“You know you want to go. So just go. I’ll call East and he can come over and sleep on the couch or whatever at night. I’ll be fine on my own during the day. You’ll be back Sunday, right?”

  “Okay. Fine. Whatever. Call him and get an answer before I leave. I can stall Michael for a few more minutes.” I roll my eyes, but she doesn’t see. She’s already flying down the stairs to rush outside to Michael. Gag me.

  He’s her fifth boyfriend since her and East broke up.

  I dial East on my cell. “What’s up, Lil’ Lady?”

  “Stop with the little stuff. I’m thirteen. I will be in high school next year,” I remind him.

  “Yeah well you’re still a kid to me.”

  “I’m a teen.”

  “Okay, kid. What’s up?”

  “Um...” I bite my lip. “Do you have any plans this weekend?”

  “Let me guess, you need a babysitter.” He chuckles.

  “How’d you know?”

  “It’s Friday night and I heard Crawl telling the guys he was taking your mom to the casino this weekend.”

  “Michael’s road name is Crawl?”

  “Yep. I can swing by in about an hour. We can run by the store and grab a few snacks or whatever you think you’ll need. My treat.”

  “Okay. I’m gonna let Mom know and pack a bag.”

  “See you in a bit.”

  “Thanks, East.”

  “You know I’m always here for you.”

  I click off the call and toss my cell phone on my bed.

  I walk downstairs and find Mom outside with Michael begging him to give her five more minutes. What a jerk.

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Everything okay? We good.”

  “Yeah. He’ll be here in like an hour to pick me up.”

  “You going to stay over there?’

  “Yeah. Guess so.”

  “Alright, Wylla. Make sure you turn everything off and lock up before you go. Give me a hug.” She holds her arms open and folds them around me giving me a gentle squeeze. “See you Sunday night.”

  I stand on the porch and watch as they speed away in Michael’s red sport’s car. I give it another month tops before they break up. East was her longest relationship, but they weren’t right for each other. He’s too good for her. I know it sounds awful because she’s my mother but it’s true. She always has two other men lined up before she ever breaks up with the current guy she’s dating.

  Once I can no longer see the car speeding away, I go inside and pack my bag. I totally forgot to ask East if he can take me to my practice tomorrow for dance team. I’m sure he won’t mind. That’s the thing with East he never minds. Never brushes me off or makes it seem like I am annoying him. With my mom, I know she loves me I do, but I know she had me so young that sometimes the woman resents me because she didn’t have the chance to do normal stuff. She was forced to grow up fast, and it’s always been the two of us and her revolving door of boyfriends until he came into the picture. He treats me like I’m somebody. Treats me like I’m special. Since I was eight, he’s been there for me. More than anyone. He’s bought my school pictures, paid for any extras including paying up my lunch for the year, and giving me money on my birthday and Christmas. I never go without because of East.

  When him and Mom broke up, I thought for sure after a few weeks he’d fall off and start ignoring me. Being too busy to take my calls but he’s answered almost every single time.

  My phone vibrates

  East- OMW. Be there in twenty.

  I grab my toothbrush and deodorant then zip up my bag. I go through the house double checking to make sure Mom didn’t leave any candles burning or her hair straightener plugged in. She’s bad for that at times. Sometimes it appears like I take care of her. I get home before her in the evenings after school and usually have dinner ready when she gets in and a load of laundry going all while trying to finish my homework.

  I sling my bag over my shoulder and fondle in the inner pocket for my door key then go out on the porch to watch for East.

  He rolls up a few minutes later in his new truck. It’s totally wicked. All blacked out. He honks the horn twice and I dart across the lawn and he swings the door open, stretching across the seat to do so with his big tattooed hand. He has lots of tattoos. He’s gotten a few more over the years. I climb up into the massive vehicle and he turns down the volume of the stereo as classic rock pumps through the speakers.

  “Thanks for doing this. Mom was in a jam as usual.”

  East doesn’t comment. He never says anything bad about Mom though he is undoubtedly thinking it. He gets onto me anytime I say mean stuff, but he doesn’t have to live with her.

  “Have you had dinner?”

  I shake my head.

  “Want me to run through a drive thru and get you something?

  “Tacos?”

  “Whatever you want.”

  “Cool.”

  We hit the drive-thru, and I eat on our way to the store. East always lets me go wild and get a bunch of the junk food that Mom refuses to buy. I try my best not to get any taco meat or sauce on his leather seats but it’s impossible. Cheese keeps dropping into my lap.

  “Gonna have to get you a bib.” East chuckles. “You got some sauce on your mouth.” He hands me a napkin.

  We get to the store and he waits patiently for me to finish my food. Doesn’t yell at me to hurry like my mom always does. She is always in a rush and running behind for something. She gets in a hurry for the men she sees but when it’s for me she doesn’t mind being late to pick me up from my practices for dance team or missing my performances in favor of going out with her flavor of the month. When she’s single though her depression kicks in. I swear the woman doesn’t know how to be alone. I don’t know how she will survive when I move out and leave for college in a few years.

  “Okay, all done.” I wad up my wrapper and stick it down in the bag. I gather up my trash and dust out the seat then throw the brown paper bag in the garbage by the cart return.

  “Cart or basket?” East questions once we get inside.

  “Cart.”

  “All right.” He grabs a cart and we start moving through the store. I grab my favorite cereal for in the morning and some candy. East grabs some chicken, Swiss cheese, mushrooms, and onions. He makes this great chicken for dinner that is to die for. I just ate tacos, but I am already excited to have that chicken tomorrow night.

  “Hey, Wylla.” I turn my head and see Darin walking toward me in his basketball shorts and tee with the sleeves cut out. He’s starting to get some definition in his biceps. Last week he got his braces off.

  “Hey.”

  “Is that your dad?”

  “Oh no. That’s East.” I don’t offer any other explanation.

  “Cool. You going to the dance next week after the game?”

  “I don’t know, are you?”

  “Hey, I’ll meet you up front,” East tells me and moves up in the checkout line.

  “So...think you’ll save me a dance?” Darin grins at me and his dimples pop out.

  “Maybe...I thought you were taking Randa.”

  “Nah. She’s not as pretty as you,” he says and my heart leaps in my chest.

  “Wylla Mae,” East calls out.

  “I gotta go.”

  “See ya.”

  “Yeah. See ya.” I can’t wipe the smirk off my face as I practically float to the front of the store.

  “Who was that boy,” East questions me as we walk to the truck.

  “Oh him. That was Darin.”

  “Titty twisting pervert?” he growls the words at me. My face goes ten shades of red.

  “I can’t believe you remember that.” I laugh.

  “I should go back in there and have a talk with him about how to treat a lady.”

  “Oh my god. Don’t you dare.” I smack at him and he ruffles my hair with his free hand.

  “You like that chump?”

  “He’s not a chump. He’s nice.”

  “Hmm,” he grumbles under his breath while putting the bags in the extended cab of the truck.

  “He asked me to save him a dance.” I beam and East shakes his head.

  “And so it begins,” he whispers to himself, but I hear him.

  “So what begins?”

  “Hormones.”

  “Ew no. Don’t talk about that stuff. Mom already had the sex talk with me.”

  “Christ. I don’t even want to hear you say that word, Lil’ Lady.”

  “I’m not little, East.”

  “Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up, okay?”

  “I know. Mom gave me this big lecture about how she messed her life up getting pregnant with me. Don’t worry. I’m nothing like her.”

  “I know you aren’t, kid.”

  “Stop calling me kid.” I punch him as he gets buckled in and starts the truck.

  “Your mom having you didn’t mess up her life. It just changed her path. You’re the greatest thing to ever happen to her. Don’t ever tell yourself no different.”

  “You say that, but she doesn’t even believe that herself,” I point out. I crank up the radio and lay my head back. I don’t want to talk about my mom or what a burden I am to her. I want to think about the look that will be on Randa’s face when I dance with Darin.

  **

  I wake in the middle of the night skin flushed with sweat. The smell of smoke wraps around me as a hand caresses my face. “East?” I whisper confused. It’s late. That much I know.

  “Shh,” an unfamiliar voice whispers in my ear. Fury lips brush along my jaw and I scream.

  “Wylla Mae?” I hear East shouting as I sit up in bed and look around my room at his cabin.

  No one is in my room. It was just a nightmare. I feel stupid but can’t shake the terrified warning sensation coursing up and down my spine. It felt like someone was here with me. I rub my jaw and a shiver passes through me. My bedroom door flings open. East is in his flannel pajama bottoms holding a gun. He flips on the light.

  “Christ, are you okay?”

  “I think so.” I shouldn’t have been watching a scary movie so late. So stupid. They always give me nightmares. I wipe at my eyes and East is looking at me funny. “What?”

  “You um...” his face goes red. I’ve never seen him look embarrassed before but then I glance down, following where he’s gazing at me at. The white sheet is red, stained with my blood. I’ve started my freaking period. I flop back on the bed covering my eyes. I don’t know why I have the urge to cry. It’s stupid.

  “Do you um...need anything?”

  “I want my mom.”

  “You know if I could get her here I would but she’s not even in the same state. What would your mom get you if she were here? I can call Pam or one of the girls at the clubhouse if you’d be more comfortable.”

  “I don’t know.” I am so mortified. I want to die.

  “I’ll call one of the Old Ladies. Why don’t you take a bath or something I’ll...I’ll just go call Pam.” He runs out of my room like it’s on fire.

  I go to the bathroom, my belly cramping something terrible. I take a shower and by the time I’m out I can hear Pam and East talking. He sounds pissed off.

  “How could you even think some sick shit like that? She’s a kid. I treat her like she were my own. She got her goddamned period. I didn’t touch her. Why would I call you if that was what was happening here? You know what, Pam, you can take your sick accusations and shove them up your whore ass. You think everyone doesn’t know all about you fucking around on Link with his best friend? Yeah, sweetheart, I know all about that shit. So fuck you.”

  “I’m sorry, East. I just. I saw the blood, and I didn’t know what to think.”

  “I told you on the fucking phone she needed some pads or tampons. Why would she need that shit if I fucking raped her?”

  I gasp as their words sink in. I hurry and get dressed and fly out of the bathroom.

  “Pam... East didn’t. He wouldn’t.” I start crying.

  “Great, Pam. Thanks a fucking lot. Now I gotta tell Alexa about this shit. You think she’d leave her kid with me if she thought I was some sort of sick pervert? Goddamn.” He goes to the fridge and grabs a bottle of beer. “She wanted her mom, but she’s out of town, so I called you because she knows you. But fuck I won’t ever make that mistake again.”

  Pam looks at me and drops her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. I brought you some pads the bag is on your dresser.”

  “Thanks,” I mumble. I stomp back to my room and grab the bag off the dresser and stomp even louder to the bathroom and slam the door shut while they talk. Stupid Pam.

  Chapter 7

  Sixteen

  I’m back at East’s house for the weekend. Mom had this thing for her new job, and she was afraid that Darin would be at the house all weekend if she left me there on my own because last time that’s exactly what happened. East caught us when Mom randomly had him stop by to check in on me. Now I’m not allowed to stay home alone overnight. Mom is terrified that I’ll be like her I guess and end up pregnant and alone. I have no intentions of becoming a teen mom. Sure, Darin and I have fooled around but nothing outside of kissing and some touching. All over the clothes type stuff. Even when he stayed the weekend with me, we slept with all our clothes on.

  I doubt he will ever touch me now, not after East put the fear of God and the Devil in him. He threatened to cut his thing off and feed it to him if he did so much as breathe funny. It was so embarrassing. I thought Darin was going to break up with me then and there, but he didn’t.

  East called Mom and told on me. I was so mad at him. I don’t think I’d ever been truly mad at him until that moment. He’s always had my back and been on my side, but that day he was the enemy.

  When him and Mom were dating, he tore out a closet and added a bedroom on for me. So I wouldn’t have to sleep on the pullout bed in the living room anymore. He let me choose any color I wanted so I chose a pale creamy yellow. He painted sunflowers on the wall for me. Him and my mom. Said he wanted me to feel at home here, and the sad part is I’ve always felt more at home here with East. Like nothing bad will ever touch me again.

  Mom had a boyfriend when I was five who was pure evil. I think Johnny Ray Lycons was the Devil reincarnated. He was nasty and downright mean. Didn’t like Mom having to ignore him to take care of me. He hated me and I hated him.

  One night good ol’ Johnny had been drinking or doing some drugs. Possibly both. I had a nightmare and wet my bed. I stumbled into Mom’s room in the middle of the night. He was holding her down on the bed and touching her. He looked up and saw me in the doorway. His thin lips puckered into a snarl and I could see the fires of hell blazing in his eyes.

  “That brat is always in my goddamned way,” he roared. His fist came back and connected with her face. Mom cried out and I screamed. My dog started barking from downstairs. I don’t know what I was thinking but I ran straight at Jonny Ray like I could somehow pull him off my mom and protect her. It was the wrong thing to do. I should have run. Should have gone across the street to the Baker’s and got help but I was a kid. A stupid in the way kid. He caught me by the hair and shook me. His hand went around my throat and he squeezed so hard that some nights I wake up and think I can still feel his large hand wrapped around me. I wake up unable to breathe, but when I’m staying here at East’s house the nightmares don’t come. I forget all about Johnny Ray. I forget that Murder showed up and beat him to a pulp for what he did, for touching me, smacking Mom around, and killing my dog. I was scared for years that Johnny was gonna come back and want revenge on me.

  He’s on my mind tonight though because my stupid-self decided I wanted to watch a scary movie. I’ve been in my room hiding from East because I’m still mad at him. I could be on a date with Darin tonight, but he said no. Said the roads were too bad, that he didn’t trust Darin’s driving. I called it a lame excuse but here I am in bed watching this movie scaring the shit out of myself because now Darin is mad at me and not answering my text messages.

  It’s this movie where this teenage girl is on a getaway with her parents and she goes into town to meet up with her friend. They meet this cute boy, but it turns out his family is wanted for murder. It’s called Last House On The Left and it has scared the crap out of me. Now I’m terrified to go to sleep. I know East is still up. I heard him coming in from a smoke. He does his best not to smoke around me because I start gagging at the smell. It makes me think of stupid Jonny Ray and I wish he’d quit.

  I shut the Tv off and lay in my bed tossing and turning trying to think happy thoughts. Trying to be excited that tomorrow I have dance practice because I know Darin won’t be able to stay away. He always shows up to drive me home after practice. I toss and turn more, trying to count sheep. Nothing is working. I go into the kitchen for a bottled water and all the lights are off, except for the glare from the Tv upstairs in the loft where East has his bedroom and a small sitting area. I creep up the stairs in case he’s a sleep. I don’t want to wake him.

  East is kicked back on the couch. He’s shirtless and drinking a beer watching some movie. I can see all his tattoos on display. He’s an attractive man. I’d have to be blind not to notice his muscles and that sexy ink. I glance at his tattoos, cataloging them to memory. The skull and roses on his neck. The swirly pattern on his bicep. I memorize every visible inch. I glance at the screen. A woman is on her knees and I can’t look away. I know I shouldn’t watch. I know exactly what kind of movie this is. Last time I spent the night at Andi’s her brother was in trouble because their parents caught him watching dirty porno films on his iPad. The man pushes his erection into her mouth, and I swallow hard, looking to East. He hasn’t noticed me perched at the top of the stairs spying on him. I know this is so wrong, but I’m glued to the spot.

  Holy hell. I should turn around right now or at least close my eyes, but I can’t. His hand slips into his pants. He’s touching his thing. Oh. My. God. East’s head goes back on the couch, eyes closed, lips parted. He shoves his pants down exposing it all, spreading his thick thighs that are dusted with dark hair. Fist wrapped around his thick cock he pumps. My heart beats fast in my ears. Emotions I’ve never felt before shoot through me. Sensations I don’t exactly understand, but I want him to notice me. I want him to know I’m watching. There’s something wrong with me. This is bad. I need to get far away from these stairs. My nipples harden, belly tightening. Warmth pools between my thighs.