The ringing of his cell phone interrupts our bliss. James curses under his breath, and I go to move away, but he holds me tighter. It’s unexpected but welcome. Part of me was afraid that we’d wake up and he’d be chock-full of liquid regret.

  The ringing continues, sounding like a warning that our minutes together are fleeting.

  “Should you get that?”

  He grunts and slides away, tagging his phone from his jeans as he goes to the bathroom. I stay where I lay and pray that this isn’t all there is for us. If I lose him, I don’t know if I can survive. I’m not strong enough. I need him to save me from the monsters out there waiting to hurt me, but no one can hurt me more than I hurt myself but him.

  Chapter Nine

  “Yeah. I’m still out of town.”

  “I found what you’ve been searching for.”

  “You’ve crated the dog?”

  “Yup. Scrappy pup.”

  “I’ll be there to start the training as soon as possible.” Ending the call with Slick, I knew he wouldn’t let me down. I glance at Alexa. She’s curled up under the covers staring at me all wide and starry-eyed. Fuck. Last night shouldn’t have happened, but I’m not sorry. I should be, but I’m not. Best night of my damn life. How fucked up is that. Yeah, I was drunk. It’s no excuse. I knew what I was doing and who I was doing it with. I know what that says about me, only I can’t find it in me to care.

  “Get dressed. We need to talk.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” Her lips turn down, and I don’t want to hurt her, but we both know that when we leave this room whatever this is and was is all it can ever be. I get my jeans on and dig the other pill that was tucked in with the antibiotics.

  Alexa slips from the bed with the sheet wrapped around her. Blonde hair all mussed up, looking like a goddess. Swollen lips and flushed cheeks. I grab her arm as she goes to pass me by. “I don’t regret last night.” She stares up at me with unshed tears glittering in her eyes. “Don’t cry.”

  “Let me go.”

  “You need to take this.” I shove the pill between her lips and don’t offer an explanation. It’s a morning after pill. I shouldn’t have fucked her, but I did. My stomach churns as she sticks her tongue out to show me she swallowed it down. “Good girl.” I hold her gaze for a minute then let her go. Alexa disappears into the bathroom, and I go out to the truck and grab the envelope Slick gave me. Helping her disappear is the best thing I can do for her. Alexa needs away from West Virginia. Away from me because if she stays, I know I’ll only ruin her.

  Back in the motel room, Alexa is sitting at the table. Her bag is on the bed zipped and ready. I drop the envelope on the table and pull out the other chair. “If you could go anywhere in the world and start over where would you go?”

  Her shoulder lifts. The left corner of her mouth twitches. “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it.”

  “Bullshit. Everyone thinks about it. What’s the first place that comes to your mind?”

  “I don’t want to play this game.”

  “I don’t play games, Lex. Not with this. Not with you. Best thing I can do for you is make Alexa Neville disappear for good. So, tell me, pretty girl. Where do you want to go? What do you want?”

  “You want rid of me.” She stares blankly out the window at the parking lot.

  “I can’t be the man you want me to be. Last night shouldn’t have happened. I’m not sorry, but this has to end before it goes any further.”

  “Right. Just like the rest of them. You don’t really want me. I’m too much of a problem. I get it, but don’t sugarcoat it and treat me like I’m stupid. You want me gone so your wife doesn’t find out. So Rochelle doesn’t find out you fucked her best friend.”

  “It’s not like that. Don’t cheapen last night to that.”

  “No. Then what’s it like? Enlighten me.”

  “I don’t know what I can say except that I’m keeping my promise to make it right for you. Got something to take care of, and I gotta leave you somewhere safe while I do that. You don’t have to decide now, but I need you to think about what you really want.”

  “Where are you taking me?”

  “To the one person I trust most in this world.”

  “Your sister?”

  “Yeah. Let’s go. Put that in your bag and keep it safe. Everything you need to start over is in there. Access to a bank account. Identification.”

  “Got it.” She jumps up quickly and the hurt in those pretty green orbs cuts me deeper than it ought to. Alexa stuffs the envelope in her bag, and I tell her to wait in the truck while I go check out.

  When I’m done, the truck is empty. Fucking hell. She couldn’t have gotten far. I look across the street and down both sides of the sidewalk and that’s when I see her getting into the back of a cab. If I were smart, I’d let her go, but I got to see this through and make sure she knows once she’s gone, she can’t come back.

  The cab starts down the road and I step into its path. The driver blows his horn at me, but I don’t budge. “What the fuck, man?” He hangs out the window shouting at me.

  “Get out of the car, Lex.” I practically growl the words. The driver takes one good look at me and my leather cut then shuts the car off. Smart choice. I fling the back-passenger door open and jerk her out the car. “Don’t be a stupid brat.”

  She says nothing, coming with me willingly.

  We get on the road and she’s giving me the silent treatment. It’s for the best. She should hate me. I need her to make the choice because I don’t know that I’m strong enough to let her go on my own. I must be fucking crazy. My life is falling apart and yet all I can think about is her. Keeping her safe. But to do that I gotta let her go. Send her out into the world to live a better life than I can give her if she stays here. I don’t know what the hell she’s done to me. Put me under some sort of fucking spell or what because for her I’m feeling ready to burn the world down.

  “You want breakfast?”

  No response.

  “You thirsty?”

  She continues to gaze at the scenery out the passenger window. Eventually I hear her messing with the wrapper of one them cinnamon suckers. I steal a glance out the corner of my eye, but she never looks my way.

  I shut the radio off. “I’m fuckin’ talking to you.”

  I’m met with more silence. Then she cranks the radio up as loud as it’ll go. Stubborn fucking brat. I swerve off the road and turn down a dirt road, stopping only when we get out of view from passing traffic. I shut the truck off and go to the passenger side. When I put my hand on the handle, I hear the lock engage.

  “Open the door.”

  Alexa shakes her head.

  “We don’t have time for your petty ass bullshit. Alexa.” I slap the door and she flinches. “Open the God damned door now.” She continues to defy me, shooting me this prissy assed expression that has me wanting to bend her over my damn knee and spank that attitude right out of her. I remember I have the damn keys in my hand, and I get the door unlocked easily enough. When I open her side, she scrambles to crawl across the seat, but I’m faster, and when I get hold of her, she goes rigid like a damn statue.

  “We’re settling this shit right now.” I grab her throat and press her back in the seat. “You think this is easy. For the first time in years I’ve found something I want, and I gotta give it up. Because I’m not right for you.”

  We both know this won’t lead anywhere good. Her gaze meets mine, and it’s so damn cold I’d swear she’s dead if it weren’t for the erratic breaths leaving her parted lips. Her tongue darts out to wet her mouth and I lose it. “When I look into your eyes and see that fire gone, Lexi...fuck, baby. Damn near kills me.” I bring my mouth down on hers, thrusting my tongue deep between those sweet cinnamon flavored lips needing her to know I care more than she knows.

  Alexa moans into my mouth and the sound travels to my dick. Her hand goes to the back of my neck and she kisses me like it’s goodbye and maybe it is. Even though I need to be back in West Virginia, I take my time, savoring this moment. This last piece of heaven I’ll ever taste.

  Sliding my hand from her throat to her jaw, I break away and hold her gaze. “I see you, pretty girl, but I can’t keep you as bad as I want to.”

  Her forehead drops to mine. Her cinnamon breath fanning over my lips. “I hear you.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah,” she whispers with a slight nod.

  “Would give you the world if I could.” I kiss her once more, having a hard time doing what I know I gotta.

  Alexa breaks away. “I don’t want the world. I only wanna live in yours.” Her words punch me straight in the damn gut and suck all the wind right outta me.

  “Would if I could. Give you it all.” I drop my hand and peer into her eyes seeing the flecks of color brighter than before. “You gonna stop being a brat?”

  “I think we both know that’ll never happen.”

  “Right. You good?”

  “No, but I will be.”

  “Most girls your age don’t even know who they are, but not you. You’re a cut above the rest.”

  “I’m no one special. No one at all, but you treat me like I’m somebody.”

  I climb back in the driver’s seat and drive back to Lily’s Hope.

  “I’m glad you came back.” Anna welcomes Alexa with open arms. “We’re about to start on lunch, you can give us a hand in the kitchen.”

  “Later, pretty girl.” I shoot her a wink as Anna steers her inside with her bag slung over her shoulder. It’s better this way.

  The second the door shuts behind them Lily is up in my face. “What are you doing with this girl, James? How old is she?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I got it handled.”

  “That’s what you said when I got into trouble and look where it got you.”

  “Shit is different now. Don’t worry.”

  “What about Ruthie and Ro?”

  “Let me worry about it. Just look after Alexa for me. She doesn’t leave and no one is to know she’s here.”

  “I don’t like this. The way she looks at you...you’re fucking her.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Just promise me that you won’t do anything stupid.”

  “Promise,” I lie. It’s too little too late. I’ve already fucked up more times than I can’t count. I’m already going to hell, and I’ll gladly burn for the night I shared with Alexa. I know I’m a dirty bastard for what I’ve done, but I’ve only just begun. The body count is about to get a lot higher. I made a promise to Alexa, and I won’t let her down. Todd is going to pay.

  “Love you, James.” Lily wraps an arm around me, and I kiss her temple.

  “You worry too damn much.” I run my finger along the scar on her left cheek. Yeah, I’d kill that fuck and serve my time all over again for the shit he did to my sister. You wouldn’t know the shit she’s been through just by looking at her. The sick fuck nearly killed her. Beat her so damn bad it’s a miracle she’s here today.

  Took three reconstructive surgeries to repair the bones he broke in her face. I killed him for it, but he still got off easy. Todd won’t get that same courtesy. His death will be slow and painful. I was sloppy the last time. I won’t make that mistake this time around.

  **

  I lift the punk motherfucker’s head up as blood seeps between his lips. “How long you been working for Lion?”

  Mustering a weak smile, he spits a mouthful of blood at me. “What’s it matter? I’m dead anyway. Did she tell you how she screamed out your name when I fucked her?” A gurgled laugh erupts in his throat.

  “No but I’ll be sure to tell her how you cried like a bitch when I cut your balls off. Get him up,” I tell Slick. This isn’t usually his thing, but right now I don’t trust anyone else. Not when I know Lion, my club Prez played a key part in assaulting Alexa. He’ll pay, but I gotta do it right. I’ve wanted the prick gone for years. It’s time to take him out and turn this club back around. Too many brothers are hooked on Cloud Nine and dying. Lion can’t see what he’s doing or he’s too damn greedy to care. I won’t sit back and watch him dig our graves. A man like him there’s only one way to take him out—by surprise and under everyone’s noses. It has to appear natural. Gotta beat him at his own damn game.

  I rear my fist back and nail Todd in the nose with my spiked brass knuckles hearing his bones crunch.

  Chapter Ten

  “I tell you I’ve met someone and that I want a divorce and all you can do is say okay? When did you stop loving me? When did you stop caring about our family?”

  I shake my head. “I’m not in the mood for more of your shit. Enough with the fucking games, Ruthie. If you met someone who makes you happy then fucking go be with him.”

  “You don’t mean that.”

  “I do. You want a divorce then I’ll give you one.”

  “So that’s it.”

  “What the hell do you want from me?”

  “I want you to fight for me. To show me you give a damn. To tell me you’ll kill him or me. That you’ll never let me go.”

  “I can’t do that.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m not in love with you.”

  “You’ve met someone else. That’s all there is to it.”

  “No,” I lie. My mind flashes to Alexa. Someone I can’t have. Someone I shouldn’t want but crave. If Rochelle found out I don’t know how she’d react. Ruthie would take her far away and Lion would put a bullet between my eyes. That’s not going to happen though I can’t and won’t let it. Everything inside me screams in protest as I take a step toward Ruthie. “You want me to fight?” I grab her by the back of the head and tighten my grip, forcing her head to tilt.

  “You loved me once,” she whispers.

  “Is there another man or not? You know what I did the last time you fucked around on me.” I slit that fucker’s throat and Ruthie helped me dispose of the body.

  She licks her lips. “I just wanted to make you mad. Wanted you to come home and pretend that you give a damn about me.”

  “Is that blood on your shirt?”

  “What?”

  “What did you do?”

  “Nothing for you to concern yourself with.” I let her go. “I gotta get a shower then head to the clubhouse.”

  “You’re leaving already?”

  “I’ll be back, and we can talk then.”

  “I don’t want to wait till later we need to talk about this now.”

  “Well wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills faster.”

  “You’re an asshole.”

  “But I’m the asshole you married for better or worse. Guess neither of us knew that the worst part would last us till death do us part, huh, sweetheart.”

  “I hate you. I hate you.” She cries, punching at me as she sinks to her knees.

  Black streaks of mascara trickle down her face. “What did I ever do to you to deserve this? Why are you so heartless?”

  “You moved another man into my house. Had him play daddy to my kid. You tell me how I shoulda felt about that?”

  “I said I was sorry. You can’t hold it against me forever.”

  “Play stupid games, babe, you win stupid prizes. Yeah?”

  “What’s that mean?”

  “It means you ever think for a minute that it was you who should be fighting for me?”

  “You’re right. I’m selfish and terrible. But I do love you, James. You’re Rochelle’s father.”

  “Is that all I am to you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well when you figure it out you let me know.”

  “I want things to go back to the way they were before all the bad,” she calls out as I close the bathroom door.

  My life’s been nothing but bad since the first time I kissed her.

  I hurry through my shower, I’m eager to personally deliver the news to Alexa that Todd is no longer breathing the same air as the rest of us. I exit the bathroom to find Ruthie in the bedroom. Candles lit, lined up on the dresser top. Soft music plays. She’s laying across the bed in a purple nightie. I take one look at her and feel nothing at all. She no longer resembles the girl I thought I loved when I was a stupid kid. Young, dumb, and full of come. Her dark hair rests on her shoulder, stick straight with a few highlights. Heavy makeup that makes her look old and worn. She never used to wear too much makeup. Back then she didn’t need it. Would look better now if she washed all that shit off her face. Still has a banging body though. I’ll give her that much. Hell, I paid for her to have a tummy tuck and get her tits done.

  Bitch doesn’t do it for me. Looks like a damn plastic doll now, but it’s what she wanted to make herself feel good, and I didn’t want to deny her.

  “You shouldn’t have gone to the trouble.”

  “James...don’t you want to try? Rochelle needs us together. Before you know it, she’ll be off to college, and then it’ll be the two of us. We can get back to good.”

  I should cross the room and go to her. She’s my wife. But I don’t love her. “Smells like desperation in here. Told you, I’m not playing your games. You can’t control me with sex. I’m not fifteen anymore. You sure as shit aren’t either.”

  “Who is she?”

  “None of your fuckin’ business.”

  “James...please.” Ruthie hops up off the bed, her fake titties popping out the see-through purple lace. “Let me show you that I do care. That we’re worth saving.” Bitch drops to her knees and wraps her arms around my leg. “Don’t leave.”

  I breathe out heavily through my nostrils. “I don’t have time for this. I got somewhere to be.” I bend down to pull her arms off me. “Stop embarrassing yourself.”

  “You told me to fight.” She cries. And scratches my jaw, digging her nails in so damn deep it burns.

  I grab her up by the hair, sling her on the bed, and undo my belt. “This how you want me? Rough and unfeeling, babe. Want me to act like a monster for you?”

  “I want you to take your pants off and make love to me.”