‘Go on,’ I urged.

  ‘Leo’s been staying with me – in my uni digs.’

  Ann stole a glance towards me.

  I shrugged; I had no idea.

  Freya wandered back into the living room with five mugs of tea and a sugar bowl that contained a huge crystallised lump. ‘I think the sugar has seen better days,’ she said, placing the tray down on the table. ‘Here, take this,’ she said, handing a mug to me and then to Ann, who gratefully accepted.

  ‘What have I missed?’ Freya’s eyes scanned the silent room.

  ‘Not a lot really,’ I said flippantly. ‘Leo has left the army and has been bunking up with Abbie at uni.’

  Freya raised her eyebrows in astonishment as she stabbed the giant sugar lump with a teaspoon.

  ‘So does this have anything to do with why you bombed out of uni?’ Freya asked, straight to the point.

  ‘A little.’

  ‘When were you going to tell us about you and Leo?’ I asked.

  ‘I’ve been so happy since we got together. I was devastated when he signed up.’ She smiled up at him and I saw a sparkle in her eye that I hadn’t seen before. ‘Yes, he’s been bunking with me for a while, and you’ve done the odd bit of bar work for some extra income, haven’t you?’ she added, turning towards Leo. Leo smiled. ‘We’d plucked up the courage to come home and tell you, and that’s when I found the note you’d left by the kettle, the morning after Jean had died. But I didn’t have a chance to speak to you, did I?’ Her eyes widened and I was grateful she didn’t spill Marcus’s name into the conversation. It was a name I’d sooner forget.

  ‘It’s OK, Freya knows,’ I said, ‘but thank you for being diplomatic.’

  And then the penny dropped. Abbie was looking straight at me, and she knew she’d been rumbled. ‘The day after Jean died and you turned up here, you weren’t coming here to track me down, were you? You were coming here to meet Leo.’

  Ann took a sip of tea. ‘I thought it was strange you’d come here looking for your mum. I knew you hadn’t been to my house – I asked Dave.’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Abbie said, fiddling with her belt. Leo took hold of her hand and wrapped his other hand around it.

  ‘Look, the truth of the matter is that we love each other,’ Leo said, taking control of the situation. Abbie’s face flushed but she smiled up at him. ‘I couldn’t live without Abbie, and I’m glad she feels the same about me.’ He kissed her head lightly.

  ‘I knew you weren’t happy in the army. I had a feeling,’ Ann replied, ‘but why didn’t you just say something?’

  ‘I didn’t want to give the gossipmongers anything to talk about. You were so proud when I joined up.’

  ‘Leo, don’t be silly. I’m past caring what anyone thinks about this family. Your dad has given them enough to talk about this week.’ Ann managed a weak smile. ‘The only people I’m concerned about are the ones I love the most in this world, and they all happen to be in this room with me.’

  I gave Ann’s knee a quick squeeze and noticed she’d become tearful again.

  ‘What about Dad?’ Abbie asked. Her eyes were sad, and she looked at me hopefully.

  ‘I miss him, and I want him to come home more than anything.’

  ‘He’ll be home soon,’ Freya said hopefully.

  There was silence for a couple of seconds then Leo spoke. ‘Am I OK to come and live here with you, Mum?’ he asked.

  ‘Of course you are – you don’t need to ask, but how did you get in the house anyway? Did I leave the door open last time I was here?’

  ‘There was a spare key under the broken gnome in the garden. Gran always left it there.’

  ‘Of course,’ Ann said and smiled, a look of relief on her face. I was glad Leo would be keeping her company.

  She stretched out and gave Leo another hug. He kissed the top of her head lightly. ‘Thanks, Mum,’ he whispered.

  ‘So that just leaves me and you,’ I said, smiling at Abbie. She was sipping her tea slowly, obviously hoping the conversation had passed her by.

  ‘At least one of us is having a happily-ever-after ending,’ Freya said, smiling at Abbie and Leo.

  I stretched my arms out towards Abbie hopefully. ‘Can I have a hug?’

  Thankfully her mouth broke into a warm smile and she fell into my arms. I wrapped them tightly around her.

  ‘Friends?’ I whispered.

  ‘Friends,’ she said. ‘But please don’t make me go back to uni,’ she added hastily.

  ‘There’s always a catch with you,’ I said softly. ‘I’m not going to make you do something you don’t want to. You need to find your own way in life, and I’ll support you no matter what,’ I said, smiling at her. ‘University isn’t for everyone, and there are some amazing opportunities out there in the big wide world.’

  Abbie heaved a sigh of relief. ‘Thanks, Mum.’

  ‘Have you got any idea what you want to do?’

  ‘I had thought of something, but I was going to run it past you first to see what you thought.’

  ‘Go on,’ I said, intrigued.

  ‘It might not be the right time to talk about it.’

  ‘Well if you don’t tell me, I’ll never know,’ I said nervously.

  She leant across and took my hand. ‘How about we go into business together.’

  ‘Come again?’

  ‘I’ve been studying art and textiles, and I can’t think of anything better than setting up a business empire with the best seamstress I know.’

  I was amazed and flattered at the same time; I couldn’t believe that Abbie had given this some serious thought.

  ‘I can design the outfits, you can sew them and before we know it we’ll have our own amazing chain and brand.’

  ‘Whoa, hang on… you might be running away with yourself just a little there,’ I said, though I couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm.

  ‘You seriously want to work with me?’

  Abbie nodded. ‘Our own little family business. What do you think?’

  ‘I think I have a little bit of news for you too,’ I confessed.

  Now it was Abbie’s turn to raise her eyebrows.

  ‘I won a small amount of money at the bingo and looked into renting a room at the back of the sewing shop in town to expand my business. I’ve already agreed terms and conditions, and the room is mine from the new year.’

  I watched the grin spread across Abbie’s face. ‘This is perfect! Can I join you?’

  ‘Absolutely!’

  Abbie squealed then tapped her cheek for a kiss.

  I kissed her lightly and whispered, ‘All we need now is your dad back.’

  ‘He’ll be back.’

  She settled back in the chair next to Leo and he squeezed her knee. ‘I told you it would all work out,’ he whispered to her.

  Suddenly Ann clapped her hands together and we all jumped in our seats. ‘All hands on deck!’ she said. ‘Let’s get this house shipshape, and then we can think about trying to enjoy Christmas as best we can. But first I’d like to raise a mug to my mum – thank you so much for this, our new home – and congrats on your new business.’

  Everyone echoed Ann before she reached down and began to throw cloths, rubber gloves and household cleaners in every direction.

  ‘Let’s get to work!’

  My life had been bonkers for the last three weeks, and after wishing so hard for excitement, all I wanted for Christmas was my normal routine back. I blinked away a tear and hoped Henry would soon be back home, sitting in his battered old armchair where he belonged.

  46

  Christmas Eve

  We were all perched around the coffee table, kneeling on cushions. It was my turn to throw the dice. We’d been playing Monopoly for nearly two hours. Abbie was currently quids in, her hotel standing proudly on Mayfair. Freya’s patience was wearing thin as she’d somehow managed to land on it twice in the last ten minutes. She scrambled around frantically, counting down to her pound notes, before she finally threw her arms in the air and declared she was bankrupt. Abbie let out a huge whoop, not even trying to hide her delight at wiping the floor with her younger sister.

  Christmas music was playing in the background and I sipped on a cheeky gin and tonic. We’d just demolished a box of Thornton’s chocolates between us, and it would’ve been a perfect family scene – all of us gathered around the log fire on Christmas Eve, enjoying each other’s company – but for Henry’s empty armchair.

  I’d spent all morning locked in the bedroom fighting with the Sellotape while I wrapped the girls’ presents in gold sparkly paper and lavish red ribbon. I’d pushed the boat out on Henry too this year and lying amongst the piles of gifts beneath the Christmas tree was an expensive new watch.

  I usually loved this time of year, but a huge part of me felt empty without Henry. I’d managed to put on a brave face for the girls, but I was aching inside, desperate for him to get in touch. He’d spoken to the girls and we knew he was safe; he’d spent a couple of nights in his van then bedded down at his parents’ house. The girls had arranged to visit him on Christmas Day, in the afternoon. He wasn’t ready to talk to me yet, and as much as that was cutting me up inside, I had to give him the space he needed and wait until he was ready.

  Henry loved Christmas food. He was the only one in the house who would munch away on Twiglets, and Freya had kindly picked him up a tube from the supermarket when she’d battled the crowds of last-minute food shoppers. ‘Just in case,’ she’d said, placing the tube by Henry’s chair.

  After being inspired by Delia Smith’s guide to Christmas on the TV the previous night, Abbie and Freya had declared they were going to take full control of the Christmas dinner. I wasn’t sure either of them had ever prepared a roast dinner, but they’d promised us a mouth-watering turkey with cranberry stuffing and all the trimmings. All that was on the cards for me was a day of rest – and the constant worry of Henry, and how I was going to put this right.

  Abbie’s phone beeped and she smiled as she picked it up. Leo had spent the day with Ann. Over the last few days Ann had convinced herself it would be too much hassle to sort and decorate a tree, but when push came to shove, she’d decided they needed one, if only for Leo’s sake. They’d managed to find one on sale at the grocers, and Leo had helped her drag it up the main road and into the house, leaving a trail of pine needles in their wake. She’d borrowed my leftover decorations and they’d spent the afternoon decorating it.

  She was doing a very good job of masking her sadness and pretending everything was OK, but I could tell she wasn’t. She missed Dave terribly, and she obviously still loved him; this was the first Christmas they wouldn’t be together as a family, and she was hurting.

  I went through to the kitchen to top up my glass and heard Abbie’s phone beep again, followed by a round of whispering. When I walked back into the room I saw Freya handing Abbie’s phone back to her.

  ‘Is everything OK?’ I asked.

  ‘Would you mind if we went out to the pub for an hour or so?’ Abbie asked.

  ‘We won’t be too long,’ Freya added quickly.

  OK, deep breaths and panic not, I thought. I was a little sad that I’d be left by myself on Christmas Eve, but they were young; they were probably itching to have a drink with their friends.

  ‘Yes, of course. You go and enjoy yourselves.’ I smiled weakly and swallowed my disappointment.

  They beamed as they stood up and each wrapped me in a bear hug.

  ‘You’re the best,’ they echoed as they pulled on their boots and coats.

  Freya popped back into the living room and planted a huge kiss on my cheek. ‘Everything’s going to be OK, Mum,’ she said, before Abbie pushed her out of the front door, waving her hand above her head. The door slammed behind them.

  I sat in front of the fire for a moment. The house was completely silent. I put the TV on and flicked through the channels before settling on a period drama.

  A minute or two later there was a knock on the door. I smiled to myself. The girls had rushed out so fast that one of them must have forgotten her purse.

  I threw open the front door. It was snowing lightly and the cold air made me shiver as it touched my skin. For a moment I just stood there and stared, totally stunned. There he was standing before me: Henry – my Henry. He looked different; he was dressed smartly and his hair was styled.

  ‘Hey,’ he said gently.

  ‘Hey back,’ I said softly. ‘You look different.’

  ‘I think it may be the stubble,’ he said, smiling as he stroked the hair on his chin.

  ‘It suits you,’ I said warmly and prayed he couldn’t hear my heart thumping.

  ‘Can I come in?’ His eyes widened as he asked the question.

  ‘Yes, of course. You don’t need to ask.’ I moved sideways, holding the door open, and Henry stepped into the hall.

  ‘I’m on my own,’ I said, and thankfully my voice didn’t falter.

  ‘I know,’ he replied as he shrugged his jacket off.

  ‘New shirt? It suits you.’

  ‘Thank you. I thought it was about time I treated myself to a new wardrobe. Can we talk?’ he asked.

  ‘Yes. Shall I get you a drink?’

  ‘A glass of water please.’

  ‘Water?’ I asked, amazed that he hadn’t gone for the harder option.

  ‘Yes,’ he said, patting his stomach. ‘It’s about time I lost a few pounds.’

  ‘Good for you. Make yourself comfy,’ I said, walking into the kitchen.

  Glass in hand, I hurried back into the living room, taking a deep breath to try and calm myself down. I instinctively handed the glass towards Henry’s armchair – but it was empty. He had settled himself on the sofa, and he patted the space next to him.

  I put the glass down on the table and sat down beside him. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty. I waited for him to speak, my nerves frazzled. I had no idea what to expect.

  He stared at me oddly before grasping my hand in his. The silence between us made me feel uneasy.

  His next words took my breath away – and not in a good way.

  ‘Why, Lizzie?’

  I blinked at him and tried with all my might to stop the tears falling from my eyes.

  ‘I know nothing I can say will make you forgive me,’ I said, feeling myself trembling.

  ‘Is that what you want, Lizzie? For me to forgive you?’

  ‘It’s not that easy though, is it?’

  He shook his head sadly.

  I wiped the tears from my eyes.

  ‘I don’t blame you, Lizzie, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ve been unhappy for a while too.’ His voice was soft.

  ‘What with?’ I probed lightly.

  He paused for a second and sighed. ‘I feel like my life’s the same, day in and day out. I get up at a ridiculously early hour and travel for hours on end to make ends meet. I’ve not enjoyed my job for years. I’m tired of travelling all over the country, and I’m tired of meeting a new group of lads contracted to the same job every week. I have nothing in common with them any more – I just get the job done as quickly as possible then come home.’

  ‘Why didn’t you say anything?’

  ‘Can I be honest with you, Lizzie?’

  I nodded.

  ‘I don’t particularly like darts.’ He smiled at me. ‘Most of the time I’m just exhausted, and I’m not even really watching the telly. I know it’s all spiralled out of control. I’ve paid you no attention, I’ve lost interest in work, in my family… and I know we haven’t been close in a while.’

  Henry rubbed his eyes.

  ‘Do you think you’ve maybe been a little depressed?’ I asked, treading very carefully.

  ‘That’s what Abbie said.’

  ‘Abbie?’

  He dipped his head. ‘I know you don’t always see eye to eye with Abbie. You’re too similar, but she’s a good girl and it’s down to her I’m here.’

  ‘I knew you’d spoken to the girls, but what do you mean it’s down to her that you’re here?’

  ‘I saw her yesterday. Don’t be cross with her for not saying anything to you.’

  ‘What time did you see Abbie yesterday?’ I racked my brains then realised she’d been up and out early, claiming she needed a last-minute present for Leo.

  ‘Yesterday morning she took me clothes shopping – and believe me, that was an experience in itself,’ he said, rolling his eyes.

  I nodded thoughtfully.

  ‘Well, she did a very good job – you look fantastic.’

  ‘For the first time in a long time I feel a little better. A bit like the old me. I’ve decided from now on I’m going to take better care of myself.’

  My heart hurt – not just for Henry but for myself as well. Why hadn’t I noticed how depressed he’d been over the last year? I’d been too busy with my own life to see what was going on in his.

  ‘The day you went away with Ann, I spent the morning chatting with Abbie. Let’s just say she was a little forceful with her thoughts, but I think she gave me the kick up the backside I needed. She pointed a fair few things out to me. It wasn’t anything I didn’t already know, deep down, but I think when you hear it from somewhere else, it makes you sit up and listen.’

  I nodded.

  ‘Abbie even told me how proud she was that we were her parents.’

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. As much as Abbie had been hurting, she’d tried to fix us all in her own little way. I was truly proud of her.

  Henry’s eyes were watery and he took a moment to compose himself.

  ‘I knew I was losing you, Lizzie. I could see the sadness in your eyes, feel that we were worlds apart. I regret the way I’ve acted, but sometimes I just didn’t have control over what was going on in here.’ He tapped his head with his hand then took a sip of water.

  ‘It’s OK, Henry,’ I said, squeezing his hand encouragingly. ‘But what happens now?’ I asked, praying he was going to say what I wanted to hear.

  ‘I can’t pretend that I’m comfortable with what I saw and what I know in here,’ he said, touching his chest and looking at me expectantly.

  I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say. I felt shattered. His eyes never left mine, and I looked away for a brief moment, ashamed of what I’d done. He knew I’d slept with Marcus and a cold shiver ran down my spine.