“I get the sense that not everything is quite right in your world, more than the average person. You always seem like you’re on the brink of shattering.”

  It was difficult to pull air into her lungs, her breath raggedly filling her chest. What magic was this? Ash stared directly into Chris’ kind eyes. Where was the woman who had been so firm with her in high school? Where was the teacher she had hated for all those years? Because this wasn’t the same person as then. Swallowing hard and clenching her jaw, Ash remained completely still.

  “It’s okay to break, you know.” Chris leaned in even more. “Because unless we break, then we don’t know what we can withstand.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” Ash whispered, her gaze immediately drawn to Chris’ lips. What she was really thinking about was what it would feel like to taste her mouth again, the warmth and pressure of another body firmly against hers.

  “Don’t think you have to go it alone.”

  “Now you sound like my family.”

  Chris hummed. “Family is worth its salt most days.”

  “Char thinks she’s the center of the world.”

  “Really? I didn’t get that sense from her.” Chris’ wink belied her actual thoughts. “Still, they’re not wrong. You don’t have to go through whatever it is alone. Take it from someone who believed that for far too long.”

  Ash cocked her head. “Are you ever going to tell me about whatever you’re avoiding telling me?”

  “If you’ll share yours, I’ll share mine.”

  “Maybe someday.” Ash’s lips curled upward, happiness bubbling in her chest again. It was as though they weren’t talking about the darkest hours of her life in such a casual way. Ash leaned back in her chair, crossing her legs and shaking her head. “How do you always get me like this?”

  “Like what?” Chris rocked back, amusement flashing in her eyes.

  “Vulnerable.” The word escaped her lips quickly, but there was no denying the truth of it. Even in the vulnerability that Chris compelled her to feel, Ash was safe. For some reason, she knew that. Whether it was because they had known each other all those years ago in a different context or if it was because Chris was such a damn good listener, she wasn’t sure, but Chris made her feel perfect in her brokenness.

  Chris stilled. “Vulnerability isn’t a weakness, Ashton.”

  “No, it’s not.” Ash stood up, stepping right between Chris’ legs so she had the upper ground. “It’s a point of strength and control.”

  With her chin tilted upward, Chris raised an eyebrow. “So why are you saying it like it’s something bad?”

  “Because it’s you, and I’m not supposed to like you.” That was about as close as Ash could come to saying it. She wasn’t ready to dare herself to breathe more life into what was impossible. Because the hope shouldn’t be there. But that was the odd thing about hope, it often bloomed when least expected and when most unwanted.

  Chris reached forward and snagged Ash’s hand. She rubbed the pad of her thumb across Ash’s skin in a slow, tender motion. Ripples of that hope she’d been avoiding rolled through her, cascading down her spine and settling into the depths of her body. Was this something she should even dare to dream of happening? Or was it only night two in their one night of happiness?

  “Come to dinner with me,” Chris said, her voice firm but still quiet.

  “Dinner?”

  “Yeah.” Chris smiled, finally roving her gaze from Ash’s hand, up her body, over her breasts, her lips, to her eyes. “Dinner.”

  “Like a date?” Ash swallowed down the sudden rise of fear. She didn’t need a date or another love. She’d already had that once, and no one was going to replace Mari.

  “If you want it to be. If not, then it’s two friends having dinner after a long, stressful week.” Chris hadn’t dropped her hand yet, and that rhythm of Chris’ thumb across Ash’s skin hadn’t stopped.

  “Where will we go?”

  “The Met? It’s a fancier place in town, but still low key.”

  “Okay,” Ash answered before she could even think about the potential consequences. But she was alone that night, and the last thing she wanted was to be stuck by herself in her house. She wasn’t used to it, and it wasn’t something she wanted to get used to either.

  “Let’s go then.” Chris squeezed Ash’s hand. “That is if you’re done with whatever you came here to do tonight.”

  I came to escape. The words were on the tip of her tongue, but Ash wouldn’t let them out. Not yet. Not without more trust built between them. Instead, she said, “Let’s go.”

  Chapter Eleven

  What on earth had she been thinking?

  Chris cringed. She was supposed to be putting up boundaries and keeping them, not tearing them down every second she got. She needed a meeting to get her head on straight. She needed to talk to her sponsor and her therapist, and figure out exactly what she was supposed to be doing, because it surely wasn’t this.

  It didn’t take her long to pull up outside the restaurant and park. She had no idea how far behind her Ash was. But the question asked lingered in her mind like a siren shouting out a warning.

  Is this a date?

  Perhaps the more important question for Chris to answer was, did she want it to be a date? She was so used to helping bleeding souls and not taking care of herself, that she had a tenuous line to walk. Ash was hurting over something, but Chris had to remind herself that she didn’t have to be the person to fix it.

  That wasn’t her job.

  Chris stepped out of her car and pulled her down jacket tighter around her shoulders. The cold air was coming in right at the beginning of February like it always did, and she knew the next two weeks were going to be some of the coldest in the year. Ash probably wasn’t prepared for it. When Chris got to the front of the restaurant, she was surprised to find Ash already there.

  “Hey,” Chris said, awkwardly. Where was this person coming from? She was never accused of being timid.

  “Hey there. Long time no see.” Ash’s cheeks had a beautiful red to them. She’d pulled her hair back in a messy bun on the way there. Her nose and ears were red from the cold, and Chris wanted to kiss away the chill.

  Those thoughts had to stop immediately. They’d made it very clear from the start that it was a one-night stand and nothing more. Chris didn’t want anything more than that. Or did she? Because she’d certainly thought about it more than just the one night. Despite her many attempts, getting Ash off her mind wasn’t easy.

  They moved to the dining portion of the restaurant, sitting across from each other. Chris ordered a soda and waited with interest to see what Ash would order. Once again, she ordered a non-alcoholic drink. There was definitely more to that than being responsible. Chris wanted to find out what it was.

  “Too quiet at home?” Chris asked.

  She could tell by Ash’s response that it was unexpected, but she wasn’t going to hold back, at least not on this. Chris leaned back in her chair and waited for Ash to start to open up a little more. It seemed both of them were too used to having the reins on their life tight, but each time they had these quiet moments, that grip loosened.

  “I suppose you would understand that.”

  “That was the hardest part about separating from Andry. Well, aside from the ending of the relationship. Learning to sleep in a place on my own again was devastating.”

  “I never thought I’d have to do it. In Seattle, we didn’t have any family around, so it was always me and the girls.”

  “Never sent them to the grandparents for a week?” Chris played with the napkin on the table, needing something to do with her hands otherwise she might be too tempted to touch Ash’s fingers again. While that had been nice, the word boundaries echoed back into her brain again. That was her one and only job in this, and she was already on the wrong side of that line.

  “No.” Ash thanked the waiter when their drinks arrived.

  They ordered their food and settled in to wait for it. Chris couldn’t keep her eyes away from her. Ash was beautiful. She’d grown up since high school, because Chris had never looked at her like this then. Ash was a woman now, and honestly, had that one night of happiness not happened, Chris wasn’t sure that she would have ever looked at Ash like this. But mistakes were mistakes, and she probably shouldn’t repeat them.

  “I always enjoyed when Katie would go to my mom’s for a night here or there. Gave me time to spend with Andry doing something fun.”

  Ash’s cheeks paled. Chris had no doubts that she was a single parent, but despite what the kids had told her, and Ash, no one had explained what had happened to their other mother. And Chris wasn’t about to ask either.

  “Do you want to take kid-talk off the table for the night? Sometimes it’s nice to have a break from all that.” Chris watched Ash carefully, trying to detect any signs that Ash was distressed or uncomfortable. While she did look tense, Chris couldn’t quite tell if it was because they were out at dinner or if there was something else going on that she didn’t know about.

  “That’d be nice,” Ash answered. “I do miss adult conversation.”

  Chris chuckled. “So…what brought you into the nonprofit sector?”

  “I’ve always volunteered for something. It’s how Mari and I met, years ago.”

  Mari. The name rang a bell in Chris’ mind, but she struggled to place it.

  “We volunteered together to build houses, and when I started working there after high school, I couldn’t avoid what I’d been feeling for her much longer.” Ash’s face lit up, her eyes gleeful with the memory.

  Chris ran her thumb along the pads of her other fingers, focusing on the gentle touch as a way to center herself. “And you just continued to work in it?”

  “I did. Mari left and got a job as a bank manager. It was the only way we could afford to live in Seattle.” Ash chuckled lightly. “But I’ve always loved it, so when I gave up writing, it seemed like the perfect place to step back into the world.”

  Chris wanted to talk about that. She wanted Ash to go back to her passion and thrive in it, though she couldn’t be sure that still was Ash’s passion. Chris smiled as their food was put in front of them. “So what have you written?”

  “Uh uh uh, teach. That is the whole point of a pen name.”

  Chuckling, Chris shook her head. “There are many reasons for a pen name, Ashton.” If Ash was going to play the teacher card, then Chris was going to push right back on it. At the very least, they seemed to have moved beyond that barrier.

  “Oh, I know.” Ash winked. “Marketing is among the top reasons for one. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t read any of my books.”

  “Books?” Chris settled her fork on the edge of her plate. “So you have multiple books out?”

  “And I write young adult.”

  Chris sucked in a breath. She was usually quite up-to-date on what new books were out there, but she hadn’t seen any that she would suspect were Ash’s in the last few years. Then again, she had pretty much stopped reading in the last five. Giving up, Chris went back to eating. “You’ll have to tell me some day if you want. That way I can read them. Maybe I’ll make the entire school read them for a contest.”

  Ash laughed, but the nervous energy flowed through it.

  With the fork poised for another bite, Chris froze on the spot. Andry and Isla walked into the dining room, hand in hand. She never could escape, could she? She cringed, knowing exactly what Andry was going to think, catching her out twice with the same woman. Chris settled her fork back down and sent Ash an apologetic look. “I’m so sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “Chris.” Andry’s warm tones rushed over her.

  Drawing in a steadying breath, Chris folded her hands together and looked up at her ex-wife. The woman she had called in a panic when she’d found out she’d had sex with a parent, with the very woman sitting across the table from her now. And she’d never called her back to tell her exactly who Ash was. “How’s it going, Andry?”

  “Good. I didn’t expect to see you here.” Andry’s smile was sweet and honest. She always was. Chris missed that some days, and still found comfort in the fact they could maybe be friends again.

  Of course Andry didn’t expect to find her there. Chris clearly had to get some new dinner spots if she was going to keep dating. Nope…that’s not what they were doing. It wasn’t that she minded seeing Andry, but being out on what could have been called a date, twice now, and running into the ex-wife really wasn’t what Chris wanted to keep everything flowing in the right direction. Again, not the direction she really wanted it to go.

  “Just thought we’d grab a late dinner.” Chris’ shoulders were rock hard from the tension.

  “That’s what we thought too.” Andry pointed toward Isla who was already sitting down.

  Of all people, Chris had expected Isla to come over and talk to them. She was the chattier of the two, but then again, maybe she wasn’t as comfortable with the dynamic as Chris had originally thought. Or maybe Andry was pushing buttons that Isla didn’t agree to. Either way, Chris wasn’t going to step into that argument. It wasn’t her battle to fight. What she wanted was for Andry to vanish so she could finish her meal with Ash and run out of there.

  Ash’s knee bumped hers under the table. Chris flicked her gaze to Ash curiously, and once again, Ash pressed her knee up against Chris’. Was this a show of comfort? Solidarity? Or was it a damn coincidence that Chris was reading way too much into? Either way, Chris was going to take it for what she needed in that moment, which was knowing that she wasn’t alone.

  “I guess it shouldn’t come as a surprise that when you’re with someone for seventeen years you learn to like the same places.”

  “Probably not.” Chris sounded light-hearted, yet she was anything but. The tension in her shoulders and neck tightened.

  “It was good seeing you again, Chris.”

  “Always a pleasure, Andry.” She didn’t mean it as a dig, but she was pretty sure it came out that way. Chris was always the one fucking things up in their relationship, not Andry, so if her sarcastic comment pertained to anyone, it wasn’t Andry.

  Andry faltered in a step before waving her hand and looking directly at Ash. “Good seeing you again. I hope you’re keeping her in line.”

  “It’s not my job to keep anyone in line,” Ash countered.

  “Ah, well, then, my mistake.” Andry blushed before nodding her head and finally walking away.

  “Well, that was weird.” Ash picked up her fork, but her leg didn’t move. In fact, now half her leg was against Chris’.

  “It can be.” Chris blew out a breath and tried to focus on her dinner, but the appetite she’d had minutes ago was completely gone. What was the tension in her belly? Whatever it was, she wanted it gone.

  “Do you think it’ll ever get easier?”

  Was Ash a mind reader? Chris looked her directly in the eye, wondering how someone so young was so wise. Then she realized how, and all those strained emotions and control in holding them back came to mind. Ash had experienced a wealth of terror and trauma—there was no other explanation for it.

  “This is easier, believe it or not. Last year? It was way worse than this. We barely functioned to talk about financial aid stuff or buying a car for Katie.”

  Ash knocked her knee into Chris’ a little hard, proving that the touch wasn’t just accidental. “Hey, I thought you said no kid talk.”

  “What I should have said was no ex-talk.”

  “Fair, fair.” Ash was smiling again, and Chris already felt lighter. The conversation slowed, and when Chris looked back up, Ash was staring directly at her. “Do you want to go?”

  “We’re not even done with eating,” Chris protested.

  “I don’t get the sense you’re very hungry anymore.”

  Oh, Chris was hungry all right, just not for the food in front of her. She raked her gaze all over Ash’s face, to her lips, and down to her chest before slowly moving back up to meet her eyes.

  Ash giggled. “Never mind!”

  “I never can keep a blank face.”

  “No, no, you can’t.” Ash grinned broadly and grabbed the bill that had been brought over to pay for their meal. “But that’s what I like about you so much. You never hold anything back.”

  “Ash, you don’t have to pay for my meal.” Chris reached for the bill, but Ash jerked it away.

  “It’s only fair since you paid the other night.”

  Chris sighed but let Ash pay. They didn’t even ask for boxes as they got up and left. The cold air outside was a welcome reminder of what was inside, and a nice jar back to reality. Chris couldn’t be doing this. Ash was her former student, a current parent, and quite frankly, Chris was so messed up that no one deserved to walk into that disaster-in-wait.

  “Take a walk with me.” Ash wrapped her arm in Chris’.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Chris finally said what she’d been avoiding. Chris turned and faced Ash, looking up into her eyes. Ash had to understand what dire circumstances they were under, right? What a bad decision this was?

  “Why not?” Ash was smiling again, but it didn’t fully reach her eyes.

  “Ashton,” Chris murmuring her name disappeared into the wind. “I’m their principal.”

  “I know. But this isn’t anything we haven’t done before.”

  “What is this?” Chris wanted to plant her hands on her hips, give Ash the patented principal look, but Ash still had her hands curled around Chris’ bicep as she hung on.

  “I don’t know.” Ash canted her head to the side, something running through her mind because her features went from contemplating to devious. “I guess we should find out, huh?”

  “What’s that me—” Chris was cut off when Ash pressed her lips against Chris’.

  Humming, Chris’ eyes fluttered shut. She was surrounded by a mix of sensations, the warmth of Ash’s body with the cold air and biting wind. Her heart fluttered rapidly but her mind moved like molasses. Chris stepped in closer, letting instinct take over.