“Then you treated Wylla Mae, the little girl who’d done anything to make you proud like trash. All she ever wanted was a father and you denied her. Denied me of all I ever wanted.”

  My gaze flickers up, registering the change in her tone. The anger has left her, and the single emotion left is pure sadness. “And what’s that?”

  “All I ever thought about was being your Old Lady. How good it’d feel to tell everyone you were my man. That you loved me. That we shared a beautiful daughter together. All it ever was...all we were was a beautiful lie. A lie I told myself over and over again hoping one day it’d be the truth. You don’t love me. You never did. So stop pretending.”

  “How long you gonna keep trying to shut me out, pretty girl?”

  “As long as it takes for you to get it through that thick head of yours that I’m done.”

  “I say when we’re done, and we’re far from over.” I grip her chin seeing the fire blazing dancing in my eyes reflected in hers.

  “I’m not one of your club whores. I’m damn sure not your wife so back the fuck up and get out of my face.”

  “Don’t want no whore. Don’t got no wife either.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “You think I’d stay with Ruthie knowing she was behind those bastards putting their hands on you. Bitch is the reason you were shot. Bled that fuck dry. Slit his throat ear to ear. Would done the same to Ruthie but out of respect for Rochelle’s memory I let the cunt walk away. Told her I better not catch sight of her in West Virginia ever fuckin’ again if she wants to keep breathing. I ever hear anyone breathe her name I won’t think twice about putting her to ground for all the bullshit she’s caused. Divorce was fast tracked. It’s over. I’m a free man.”

  “Well lah-de-fucking-dah. What do you want a cookie? A blue ribbon? Gold medal?”

  “What I want is you to stop being such a God damn smart ass and admit that you still feel something for me. Stop being a bitch for five minutes and hear what I’m sayin’. ‘Cause, Lex. Baby, I’m trying to tell you this is our second chance at a fresh start. Leave the past where it belongs.”

  “Oh, I’m trying, but it’s you who isn’t hearing a damn thing I’m saying to you. I’m done, James. You need to let go.”

  “Want you to think long and hard about how good we were together.”

  “You must have smoked too much pot or drank too much moonshine because I remember the past just fine. I lived it and barely survived you. Maybe you’re the one who needs to jog their memory. I loved you, and all you ever did was bring me down.”

  “I know I hurt you, but I’m here now.”

  “You can’t change the past no matter how hard you try. We can’t go back and that’s exactly what I’d be doing if I give in and let you into my heart.”

  “So you admit it. You love me.”

  “I’ve never not loved you. It’s never been in question has it?”

  “Guess not. But I shouldn’t have to remind you that I loved you too. Since the first time I laid eyes on you, I knew you’d be my ruin. And I wanted you anyway. Took whatever I could get knowing it’d never be enough for either of us. You’ve always had a hold on me, pretty girl. Think back long and hard. You’ll see and when you do, you’ll come to me.”

  “Don’t hold your breath.”

  “You’ll see, Lex. I’ll be waiting.” I brush my knuckles along her cheek, and her face softens. “Come back to me, baby. Promised you’d wait for me as long as it took.”

  Unshed tears glitter swirling in those flecks of gold as she stares at me. “James,” my name leaves those sweet lips.

  I bring my mouth down on hers, hard and true pouring every ounce of love I have for her into the power of my kiss. I won’t lose her. I’m not so proud now that I won’t swallow my pride and go to my knees to beg for one more shot to make it right. To give her the life she deserves. Show her the love she’s always craved.

  Alexa sweeps her tongue against mine tasting of home. Her body melts into mine, and I walk her backwards toward the stairs. She stops abruptly. Palms pressed to my chest she breaks our kiss. “Look at me, James.”

  “Got my full attention, babe.”

  “You and me...we’ll always be unfinished business. I’ve made my peace with it, and now it’s time that you do too. I’m putting the house up for sale. I’m doing something I should have done a long time ago. I’m leaving. This time I’m not coming back. I’ll always love you. You have two choices. One we say goodbye now or two you can follow me upstairs and give me something to remember you by, but after...I’m done. I walk away, and we go our separate ways. I can’t do this anymore. We’re not getting any younger. Don’t you want something more for yourself?”

  “Everything I want is right here and so help me, Lex, if you think you’re packing up and walking out on me I’ll chain you to my bed and spank your ass until you give me what I want.”

  “Okay.”

  “Glad you see things my way.”

  I go to kiss her, and she clamps her mouth shut going still.

  “Gimme’ that mouth, baby.”

  Her head moves side to side.

  “You and I both know you don’t want to deny me.” I shove my hand down the front of her jeans, and she’s fucking soaked like I knew she would be. “Don’t want me, babe. We both know you’re a fuckin’ liar.”

  “I hate you.”

  “Because you know I’m right. We belong together. Fate brought us together. Waited my whole damn life for someone like you. But I fucked it up. I know that.”

  “I’m done with this conversation. I’m drained. I’ve got nothing left to give you. So save your energy, and put it toward building a relationship with your daughter.”

  “Already had a chat with Wylla Mae. She knows where my head and my heart are. Said I needed to fix us then she’d talk to me.”

  “There’s nothing to fix. I’m not repeating past mistakes.”

  “Wanna talk about the past, Lex? I’ll tell you how I remember it all going down between us.” I curl a finger inside her, and she moans. “Yeah, baby. Let’s talk.” I kiss along her jaw, take away my finger, and toss my woman over my shoulder.

  Chapter Thirty

  “Put me down.” I wiggle and shake, but all I manage to do is force James to tighten the hold he has on me.

  Strutting into my bedroom he dumps me on the mattress. Lifting his leg, he kicks the door shut and locks it. “Not leaving this room till you catch on to what’s going down. Got something I can tell you now after all these years.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Shit that Ruthie was holding over my head all these years. It’s over.”

  “Ruthie?” I sit up. He has my attention.

  “Yeah.” He sits on the edge of the bed and hangs his head. “I should’ve fucking killed her. Put a stop to her bullshit years ago. Fuck.”

  “What did she do?”

  “She always knew about us. Was blackmailing me. The night I took care of Lion...after Rochelle died, Ruthie threatened you. Both of us. Bitch claimed she had evidence. Our fingerprints, a video...the axe I used in a secure location. If she turned that shit over to the FEDS like she was claiming to do unless I gave her another child...Wylla Mae woulda grown up without a mother. We’d both gone to prison.”

  My breath hitches in my throat. I can’t even process this information. “Why would she do that?”

  “Fuck if I know. Jealousy. She blamed us both for Rochelle’s death. Said she took one look at Wylla Mae and knew she was mine. Thought I had it under control. But she kept having miscarriages. Loss after fucking loss. I didn’t want them babies, but I still felt that shit.”

  “I’m sorry you went through that, but what changed?”

  “Knew she hired those dumbfucks who hurt you. Told her I’d let her live if she gave me what she had on you.”

  “Jesus.” My stomach does a somersault.

  “I did what I thought I had to for you and our girl.”

  “What did she have?”

  “The axe.” He lets out a sinister laugh from deep within his gut. “Bitch played me. Once she was gone, I had the damn thing checked for my fingerprints. But better than that it wasn’t even the same one. She knew the weapon and too many details though. Someone inside the club fed her information on me.”

  “Who would have done that?”

  “Maybe Nickel. Can’t ask him now being he’s dead.” He scrubs a hand over his head.

  “Thank you for telling me.”

  “But?” he stares at me with those dark eyes that have tortured me for years.

  “It doesn’t change anything between us. Too much has happened, James.”

  He grabs my hand. “Baby, I’ve been in hell all these years. Unable to touch you whenever I wanted. Unable to raise my daughter. You think I’m just gonna give up after all we been through. I prayed you’d find a better man. I thought that man was gonna be East, so I stepped aside and tried to make peace with the fact that I was gonna be stuck with Ruthie till the day I took my last breath.”

  “Let’s not talk about East.” I make a sour expression at him.

  “Heard you was pretty rough on him and Wylla Mae.”

  “I was. I could see our daughter going down the same path as me, but East is nothing like you. I didn’t want the Old Lady life for her, but she’s happy.”

  “Thank God for that.” His lips twitch into a wide smile.

  “Yeah. So now I know about Ruthie.”

  “You trying to kick me out?”

  “What’d you think would happen? That you’d show up and tell me about her betrayal and I’d be relieved? Throw myself at you?”

  James shrugs. “A man can hope.”

  “I don’t hate you. Sometimes I wish I could. I want you to find happiness. It’s just not going to be with me.”

  “You need to go get in the shower and get ready so I can take you to the BBQ at The Devil’s Playground to show you off.”

  “Have you lost your fucking mind?”

  “Never claimed to have it to start with.” He moves in close, breath fanning over my lips smelling of cigarettes and coffee.

  “Don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Assume I’m going to kiss you.”

  Hands sliding up either side my throat he holds my stare. “Who says I want to kiss you?”

  My mouth drops. “You don’t?”

  “Do you want me to kiss you?”

  “I...”

  “Yes or no question, babe.”

  “Stop it.”

  “Stop what? I’m asking you. Do. You. Want. Me. To. Kiss. You?”

  My pulse spikes and my stomach dips. “You’re making me nervous.”

  “Since you wanna be all shy I’m gonna make this real simple for you. I’m gonna go start the shower. You’re gonna take these clothes off and clean up. I’m gonna start making some calls about selling this house and mine then see what’s what with a piece of property I’ve had my eye on. Then we’re going to the clubhouse so I can have a beer with my woman. Sound good?”

  “Sounds crazy.”

  “Never said I was sane.” He moves to stand.

  “Hey,” I tug on his hand.

  James peers down at me. “What?”

  “You forgot something.”

  “Nope. Think that covers it.”

  “You forgot to kiss me.”

  My man smiles big and wide flashing me his teeth through the unruly jungle that makes up his beard. He comes in slow and sweet, cupping my jaw as he descends back to my bed. Mouth fusing with mine he makes love to my mouth softly.

  James pulls away much too soon for my liking. “Know what?”

  “Hmm?”

  “I think we’re gonna be late.”

  “Very.” I pull him in for another kiss knowing I must be insane. He’s giving me everything I ever wanted. I’d be a liar if I said I’m not terrified that I’m going to wake up and find this to all be a dream. Ruthie kept us apart for the past eighteen years. Put us both through hell. I never thought this day would come. He’s saying and doing all the right things, but every bone in my body screams for me to run fast and hard. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to give him my heart a second time. “Can it really be this easy?”

  “What’s on your mind?”

  “Ruthie...after everything. She’s just gone from our lives? She’s walking away and leaving you alone for good. I don’t trust it.”

  “I’ve got Grudge tailing her. If she makes a move, I’ll know.”

  “Okay.”

  Brushing a knuckle along my cheek, he murmurs, “As natural and easy as breathing.”

  “What is?”

  “Being with you. I want to do it right this time, Alexa.”

  “I think it’s a little late for that.”

  “Just get in the shower. Wylla Mae will be there.”

  **

  James rides through the gates of the clubhouse and rolls to a stop in his parking spot. I reluctantly follow him off the bike and allow him to hold my hand as we go around back to where everyone is hanging out by the picnic tables. I’m only here because our daughter is supposed to be. I scan the crowd for Wylla Mae’s face not finding any sign of her.

  “Heard the good news, Prez.” James let’s go of my hand to do some sort of weird back slapping hug with a brute of a guy. The name on his cut says Viking. I’ve seen him in passing but don’t really know the guy. He’s a tall blond with tribal tattoos running the length of both his arms in full sleeves. “Ding dong that bitch is gone. Fuck me.” His gaze roams over me. “Looking fit as fuck, Alexa.” He releases James and comes straight at me. Hands going to my hips, lifting me into a spinning hug. Viking plants a sloppy wet kiss right on my mouth.

  “Hands off my Old Lady,” James snaps through his gritted teeth at the guy.

  I slide down his tree trunk of a body and return to James’s side.

  “Shit. Didn’t waste no time. No disrespect meant, man. I’m gonna go see about a beer.”

  “Yeah you do that before I stick a boot in your ass.”

  “He seems friendly.”

  “Too damn friendly.” He tucks me into his side.

  “I feel like everyone is staring at me.”

  “That’s because they are.” He chuckles and I punch him in the rib.

  “Ugh. This was a terrible idea.”

  “Want everyone to know that after all these years I finally got the girl.”

  “We’ll see.” I can tell he wants to argue by the way the corner of his mouth twitches under his facial hair. “You need a shave. Starting to look like a mountain man.”

  “Didn’t hear no complaints when I had my face buried between them legs. C’mon. Let’s get some grub.”

  We move through the crowd. James pausing every two steps to bullshit with another club member. Some of them I know. Many of them I don’t recognize. Holy must be new. I’m happy to see Slick is still around after all these years. He’s always been good to me. When I heard the news about Nickel it bothered me more than I expected it to. He was the club VP and always looked out for Wylla and me from afar under James’s orders, but I found comfort knowing I could always call on the man for anything. I hadn’t needed to for some time. Not with Easton Reed always ready to swoop in and save the day for Wylla Mae like some sort of damn hero riding on his Harley instead of a horse.

  I should’ve seen it coming. East and Wylla Mae falling in love. The two of them were always drawn together like magnets. Even when she was nothing more than a child they had a bond no one else could compete with. I finally spot the two of them by the buffet style table. East is loading her plate down with macaroni salad. Her hands rests on each side of her baby bump. Their baby girl is due in a few weeks. I can’t believe I’m going to be a grandma. Seems like only yesterday I was pregnant with her. I squeeze James’s hand and motion to our daughter. He gives me a squeeze then a nod.

  “You came.” Wylla smiles big and after all these years I’m still never prepared for the pang of guilt that hits me when I look into her eyes and see the resemblance she holds to Rochelle. Like my deceased friend she has her father’s big brown eyes.

  “Your dad said you’d be here.”

  “I told him to invite you. Grab a plate. Pam will be offended if you don’t eat. She’s been prepping for this all week.”

  “Okay.” I don’t think Pam will be too torn up if I don’t pay my compliments to the chef, but I keep that to myself. Link’s woman never has liked me. Always turned her nose down at me because I was the other woman. Old Ladies don’t hold any love for a clubwhore. And though technically I never played the part that’s how she viewed me. I get it, but I never crossed that line. I only ever dated single club members. It was all to get under James’s skin. Not that it matters now. It’s all in the past. “I’ll meet you at the tables.”

  East gives me a nod. I’m accepting of him as my son-in-law, but there’s still an awkward tension I’m hoping will fade soon. We never were compatible, and I’m glad my daughter has him. I’ve never seen a man more devoted than he is to her.

  I grab a hot dog and squirt some mustard on it. Pam keeps giving me this funny side eye glance. I’m surprised she’s biting her tongue. She’s always been a woman who doesn’t hold back. I know James wants me to fit in and get along, so I make sure I get a heaping pile of her potato salad even though I don’t really care for it. When I get to the end of the table where the coolers are, she approaches.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey yourself.”

  “So you and Murder finally stepping out together. Ink isn’t even dry on the divorce papers and you can’t help yourself.”

  “I get that you don’t like me. I don’t particularly care for you either, but what happens between Murder and me is none of your business.” I balance my plate on one hand and dip my hand into the cooler for a beer.

  “Maybe not but we look after our own.”

  “Then you should already know that he’s a man who gets what he wants. For the past eighteen years that’s been me. It’ll still be me till he says otherwise.”