‘Then what?’ I asked, not sure I wanted to hear the answer.

  ‘To be honest, I’ve no idea at the moment. The opportunity came up at the right time for me, and I suppose I needed a change of scenery.’ His voice was sad. ‘It’s not been an easy year for me.’

  I walked in silence next to him.

  He continued talking, his voice soft. ‘I’m technically the manager of another branch of Bretton’s in a town in Scotland.’

  ‘Technically?’

  ‘I’ve been off sick for the past year.’

  ‘Marcus, no, you poor thing. What’s wrong?’ I stopped walking and gazed at him.

  ‘I’m not ill in the sense you’re thinking; I’ve not got a physical illness, as such.’

  ‘Well, what, then?’ I asked cautiously.

  ‘I’ve taken extended compassionate leave. My wife – Sally – she died unexpectedly.’ He was staring away from me into the distance, sadness etched on his features.

  I was completely taken by surprise – lost for words. This wasn’t what I’d expected him to say. It was all so tragic. Stopping in my tracks I turned towards Marcus, my eyes threatening tears. I exhaled, thinking of what to say. ‘Marcus, God, I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.’

  He smiled a sad smile. I carried on even though I didn’t really know what to say.

  ‘You must have a lot to deal with.’

  ‘It’s been the worst thing I’ve ever had to go through. Some mornings I just couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed and face the world. Since she died it’s felt like my world has stood still – does that make sense?’

  ‘It does. I felt exactly the same when my parents died. It must be a million times worse when it’s your wife.’

  ‘My whole life seemed to change in twenty-four hours. One minute she was all dressed up to the nines and ready to enjoy a night out with her girlfriends, and the next… I watched her and her friends while they tottered up the path in their high heels, their laughter echoing all around, and she waved to me before closing the cab door behind her. That was the last time I ever saw her. She never came home.’ He stared towards the ground and I noticed the tears welling up in his eyes.

  ‘Marcus… that’s… that’s so awful.’ I was lost for words.

  ‘There was a knock on the door at 2 a.m. and I still remember hurrying down the stairs smiling and laughing to myself about how she always forgot her key. As soon as I opened the front door, I knew instantly. Standing on the doorstep were two police officers. They had that look on their faces – the look that meant they didn’t want to be there. They asked me if I was Marcus Bowman, husband of Sally Bowman. I nodded and held the door open, and they walked straight past me into the living room and suggested it was best if I took a seat. I knew what was coming, I could feel it in here.’ Marcus thumped his chest with his hand. ‘I remember burying my head in my hands, and the gut-wrenching pain in my stomach felt like I’d been kicked hard.

  ‘They told me that Sally and her friends had been waiting by the taxi rank outside the main drag of pubs in town. It was just after midnight and they were ready to come home. Sally crossed the road to get some cash for the taxi ride home when a black car veered off the road and mounted the pavement. She died instantly. Unbelievably, the driver walked away without a scratch. He was nearly four times over the limit.’

  ‘He was drunk?’ I interrupted.

  ‘Yes.’ Marcus’s eyes glazed over and he wiped away a tear.

  Shaking my head, I shivered. I wasn’t sure whether it was due to the cold chill in the air or the reality of the tragedy that Marcus had faced.

  The two of us walked in a contemplative silence, lost in our own thoughts for a while. I thought of Henry and the girls. How would I cope if anything happened to them? I couldn’t even think about it without swallowing a lump in my throat and blinking away tears that instantly welled up in my eyes.

  We carried on wandering over the field towards the woodland, which would loop round past the church and take us back in the direction of home. I let Marcus gather his thoughts. He smiled towards Frank. ‘If it wasn’t for Frank, I wouldn’t have known what to do.’

  We both watched the shaggy sheepdog, who was tearing around the field having a whale of a time, busying himself under the hedgerows, on the hunt for rabbits and foxes.

  ‘What about children? Do you have any?’ I asked tentatively.

  Marcus shook his head. ‘No, unfortunately not. Sally was driven by her career. She was thirty-five, and I’m five years older than her. I’d brought up the subject of having children a few times, but for her it never seemed like the right time. Until just before she died, that is. We were going to start trying that month.’

  My heart went out to Marcus. What a devastating situation. All of this must be so difficult to cope with.

  ‘I think I would have made a good dad,’ he said, giving me a teary smile.

  ‘I think you would have made a fantastic dad,’ I replied, genuinely meaning every word.

  Frank circled around us then bounded off with enthusiasm towards the frozen lake, barking. He’d spotted a duck that was struggling to paddle at the water’s edge.

  ‘And what about Frank? Was he yours and Sally’s?’

  ‘No, she wasn’t really an animal person, but I’d grown up with pets. From an early age we’d always had a dog in the house. I rescued Frank about six months ago from one of the local dogs’ homes. I needed something – someone, if that makes sense. I needed to focus on looking after something to get me through this stage of my life. Now I would never be without him; he’s my life, my loyal friend. I love that dog.’

  ‘So why the move? Was the fresh start just because you had difficulty at home with all the memories – the fact Sally wasn’t there?’

  ‘If only it was that simple. In time I could have learnt to cope with losing my wife in such tragic circumstances, but it’s the unknown I can’t deal with.’

  ‘Unknown?’

  He paused for a moment, and I saw him blink away tears. I touched his arm affectionately. ‘You don’t need to tell me if you don’t want to.’

  ‘I know, but it’s the first time I feel like I want to talk about this. It seems easier talking to someone that isn’t involved. Is that OK?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘I loved her, I trusted her, we’d been married for five years, together for seven and I thought she told me everything. She was like no one I’d ever met. She worked in the finance department of the company and we clicked straightaway. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple – inseparable – and a lot of our friends envied our relationship. We were about to start trying for a family, our jobs were secure – well as secure as they could be in this day and age – the mortgage was manageable and there was a possibility that Sally would be able to negotiate a job-share position. But it turns out she wasn’t quite what she seemed.’ The tone of Marcus’s voice suddenly changed; he sounded disappointed.

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘She had a skeleton locked away in her cupboard.’

  ‘A skeleton?’

  ‘Yes – by the name of Greg.’

  Marcus’s eyes hardened.

  ‘An affair?’ I speculated.

  He nodded.

  ‘How did you find out?’

  ‘I thought there’d been some mistake. After the accident, the police returned the items they found in her possession at the scene of the crash. I thought for a moment that they’d given me the wrong mobile phone back, but they hadn’t. There were what seemed like hundreds of messages and photos of them together. I stopped reading them after a while; I couldn’t take much more.’

  ‘I am so sorry.’ I had no idea what to say.

  ‘I didn’t want the pity of the people I thought were my colleagues – my friends, if the truth be known. I couldn’t face them. I knew something had to give, so I negotiated a relocation package with HR and the best they could offer was here.’ He gave a sweeping gesture with his hands.

  ‘Even though it’s short term, it meant I could go back to work, with the added bonus of being near Will for Christmas. Time is a great healer, as the saying goes, and after the last twelve months I’m taking back control of my life. I can’t change the past, but I’m determined to love life again.’

  ‘Will you see your parents over Christmas?’

  ‘They’ve booked themselves on a cruise. They’ll be sailing around the Caribbean celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.’

  ‘Do you mind that you won’t spend any time with them over Christmas?’

  Marcus shook his head. ‘No, not at all. They’ve been brilliant these last twelve months, always there if I needed them. This is their special moment, something they’ve always wanted to do, and to be happily married for fifty years most definitely needs celebrating!’

  ‘Without a doubt,’ I said, wondering if Henry and I would ever make it to fifty years of marriage.

  ‘I’ve had a few other offers over Christmas, mainly from mutual friends of Sally and me, but I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone; I just wanted to get away. Will found me the house to rent and managed to secure it on a short rental agreement for the time being, and the house I shared with Sally is currently on the market.

  ‘Well I know it’s not under the best circumstances but I’m glad you’re here. And on the plus side, you have the best neighbour in the world.’ I smiled, trying to lighten the mood.

  ‘Who cooks up the meanest cottage pie.’

  ‘Of course.’ I grinned.

  ‘Lizzie?’ Marcus stared at me intently. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘What for?’

  ‘For listening to me.’

  ‘Don’t be daft.’

  ‘No, honestly… come here,’ he said, holding out his arms.

  I hesitated for a moment then stepped forward. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight.

  His grip was firm; he seemed reluctant to let me go. Our eyes locked, and he leant forward and gently kissed my cheek.

  ‘Thanks again, Lizzie. You’re a good listener,’ he said.

  ‘Don’t mention it. I’m here any time you want to talk,’ I replied, relieved my voice sounded relatively normal, even though my mouth was dry and my heart hammered against my chest.

  We carried on walking side by side as I processed all the information that Marcus had shared with me.

  ‘What will happen after the Christmas period, when the manager returns to work?’ I asked him.

  ‘I have no idea,’ he answered honestly. ‘I’ll worry about that when the time comes.’

  He turned towards me, and I was rewarded by the sudden brightness in his eyes, his face lit up. ‘All I know is right at this very moment in time, I’m glad you’re here.’

  ‘Me too,’ I said, feeling the corners of my mouth lifting.

  ‘I’ll take one day at a time – that’s all I can do right now.’

  I nodded.

  Looking ahead we both noticed Frank had slowed his pace right down, and we watched him as he ground to a halt in front of the stile. He sat patiently waiting for us to catch up. As we approached, he barked playfully and came bounding over towards us.

  Marcus crouched down and began to pat his knees. ‘Come on, boy,’ he said enthusiastically, clipping the lead to his collar.

  ‘After you,’ Marcus said to me, gesturing towards the stile. I put one hand on the post and hurled myself up. As I swung my leg over the rickety wood laced with ice, Marcus firmly gripped my arm to help steady me as I clambered over.

  ‘Thank you.’ I flashed him a grateful smile.

  ‘We best get you home! What time will Henry be back?’ Marcus asked.

  I didn’t answer and closed my eyes for a brief moment. The mention of Henry’s name brought reality crashing down all around me. It felt so good here with Marcus; even though it had been somewhat chilly, it had been a beautiful winter morning, ambling across the snowy fields with Frank. I couldn’t think of anything more perfect.

  ‘Hey, come here. You’ve suddenly gone quiet.’ Marcus climbed over the stile and I turned to face him.

  ‘I know,’ I said, staring up at him while pushing my hat from my eyes. ‘It’s just…’

  ‘Hey, it’s just what?’ he asked, taking my hand in his.

  ‘Nothing – absolutely nothing. I’ve really enjoyed this morning; I’ve had the best time,’ I declared, feeling myself flush.

  ‘You are a big softie.’ He nudged me jokingly in the ribs, trying his best to lighten the mood.

  ‘Henry won’t be home until teatime,’ I offered.

  ‘Well in that case we have all day to enjoy each other’s company – unless you have other plans?’

  My heart skipped a beat at the thought of spending more time with Marcus.

  ‘No plans whatsoever,’ I said, beaming.

  ‘Excellent, let’s hurry back,’ he said, linking his arm through mine. ‘I could murder a cuppa.’

  ‘Me too,’ I answered happily.

  17

  It took me nearly an hour to thaw out from the morning’s walk. I settled down on the rug in front of Marcus’s roaring log fire, hugging a mug of hot chocolate. There was something magical about watching and listening to the flames of real logs burn and crackle. Stretching my legs out and closing my eyes for a split second, I stifled a yawn. I was tired all of a sudden. I smiled at Frank, who was fast asleep at the far end of the living room. His front paw twitched and he kept making tiny yelping sounds.

  ‘He’s dreaming.’ Marcus nodded towards Frank and placed a plate of freshly made cheese-and-pickle sandwiches down on the table.

  ‘No doubt chasing his ball across the fields,’ I replied.

  ‘I think we’ve worn him out.’ Marcus sat down on the rug next to me and held his hands out towards the fire.

  ‘You’ve worn me out, never mind him,’ I joked. ‘That’s the furthest I’ve walked for as long as I can remember.’

  I looked up to find Marcus grinning at me. ‘What are you smiling at?’ I asked.

  ‘Nothing – well, it’s just that this all seems so surreal. Here, take a sandwich,’ he insisted, passing me the plate.

  ‘Thank you.’

  I swallowed a mouthful. ‘Mmmm, good choice. Why do sandwiches always taste better when someone else has made them?’

  ‘I know technically it’s still morning time, but shall we be really cheeky and have a glass of wine – or is it too early?’ Marcus asked.

  ‘One wouldn’t hurt. After all, it is nearly Christmas,’ I smiled.

  Marcus returned a couple of moments later holding two wine glasses and a chilled bottle of Chablis.

  ‘Well if the warmth from the fire doesn’t send me to sleep, this will,’ I said, watching Marcus pour.

  He sat back down next to me on the rug. ‘Your eyes are drooping.’ He smiled at me.

  ‘I know, I’ve come over all tired.’

  ‘Here, lean against me,’ he offered, stretching his legs either side of me.

  ‘Thank you,’ I replied, shuffling along the floor and resting my head against his chest.

  I breathed in his aftershave and closed my eyes for a brief moment. He began to entwine his fingers through my hair. Goosebumps rose all over my body. I lost myself for a moment in how safe and content I felt leaning against him.

  Marcus stopped and picked up his glass. ‘Cheers,’ he said, softly sipping his wine.

  ‘Cheers,’ I replied, glancing upwards and catching his eye.

  ‘Are you happy, Lizzie?’ he murmured.

  ‘Right this minute, I definitely am,’ I answered honestly.

  ‘I don’t mean now, this minute, I mean in general.’

  I sighed and sat up, taking a delicate sip of wine.

  ‘I’ve actually thought about this a lot recently. Am I happy? And what is happiness? Who spends every minute of the day laughing?’

  Marcus looked confused for a moment. ‘In general then.’

  ‘I’m certainly not unhappy. I have two beautiful daughters, a nice home, a good friend in Ann. I don’t want for anything and I’m in good health… I have lots to be happy about.’

  ‘But…’

  ‘But what?’

  ‘But you never mentioned your husband in any of that.’

  Marcus’s arms squeezed me tight. I felt a sudden sadness and my body trembled a little.

  ‘I don’t need to burden you with my feelings. Compared to you, my problems pale into insignificance.’

  ‘Don’t be daft, Lizzie. I’m here to listen, just like you were.’

  I chewed on my lip for a couple of seconds, hoping the tears welling up in my eyes wouldn’t cascade down my face.

  ‘Honestly, it’s nothing – it’s just normal family life sometimes grinds you down.’

  ‘Talk to me, Lizzie,’ he said in a calm, soothing voice and placed his hand over mine.

  I looked up and met his gaze. His eyes were willing me to talk.

  ‘Over the last few years, since the girls left for university, Henry and I have drifted further apart.’

  ‘In what way?’

  ‘I suppose when they were home, they kept us both on our toes; we had something in common and the atmosphere was very much alive, so to speak.’

  ‘And now?’

  ‘And now they’re gone, everything seems very flat. It’s like we both exist in the same house. He’ll be watching telly while I’ll sew or read. As every day goes by, we communicate less and less. At one time, I thought we were made for each other, but looking back over the years, after the initial attraction and the honeymoon stage, all we ever seemed to talk about were the children – arranging to take them here, there and everywhere. It’s only when they’re out of the equation that you wonder what’s left.’

  ‘How long have you been married?’

  ‘Over twenty years. We were married young, straight out of college – age nineteen in fact. Did you have any long-term relationships before you met Sally? Were you married before?’

  He shook his head. ‘No, I wasn’t married before her. I’ve had a few long-standing girlfriends but nothing that serious until I met her.’