‘I’m not sure Henry would even notice if I wasn’t there anymore,’ I sighed.

  ‘I’m sure he would,’ Marcus offered kindly.

  ‘Nah. Even at the weekend he would never dream of doing this.’

  ‘Doing what?’

  ‘Lying in front of the fire, making me a sandwich for lunch. I live in hope that one day he offers to wine and dine me on a Saturday night, or any night for that matter. There again, we would probably be one of those couples who would sit looking in opposite directions with nothing to talk about.’

  ‘Surely not?’

  ‘He doesn’t make me feel like this. I can’t remember the last time he made me feel like this.’ I glanced up.

  Marcus smiled tentatively at me.

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Just so me – relaxed, at ease.’

  ‘It sounds like you’ve maybe grown apart?’ Marcus suggested.

  ‘Maybe,’ I answered, taking another sip of wine.

  Marcus turned me to face him and reached out to wipe a tear from my cheek. I hadn’t even realised I was crying.

  ‘Do you regret marrying him?’ Marcus asked.

  I thought about it for a moment and shook my head firmly.

  ‘I don’t think regret is the right word. I suppose I just wish there was more. I can’t see myself putting up with this for another forty years or so. I just don’t think he’s interested in me anymore.’

  ‘Will you tell him you’ve walked Frank with me today?’ Marcus asked.

  I wasn’t sure how Henry would react knowing I’d spent all morning with Marcus. If the shoe was on the other foot, I wasn’t entirely sure how I would feel either.

  ‘I think it’s probably best to keep this between ourselves.’ A bullet of guilt ricocheted through my body when I answered.

  ‘Any time you want to walk Frank with me, you’re more than welcome.’

  ‘I’d like that, thank you.’

  Glancing down at my watch, I said, ‘I’d better be making a move soon and leave you to get on with things.’

  ‘What things? All I have to do today is iron a few shirts and unpack a few more boxes. What have you got planned?’

  ‘I was desperate to put the tree up this afternoon.’

  ‘And why can’t you? There’s still plenty of time left.’

  ‘Because when I asked Henry to get the decorations, he grumped about it being that time of year again. Maybe it was my fault. I asked him when he was disappearing out of the door to work. I was desperate to put up the tree and lights today and make it all Christmassy.’

  Marcus was quiet for a second. ‘How many hours until Henry is home?’ he asked thoughtfully.

  ‘Hmm, probably not for another four or five at least.’

  ‘Well, come on then.’

  Frank opened his eyes and lifted his head off the floor at the sound of Marcus’s enthusiastic outburst. Marcus was pushing me forward, willing me to get up.

  ‘What are you doing? Come on what then?’

  ‘Grab that bottle of wine and your boots and I’ll help you decorate your tree.’

  I stood up and my eyes met his. My pulse quickened and my heart began to beat wildly.

  ‘You’d do that for me?’

  ‘Of course. I can’t have you disappointed because the house isn’t ready for when your girls get home.’

  Sheer pleasure mixed with apprehension ran through my entire body. What if Henry came home early? How would he react to another man in the house, helping to decorate the tree? I checked my watch. It was doubtful he’d be home any time soon.

  Throwing caution to the wind, I said, ‘Oh why not! Let’s do it!’

  18

  ‘God, you’re a fireman’s worst nightmare. It looks like the TARDIS up here.’ Marcus’s voice echoed down from the loft space above. ‘You certainly have accumulated a lot of stuff! Now I know why Henry didn’t fancy climbing up here to get the decorations – it’s rammed to the rafters.’

  ‘That’s more down to the fact that he can’t be bothered,’ I shouted back up towards the dark hole that loomed over my head.

  I was currently holding on to the stepladder below the hatch, waiting for Marcus to reappear.

  ‘You’d make a small fortune at a car boot sale.’ His voice petered out as he moved to the far end of the loft.

  ‘Yes, there’s probably anything and everything up there. One of the reasons I’d never consider moving house. Henry doesn’t like to throw anything away; he’s a bit of a hoarder.’

  ‘You’re not wrong.’ I could hear Marcus rummaging about, his footsteps thudding above me. I looked up towards the dark hole again and saw the torchlight flicker above.

  ‘It would help if you had a light up here. How many years have you lived here?’

  ‘Over twenty-two!’

  Marcus’s head appeared back through the hole, amusement written all over his face.

  ‘OK, so far, I’ve found a doll’s house, a cot, a real pram, not to mention this…’ he said, popping a blue Smurf hat on top of his head.

  I raised my eyebrows then giggled. ‘That belongs to Abbie. The rest of the costume should be up there too if you’d like to borrow it?’

  ‘Most kind but I’ve got one just like it myself! Right, give me some idea where you think the box of decorations might be.’

  ‘I’m not sure where Henry would have put it but try over to your right. It’s so big.’ I gestured with my hands. ‘And usually there’s a pile of red tinsel sticking out of the top.’

  Marcus disappeared again, and after a few seconds, I heard the sound of a dragging box and he shouted, ‘I think I’ve found it.’

  ‘Excellent.’ I lifted my hands up to steady the box as he lowered it down from the loft hatch.

  ‘Be careful, Lizzie, it’s quite heavy.’

  ‘It’s OK, I’ve got it.’

  The ladder creaked while Marcus climbed down and he was soon by my side.

  ‘I’ll drag the tree from the garage and you top up the wine,’ I instructed. ‘There’s no point in letting that go to waste.’

  ‘No point at all,’ Marcus agreed, disappearing down the stairs, the box of Christmas decorations balanced on his shoulder.

  ‘Where do you want these? In the living room?’

  ‘Yes, please. I’ll nip to the garage for the tree. I’ll only be two ticks.’

  A few moments later I reappeared, dragging the artificial tree behind me, through the front door, along the wooden floor and into the living room. I winced at the sight of it. Without a doubt, its twisted, threadbare branches had seen better days, but it was difficult to part with. It was like an old family friend, and its lights had twinkled in our front room for the last twenty-odd years.

  I still remembered the day Henry and I trundled off to the garden centre to buy it. The cost had been astronomical! I hadn’t realised a tree would be so expensive, but I’d wanted to push the boat out for our very first Christmas together as a family.

  Henry and I had spent all afternoon decorating it while Abbie giggled from the bouncy baby chair, kicking her chubby legs. We’d sung along to the Christmas CD at the top of our voices and polished off a whole box of Dairy Milk chocolates between us. I’d gone completely over the top with the number of presents I’d wrapped up for Abbie, but I wanted everything to be perfect – and everything was.

  After the grand switch on of the lights, Henry had stood behind me and wrapped his arms tightly around me. We’d both glanced down at Abbie, who’d fallen fast asleep in her chair. I can remember Henry’s mischievous smile when he’d suggested we should make the most of our time while Abbie slept. After gently lifting her into her cot, we’d spent the afternoon wrapped up in each other’s arms. I’d been so happy.

  Marcus burst back into the room and startled me. I giggled. He was now wearing a comical gold party hat and holding two glasses of wine. He had a party trumpet lodged in his mouth, which he promptly blew.

  ‘You are a sight for sore eyes. Where did you find those?’ I joked, taking a glass from his hand.

  ‘It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas,’ he sang, nodding towards the box of decorations.

  Our eyes locked for a moment before his flicked towards the tree.

  ‘Wow, that tree barely resembles a tree – it’s more like a poor excuse for a tree,’ he said.

  ‘Ha! Let’s just say it’s well loved,’ I replied, shooting him a ‘well it will have to do’ look.

  ‘I’m sure we can dress it up a bit, make it more alive,’ he said with hopeful enthusiasm, clinking his glass against mine.

  ‘Cheers!’ I said.

  ‘Merry Christmas. I’m sure we’ll get this little lot up in no time at all.’

  Marcus set off, fighting his way through the box of decorations. ‘Are you going to stand there or help?’ he asked.

  ‘I’m having a nice time sipping my wine and watching you!’ I replied, plonking myself down on the settee.

  ‘Cheeky!’

  ‘Hang on, there’s something missing!’ I exclaimed, instantly standing up again.

  ‘Which is?’

  ‘Music! You can’t decorate the tree without Christmas music,’ I said, hurrying over to the docking station and plugging in my iPhone. Christmas songs started playing throughout the living room, adding to the festive feel of the afternoon.

  ‘There, that’s better,’ I said, delving into the box of decorations alongside Marcus and pulling out anything that sparkled.

  ‘We need to dress the tree with lights first. Are they in here?’ Marcus asked, pulling out all sorts of tat I’d collected over the years.

  ‘Yes, here they are,’ I said, delving further into the box and dragging out a reel of tangled fairy lights. I yanked them apart with more force than was entirely necessary and noticed one side of Marcus’s mouth had lifted in a half smile.

  Marcus held out his hand. ‘Give them here. They won’t have a cat in hell’s chance of working if you carry on tugging them like that.’

  Peering at him anxiously, I immediately handed them over and took another sip of my wine. He didn’t speak for a couple of minutes while he concentrated on weaving the lights in and out of tangled loops of wire, chewing on the inside of his cheek. I hovered at the side of him, pretending I was watching him disentangle the lights, but I was really studying his profile. He truly was the whole package – handsome, funny and his voice was to die for. There was something so sexy about a Scottish accent.

  ‘OK, let’s pray these work,’ he said hopefully. ‘And remember: when Christmas is all over, wrap them up. Do it properly and it’ll save you all this time and trouble.’

  ‘I will,’ I promised.

  ‘Right, there we go, plug them in,’ he said, handing the lights over to me. Our fingers touched as I took them from him. I could feel my face flush and the heat from his skin made my whole body tingle. Surely he must have felt that too?

  ‘Here goes,’ I said, bending down to push the plug in. We both stood back and waited. There was absolutely nothing – not a flicker of light or a glimmer of hope. We exchanged a weary glance.

  ‘Well that’s that then. What a nuisance! I’ll have to pop out to the shops tomorrow and get some more lights,’ I said, disheartened. ‘I really wanted to get this finished today.’

  ‘Luckily for you, you may not have to,’ Marcus said.

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Try switching the plug on, Lizzie,’ he said and grinned, flicking the switch.

  Instantly the room lit up and the lights began to twinkle. We both burst out laughing.

  Twenty minutes later I stood on my tiptoes and placed the fairy in pride of place at the top of the tree. The fairy too was ancient, made by Abbie in her second year of primary school. I smiled, remembering.

  Henry had finished work early and met Freya and me at the school gates. As soon as Abbie had spotted him she’d run straight to him, clutching the fairy. He’d picked her up and spun her round while she squealed with a mixture of pleasure and fear.

  At home, Henry had lifted her up onto his shoulders while I’d held Freya and watched. Abbie had beamed with delight as she’d placed the fairy proudly on top of the tree. It had been such a magical moment.

  Now the girls were grown up, the decorating of the tree had been left in my capable hands for the last few years. I’d always asked Henry to help me until now, but his response had always been the same: ‘You do it, love. You know the way you like it.’

  We were finished. Marcus and I stood back, side by side, admiring our work. I felt my eyes brim with happy tears. The tree had been transformed! It glittered before our eyes, magnificent with its sparkly baubles and multi-coloured tinsel. I smiled as I watched the lights twinkle away before me.

  ‘Quick, look outside.’ Marcus pointed.

  ‘It’s snowing again!’ I gasped. ‘It looks so beautiful.’

  We wandered over to the window. The last of the daylight had been extinguished, and when the snow caught the glow of the Christmas lights it looked like speckles of gold falling from the sky. It was hypnotic watching it fall to the ground.

  We watched the smoke spiralling out of a neighbour’s chimney and disappearing into the grey sky in peaceful silence. Outside there wasn’t a soul in sight. Suddenly my heart swooped with happiness and I looked across at Marcus. He touched my arm affectionately before handing me my glass of wine. We smiled at each other warmly. This was the happiest I’d felt in a long, long time.

  19

  A few hours later I saw Henry’s van pull in to the drive. My whole body tensed up when I heard his key in the door. My heart was hammering in my chest, and I held my breath as I heard Henry tossing his rucksack down in the hallway. This was swiftly followed by the thud of his footsteps, which disappeared in the direction of the living room.

  I’d enjoyed a perfect Sunday with Marcus and now it was back to the mundane routine. After we’d decorated the tree, he’d hung the outdoor lights across the front of the house while I dressed the wooden sleeper that adorned the log fire with a pine cone and holly garland.

  I edged towards the doorway and sneaked a quick peep across the hallway towards the living room. Henry was already slouched in his favourite armchair clutching the remote control. Right on cue, he shouted over the darts commentary, ‘Is tea ready yet?’

  Suddenly dread rose through my body. I took a step back from the door, the blood pumping loudly in my ears as I began to panic. I broke out into a sweat remembering the two wine glasses and empty bottle of wine that I’d forgotten to clear away from this afternoon.

  ‘Stay calm, Lizzie,’ I muttered to myself. There was only one thing for it. If I wandered into the living room like I had nothing to hide and grabbed the empties, I’d be back out of there before he noticed.

  Taking a deep breath, I crossed the hallway and walked into the living room. I paused for a moment and flicked my eyes around the room. I spotted the glasses standing on the hearth.

  ‘You’d make a better window than a door,’ Henry grumbled as I blocked his view of the TV for a nanosecond. Reaching down, I grasped the glasses and the bottle and quickly turned my back to Henry so he wouldn’t notice what I was carrying.

  When Henry spoke again, I jumped out of my skin. There was irritation in his voice, and I could feel him staring at the back of my head.

  ‘So you didn’t break your neck climbing into the loft then?’

  ‘Huh?’ I answered, still managing to keep my back to him.

  ‘The decorations? The tree? You didn’t break your neck climbing into the loft then?’ Henry repeated.

  ‘No,’ I replied rather softly, not trusting my voice.

  ‘What have you got there?’ he queried.

  Why in God’s name did he feel the need to strike up a conversation with me now?

  ‘Just a couple of glasses,’ I answered nervously.

  Detecting the tone in my voice, Henry’s eyes widened then narrowed while he watched me standing in front of him. His stare spoke volumes.

  ‘And wine?’

  ‘Yes, wine.’

  He didn’t seem to hear me. ‘You’ve been drinking wine in the afternoon? It’s alright for some,’ he said.

  ‘After hauling the decorations out of the loft and the tree in from the garage, I think we deserved a couple of glasses of wine while we were decorating it.’

  ‘We?’ Henry questioned.

  I swallowed and couldn’t look him in the eyes. ‘Yes, we. Ann came round this afternoon to help,’ I said, ashamed of how easily the lie tripped off my tongue.

  To my relief the doorbell rang. I dared a glance at Henry. He eyed me shrewdly and then turned back to his beloved darts. My legs felt numb and I began to walk unsteadily out of the living room. Placing the glasses and the empty bottle on the kitchen table, I hurried to open the front door.

  Standing on the doorstep was Ann.

  ‘Wow! You’ve been busy! The lights look fantastic,’ she exclaimed, sweeping straight past me into the hallway.

  Shaking my head at Ann, I put a finger to my lips to try and shush her.

  ‘Who is it?’ Henry shouted.

  ‘It’s only Ann,’ I replied.

  ‘Are you here again? You can’t stay away. We’ll be charging you rent next,’ he hollered from his armchair, laughing.

  ‘Yes, she just can’t stay away,’ I shouted nervously, wishing for the first time ever that he would pay more attention to the TV.

  ‘Have you left something behind, Ann?’ Henry shouted.

  The seconds before she answered him seemed to take forever.

  ‘Left something behind?’ Ann looked at me in confusion.

  ‘Did you leave something when you were here this afternoon putting up the Christmas tree with Lizzie?’

  My heart was racing and I hoped Ann wouldn’t drop me in it.

  ‘You get back to your darts, Henry, and leave me and Ann to it,’ I said quickly.

  Ann was eyeing me suspiciously. ‘Go, go, go!’ I flapped my hands at Ann then pushed her straight into the kitchen and promptly closed the door behind her.

  She raised her eyebrows at me.