“Shut the fuck up.”

  “What?”

  “Lex, look at me.” I meet his gaze. His chocolate eyes burning with such intensity I could melt into the bed. “You know you’re beautiful. Got a mouth on you but one day...” he trails off, his gaze fixated on my lips. Trailing his fingers along my jaw he stops suddenly and gets to his feet. “Go to sleep. When you wake up, I want that other name.”

  “Sleep?” I laugh. “You think I can sleep. Whenever I close my eyes, I see them. I smell them. I hear them grunting. I feel their heavy weight pressing me down on the floor. I can still feel the carpet burning my stomach.” I swipe a finger under my eye and lick my lips. “I’ll never sleep again.”

  He shifts from foot to foot then sighs before settling on the bed. Laying back on the thin pillow he holds an arm out. “C’mere.”

  I stare at the skulls and roses covering his chest, getting hypnotized by the tattooed pattern.

  “C’mere. I’ll keep you safe. You can trust me, Alexa. I know you have no reason to because I’ve already let you down once, but I swear to you I won’t fail you now.”

  I fall into his hold. My head to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Concentrating on the way his touch doesn’t scare me. Centering on the fact that I’ve never felt safer than I do right now in this man’s arms. I want to fade into nothing. Roll back time and disappear before all the bad. I thought I’d be safe at Rochelle’s because her father is a man with the road name Murder. I mean no one would fuck with someone with ties to a man like that. Not if they were smart.

  I was wrong.

  “You breathe a word of this and you’re dead.” The man who came in while Todd was assaulting me taunted me repeatedly as he joined in on the torture. I passed out somewhere along the way, and when I woke up blood was crusted to my thighs and everything hurt. The other man had left but Todd was still there, waiting for me. “You’re lucky you aren’t dead.”

  Tense and wound up my body aches at the memory. I feel dead inside.

  James strokes his rough fingers along the length of my arm. “Close your eyes and take a deep breath. I want you to imagine your happy place.”

  “I don’t have one of those.”

  “Everyone has one.”

  “What’s yours?”

  “My happy place is the open road. Me and my motorcycle, leaving the rest of the world behind.”

  “That sounds good to me. Can I borrow your happy place?”

  “All right then. Picture that you’re riding on my motorcycle with me. Your arms are tight around me. The wind blowing through your hair. It’s a bright and sunny day. Not a cloud for miles. Just you, me, and the open road. The fresh air burns through your lungs. The vibration of the ride hums through your veins.”

  I stare up at him as he continues to vividly paint my escape. His words becoming lost on me. I only see him and hear the steady rhythm of his heart pulsing between us replacing the sound of his motorcycle. The warmth of his body pressing into mine replacing the sunshine. The safety of those strong arms shielding me from every bad thing that’s ever happened to me. We exist in a world that only we know. There’s only us, and no one can hurt me now.

  As long as I have James, I don’t need anyone else.

  “Better?” he glances down at me once he’s realized I’m no longer crying.

  “A little.”

  “You should think about talking to someone and getting looked over by a doctor.”

  “No.” I jerk away from him. “You promised. No one will know.”

  “You on birth control?”

  I shake my head and the tears return. I know where this conversation is going. “My father won’t allow it. Says I’ll just go around spreading my legs. He doesn’t even believe in tampons.” I shrug.

  “I can get you a morning after pill, but I don’t know how effective it’d be.”

  I gulp and cradle my stomach. “Do you think I’m pregnant?”

  “Can’t say for sure, but you should be concerned about it.”

  “What am I gonna do?”

  “I can’t tell you what to do, but I’ll do what I can to help you. What about your mother?”

  “She goes along with whatever my father wants. In their eye’s abortion is a sin. If I told them they’d say I’ve gotten what girls like me get. I can’t go back there.”

  “Gotta be smart. They’ll call you a runaway, and if they think I’m involved—Fuck.”

  “I could get a job and pay rent. I can take care of myself.”

  “You gotta go home.”

  “Didn’t you hear anything I said.” I shove his chest and he wraps those big arms around me. The scent of his cologne hits me, and my insides go all gooey like the center of a fresh baked cookie.

  “I heard every damn word. Now hear me. You don’t know if you’re pregnant, but there’s other shit you gotta think about. Like STDs. Did they use protection?”

  “I don’t...I don’t know. I think so. I remember seeing a wrapper on the floor.”

  “That’s good, but darlin’, you gotta get checked out. I’ll drive you myself if you promise me, you’ll go back to your folks for a little while. They need to know you’re okay.”

  Chill bumps fan up and down my arms. I know he’s right. Oh God. What if I’m pregnant and diseased? My life is over. I’m ruined.

  “Get out of that dark headspace.”

  “My life is over.”

  “No. It’s not.”

  “You don’t know that. You know how it is around here. Once everyone knows...it’s all anyone will think about when they look at me.”

  “People will believe what you want them to believe.”

  “You think so?”

  “Know it.”

  “Okay. What do you see when you look at me?”

  James studies me closely, staring so intently I’m certain he sees straight to my soul. “You’re scared. A bit lost, but you’re also resilient.” A shiver passes through me.

  “How’d you get the name Murder?”

  “It’s a secret.”

  I roll my eyes and the corners of his mouth twitches. “There’s that fire.”

  “What?”

  “Nuttin’. You really want to know how I earned my name?”

  “Tell me,” I demand, snuggling deeper into his side.

  “Fuck. I tell you this it stays between us. Yeah? I know your secret and you’ll know mine.”

  I yawn. “Sounds fair enough.”

  “Right.” He chuckles and the sound warms me to the core. He has this deep raspy laugh. One that sounds like he’s smoked too many cigarettes or like a cowboy in one of the old westerns my father watches all the time.

  “I killed a man.”

  “Okay...and?”

  “And what?”

  “Where’s the rest of the story?”

  His cell phone goes off, and he slides his arm from around me. “Another time. Get some sleep. In the morning we’re going for a ride.” James rolls over me and off the bed, going to his feet as he answers the call. “Lo. Where the fuck have you been?”

  I stare at his back taking in the Royal Bastards MC insignia covering most of his skin. He’s a beautiful man. Ruthie doesn’t deserve him. I don’t either, but I want him.

  Chapter Five

  I peek in at Alexa one more time. She finally conked out a few hours ago. I haven’t slept a fuckin’ wink. Got feelers out for that spineless piece of shit. He touched the wrong girl. Alexa doesn’t have anyone to stand up for her so it’s up to me. Shit I shouldn’t be involved in but here I am. There’s something about her since the moment I first laid eyes on her. Something inside her called out to me. I keep trying to deny and fight this pull I have, but our paths have crossed and tangled. This girl has rooted herself deep in me.

  For what purpose, that remains to be seen, but I can’t let this one go. If I’m being honest with myself, I need her as much as she needs me if not more. Been a long time since I’ve felt a connection with anyone. When I look at Ruthie all I see is regret and old wounds that I’m not sure can ever heal. Maybe if I help Alexa, I’ll right some of my wrongs. Be the man she needs in her life to get her out of this town. She stays here she’ll drown.

  Three knocks in rapid succession tap on the front door. I peer out the blinds and see Slick on the porch with the shit I asked for. I open the front door and take the bags. “Anyone see you or ask any questions?”

  “Nope. Got everything you asked for.”

  “Ruthie and Ro?”

  “Didn’t know I was there.”

  “Good. Good. You find that weasel yet?”

  “No, but I’m looking and being discreet just like you asked me to.”

  “Appreciate it. Minute you tag his ass, I wanna know. Bring him to the basement.”

  “You got it, brother.” He fishes the keys to his cage out of his pocket and trades me for the key to my bike.

  “Call me soon as you got something.”

  Slick nods and takes off. I close the door and sit the food and drinks on the worn coffee table and lay the envelope with her new life to the side. Trudging to the bedroom where she sleeps my stomach rumbles at the scent of bacon, cheese, and egg biscuits. When I open the door she’s just waking up.

  “Hey,” she whispers.

  “Got you breakfast. Get dressed and meet me in the living room.” I drop her bag on the edge of the bed.

  “Okay. Thanks for last night. For listening. For just being here.” Her wavy blonde hair hugs her shoulders as she slips out of bed in my tee looking too damn good in it. Too damn grown and fucking broken.

  I grunt and clear the tickle from the back of my throat. “Don’t mention it.”

  Alexa’s gaze flitters over my chest. Her lips tip into a smirk that shakes me deep in my bones. She doesn’t need to be looking at me, flashing me that fire in her eyes that threatens to burn me. To scorch me to the ends of the earth. “Guess you’ll be wanting this.” My shirt flies over her head and whips across the room. Her bruised and defiled body put on full display.

  I close my eyes and grip my shirt in my fist. Turning my back to the sight, I call out, “Get a move on. Got shit to do today.” Like find that bastard and end his life.

  “Okay,” she croaks, and I shut the door.

  In the hallway I pause and lean against the wall. Sucking in a breath I shake my head and laugh. Who’d ever think Alexa Neville would be able to bring me to my knees, but here we are. That girl will be my undoing. I know it and so does she. I shove off and go to the living room and grab my biscuit, ripping into it with my teeth and tearing off a big chunk of egg. I crumple the wrapper and put my shirt back on. My shirt smells of Alexa. Fuck me.

  The heat of her stare penetrates me minutes later. I glance up and gone is the broken girl. Alexa stands across from me a woman wearing too tight jeans and a black top with a deep V showing off her cleavage. Her hair hangs in a loose braid over her right shoulder. Makeup done up, pretty red lips. Gazing at her right now you wouldn’t know she’d been raped, but I know. I can’t forget. That bastard won’t forget it either the short time he has left.

  “Hungry?” I receive a nod in response.

  Alexa plops down on the couch next to me, her thigh pressed to mine. The sweet yet faint smell of her perfume washes over me and hums through my veins. Sweet as candy. Sweet as that red lip gloss she’s started wearing lately. She used to wear a shade of bubblegum pink. What’s that say about me that I know when she changes shit up. I’m a filthy fucking bastard, and yet I don’t give a fuck. The damage has been done. Her fate is wrapped up with mine. I knew it when I first saw her. I wanted her. I still do, but I can never act on those desires.

  I’m not a good man, but I try to be for Rochelle. If it wasn’t for my daughter, I’d left Ruthie a long time ago. My wife is a bitch, and I know she’d make damn sure I never have contact with Ro. Ruthie knows too much. Bitch could put my ass back in prison. Loves to hold shit from the past over my head. And yet I still stay loyal and faithful like a fucking dog.

  Alexa twists the cap off her orange juice and takes a long drink. “What’s the plan?”

  “Taking you to get checked over. Don’t give me no lip or fight me on this. I know someone who will be discreet. Bit of a drive though.”

  “All right. I won’t.”

  “Good.”

  Her hand reaches out for mine, and I let her take it though I shouldn’t. One touch could spark a fucking wildfire. “Thank you for doing this. For everything. If I didn’t have you...I don’t know what I’d do.”

  “Don’t mention it. Finish that off we gotta head out.” I drop her hand and stand up. Pulling my cigarettes out of my cut I light one up and peek outside through the blinds. A couple kids are walking toward the bus stop. They are about the same age as Alexa, but she’s not like them. She is unlike anyone I’ve ever met.

  I take a long draw off my Marlboro and dig Slick’s keys out of my pocket.

  “All set.”

  I look over at Alexa and she has her bag strung over her shoulder. “You got everything?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Let’s roll.” I open the front door and glance around once more for prying eyes then shuffle Alexa toward the cage. Slick has a black Ford F-150 with tinted windows. Not something I’d choose myself, but it’ll do for what I need it for. People see a pretty blonde in Slick’s cage they won’t think twice about it. They see her on the back of my motorcycle there’ll be talk. Whisperings I don’t need. Don’t need the fucking 5-O getting in my business again.

  “Buckle up,” I growl, as I climb into the driver’s seat and adjust the mirrors.

  Alexa fiddles with the radio, and I ignore her for most of the drive. She tries to talk, but I shut her out. I need to get my head straight. Whenever she’s near me I can’t even breathe right. The AC blows, giving me whiffs of her sweetness. I steal a glance her way, and when I see her tears, I fucking break. I gotta fix this. Fix her. I just don’t know how. We’re an hour outside of Charleston now. I turn down the radio and catch her gaze as I pull off at a gas station.

  “Want something?” She shakes her head. “I’ll be back.” I don’t wait for a response. I get out needing a break from being so close to her and yet so far away. The smell of gasoline assaults my senses, and I head inside for a coffee. I grab what I need and at the counter is these big square red cinnamon flavored suckers Rochelle loves so I grab a handful of them. I think Alexa likes them too. I pay and get back in the truck. Alexa’s resting her head against the window. Her eyes are closed. The weight of the world balanced on her shoulders.

  “Hey.” I tip her chin up. “You good?”

  “No. I’m terrified. What if I’m pregnant? Then what?”

  “Then you ask yourself what you want.”

  “To turn back time and to have never met Todd.”

  “Can’t go back. We can only move forward. It’s going to be fine.”

  “You can’t know that.”

  “Rochelle tell you I did time?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Circumstances can always change. I got out. Came home to my family.”

  Alexa snorts. “To a wife who despises you.”

  “To a daughter I love who has a pain in my ass best friend.” That earns me a smile. “Here.” I dump the suckers in her lap and situate my cup in the holder in the middle of the console.

  “Thanks.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  Alexa tears the plastic wrapping off one and thrusts it between her sweet lips. My mind flashes to thoughts of those red lips wrapping around something else, and I hate myself a little more, but not nearly enough. We get back on the road and head North to Pennsylvania. I’ve got another two hours of this torture might as well fill the time with conversation.

  “What’s the deal with your old man?”

  Her shoulder lifts. “He’s an asshole. Wants everything perfect.”

  “What happens when you disappoint him?”

  “Depends on what I did. Some things will get me grounded from the basics. No Tv. No going out. Other things will lose me a meal. Get me locked in my room. Make me acquainted with his newest belt. But I’m almost out of there.”

  “He beat you or just whip you?”

  “Is there a difference?”

  “Yeah there is.”

  “Tell that to him.” She twiddles the end of her braid between her fingers. “He subjects me to a drug test once a month, and I have to take it in front of him.”

  “What do you mean you have to take it in front of him?”

  “He stands in the doorway to the bathroom while I pee in the cup.”

  “Fucking hell.”

  “Oh, it gets worse. I don’t know if you know this but my father’s a gynecologist. He um makes me do these exams to check that I’m a virgin. So you see he’ll know. But he’ll blame me. I can’t go back. You can’t make me go back there. If he finds out I don’t know what he’ll do.”

  “You let me worry about it.”

  “No. You don’t know him. He’ll come after you and the club. You can’t.”

  “I’m not afraid of him, Lex. You don’t have to be either.”

  “Why?”

  “Why what?”

  “Why do you care? I’m not your problem.”

  “Because if it were Rochelle and she couldn’t come to me, I’d want someone to step up and do the same. I swear to you, I’ll fix this. I’ll fix...” I stop.

  “I’m damaged goods. I have been since the day I was born. My mother hates me because having me gave her stretchmarks. They hate me yet they love to control me.”

  God damn these pieces of shit have done a number on her.

  “You’re not damaged, pretty girl. Maybe a little bruised but don’t let anyone ever make you think differently.”

  “You’re just trying to make me feel better. That’s such a thing a good dad would say, but you aren’t my father. I don’t look at you that way.”

  Don’t I fucking know it.

  I let the conversation end there.

  Chapter Six