better option.

  Then she saw Ash, bundled, head down, as she raced through the parking lot toward the front door. All that tension inside her chest eased instantly, and Chris wanted to be inside with her already. Parking, Chris pocketed her keys and raced toward the front doors of the restaurant. They could do this. She could do this. It would just take some strategy to make sure she didn’t get off track.

  When Chris stepped inside, the blast of heat and warmth filled her. She brushed off her jacket and her hair from the snowflakes that still clung to her and immediately unzipped her jacket. She looked around the waiting area until her eyes landed on Ash. She was stunning. Her brown hair was loose around her shoulders, soft and big waves of hair. She’d done up her makeup a little more than usual, especially with eyeliner and lipstick.

  Warmth spread through Chris’ entire body, and she wanted nothing more than to take Ash home right then and there and forget they’d even agreed to dinner. She found herself smiling as she rubbed her palms together to warm them up.

  “Hey,” Ash said, coming to stand close to Chris and grabbing her fingers. “You’re so cold.”

  “Yeah. It’s freezing outside if you didn’t notice.”

  Ash bent forward and kissed Chris’ fingertips. “Guess I’ll just have to warm you up.”

  “We’re in a steakhouse, Ash.” Chris laughed. “I’d agree to that if we were at home.”

  Ash’s cheeks went pink. Chris leaned in and kissed one before turning around to find the hostess. She wanted to get seated as soon as possible. Luckily, their wait wasn’t long. Chris followed the hostess to their table with Ash’s fingers curled in hers. She was going to touch Ash as much as she possibly could that night. It was one of the few things that centered her lately.

  They sat across from each other in the booth, even though Chris would have much preferred to sit side by side. They ordered drinks and then food, and within what seemed like minutes, Chris’ entire focus was on Ash. This was exactly how it should be.

  “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” Ash whispered, as if them being out was some big secret.

  That ate away at Chris. She didn’t want to keep secrets. She’d kept enough of those throughout the years, and this one would just eat away at her too, but then again, she didn’t want to share it with anyone just yet, either. Maybe Andry, since she’d been such a good listener so far, and Mel. Chris wrinkled her nose at that thought. What was she even doing? She was a principal to Ash’s girls. She shouldn’t be here at all.

  “Chris,” Ash said sternly. “I lost you there a minute. What happened?”

  “Nothing.” Chris grabbed her drink and took a sip of cold water.

  “Talk to me.”

  “I can’t stop thinking about the girls.” Chris winced. “This is complicated.”

  “It is.” Ash frowned slightly. “But I’ve never been in a relationship that hasn’t been complicated.”

  “I guess.” That did make Chris feel slightly better. If she thought about her relationship with Andry, it was the same. Everything came with its own complications. “But I’m their principal.”

  “And my former teacher.” Ash gave her a brilliant grin. “I think if we can get over the student-teacher thing, then the principal thing isn’t so different.”

  Chris wasn’t so sure about that. And she also wasn’t sure she wanted to be bringing up such a serious conversation during their first date. Chris really had to bring up the fact that she was a drunk, well, in recovery as her sponsor would say. She still felt like a drunk most days. But she had no idea how to actually bring that up in conversation in a way that wouldn’t completely put them on the outs.

  Chris wasn’t the teacher she used to be.

  And she wasn’t the principal she used to be either.

  Which meant she was left in recovery, not even two full years yet, and still struggling with her addiction every day.

  “Are you regretting this?” Ash asked after the waitstaff placed their food in front of them.

  Chris really had to think about that because initially her answer was no. She didn’t regret going out with Ash. But she still had a whole lot of hesitations about it, and she did need to work on resolving those one way or another.

  “I’m not regretting being with you,” Chris answered honestly, glad that she’d taken the time to figure it out for herself. “But I am concerned about how some of this is going to work.”

  “It’s our first date, Chris. Can’t it just be that?”

  She wanted to say yes. She wanted to calm down her anxieties and let this just be, but that wasn’t who she was. Protector at heart. Chris always looked for ways she could protect those around her, including herself, and that meant she was hyper-aware of how every possible thing could go wrong. Except she failed at that too sometimes. Like with her drinking. And Chris found herself back in the vicious cycle she always struggled to get out of.

  “Chris?” Ash set her fork down. Her bright blue eyes dampened with concern, and Chris hated seeing that. “Talk to me.”

  “I’m just a worrywart.” Why did she always brush these things off like that? She should be better at this by now, shouldn’t she?

  “It’s more than that.” Ash softened her tone.

  “It is, but I’m not sure we’re ready for that yet.”

  Ash chuckled. “When are we going to be ready for it?”

  Chris wanted it to be hopefully never, but she knew that couldn’t make this relationship work. But she really didn’t want to talk about it today. Cutting into her steak, Chris took her first bite, chewing but not tasting. When she swallowed, she looked Ash directly in the eye. “Maybe someday.”

  “Seems to be our standard answer, doesn’t it?”

  Chris couldn’t agree more. “How will we navigate the principal part?”

  “Well…” Ash trailed off as she took another bite. “I don’t exactly want to tell the girls right away that we’re dating. I think we need to be together for a while first.”

  “Good idea.” Chris had thought similarly, so she was glad Ash was on the same page with that. “Are they ready for you to be dating?”

  Ash blew out a breath. “Rhubie will probably be fine with it. Avonlee is a different story.”

  “She seems to be on the struggle bus.”

  “Well, she does take after me in a lot of ways.”

  “How is that?” Chris studied Ash carefully. Was this okay conversation? It seemed odd to be talking about kids on a date, but kids were also so much a part of their lives that she couldn’t imagine a conversation without them. Which led her right to Katie. Her own daughter. And someone she had largely avoided since becoming sober because again she just didn’t know how to start those hard conversations.

  “She doesn’t have a lot of filters, but mostly just tries to suppress her feelings if they’re not good. Then they explode in unhealthy ways.”

  “Sounds like what’s happening at school.”

  “Yeah,” Ash agreed.

  Chris would have to do better at observing Avonlee to make sure she was on track with everything and that she wasn’t going to have any outbursts. She’d talk with Esther about it. Then again, should she be doing that? Was that a conflict of interest? But she couldn’t not help Avonlee if she saw issues, right? That would also be an ethical issue. The complications from this made her brain hurt, and while Chris would love to ignore it, she wasn’t sure she could.

  Maybe Mel could help with that particular issue.

  It was so much easier to think about these things when she wasn’t in the center of them. For now, she just wanted to enjoy the first proper date she had been on in years, and maybe just maybe she could go home having enjoyed tonight instead of finding it stressful.

  Chris was just about to ask Ash a question when her phone buzzed in her pocket. She frowned but reached for it. Katie’s name appeared across the screen—a text message. Chris flicked her gaze to Ash, issuing an apology before she opened her phone and read the message.

  Katie 6:56 pm - Mom, I need to talk to you.

  Chris 6:56 pm - Anytime. When?

  Looking up at Ash, Chris shook her head. If she hadn’t been in such a vulnerable state before, she definitely was now. “My daughter texted.”

  “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “Yeah, well, we don’t talk much. This is the first time she’s texted me something other than a meme in a month.” Chris stared down at her phone, waiting for Katie’s answer. “We’ve had some issues in the last few years. It’s hard to work through those.”

  “It is,” Ash commented. “But it sounds like you’re open to working on it.”

  “Always. She’s my baby.” Chris smiled, remembering the last time she called Katie her baby and the smart retort Katie gave her. But it never would matter. Katie was her baby no matter what.

  “Yeah, I get that.” Ash smiled fondly. “Avonlee gets so mad when I call her that.”

  “Katie too.” Chris was enjoying the small talk, but also the tender conversation they were having together, a connection point that she’d been missing minutes before.

  Katie 6:58 pm - I’ll meet you at your place.

  Chris stared at her phone dumbfounded. She had said anytime. She just hadn’t meant now, had she? Her heart was in her fingers as she typed back a quick response and then stared at Ash.

  “I’m so sorry to have to do this.”

  “Do what?” Ash put her fork down.

  “Katie wants to talk. Now.”

  Ash frowned, flicking her gaze from Chris to her phone. “Now?”

  “Yeah. I’m so sorry.” Chris couldn’t move. She wanted to stay there and finish their date, but the call to parenting and maybe beginning the hard work on her relationship with Katie was so strong. “I have to go.”

  Ash blew out a breath. “I understand. I’m disappointed, but I understand.”

  “Me too.” Chris swallowed the fear in her throat, hoping that it would vanish, but it didn’t. Maybe she wasn’t as scared about her date as she thought, or maybe her fear now was all about Katie and just what this conversation that couldn’t wait was about. “We need to reschedule.”

  “I’m not sure when we’ll get a chance. My parents are going out of town for a couple weeks. And Char is only helpful to an extent.” Ash fingered her napkin that she’d set on the table.

  “We’ll find a time. I promise.” Chris reached across the table and covered Ash’s hand with her own. “I don’t want to give up the possibility of us, not yet.”

  “Me either.” Ash softened. “I guess just text me, then.”

  “Yeah, I will.” Chris was about to stand up, but she stopped. “Fun texts, sexy texts, all texts are welcome, just to be clear.”

  Ash’s cheeks turned a bright red. “Duly noted.”

  “See you around, Ash.” Chris bent down and pressed her lips to Ash’s cheek. Then Ash turned and their mouths connected in a brief but intimate kiss. When she pulled away, Chris found herself smiling. “See you.”

  “Yup. See you.”

  Chris walked toward the front of the restaurant, paid for the meal on her way out, and then climbed in her car. Immediately, she called Andry. She needed to know what this was about before she stepped full force into a potential ambush she didn’t know was coming. And Andry would help her. She always did.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “That was short,” Char commented as soon as Ash walked into the house.

  “Yeah.” Ash blew out a breath and smiled at her girls. “Want to stay a bit while I get them to bed?”

  “Is it a good story?”

  Ash shrugged. “Not sure on that one yet.”

  “Oh, that sounds juicy.” Char rubbed her hands together. “Get those kiddos to bed.”

  Rhubie clung to Ash’s leg, and she didn’t even feel bad about it. She needed the physical affection and reminder that Chris hadn’t left the date because of her. She deeply understood the need to take care of family first, but Katie was an adult, which was so different than Rhubie or Avonlee who were still very much kids.

  Bending down, Ash wrapped her arms around Rhubie’s shoulders and gave her a kiss on her cheek. “Why don’t you go get in your jammies, and we can snuggle.”

  Rhubie squealed as she raced toward her bedroom. Avonlee stayed staunchly on the couch. Ash flopped next to her and let out a sigh. She wrapped her arm over Avonlee’s shoulders and tugged her into her side, kissing the top of her head.

  “How about you? Do you want snuggles tonight?” Ash wished Avonlee would say yes, but she was pretty sure it’d be a no.

  With a shake of Avonlee’s head, Ash had her answer. She patted Avonlee’s knee and relaxed into her couch while she waited on Rhubie. It didn’t take her long to get her daughter to bed, and the twenty minutes of snuggles that she got was exactly what she needed. Ash clung onto moments like those, ones where she knew she’d remember them for the rest of her life. The ones where she missed Mari being there with her.

  Sneaking out of Rhubie’s bedroom, Ash wandered into the living room. Avonlee was still on the couch, staring at the television screen. Ash sent Avonlee off to bed, and Char raised an eyebrow and nodded toward the kitchen. Ash followed her.

  “So what happened?”

  “Her daughter texted and needed to meet with her.”

  “And it couldn’t wait?” Char asked, grabbing the juice from Ash’s fridge.

  Ash shook her head. “Apparently not.”

  She frowned as Char poured each of them a drink. They moved to the small table Ash had shoved against the far wall and sat down. She wasn’t sure where to start, because the date had started off well, but then they’d taken a deep dive into life drama and struggles. Not exactly first date material. She hated that she couldn’t separate her trauma from her life.

  “What really happened?”

  “That is what happened.” Ash looked at Char over her glass. Though she knew what Char meant. Something else was going on with Chris, those deep secrets coming up again, and they hadn’t shared them. “I promise you. She even paid for the meal.”

  “She ditched you, Ash.”

  “I don’t think she did.” Ash spun the glass on the table. “But it didn’t go as smoothly as it could have.”

  “Why’s that?” Char finished her juice and stared at it. “I wish you had something harder to drink.”