Taking cues from her body language, Taylor continued slowly, tenderly, until Jordan let out a scream, and her entire body tightened. Taylor looked up to take in the sight of surprised pleasure as Jordan’s eyes rolled back into her head and she collapsed back on the bed.

  Moving back up to lay beside her, Taylor caressed Jordan’s hair and gave her a long, slow kiss. “Was it okay?” she asked, even though she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

  “Fuck okay,” Jordan said breathlessly. “It was mind-blowing. Thank you.”

  “Anytime,” Taylor replied, kissing her on the forehead.

  “Give me just a minute to recover, and then you can walk me through what I need to do to make you feel that good,” Jordan said, leaning her head against Taylor’s chest.

  “Tomorrow,” Taylor said. “Tonight was about you, and trust me, I enjoyed that more than just about anything in the world.”

  Jordan looked for a moment like she might protest, but Taylor shook her head and pulled Jordan closer against her into a spooning position. Holding onto her, she knew she was in trouble. She could stay like this all night and be happy.

  In her mind, she replayed the words to one of her favorite poems by Mario Benedetti.

  O sea

  Resumiendo

  Estoy jodido

  Y radiante

  Quizá más lo primero

  Que lo Segundo

  Y tambien

  Viceversa.

  It was some of the only Spanish she knew, but the translation had always stuck with her, and in the silence of the moment, it summed up exactly how she felt. I’m fucked, and radiant. Perhaps more the former than the latter and vice versa.

  Getting lost in Jordan Weston was a beautiful disaster.

  * * *

  As she lay still shaking in Taylor’s arms, Jordan was positive there was nowhere else she wanted to be. Ever.

  Taylor gently kissed her back, and Jordan felt the sensation spread through her still sensitive body. She shivered from the touch and turned to face Taylor.

  For a moment, she simply stared into Taylor’s eyes, simply reveling in the knowledge that she had never felt such an intensity of pleasure.

  “How do you feel?” Taylor asked, her words sliding across the distance like honey.

  “I don’t even know how to put it into words,” Jordan said with a shy grin. “Incredible. Insane. Insatiable.”

  Taylor’s smile grew. “Good,” she said. “Me too.”

  Caught up in the comfort and bliss of the moment, Jordan rested her head on Taylor’s chest and then reached for her again.

  Chapter Eleven

  Maggie’s tank top clung to her body from the morning’s spin class, and she rolled down the car windows. The summer air flowed across her skin, bringing a calming sensation. It was a foreign feeling these days. Most of the time, her thoughts centered on Jordan and how she could be helped. There was no question in her mind that her daughter was flailing, looking for something solid to hold onto. The problem was that she had no idea how to help.

  As she pulled her car into the driveway, she sat and looked at the house for a moment.

  It had been Jordan’s childhood home, and she recalled sweetly how her bubbly little girl used to bound from the front door, clad in basketball shorts and a tank top with a basketball in hand. If only she could find someone who made her as happy as that silly sport had always made her, her dear daughter would be back on her feet.

  She sighed, knowing that if she broached the subject with Jordan, it would only serve to make her daughter unhappier. She could hear Jordan’s voice in her head: “Mom, stop pressuring me!”

  It wasn’t about pressure. It was merely her desire to see Jordan happy and fulfilled.

  She pulled out her cell phone and dialed Jordan’s number but hung up before leaving a voice mail. She tried to stave off her tendency to jump to the worst possible conclusion at the drop of a hat, to infringe on Jordan’s privacy. Still, it was her duty as a mother to be worried and to want the best for her child. She rationalized what she knew was an overstep of her boundaries and again picked up the phone.

  “Good morning,” Janelle answered in a chipper voice.

  “Hi, Janelle,” Maggie said. “How are you doing?”

  The two exchanged pleasantries and caught up on life briefly, before Maggie cut to the chase.

  “How is she?”

  Janelle didn’t need any more of an explanation, and the tone in her voice conveyed the type of sympathy only another mother could give.

  “I think she’s going to be okay,” Janelle said slowly. “She’s in a rough patch right now, and I’m going to hopefully keep seeing her. We have another meeting scheduled next week. I am slightly worried about the company she’s keeping these days, though.”

  Maggie’s curiosity was piqued. “Is it just a wrong crowd situation?”

  “I’m not sure.” Janelle’s voice was hesitant. “You know I’m not supposed to disclose this kind of information. But, as a friend, I would just advise you to talk to her. Ask her who she’s hanging out with and try to steer her in the right direction.”

  “Who should I be worried about?”

  “Taylor Reeves.” The name rolled out of Janelle’s mouth, like a fire engulfing a dry valley. “I shouldn’t have said that,” Janelle said quickly. “But, just know that I think they’re spending a lot of time together, and I’m not sure it’s entirely a healthy situation for Jordan.”

  “What’s wrong with the pastor’s daughter?”

  “Nothing. Look, I’ve got to go, but I’ll call you after our next session.”

  Janelle quickly said her goodbyes, leaving Maggie more perplexed than ever. If you couldn’t trust your daughter to the friendship of the pastor’s kid, who could you trust?

  In her mind, she recalled all of the kids she had known growing up who were children of pastors, and her questions were put to rest. They were the ones who spent most of their time partying and breaking the rules. They were the wild ones, and even more dangerously, they were the ones who had learned early on in life how not to get caught. They were masters of hiding things, talking their way out of trouble, and generally skating by without reprimand. Janelle was probably right. There was no need for Jordan to get wrapped up in that kind of behavior, even though when she met Taylor, she seemed like a perfectly nice kid.

  Once more, she tried to call Jordan. If nothing else she wanted to hear her voice, to know she was okay. If she was getting into some kind of wrong behavior, Maggie wanted to know.

  There was still no answer.

  “What’s wrong?” her husband asked as soon as she entered the house.

  “I just have a lot on my mind.”

  She didn’t want to get into it. She already knew what he would say, and it wasn’t the answer she was looking for. Brushing past him, she grabbed a glass and filled it with ice water, all the while knowing he was watching her every move intently.

  “Care to share?” he prodded.

  After taking a long sip, she shook her head. “Not really.”

  “Are you doing that stressed out Mommy thing again?”

  “How did you know?”

  “It’s been almost thirty years,” he said with that same little smirk that had captured her heart so many years ago. “I can tell when you’re upset, and more specifically, I can tell when you have the look of a mother bear trying to protect her cub. What’s going on?”

  “I’m not sure,” Maggie admitted, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “I just worry about her.”

  “It’s been an adjustment for her—for all of us, actually. But she’s going to get through it.”

  His words did little to soothe the aching place in her heart, the place that wanted nothing but the best for her little girl. “I’m going to go see her today,” Maggie said, making up her mind to do something about it instead of just worrying away the day.

  “Does she know you’re coming?” Paul asked, furrowing his brow slightly. “She is a grown woman, you know, and she’d probably appreciate a heads up.”

  “Who made you the boss?” she asked him playfully, trying to get past her nagging worry. “I’ll give her another call when I’m on my way over. I think we could both benefit from a day together.”

  Paul’s expression was amused, but there was no doubt that he thought it was a bad idea. She wanted to get angry but knew that an argument would only prolong the morning at home and make her more upset.

  He hadn’t always been the picture of the parent who respected space. She remembered all too well the nights he had spent analyzing Jordan’s every move to make sure that nothing she did jeopardized her athletic career in any way.

  With her mind made up, she quickly showered and got ready. She was going to go see her daughter and at least let her know that she could talk to her mother if she needed anything.

  * * *

  Taylor opened her eyes to morning sunlight streaming in through the blinds. A feeling of pure bliss washed over her entire being as she looked down at Jordan sleeping in her arms.

  There was no doubt in her mind that this girl had gotten to her in a way that no one ever had, and she could only hope that Jordan felt the same way. She watched as Jordan dreamed and wondered what she was dreaming. Tenderly, she brushed a dark hair back from her face and leaned down to kiss her naked back. Covering her in gentle, soft kisses, she let herself get lost in all that Jordan was and all that they could be together.

  When Jordan started to stir, she stopped and propped herself up on the pillows.

  Slowly, Jordan rolled over to face her. “That felt incredible,” she said in a husky voice.

  “What did?”

  “Your kisses on my back.”

  Taylor smiled. “I couldn’t help it,” she admitted. “I just enjoy kissing you.”

  “I enjoy it, too.”

  Her words were reassuring, but the look on Jordan’s face gave evidence of her uncertainty. “Are you okay?” Taylor asked, stroking her face.

  Jordan swallowed and closed her eyes for a minute before nodding. “I’m good,” she said with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

  Taylor recognized the look all too well. It was the same one she had worn when she was wrestling with her own sexuality. Her desire for Jordan’s affection was outweighed by how much she cared about her friend, as she offered the words that cut her to her core. “We don’t have to do that again if you don’t want to. We can just go back to being friends if that’s what you need.”

  “I think I just need some time to figure it all out,” Jordan said with a sigh. “It’s not that I didn’t enjoy it, or that I don’t want to do it again. It’s just that I’m scared.”

  The beeping of Jordan’s phone cut off her sentence.

  Jordan looked thankful for the distraction and jumped out of bed immediately, scurrying over to the dresser to pick up her phone.

  “Shit!”

  “What’s wrong?” Taylor asked, gazing at her with a million conflicting thoughts running through her mind.

  “My mom’s tried to call me several times.” She picked up the phone. Her eyes widened as she listened to the voice mail.

  “Is everything okay?” Taylor asked.

  “You have to go right now,” Jordan said in a panicked voice. “My mom is on her way over.”

  Taylor got out of bed and started putting on her clothes.

  “We’ll talk later,” Jordan said hurriedly, all but pushing Taylor out her front door.

  Wanting to protest, detesting being treated like a criminal, she tried to understand the situation Jordan was in. With a sigh, she started her truck and pulled out of the parking lot just as a silver car pulled in.

  She drove until she was out of town a few miles and pulled over near a field. She got out of the truck and popped her tailgate down to take a seat, suddenly thankful for rural Kansas and its peacefulness. It seemed to make the decision-making process a little easier—or at least a little less distracting.

  Leaning her head back to take in the way the sun glimmered off the wheat, she tried to put herself in Jordan’s shoes. The girl definitely had a lot to lose. It wasn’t as if most conservative Kansas families would jump up and down with joy at the news that their daughter was a lesbian—no more than her own family would if they knew the truth.

  She allowed herself to remember the fear, uncertainty and self-loathing that had come with the discovery of her own sexuality. But years ago she had come to a point of acceptance, realizing that it was possible for her to have her own life and her family to have theirs. The two didn’t have to be intertwined, and they didn’t even have to know about hers. It was easier that way.

  She hoped Jordan could come to the same conclusion, but she knew it would be a process. It had been one hell of a process for her.

  Shuddering, she remembered how she had almost made her parents’ dreams come true years ago. She had found a man whose company she enjoyed, and although it wasn’t love, she had tried to make it so. When he had proposed, she said “yes,” much to her mother’s delight. She remembered how she had looked in the white dress her mother had helped her pick for her wedding day, and how for a short while, she had been okay with settling. She had been so scared of who she was that she was willing to mask it—forever. Thankfully, they hadn’t gone through with it, but she had almost become the fairy tale princess replica that her parents had wanted her to be. As she thought about the road Jordan had ahead of her, Taylor hoped she wouldn’t second-guess herself to that degree.

  If she had learned anything over the years, it was that she didn’t need to fit anyone else’s mold to find her own happiness. She willed Jordan to find the same strength.

  Hours passed as she sat taking in the beauty of the scenery and trying to make sense of this small-town world. When she finally decided to go back into town, she didn’t have any further answers than she had before. All she knew was that she wouldn’t pressure Jordan into doing anything she didn’t want to do. If she wanted space and time to figure things out, Taylor would give her exactly that.

  With her mind made up not to contact Jordan until she was ready, she headed back to her own house.

  Evening light faded into twilight as she busied herself cleaning her house. When her phone rang, she looked at the caller ID and hesitated. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t deny her heart the chance to hear Jordan’s sweet voice.

  “Hey. Can I come by?”

  Taylor’s heart leapt, but only momentarily as she remembered that Jordan wasn’t sure about continuing the intimacy they had shared. “Of course. Is everything okay?”

  “I don’t know.”

  The words cut to Taylor’s heart, and she held her breath.

  “I’ll be over in a few minutes.”

  Taylor kept the phone to her ear, listening to the dead space and trying not to give into the emotional roller coaster that threatened her. She would know soon enough what was ahead for them.

  Opening the door twenty minutes later, she braced herself.

  “Hi,” Jordan said in a small voice. Her face was devoid of any signs of readable emotion. Whatever she was feeling, she was keeping it under lock and key.

  “Hey,” Taylor said, stepping aside to let Jordan in the house.

  Jordan seated herself on the opposite end of the couch from Taylor and sat in silence.

  “Can I get you anything to drink?” Taylor asked.

  “No, thank you.”

  The silence between them grew until Taylor broke it. “Is there any chance you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” She watched as Jordan took a deep breath.

  “I’m not sure what’s bothering me,” she admitted slowly. “Everything is so jumbled up inside of my mind, and I just want it to stop for a moment. I just want things to be clear.”

  “What things?” Taylor asked the question, even though she knew the answer.

  “I want to know what’s going on in my head and in my heart—and especially with my body.” Jordan’s words now tumbled out in a blur of confusion. “I feel things with you that I’ve never felt before, and that terrifies me.”

  She paused before looking Taylor directly in the eye. “It’s wrong,” she whispered.

  The simple statement sliced through Taylor, but she managed to take it in with only a shake of her head. “It’s not wrong,” she said gently. “There’s nothing wrong about following your heart and being with who you want to be with.” She knew the words sounded cliché, like something from an after school special, but they were the truth. “I know it’s a hard concept to grasp,” she said, reaching over to place a supportive hand on Jordan’s shoulder.

  Jordan jumped back at the touch as though she had been slapped.

  “Wow,” Taylor said, standing up to put even more distance between them.

  “I’m sorry,” Jordan said. “I just don’t think physical contact is best in this situation.”

  “Why not? You’re my best friend. I can’t reach out and offer you a hand of support?”

  Jordan shook her head. “Not with how I feel about you, you can’t. It just makes me want to do things I shouldn’t do.”

  “Who says you shouldn’t?”

  Taylor knew she was playing devil’s advocate contrary to her previous decision to back off, but she wanted to get through to this girl that there was so much more to the world than the narrow views of this small town.

  “Everyone,” Jordan said quietly. “My parents raised me to know right from wrong, and they instilled in my head that this was wrong.”

  “They’re afraid of what they don’t understand,” Taylor said from the kitchen, pouring a vodka. “I get it. I was raised the same way. Do you think my dad or mom would really be on board with all this?”

  She took a sip of the strong drink and took a seat on one of the barstools. “Of course they wouldn’t be,” she said. “They don’t get it either. They’re afraid of it, they don’t think it’s right. But what they think doesn’t matter. I am who I am, and so are you. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”