“We’re going to get through this,” Janelle said, reaching across the table to grab Jordan’s hand.

  Jordan’s body stiffened and the steeled look in her eyes signified that she wanted to pull back, but she relented.

  “You don’t want to be a lesbian, do you?” she asked.

  In response, the tears that had pooled slid down Jordan’s cheek, and she shook her head. “No,” she said quietly. “I don’t.”

  “What do you want?”

  “I want to be normal. I want to find a love that I can have. But more than anything, I want my best friend here to talk to me about all of this.”

  “You can’t have that,” Janelle said, lowering her voice for dramatic effect. “But you can pray. That will help more than anything.”

  Jordan let out a sigh, but she nodded. Looking like a sad little girl, she cleared her plate and walked to her room with slumped shoulders.

  This was only the beginning, but Janelle was confident that she could make life better for Jordan. After washing the dishes, she retreated to her own bedroom and picked up the textbooks she had been reading. All of them promised that it wasn’t an easy cure, but that homosexuality could be overcome. She was determined to prove that theory right. Thumbing through one of the books, she looked through the simpler methods—everything from prayer to negative associations. Those would be useful, but she had a feeling Jordan was far too stubborn to be an easy fix. She flipped through the pages that were labeled for extreme cases. If she was going to try to fix Taylor, those would be necessary—but, thankfully Taylor was not her problem.

  Glancing at them in case they were needed later on, she shuddered slightly. Electrotherapy didn’t quite sound like something she should ever attempt to practice, but the book was decades old. With her mind reeling, she earmarked the pages she felt were most important. Feelings of guilt threatened to rise to the surface, but she pushed them down, shaking her head and reminding herself that it was her responsibility to help this poor girl find her way again. And, she would do whatever it took to accomplish the task.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Wind whipped through the curtained windows, and a soothing song played through the speakers of her phone, but it wasn’t enough to calm Jordan’s nerves. She felt like she had been physically beaten. Her head pounded, and her entire body felt shaky. Even though she tried to focus, she knew she was really doing nothing but mindlessly flipping through the pages of her book. With a sigh, she shut the book and sat back on the bed. Thoughts rolled through her mind rapidly, like an ever-changing flashing sign. The thunderstorm brewing outside held no advantage in tenacity over her conflicting emotions. She looked around, hating every detail of this room, hating even more the fact that she felt like a prisoner here.

  Dread filled her and weighed her down as she thought about what would surely lay ahead of her this evening. There would be more questions. There were always so many questions—some of which she felt as if she needed to lie about.

  Of course she still had feelings for Taylor, even if they were feelings she couldn’t explain. Yet, if she ever answered that way, Janelle looked at her with such disgust that she felt dirty. For what felt like the hundredth time in days, she gave in to tears.

  All day, she had longed for some sort of normalcy to her life. Even more, she had wanted to hear from Taylor. She would have taken anything—a text message, a phone call, or even something as simple as passing her car on the street. She had even taken the long way back to the house, hoping to see Taylor’s truck parked at the church, but it was nowhere to be found. It was worrisome to her, but she knew there was no one she could ask. It was a helpless feeling, one that threatened to overtake her completely.

  Against the advice she had been given, she began to let her mind wander. Janelle had instructed time and time again that she was to stop her thoughts of Taylor, that it was unhealthy to continue trying to figure out what had happened and why it happened. Instead, it was best if she just accepted that what she had done was wrong, and work to move on.

  But, that wasn’t good enough. It never would be.

  She settled back against the pillow and let the thoughts wash over her. She saw Taylor standing there before her, bright blue eyes burning with lust, telling her truths that she already knew about herself. Her long hair curled to perfection and her lips giving Jordan a “come here” smile as she stood, long legs exposed, wearing only a black lace bra and boy shorts. For what felt like the millionth time, Jordan thought about Taylor’s voice and how it would sound when Taylor told her that she wanted her. Its slight raspy nature made Jordan weak in the knees, as did thought about any part of Taylor’s anatomy—especially her large breasts. Remembering how it felt to have them slide up and down her body, her breathing deepened.

  She was undeniably and hopelessly attracted to Taylor Reeves and found it damn near impossible to stay away from her. Like a moth to a flame, the lure was far too powerful to combat. Even now, she let her thoughts focus on those eyes and that smile, and it was almost as if she could feel the caress of Taylor’s long, slender fingers across her body and feel Taylor’s body crashing against her own.

  Lost in lust, she shivered and felt her body tighten. There was no denying the fact that a simple longing gaze from Taylor could set her body afire. Feeling the sensations from her fantasy overtake her, she realized all too quickly that she was tense and wet, ready to feel Taylor’s touch again. She knew that a single touch to any part of her body would send her into a full explosion.

  Forcing her eyes wide open, she sat upright. She would have to get a grip on these emotions sooner or later. But, despite Janelle’s attempts at therapy, she was pretty sure the fight was futile.

  If Taylor Reeves was the death of her, she might just have to die.

  Shaking her head, she knew she was being dramatic, but she didn’t care. She missed her best friend, she missed the only love she had ever known, and she was almost certain she would do anything in that moment just to have her back.

  Still, she would follow the rules for the time being. There was no sense in allowing Janelle to ruin her life and her reputation just for the sake of selfish pleasure. No. She would adhere to this absurd plan, and then when she was free, she would make her own decisions—even if she was scared of what those might be.

  Her cell phone rang, thankfully bringing her out of the pity party she was throwing for herself.

  Quickly, she moved across the bed and grabbed it from the side table with hope that it might be Taylor. When it wasn’t, she let out a sigh and chided herself for being such a girl. She forced a smile so that she wouldn’t sound so down on the phone and answered it.

  “Hey, Jenna,” she said, attempting to keep her voice upbeat.

  “Hey, roomie,” Jenna said. “Is everything okay?”

  “Why wouldn’t it be?”

  “I just stopped by the apartment, and it looks like you haven’t been home in a while.”

  Jordan wanted to ask how she could tell, but she decided against it. “I’ve just been out running some errands,” she lied. “I’ll probably be back by later.”

  “Okay,” Jenna conceded. “Are you sure everything is all right? I haven’t seen you in a couple of weeks.”

  Jordan fought the urge to let Jenna know that the distance that had developed in their friendship wasn’t her fault. “I know. I’ve missed you.”

  It was true. She would have given anything to have a friend she could talk to right now. But that didn’t seem to be a possibility.

  “I’ve missed you too. I won’t be here when you get back later, but we’ll do dinner soon.”

  It was an empty promise, and Jordan knew as much, but she went along with it easily enough. She let Jenna ramble on for a few minutes about the recent happenings in her life. For someone who seemed to care so much about whether or not Jordan was okay, she had forgotten all about the fact that Jordan even had a life.

  Jordan let her talk because if nothing else, it was a welcome distraction. For the first time in days, something felt normal. This had been the basis of their friendship. Jenna talked. She listened. It worked for them.

  When she finally hung up, she felt a little better. She glanced at the clock. There was still an hour before Janelle would be home, so she set about her homework with renewed determination. One way or another, she was going to survive her stay here.

  The time passed quickly as she busied herself in work. For a little while, she forgot where she was and the crazy circumstances that had become her reality. Instead, she remembered the days when she was nothing more than a focused student. Channeling that strength, she read until she heard the front door swing open.

  Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and put a smile on her face. If Janelle wanted progress, she was going to show her progress. She straightened up on the bed and tucked her feet under her knees, sitting upright as she continued to read and pretending like she didn’t even know Janelle had arrived.

  Keeping her posture neutral and unalarmed, she tried to ignore the chill that went through her entire body as Janelle approached her open bedroom door. Without even looking, she knew that she was the recipient of an icy and judgmental look.

  Instead of greeting her, Janelle simply cleared her throat as if commanding authority.

  “Hey,” Jordan said casually, finally peeling her eyes away from the book. “How was work?”

  Janelle raised one eyebrow. “It was good,” she said with a slight curiosity in her tone. “You seem to be in better spirits.”

  Jordan shrugged, trying to play it cool. “I’ve just been doing some reading and taking care of some stuff.”

  “Good,” Janelle said with a nod. The hint of skepticism still hung in the air between them. “Have you talked to Taylor?”

  “No.”

  Janelle stepped closer to the bed to look Jordan directly in the eye. “Have you texted her? Has she texted you? Has there been any communication?”

  Jordan bit her tongue, fighting off the sarcastic replies that threatened to shoot out of her mouth. “No, there has not,” she replied finally.

  “Good. Then, let’s get to work, if you’re ready.”

  Jordan gave herself a silent pep talk. The sooner they did this, the sooner it would be over, and then she could try to sort through the thoughts in her head on her own. She was certain that was the only way she was going to be able to deal with this ordeal, but Janelle was persistent and devious with her blackmail schemes.

  “I’m ready,” she finally said, her voice sounding foreign even to her own ears.

  Something had changed in her over the course of her so-called therapy, and she didn’t like it. Nonetheless, she followed Janelle down the hall to the study.

  Without having to be asked, she took a seat on the couch that Janelle had set up for her next to the window. She knew the drill, but that didn’t make her any more comfortable. She had secretly dubbed these sessions the “Witch Hunt Trials.” It definitely always felt more like an inquisition than a therapy session, but even so, she settled in and faced Janelle, keeping her face expressionless.

  “Are you ready?”

  Janelle’s question was unnecessary, and Jordan decided not to dignify it with a response.

  “All right then,” Janelle said after allowing the silence to linger for a few seconds. “We’re going to start with a little bit of a discussion. Can you tell me what it is that you liked about your time with Taylor?”

  The burning desire to keep their friendship, their connection, from anyone else was overruled by her need to survive this ordeal. She had snuck into Janelle’s office and read through some of the books on her therapy options. It was best if she walked the line to avoid some of the archaic and frightening methods in there.

  “She’s fun,” Jordan said slowly. “In fact, hanging out with her was probably the most fun I’ve had in years. She’s funny, and we always laugh a lot. She taught me a lot about different things—everything from what friendship means to new types of music. More than anything, though, I trusted her in a way that I haven’t trusted many friends. She is a good friend—the best friend I’ve ever had.”

  Janelle nodded her head, but the disgust she felt was evidenced by her sour expression.

  When Jordan leaned back against the couch, she braced herself for whatever garbage would come out of Janelle’s mouth.

  “It was all a lie,” Janelle said matter-of-factly. “It was all a game. She was attracted to you. She wanted to sleep with you and draw you into her world of sin. Of course she was fun. She is wild. She always has been. There’s a certain allure to that kind of behavior. It’s the same thing that has perpetuated all kinds of wrong and evil behavior throughout the centuries. It’s the appeal of doing something scandalous. That’s all she was—a fun and unique taste of something forbidden. And, of course, she let you think that you could trust her. She’s got that charm. But, what did she do the minute you did? She enticed you to sin with her. Does that sound like a good friend?”

  Jordan looked away, forcing her anger to find another target so she didn’t lash out in frustration. Despite Janelle’s best attempts, Jordan just could not hate Taylor, and she most certainly did not believe a single word out of Janelle’s mouth about Taylor’s ill intent. What they had wasn’t fake. It couldn’t have been.

  She took a deep, steadying breath, before answering. “I don’t know,” she finally said, accepting the fact that arguing would only perpetuate the process even further.

  “Well, I will explain it in a little better detail, then,” Janelle said slowly, as if she were talking to a child. “When someone has homosexual desires, they are aligning themselves with things that are impure. They are inflicted with a demonic presence that feeds the lust and impure passions. Oftentimes that manifests itself in carrying out those desires with physical actions. Taylor has been involved in this type of thing before. You had not prior to your relationship with Ms. Reeves. Yet, she desired you. She befriended you, fully knowing how she felt about you. When you were weak and depressed, she took advantage of you.”

  Each word was like a blow to her stomach, and Jordan couldn’t listen to anymore. It all sounded so clinical, so foreign, and so far from reality. Focusing on a piece of art hanging in the far corner of the room, she tried to drown out Janelle’s voice.

  Had it been true that her friendship had meant nothing to Taylor? Had Taylor only wanted to sleep with her? Was that all their time together had been about?

  She hated herself for considering the questions, but even though she tried to convince herself that Janelle was just an angry, bitter woman, the remnants of doubt still hung in her head, clouding her reality. For days, all she had heard was that Taylor was the scum of the earth and that she had not cared for Jordan at all.

  “She drew you in with her friendship, and then when she knew you were vulnerable, she struck, like a viper. With the age difference between the two of you, she really should be accused of robbing the cradle a little bit, in addition to everything else.”

  “We’re both of age,” Jordan retorted indignantly. “A few years between adults is not a big deal.”

  Janelle shook her head angrily, before running her fingers through her hair, messing it up and looking every bit like a parent trying to explain something to a stubborn toddler. The movement caused Jordan’s blood to boil. She was sick of the condescension and the continual barrage of judgment. Janelle’s brown eyes narrowed, and she cleared her throat.

  “It is when the older one is drawing the younger one down a path of destruction. Her stupidity and her hormones forced her to try to ruin your life with this. This is not the type of situation you ever needed to be in, but she did not care. She is old enough to know better. You were playing with fire for the first time. She used proven tactics to charm you and entice you, and she should be held accountable for those despicable actions. She is despicable.”

  Jordan had been biting her tongue so hard that she tasted the sharp metallic taste of blood.

  “Stop,” she said, unable to hold it in any longer. “Just stop. I made these choices. I’m not a victim, and maybe we should consider the fact that I wanted these things to happen. Taylor didn’t force me into anything. If anything, I moved the situation forward. I asked for this experience. I prodded Taylor along, even when she was hesitant. I wanted her, I desired her, and I asked for this to happen.”

  “Are you saying you’re a lesbian?” The challenge in Janelle’s voice was as plain as day.

  “I’m not sure how to answer that.”

  “It’s a yes or no question, Jordan,” Janelle said condescendingly. “There is not really much to consider. Either you are or you aren’t. I suppose it’s a lot like being pregnant. There isn’t a gray area. It’s yes or no. However, we are going to cure you, either way.”

  “I don’t know,” Jordan said with a frustrated sigh. “I have a million things going through my head, and this barrage of questions every damn day isn’t really helping me sort through them. Neither is the weird hypnosis thing you tried, or the negative associations. None of it is helping. You can’t make me hate her,” Jordan continued against her better judgment. “I just don’t, and I won’t. It’s that simple. This process is doing nothing but damage. I don’t know how to answer some of these questions, and each time I try to think something over, you jump on it like I’ve just admitted to being an accessory to a crime. I just need time and a little bit of quiet so that I can sort through this on my own.”

  “You mean you want to sort through it with Taylor.”

  The assumption got under Jordan’s skin, and she raised her voice. “No, I mean I want to sort through it on my own. Sure, this started with Taylor, but this is a thought process about my own identity. It’s something I need to figure out on my own.”

  “Are you saying you don’t need Taylor? Because I think you feel like you do.”

  “I am self-reliant and independent,” Jordan said pointedly. “I am strong. I don’t need Taylor. I don’t really need anyone. Did I want and love Taylor? Yes, of course I did. I loved her in a way that made me question things about myself, about the world around me, and about everything I’ve ever known to be true. I wanted her in a way that made me ache inside, and yes, I still do. Maybe I always will have that yearning. Maybe I won’t. Maybe it’s a phase, as I’ve been told. Maybe it was a mistake. But if so, it was the most beautiful mistake I’ve ever made, and I owe it to the both of us to figure out what is going on inside of my head and my heart. And, I can’t do that under your constant scrutiny.”