Chapter Three

  The loud crash of a slamming door jolted Jordan awake. It was completely dark outside, and for a moment she was lost in confusion.

  She rolled over from her spot on the couch to see her roommate bounding through the door of their on-campus apartment.

  “You scared me,” Jordan admitted sleepily, willing her breath back to normal.

  “Sorry,” Jenna said with a cheery grin.

  Her smile sent a pang of nostalgia through Jordan’s heart. She missed the way things used to be—back when she actually had a full-time roommate.

  “What are you up to?” Jordan asked.

  “Just grabbing a dress for tonight.”

  “Oh yeah?” Jordan tried her best to sound enthusiastic. “Do you two have big plans?”

  Jenna looked at Jordan as if she had lost her mind. “Don’t you remember? Tonight is Mark’s birthday.”

  Her tone was accusatory, but Jordan forced herself to remain calm. She offered a smile. “That’s right. Tell him I said happy birthday.”

  “I will,” Jenna said, oblivious to the fact that the world did not fully revolve around her or her boyfriend.

  With that, Jenna bounded back down the hallway, disappearing into her room.

  “Have a good night,” Jenna called before slamming the door closed again.

  “Have a good week,” Jordan said softly, even though there was no longer anyone else to hear it.

  Jordan let out her frustrations with a sigh. Couldn’t that girl ever close a door normally? She tried to picture the friend she had known and loved for so many years, but right now all she could she muster was anger and resentment.

  It wasn’t the fact that Jenna had a boyfriend or a life outside of their friendship; it was the simple fact that she had disappeared. Jordan now saw her once a week or less, and her disappearance happened when Jordan needed a friend the most.

  She wanted to give in and let the tears fall, but she resisted, opting instead for a workout.

  Glancing at the clock, she realized she had slept longer than she intended to after returning from class. What was supposed to have been an hour-long nap had turned into three.

  She shrugged. She didn’t really have any plans that evening anyway, so it didn’t really matter.

  After her workout at the gym, she felt better. But her anger still lurked below the surface. She couldn’t quite decide who she was angry with or why. All she knew was that she needed to do something.

  Back at her apartment, she took a deep breath and settled onto her desk chair.

  She ran through possibilities. It was a Thursday night, but there had to be something going on somewhere on campus—or at least in this town.

  Her heart sank as she remembered that she would have been on a bus, headed to Oklahoma for a big game right now if her life hadn’t been so unbelievably thrown off course. Feeling every bit alone as she had ever felt, she hung her head and let the tears stream down her face.

  After a few minutes of giving in completely to the assault of emotion, she straightened her shoulders and wiped her eyes. She wasn’t going to do this anymore. She was a fighter and a strong girl, and she was going to grab hold of her life and move forward.

  With renewed determination, she pulled out her cell phone. Maybe it was a night for a new friend, she mused. Taylor’s face popped into her mind, and for a moment, she got lost in remembering. Everything about Taylor was enchanting. The thought alone troubled Jordan. There had never been a point in time when she wanted to befriend someone quite as badly as she wanted to Taylor.

  It was probably just the overwhelming loneliness, she assured herself. Even so, her eagerness was causing her hands to tremble slightly, and she cursed herself. If she had any shot at keeping this girl as a friend, she was going to have to play it a little cooler. No one wanted to be friends with an overeager, clingy, loner girl.

  Nonetheless, if she didn’t ask, she’d never know. She let out a deep breath, and had to laugh at herself. It was as if she were preparing for major surgery—not a simple text message to a girl she had only met once.

  Still, she stared at the blank screen.

  Hey.

  Hi there.

  Hello. How are you?

  What’s up?

  She thought through her various opening lines. None of them seemed adequate.

  Her phone buzzed in her hand, breaking through her thoughts and causing her to almost drop it from her grip.

  It was a simple message from Taylor. Hey new friend!

  She laughed out loud. Somehow Taylor managed to one-up her and make even that message sound cooler than it had any right to be.

  I was actually just about to text you, Jordan replied. How are you? Her smile grew with each word she typed, until she sat there smiling like a fool.

  The fact that Taylor had reached out to her meant more to her than she could put into words.

  As they texted back and forth, it became obvious that neither of them had plans.

  Finally, Jordan decided to make the first move. Do you want to hang out tonight?

  Taylor’s reply was instant. Sure. What do you have in mind?

  Jordan’s mind raced through possibilities. More than anything, she wanted some time to get to know this girl, but she didn’t want to appear to be lame.

  Deciding that renting and watching a movie, while eating pizza, might be the best way to spend some fun new friend time. She extended the invitation.

  Fifteen minutes later, she heard a knock on her front door.

  When she opened it, Taylor smiled and lifted up a grocery bag.

  Jordan’s eyebrows rose in curiosity. “What’s in the bag?” she said with a laugh.

  “Supplies for a girls’ night,” Taylor said with a shrug and a mischievous grin.

  Jordan’s curiosity got the best of her, and she took the bag. Inside, she found a bottle of vodka, candy, and two chick flicks.

  She laughed nervously. Having never been much of a drinker, she wasn’t quite sure how to respond. It made it even more intense that the preacher’s daughter was the one supplying the alcohol.

  “Thank you,” she finally managed.

  “Not what you had in mind?” Taylor asked, suddenly looking ashamed as if she had crossed a line.

  Jordan weighed her response. No, it was not what she had in mind, but then again, she was no longer a basketball player. Her days of treating her body like a temple for the sake of sports had come to an end. She no longer had training sessions every day, so a few drinks wouldn’t kill her.

  “I’m sorry,” Taylor said in response to Jordan’s silence.

  “Don’t be sorry,” Jordan said, holding up her hand to stop Taylor’s apology. “I was just considering it. That’s all. This will be awesome. Thank you.”

  A look of curiosity briefly flashed on Taylor’s face, as if she wanted to know exactly the train of thought that had played through Jordan’s mind. But in an instant her face was composed and she followed Jordan into the apartment.

  Jordan flipped through the movies, before picking The Ugly Truth.

  “Is this one okay?” she asked hesitantly.

  Taylor nodded and offered a smile.

  Jordan popped it into her DVD player, before taking a seat beside Taylor on the couch.

  Out of the corner of her eye, Jordan studied the bottle of vodka. It had a little black dress on the label, and looked appealing to the eye. However, she had no real experience with alcohol, so she had no idea whether or not it would be good.

  “I’m guessing you’re not much of a drinker?” Taylor questioned, following Jordan’s doubtful gaze.

  Jordan laughed. “It’s not that I’m opposed to it,” she said slowly. “I just haven’t ever really done much of it.”

  Taylor nodded, taking in the news with a bit of surprise. “I thought everyone in Kansas drank,” she said, and laughed. “You definitely don’t have to have any of it if you don’t want to,” she added.

  Her words were genuine, and Jordan could easily see that there would not be any pressure. Still, she embraced the wild and fun part of her that had seemed to come alive in Taylor’s presence.

  “No, I’m fine,” she said, her smile growing. “I think I’d actually like to try it.”

  She looked down to find that her hands were shaking slightly with anticipation. “I’ve had a few beers before,” she nervously explained. “But, never alcohol. I was always too focused on sports, and I was afraid that it would ruin my performance.”

  “Are you sure you want to try it now?” Taylor asked.

  Without waiting a second, Jordan replied, “I’d love to.”

  In that moment, Jordan knew that Taylor could talk her into anything—not that she would. Still, Jordan felt like Taylor’s influence was strong, the pull to her magnetized.

  “All right,” Taylor said, amused. “Let’s do it then.”

  With an ease of skill that told Jordan this was far from Taylor’s first rodeo, Taylor spun the cap of the bottle. It came off quickly in her hand, and a smile danced on Taylor’s lips before she turned the bottle upward and without even a wince took a deep swig. She handed Jordan the bottle.

  Jordan willed herself to relax, but she knew for a fact that her eyes had widened significantly. She gulped back the last bit of hesitancy and took the bottle.

  Mimicking what she had seen Taylor do, she put the bottle to her lips and drank. Part of her wanted to spit the alcohol out, but instead she forced it down her throat. She set the bottle down, wincing at the sting. “That was kind of rough,” she said with a laugh. She was prepared for a slight teasing.

  Instead, Taylor eyed her cautiously. “Are you okay?” she asked.

  “I’m great,” Jordan said. “In fact, I think I want to try a little bit more of that.”

  “Go for it,” Taylor said, taking another drink before sliding the bottle back in her direction.

  As Jordan tasted the bitter liquid on her tongue, a distinct image formed in her mind of throwing all caution to the wind and embracing her new life. It was as troubling as it was freeing. And at that moment she decided to let go of any guilt as well. For the time being, she would make decisions based on what she wanted to do, and she would relish her newfound freedom.

  She gave Taylor a sideways glance and decided that she had found her new partner in crime.

  They called and ordered a pizza. The movie had already started but it didn’t matter, because both of them had seen it before and it didn’t matter to Jordan especially, because she was too busy enjoying Taylor’s company.

  They talked incessantly throughout the first half of the movie, and by the time the pizza arrived, Jordan was feeling the effects of the alcohol. She rose to get the door and pay for the pizza, only to find that her balance was not quite what it should have been.

  The realization sent her into a fit of laughter. Taylor laughed too, but stood with ease and took care of the pizza.

  “How are you doing?” Taylor asked her.

  “I’m feeling pretty damn good actually,” Jordan said, slurring her words slightly. “I just can’t believe I’m drunk with the preacher’s daughter.”

  A look that Jordan could not decipher in her drunkenness flashed through Taylor’s eyes. She wanted to know more, but was distracted by Taylor’s next words.

  “Well, maybe you should pace yourself a little bit.” Her tone was not condescending, but still Jordan felt her defenses rise.

  As if sensing the fact that she had upset Jordan, Taylor placed her hand gently on Jordan’s shoulder. “I just don’t want you to get sick tonight,” she said reassuringly.

  The move was both comforting and infuriating. Jordan didn’t need anyone to take care of her. She just needed a friend.

  Jordan took a breath and forced away her brief feeling of resentment. Yes, she needed a friend, and she needed to make sure she didn’t scare this potential friend away so soon.

  “Thank you,” she managed.

  Taylor laughed, easily seeing through Jordan’s inner turmoil. “You’re quite the fiery one, aren’t you?”

  The way Taylor laughed brought warmth into the room and eased Jordan’s expression into a smile. “I guess so,” she admitted. “Sorry about that.”

  “Don’t be sorry,” Taylor said, handing Jordan the half-empty bottle of vodka. “Have another drink and let’s eat our pizza.”

  Throughout the night, Jordan and Taylor laughed with ease. More than once, Jordan caught herself staring into Taylor’s blue eyes, contemplating whether she had ever seen such a deep and beautiful color.

  She wasn’t quite sure if it was jealousy or sheer awe, but she knew she was enjoying herself. Each time she stood, the alcohol made her head swim. Although it was a foreign feeling, it was also a feeling of freedom—freedom and lightness that she hadn’t experienced in a long time. And she relished it.

  “What are you thinking?” Taylor asked, breaking into one of the few silent moments between the two of them.

  “You have beautiful eyes,” Jordan blurted out before thinking.

  She blushed as the words escaped her lips. Apparently, one of the effects of her drunken state was a lack of verbal filter.

  Taylor smiled brightly. “Well, thank you very much. That’s quite a compliment coming from such a gorgeous girl.”

  After briefly soaking in the compliment, Jordan decided to switch the subject. She couldn’t put her finger on it, but there was something that made her oddly uncomfortable about getting compliments from Taylor. It wasn’t the same as when anyone else ever complimented her.

  Guys frequently called her pretty or beautiful, and so did other girls. But it seemed to mean more when Taylor said it. Chalking it up to her idolization of Taylor, she shifted in her seat.

  “I’d say we’ve already crossed off most of the basic getting-to-know-someone questions, and there’s not a lot that we haven’t covered,” Jordan said. “So, what’s your biggest secret?”

  With a deer in the headlights look, Taylor took another drink of the bottle of vodka that was now almost empty. Jordan watched as she took a deep breath.

  “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Jordan said, hoping she had not crossed the line.

  “No, I’ll answer,” Taylor said hesitantly. “I actually trust you, which is somewhat rare for me.”

  “Do you have trust issues?” Jordan asked, allowing her curiosity to get the best of her.

  Taylor nodded in response. “I do,” she answered. “They’re pretty deep, but I can see that you’re genuine, you don’t have bad intent.”

  Jordan cocked her head to the side. “You can tell that just by hanging out with me for a little while?”

  “I’m not wrong, am I?” Taylor asked.

  “Not at all,” Jordan said, knowing that her loyalty and her genuine nature were two of her best, most praised qualities. “I’m just surprised at how well and how easily you read people.”

  “It comes from a long history of being burned,” Taylor said, her voice suddenly sounding older somehow.

  Even through the haze of alcohol, Jordan could see a deep-seated hurt shining through Taylor’s expression.

  “I’m sorry,” Jordan said in a voice barely above a whisper. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  Taylor shook her head. “No. Thank you, though. But I will answer your question.”

  The fact that Taylor trusted her, despite obviously having been wronged in the past, touched a special place in Jordan’s heart, and she waited patiently as Taylor gathered the courage to spill her deepest secret.

  “When I was in college, I was a little wild,” Taylor said after a moment. “I partied a lot, and I was always looking for a fun time.”

  Jordan had assumed that was the case. After all, most people she knew lived it up in college.

  Taylor took another drink. “Sorry,” she said. “This is a little harder than I thought. I guess I just don’t want you to think badly of me.”

  Jordan reached out and touched Taylor’s hand reassuringly. “I could never think badly of you.”

  One of the corners of Taylor’s mouth lifted in a half smile. “We’ll see about that in a minute,” she said playfully. “Anyway, I had a really good friend named Katie. As crazy as I thought I was, Katie was ten times crazier. She had a philosophy that she was going to try everything once, just so she didn’t miss out on anything life had to offer.”

  Taylor took another deep breath, and for a fleeting moment Jordan wondered if she really could drop a bombshell that would change how she looked at Taylor. In reality, they didn’t know each other that well. Still, she felt like she had known Taylor forever, and she hoped this confession wouldn’t change that. She steeled herself as Taylor appeared to be trying to find the right words.

  “It wasn’t long before I adopted her outlook on life,” Taylor said slowly. “I, too, started to try anything and everything.”

  “Like drugs?” Jordan asked, her filter failing once more.

  Taylor’s laugh came easier now, as if Jordan had broken up some of the tension. “Well, those too, but that’s not the big secret.”

  Jordan nodded. “Okay, well there’s no judgment here,” she said with a shrug. She had plenty of friends who had experimented with recreational drug use. She occasionally worried about them, but she didn’t love them any less. And she certainly wouldn’t think any less of Taylor for trying something when she was younger.

  “Thank you for that,” Taylor said. “Like I said, I was in an experimental phase. I was trying everything, and one night, Katie wanted to try something I had never tried before. Having told myself that I wouldn’t say no to any of life’s experiences within reason, I was in a difficult situation. So, when she came to me and said she wanted to know what it would be like to kiss a girl, I agreed to kiss her.”

  Taylor paused, allowing Jordan to take in the information. It was obvious that Taylor was looking to gauge Jordan’s reaction, but Jordan didn’t say anything in response. She used her favorite psychological trick of waiting for someone else to fill in the silence.

  It worked. Taylor seemed encouraged by Jordan’s impassive face. “Well, we kissed, and then it…it turned into more.”

  “I have lesbian friends,” Jordan said, offering a quick and nervous reply. “That doesn’t bother me. I’m not like the rest of this place. I don’t hate those with a different skin color, and I don’t hate people who love the same sex. I have an open mind.” In reality, she only knew one lesbian, but she wanted Taylor to know that she was not one to judge.