Only time would tell if we could open up to each other the way we should have been our entire relationship. I vowed to pray for a positive result, even though I knew when I got into bed, he’d never be able to give me the experience I longed for. That was a problem I’d have to learn how to live with on my own.

  Chapter 4

  I don’t know what part of the night broke me. There I was being driven to the police station in the back of a cruiser and all I could think about was Aria’s face when she saw me walking toward her in the yard. I was so pissed at her that I didn’t take into consideration how I’d taunted her by being at the strip club. Why, after all this time was I being such a dick to her? She was right. I wasn’t doing my part in working things out. I was making it all worse. In that moment, I felt terrible for purposely pushing her to do something so extreme. It didn’t help the situation when my own mother had showed up at the station to rip me a new ass. She let me know that if we separated I wouldn’t be welcome in her house. I can’t blame Aria for my mother’s decisions. That woman had it against me since the moment I told her Aria and I were expecting a child at such an early age. It was her idea for us to get married, and in my mother’s eyes there was no such thing as divorce.

  Aria certainly got her point across, and I don’t see our neighbors ever caring to have a friendly conversation with her again. They probably thought she was insane. If she was anything for sure, it was a spitfire. It took a lot to get under her skin before she exploded and acted out. It was obvious she’d reached her limit, but I had too. “Look babe, I’m not trying to coerce you to go away with me, but what if Dr. Ellis is right? Something keeps us together. I have to believe it’s more than Emery. I won’t force you to make a decision tonight. We’re both messed up in the head and it wouldn’t be right to make promises we might not want to keep. Just sleep on the idea.”

  She took my hand before I was able to turn away and leave our master bedroom. “Flynn wait.” I could tell whatever she was about to say was serious. “What I did tonight was uncalled for. I’m losing it. I can’t help it sometimes.”

  “I’m not in the mood to fight about it anymore tonight, babe. It’s best if we go to bed while being on a speaking level with one another, don’t you think?” She was hurting, but so was I. I stood and headed to my side of the bed to fetch my pillow. As emotional as we both were, I knew better than to push it with my wife. Before I made it a few feet from her I felt her take my hand again.

  “Wait, Flynn. Just sleep in here tonight. Being on the couch solves nothing, and it sure as hell doesn’t help us figure things out.”

  “Are you sure?” I didn’t want to overstep.

  “Yes. I feel horrible about what I did. If you’d like to kill me in my sleep, I wouldn’t blame you.” Aria wiped her tears away. “You must think I’m the worst wife.”

  “Don’t. It’s both our faults. Yeah, sometimes you’re pretty hard to deal with, but I’m not any better. Babe, we were kids when we hooked up. Neither one of us knows the first thing about filling our adult shoes. It’s not like we were given a handbook at our wedding telling us what we should and shouldn’t do. We’re good at one thing at least.”

  “What’s that?” She almost snickered.

  “Fucking up. You and I are professional fuck ups.”

  Aria moved back on the bed, tucking her body under the covers while she spoke. “The doctor did ask if we had anything in common.”

  I headed over to my side of the bed and climbed in. I’d forgotten how much more comfortable it was than the couch. It was surprising to see Aria turning her body to face mine. We laid there looking into each other’s eyes. “I don’t want to lose you. I mean it. I can’t imagine starting my life over without you in it. I don’t want to have to be without Emery either. God, I’m so sorry for calling you a bitch earlier. I didn’t care about that dancer. I just wanted to get a rise out of you. You pissed me off and I lashed out like I always do. I hate this shit. I don’t want to be the guy you hate, Aria.”

  I watched as her face seemed to turn from settled to disturbed. “I know, Flynn. I don’t want that either, and I meant what I said earlier. I really am sorry. I wish we could wake up tomorrow morning and all our problems were gone.”

  I reached over and touched her arm only hoping to be a little comforting. Instead, the mere connection it brought left me wanting more. I began stroking it while staring right at her wide-open eyes. “Is it wrong for me to want you right now?”

  I prepared for her to reject me; to tell me to get my pillow and vacate the bedroom, hard cock and all. I deserved that. We hadn’t been intimate in a while. How could I expect my wife to want me after the blowout we’d had earlier? Just being this close to her should have been enough for me, albeit I wasn’t the type of man to back down from something I wanted. Aria was quick to tell the doctor she didn’t feel appreciated or wanted. This was a perfect example of how wrong she was.

  “Sex isn’t going to make this go away.”

  I drug my fingers over her lips. “Maybe not, but you can’t deny that makeup sex never sucks.”

  “It does when it’s premeditated.”

  I scooted closer knowing damn well I was the only one making the effort for this to happen. When my body hovered over hers I knew she was either going to accept me or push me away. I took my time lowering my lips to hers, keeping my eyes peeled on hers to see if she was closing them, giving in to temptation. The moment her lids fell, I knew the spark between us still remained. It may have been dim, but something kept us afloat; a tiny glimmer of hope overwhelmed my senses as I felt her lips grazing over mine. It had been too long for us to go without doing this type of thing. A sudden jolt from between my legs allowed me to know I was already becoming aroused.

  It was without a doubt reassuring when her hands came up and reached around my back, taking position there as if to compel me to reciprocate. After going a while without intercourse, I craved every inch of my wife. Knowing it would be difficult to hold my load, I began thinking of ways to make myself last longer. I needed Aria on my good side so that she didn’t wake up and decide to kick me out anyway. It was important to keep up with this progress.

  My hands coursed down between her legs finding her panties immediately. She was warm there, welcoming me as her thighs seemed to spread apart in reaction to my touch. Finally, in our kisses, our tongues began to spar. Her hands moved up, pulling me down until I was flat on top of her. To keep from squishing my wife, I flipped us around, pulling her small frame over mine. My hands cupped both her ass cheeks, and I gripped each one while continuing to ravage her mouth.

  Aria pulled away, causing me to be alarmed that this moment we were sharing was about to be over. She surprised me by taking both hands to the lower hem of her t-shirt and lifting it over her head. Braless, like she always slept, I was able to stare right at her sexy tits, the ones that drew me in back when we were just teens. My hands moved up her waist, coasting over the smooth skin across her ribs until I was able to massage her mounds. Her brown nipples hardened against my palms, my dick sending me a reminder what was at stake in this scenario. “I need to fuck you, babe,” I murmured between kisses.

  “Oh, yeah. I want you to.” She grumbled back, teasing my lips with her tongue while doing so. Aria slid off my body to remove her panties. I watched her for a second before doing the same with my remaining clothes. My dick popped out of my boxers like it was saluting her. I watched a sly smile cross over her lips as she noticed. It gave me more motivation to claim my prize.

  I reached over, taking a hold of her arm and pulling her back against my body. My right hand wasted no time slipping between her legs until I found her pussy, so warm to the touch. Splitting her open and gliding two fingers inside proved she was ready. Heat radiated when her wetness allowed me to slide inside of her tight walls. I drove my fingers in and out of her, while savoring her kisses at the same time. To better the position, I flipped us around to hover over her again. I leaned on my elbow while continuing to please her. Aria brought her knees up and began moving her ass at the same tempo I was using.

  Our kisses stopped, but only so I was able to suck her nipple in between my teeth. I tugged, getting a rise out of her like always. Little things like this pleased me, knowing I knew where to touch her in the right places.

  Tiny moans filled the room when I removed my fingers from her pussy and brought them up to pinch her other nipple. Abruptly I let go, taking her hands into mine to lift above her head. I brought my body over hers, teasing her with my rock-hard cock. Aria closed her eyes again, moving her head to the side while keeping her hands up out of the way. I positioned myself and bit down on my own bottom lip. “Oh yeah, babe. You want this don’t you?”

  She never opened her eyes. “Yes.”

  I stared down at her naked body, appreciating she hadn’t made me turn off the lights this time. I let my hands glide over her nipples as I pushed inside of her. She was so tight, yet welcoming at the same time. The temperature of her pussy juices was the first thing I noticed. I couldn’t remember her being ever this wet. It made me work hard to remain focused on lasting. After I thrust in her a few times, I had to stop and look away. It was intense. We’d waited too long in between. I couldn’t hold on anymore.

  Just as quickly as it started, I finished inside of my wife.

  The moment was over, and when she flipped over without saying anything, I knew she was disappointed. Feeling embarrassed and ashamed, I did the same, saying nothing else as I reached to turn off the light. If I couldn’t even satisfy my wife, we had a bigger problem than I thought. It was clear Aria and I needed a lot of work, and I wasn’t sure if she was even willing to try anymore. Something had to give, and I needed to get it figured out soon, or else I would lose my family; the one thing I’d taken for granted entirely too long.

  Chapter 5

  Lying there beside Flynn, feeling as if the earth had opened up and sucked me inside of it, left my mind to ponder on so many things. I wanted to feel something positive about what had just transpired between us, but it wouldn’t happen.

  My doubts were so clear when it came to intercourse in general. Flynn was about Flynn, even when he was desperate to make amends. Our five minutes of fucking left me more disturbed than anything else. I pretended to be asleep to prevent him from speaking anymore. There was nothing left to say. While his load seeped out between my legs, constantly reminding me that I’d given in to temptation, I imagined someone else touching me, taking me to new heights. After a few moments I was completely turned on, so much that I needed to find some kind of release. I removed the t-shirt from between my legs, double checking to make sure Flynn had succumbed to sleep. The pattern of his breathing allowed me to know he was comfortably resting, unaware of what I was about to do. On many nights, this type of action came easy because my husband was asleep on the couch, not knowing I was giving myself unhinged orgasms in the comfort of my own bed.

  I’d close my eyes and imagine so many scenarios. Tonight I was tied to a chair. I’d been out to dinner with a distinguished gentleman. His physique was well pronounced in the black suit he wore, yet I couldn’t make out his face. That didn’t matter. He could have worn a bag over his head so long as he touched me in all the right places. This wasn’t like cheating to me. I was merely acting out on something I’d never be able to do in real life.

  I started with my breasts, traipsing my long fingernails over the already hardened tips. The sheet came down exposing me in the dark room, allowing the cold air of the above ceiling fan to heighten the sensation. Flynn’s body adjusted in the bed just as I moved my hand down between my legs. I froze in place, hoping he wouldn’t reach over and discover what I was about to do. A scuffling snore told me he was still asleep, reassuring me that I was in the clear.

  My body beckoned to be touched. My clit throbbed, almost like a bulls eye sending off a beacon for guidance. The moment my three fingers coursed over it I had to fight from bucking. It was ultra sensitive, much like it was always left after sex with Flynn. While he rested satiated, I craved more, resorting to something that left me both fulfilled and ashamed at the same time.

  I could tell my clit was swollen. It was easier to locate and flick. I taunted it a few times while imagining being back in the chair, blindfolded and naked. I pictured the faceless man walking around me. The sound of his fancy shoes echoed off the walls in the room. I felt him grabbing my hair and yanking my head back. My lips parted and I could feel his breath against my face as his gruff voice spoke. “Every woman deserves pleasure. I’m going to show you what a proper fuck feels like. Are you ready, Aria? Do you want to be fucked by a stranger?”

  In my imagination I couldn’t answer. I kept rubbing my clit while taking my opposite hand and squeezing a nipple.

  The stranger was back in my mind, laughing loudly as he spread my legs apart. It was like an out of body experience watching him kneeling down to be closer to my wide-spread pussy. In his back pocket was a leather whip, designed with multiple strands of fringes. He ran it over my pussy, causing my muscles to tighten. Then the strands were separated until a thin group of them slid between my lips. He maneuvered them back and forth, dragging them around in my slick opening.

  I gasped in my bed, biting down on my lip as the first waves of my orgasm hit.

  Usually I’d be done. I’d turn over, wrap my legs around a pillow, and fall fast asleep, but I wasn’t finished with this fantasy.

  I ran my fingers in between my soaked pussy lips, imagining they were the strands of the leather whip. Then I was right back tied to the chair, blindfolded and spread wide. The whip was pulled away from me. The room was quiet, as I felt it dragging up my torso, my breasts, and then my lips. The scent of my pussy filled my nostrils as the strands grazed my skin. My mouth began to water, and I craved to taste myself on the fringes. My tongue came out as the wet cum drizzled over it. “Mmm,” I realized I mumbled out loud. Quickly I opened my eyes and looked over at Flynn, concerned he’d wake and wonder what the hell I was doing. Once I was in the clear, I got back to the task, this time driving two fingers deep inside my channel. With each thrust, my mind lingered back to being in the chair. This time I wasn’t blindfolded. The scenario had changed. We were no longer alone in the room.

  I brought my fingers up to my lips and licked them tasting myself like I had in my fantasy.

  The faceless man unzipped his fly. I tried to make out the person behind him but got distracted too soon. He snarled while sounding demanding. “You’re going to suck my dick, Aria, while he watches us.” The stranger then pointed in the corner and there sat Flynn with his hands on his knees. His eyes were fixated on mine while the man stepped closer, brushing his dick from my cheek to my lips. My mouth watered again, this time because I wanted his hard cock for a different reason. He was circumcised, that I noticed right away. His girth was prosperous, and as he inched in I realized it was quite lengthy. Since Flynn was only average, this experience was difficult. I wondered if he felt envious of the stranger. The man taunted me once again, teasing my mouth with his hard shaft. His smile was tantalizing me when he pulled it away and lifted my chin, shoving his mouth against mine savagely. As soon as our tongues began to mingle he backed up, leaving me to wonder what was happening. “Tell your hubby how much you like sucking on my cock. Lick my balls while he watches. Do it, Aria. Tell him how you want me in your mouth.”

  My breathing became rapid as I looked over at Flynn in my fantasy. He was so focused on me, as if he approved of these actions. In my imagination I wanted him to watch me pleasing someone else. I wanted my husband to know I craved being touched by another. “I want him.” I announced.

  From across the room he reached inside of his pants and began stroking himself. I craved to touch my body so bad, even though it was impossible since I was tied up. My erect nipples tingled when I heard my husband’s voice. “Show me. I want to watch you.”

  He wanted to watch us fucking, and I was prepared to show him. In this fantasy, I was in control. I could be someone I’d never be in reality. Nothing could have distracted me from playing this out.

  Again, my legs were spread further apart while the stranger spoke. “I’m going to show your husband how to eat pussy, and when I’m done I’ll fuck you dry. Do you understand, Aria? Is that what you want? Do you want to know how a real man fucks a woman?”

  The second I nodded I felt my body spasm. Another bout of euphoria hit me, raising my ass up off the bed. When I finally came down from my heightened state I realized I was in fact still in bed next to my sleeping husband. A quiet giggle escaped my lips as I stretched my arms with a huge smile, feeling utterly satisfied.

  My happiness was short-lived. As soon as I turned over to get comfortable I spotted Flynn lying there so innocent. He’d feel so disappointed if he knew I was imagining someone else while in bed with him. For all these years I’d feared he was doing the same thing with me. Since I knew firsthand how it felt, I didn’t want him to hurt that way.

  Feeling ashamed, I got up and rushed into the bathroom, hoping to wash away the shame I’d put on myself. This wasn’t the person I wanted to be. As my heart continued beating, so hard it felt as if it was going to jump from my chest, I stared at my reflection in the mirror, trying to figure out who I was desperate to become.

  Before I could wash my face and clear my head I heard someone walking into the bathroom behind me. There he was, my naked husband. He walked past me until he reached the toilet, lifted the seat and began emptying his bladder. It was so normal for this to happen that I didn’t find anything wrong with it. My problem was that I was clearly up for no reason.

  It wasn’t until he was returning to bed that he stopped and kissed my shoulder. “What’s up with you? Are you pissed we had sex?”