Once again, Taylor laughed, but it was filled with nervousness this time. “I’m not sure I’m a lesbian,” she said. “I am just saying that I have had a relationship with a woman, and that’s my big secret that no one knows.”

  “Okay,” Jordan said. “So, do you date men as well?”

  Taylor nodded. “I’ve dated both.”

  “And slept with both?” Jordan asked, unable to hide her curiosity.

  “Yes.”

  The one-word answer sent Jordan’s mind to places she had never let it wander. She had always been taught that homosexuality was wrong. It had always seemed like this was a dark world that she was forbidden to even think about, and now she was finding out that the girl she had been admiring had dabbled in that darkness.

  It was as exhilarating a revelation as it was scary. She realized in that moment that her hand was still on Taylor’s, and suddenly she felt as if she should move it. If she moved it, however, it might appear that she was taken aback by Taylor’s confession. Keeping her hand in place, she proceeded with caution.

  “Well,” she said finally. “It doesn’t matter to me who you’ve slept with. I’m just happy to have you as a friend. You’re an amazing person, and I’m glad to have met you.”

  “Thank you for that,” Taylor said. “Your turn.”

  The smile on Taylor’s face was contagious, and Jordan found herself smiling stupidly back at her. “My turn for what?”

  “Don’t think you’re off the hook,” Taylor teased. “I want to hear your secret.”

  Jordan racked her brain trying to think of something. She was in the presence of someone who had truly lived her college years as one should.

  “I’m kind of boring in comparison,” Jordan replied. “I spent most of my years wrapped up in the sport that controlled my life. My friends were all basketball players, and I haven’t really had all of those typical college experiences.”

  “None at all?” Taylor asked. “You haven’t ever woken up and regretted anything you did the night before?”

  “I probably will tomorrow, with as much as I drank tonight,” Jordan admitted with a small laugh. “But, no, I guess I regret not doing some things.”

  “Like what?”

  Jordan bit her bottom lip. “Like everything,” she said.

  Taylor didn’t verbally respond; instead, she leaned in a little closer, as if hoping for more of an explanation.

  Taking the cue, Jordan sighed. “I’ve never done much of anything. School and basketball kept me busy around the clock. Aside from a beer at my senior prom and a beer at a party once, I never drank before tonight. Never smoked or tried drugs. I never even had sex.”

  Taylor’s eyes widened at her admission. “You’re a virgin?”

  Jordan pursed her lips and nodded. That was information she didn’t readily make available to everyone. “I just kept waiting for the time to be right or the situation to be right,” she said. “It just never was. I had opportunities, but I never enjoyed the situations enough to go through with it.”

  “That’s okay,” Taylor told her. “It will happen when the time is right.”

  Jordan shrugged. “That’s the thing. Now, it’s just kind of awkward. I mean, I wish I had done it sooner. At twenty-one, no one wants to hear that you’re a virgin.”

  “Really?” Taylor’s question was completely sincere. “I’d think it would be something guys liked.”

  She shook her head. “I’ve actually been dumped because of it—not because I wouldn’t sleep with the guy, just because he was scared of deflowering me I guess.”

  “Well, when you meet the right person, they won’t care,” Taylor said.

  Jordan silently noted that she said person instead of man, but decided not to comment on it. Later, she decided, she would play through her thoughts and figure out if she thought she could ever entertain the thought of a having a woman as a lover the way Taylor had done. For now, she was focused on getting to know Taylor on a deeper level.

  Sharing lesser secrets, the hours slipped away. Finally, Jordan glanced at the clock. “It’s three o’clock in the morning,” she said with a laugh. Her buzz had faded slowly, and now a headache was settling in, clouding her thoughts.

  “Oh wow,” Taylor said. “I shouldn’t be keeping you up this late. I’m sorry. I should head home.”

  Jordan stifled a yawn. “Normally, I’m quite the night owl. It must be the alcohol. I probably should call it a night.”

  “Thanks again for tonight,” Taylor said as she stood. “This was great.”

  “Thank you,” Jordan said. “I enjoyed it. I really do love hanging out with you.”

  “Me too,” Taylor said, wrapping Jordan into a hug.

  As Taylor shut the door behind her, Jordan’s mind was racing in a million different directions. It was hard to wrap her mind around the fact that Taylor was not only so honest and open, but she also had a dark, wild side that enticed and enamored Jordan. She couldn’t explain why she was drawn to that rebel spirit, but it called to her, beckoning her to live on the edge instead of taking life so cautiously.

  The questions and musings swirled through her head, and she couldn’t make sense of any of it.

  As she made her way to her bedroom, she tried to process her thoughts. Suddenly, she decided that it did not really matter. Whatever Taylor’s former days had held was fine. Taylor was her friend, and she was excited by that fact.

  Chapter Four

  With the bright sunshine glinting off the slide in the park, Kurt tried unsuccessfully to position his chemistry book so that he could read it.

  Studying outside always made it a little easier in his mind, but then again it also gave him the chance to see her. He thought of her long brown hair, those green eyes, and that smile that could melt even the thickest block of ice, and suddenly he was swept into a world that had little to do with the science in the book he was supposed to be studying.

  “Is that book that good?”

  He heard Jordan’s melodic voice cut through his thoughts and wondered for a moment if his daydream had been that real.

  However, when she ran her fingers through his hair, mussing it up a bit, he was snapped back into reality.

  “Hey,” he said, turning to face her, hoping his face wasn’t as red as it was hot. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.”

  She easily slid into the spot on the park bench beside him. “No worries,” she said with a smile. “What are you up to?”

  “Daily grind,” he said with a playful shrug.

  “Me too,” she said, looking down in distaste at the bulky brace on her knee.

  Following her gaze, he looked at her with sadness. “I’m so sorry, Jordan,” he said. “I wish things were different for you. I know you would much rather be out on a court than spending your days here building up your knee in the park.”

  “It’s all good,” she said, waving her hand as if she were brushing off his sympathy entirely. “I’m fine and getting stronger every day.”

  They had talked on the surface of everything for months. Every morning, she did her physical therapy in this park, and he studied. They would briefly sit and chat and then go back to their normal routines, but as he saw the light shine on her green eyes, creating a sparkle, he knew he wanted more this time.

  “How are classes?” he asked instead, chickening out. Mentally, he kicked himself.

  “They’re not too bad,” she said with a shrug. “But then again, I’m not some kind of chemist.”

  She laughed and playfully closed his book, making him lose his place. He didn’t even care. Her laugh was such a rich, playful sound that he got lost in it entirely.

  “Would you like to go to dinner Saturday?” he blurted out. The words all came out at once, and he wasn’t sure it had even made a decipherable sentence.

  He looked up at her, wide-eyed, wondering why he was always so awkward around her.

  She smiled. “I actually have plans Saturday,” she said cautiously, and his heart fell.

  “But I could on Sunday,” she added.

  He tried not to sound too overly excited. He had to learn to play it cool. “Awesome,” he said, nodding slightly. “We can do dinner on Sunday then.”

  “How does Mon Amour sound?” he asked, not having to think about where he wanted to take her. He had imagined their first date too many times.

  Jordan crinkled her nose and shook her head quickly. “Sounds too pretentious,” she said, laughing. “How about The Grand Hog? I like barbecue as much as the next guy.”

  He nodded, agreeing as he would have to anything she suggested.

  “Sounds great,” he said with a smile. “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

  “Works for me,” she said, standing up from the bench. “I have to finish this and get to class.”

  “I’ll see you Sunday,” he called after her as she left. “I’ll send you a text.”

  She turned halfway around to face him and offered a small wave. The move was so simple and innocent, but in the moment, she looked like a seductress. He knew he was treading a dangerous line, falling for someone who might only see him as a friend. But still, he wanted more from her. He wanted her. There was no denying it.

  “I’ll be looking forward to it,” he called out again, feeling even more awkward than before.

  With her back to him, she nodded and continued her walk and he watched her with longing, wondering what it was that made her so unique.

  If he was honest with himself, it was everything. She intrigued him, baffled him, and he was looking forward to getting a chance to get to know her better.

  * * *

  The front door slammed shut, and as much as Janelle Wilson wanted to spring into action and ask all the questions she had, she sat and stared blankly at the wall. She felt defeated, and it seemed as if her life was slowly crumbling.

  “Can I have twenty bucks?”

  Her son stood in front of her. Trevor’s question both infuriated her and made her even more tired than she already felt.

  “I gave you money this morning,” she said, her words devoid of energy.

  “And I need more,” he said, annoyed.

  His clothes smelled like pot, and she fought the urge to scream at him. Instead, she just shook her head.

  “Go find something free to do,” she told him.

  He stomped angrily out of the room, and she convinced herself she had done the right thing. She sighed and looked at the clock. It was time to get to the office.

  She quickly gathered her things and looked down to make sure she looked presentable. Her long skirt had started to form wrinkles from where she had been sitting, and she felt frumpy in the flowered blouse she was wearing. Nonetheless, at least it appeared like she had made a decent effort at some point in the day. She was dressed as much for the part as she could manage at the moment. If business casual attire was all they required, she had met expectations. Aside from her shaking hands and incinerating stress, she looked fine to walk in and play the role of “good church lady.”

  She laughed nervously. It felt like she was always playing a part in which she didn’t quite fit.

  Taking a deep breath to clear away the negative thoughts, she got into her shiny white Suburban, noting that it looked sleeker than she would ever feel. With one last glance at the house, she saw Trevor standing near his bedroom window flipping her off. Without making it obvious, she averted her gaze. There was no sense in giving him the satisfaction of looking in his direction or acknowledging his bad behavior.

  As she drove past the perfect houses in the neighborhood, she had to wonder if everyone had the same type of problems or if some of these people really did live in a picture-perfect world. They all had their manicured lawns and shiny cars, and she had to assume that deep down, they were all as unhappy as she was.

  Knowing it was time to be strong, she pulled into the church parking lot and set a smile on her face. Even though it looked like the fakest thing she’d ever seen, she decided it would do. She applied a coat of lipstick and sat staring in the mirror for a moment, steeling herself against an onslaught of emotion.

  Talking to herself, she began to calmly provide a much-needed pep talk.

  “Here, you are in control,” she said softly. “Here you make the calls. These people have problems. You don’t. Just smile, hug, and offer advice.”

  She pushed aside the thoughts that she was the last person who should be offering any type of life advice. Instead, she focused on the intensity of her eyes and the strength of all that she had overcome.

  She gave herself a “go get ’em” nod and got out of the vehicle. Checking her watch, she realized that she still had a couple of minutes before her appointment.

  Making her way into the building, she offered smiles and her usual over-the-top greetings to everyone she passed.

  “Well good afternoon, Pastor Reeves,” she said excitedly. In the moment, all of her nervousness had faded. It was as if she were an actress putting on a show.

  The thought both exhilarated her and disgusted her, but she went with it anyway. Allowing her alter ego to come alive, she oozed confidence.

  He stood up from his desk and hugged her. “Good afternoon, Janelle.” Standing at almost six and a half feet tall, he towered over her, as his larger-than-life smile spread across his entire face. With his gray hair and teddy bear demeanor, she always imagined he’d make a wonderful grandpa someday, although he’d likely be the most stylish grandpa anyone ever had. As usual, he was dressed more like he was ready for a photo shoot than a day at the church office. “It’s good to see you.” His voice was so genuine, and for a moment she envied that. It was difficult for her to mask how she truly felt or to feign interest when she had none. “Do you have an appointment this afternoon?”

  “Yes, sir,” she said, glancing at her file. “Apparently a young man needs to chat about some issues.”

  She did her best not to indulge her gossipy side around the pastor, although it spilled out most other places. Inside, she was dying to tell Pastor Reeves that this was a college boy who had impregnated his girlfriend, a high school senior. Both attended the church, and she’d been itching to tell someone the news. She practiced restraint, having to almost bite her tongue to do so.

  “Well, give him some good, sound advice,” Pastor Reeves said, taking his seat again.

  Nodding, she slid past him into her office.

  She glanced up at the nameplate on the door and stifled a laugh. Somehow the word COUNSELOR seemed to mock her today. No, she wasn’t licensed. She had gone to school and had almost completed everything to be licensed. But, in the end, she hadn’t needed it. She had found her way into positions like this one for a long time, listening and helping people and skating by with the bare minimum of oversight and education. The title was nothing short of a formality, and it seemed so far from the truth today. Right now, she was the one in need of counseling.

  Nonetheless, she sat behind the desk and again reviewed the young man’s folder.

  When he walked in, he looked like he felt about three feet tall, and she knew that this would be a rewarding case. If nothing else, she had her shit together far more than this kid did. And, maybe she could actually help him out a little bit. After all, that was the only reason people ever set foot through her door—they did so when they had nowhere else to go. She was like the last stop on the trail to rock bottom, and it appeared that this one was well on his way there. In her heart, she genuinely did want to help him, but she was having a hard time focusing today.

  As he talked, she listened, drawing him out with a few questions, whether he had prayed for God’s help with his substance abuse, taking notes. The whole time, she had to fight her wandering mind. There was no doubt that she was in over her head at home, but viewed from the outside, her family looked picture perfect.

  She intended to keep it that way. She planned to sit down and have a serious talk with Trevor when she got home.

  As the session wrapped up, she forced a smile. “It’s going to be okay,” she told the young man, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be here for you. Remember that there’s forgiveness in every situation. God has already forgiven you. Now, you just have to work on forgiving yourself and focus on being the best dad you can be to your child.”

  The words sounded hollow, even to her own ears, but she continued encouraging him until he was out the door. She shuffled the paperwork into a file and smoothed her shirt.

  She stepped out into the main office to find Pastor Reeves waiting.

  “How did it go?” he asked with a warm smile.

  “It went well, I think, as a start,” she said. She had learned early on in counseling to never make even tentative judgments. As much as she could think that progress was being made, someone could go off the deep end tomorrow and make her look like a joke. That was the last thing she wanted—especially here.

  Here, she was a goddess. Here, she was well respected. That was more than she could say about anywhere else.

  “Anything exciting happening around here?” she asked, gesturing to the church building.

  “There’s always something going on in a church this size,” he said. “Tonight we have our young adults group meeting. It should be a good time. From what I hear, they’ve been getting pretty large crowds.”

  “That’s great,” Janelle commented. “Is Callie still leading that group?”

  Just the mention of Callie’s name brought a smile to her lips. Callie had been her little project at one point. From the time the girl was in youth group, they had met regularly for coffee. Janelle considered her a friend, but she was also proud of what she had helped foster within the girl. She had trained and mentored her, and it made Janelle happy to see her doing so well.

  “She is, and she’s doing a great job. Although last week my Taylor led the group and had a pretty big turnout as well.”