I didn’t say any of this to Nash’s mother since I didn’t want to give her reason to believe the shit my parents had told her was true. “Thanks for letting me know,” I said instead. I wanted to check on my mom, and with my dad separated from her in the house, there was a good chance she’d answer my calls.

  Nash’s mother smiled at me. Nash had great parents. I envied him that. “I’m going to church. They’re having services out on the lawn while the weather is nice. Not sure how long we will get to do this, so I want to go enjoy it while I can. Who knows if that second wave is coming or not,” she said with a wave of her hand. “We will be praying for your dad and everyone who tested positive at his office. I’ll make sure the pastor knows,” she assured me. “I’m making a pot roast and cornbread to leave on their front porch this afternoon. I’ll get the ladies at church to do the same. No need for your momma having to worry about cooking at a time like this.”

  They needed to pray for my momma. That was who needed prayers. If there was a God, I doubted he gave a fuck about my father. I didn’t think God would care much for selfish assholes. Again, I didn’t say any of that. I just nodded and forced out a “Thanks.”

  I could feel Nash’s eyes on me. He knew enough to know I was lying for his mother’s sake. He didn’t know how bad things had gotten that night. He didn’t know I’d stood on the bridge ready to end it. No one knew the details but Ezmita. That night had been my darkest hour. I’d never felt so helpless and pointless before or after. Would I ever know if Ezmita’s arrival had stopped me from jumping? I could honestly tell myself I wouldn’t have jumped and vice versa. All the years of abuse and pain had led me to that moment, and she had become a part of it without even realizing it.

  Nash’s mom told us about the biscuits left warming in the oven and some fresh homemade strawberry jam she had in the fridge. Then she left. When the door closed behind her, I looked at Nash. I didn’t say anything.

  “You hoping the fucker dies?” he asked, looking a little bothered by that idea.

  I didn’t respond right away. I didn’t know how to answer that. Finally I said, “I just hope he doesn’t get my momma sick.”

  Nash sighed then and rubbed his jawline as if thinking about that. “Yeah, me too, bro.”

  I glanced at my phone and thought about sending my momma a text. Just to check in on her, but then I remembered she’d called Nash’s mom and hadn’t contacted me. She could have just as easily called me. Calling Nash’s mom was a way of her telling me she didn’t want me around. It hurt. No, it fucking stung like a bitch. She was my momma, dammit. She was supposed to love me. She was supposed to stand beside me no matter what.

  “You want to go get some biscuits?” Nash asked, breaking into my thoughts. I didn’t want to think about this anymore. I wanted to go see Ezmita. I wanted to enjoy being around her. I wanted the feeling that came with being near her. She made me forget the shit in my life. I needed her more than I should, but at least I had an escape from the pain. She was my escape. I wasn’t sure how leaving her was going to work out.

  “Yeah, I do,” I told Nash, and stood up.

  “You okay?” he asked as we headed for the door.

  I started to say sure, I was fine, but lying about shit was getting more difficult. I didn’t want to have to lie about my life. My feelings. I’d been forced to do that most of my life. Being away from Lawton had finally given me the freedom to tell the truth. My mother’s family hated my father. It had been easy stating the facts around them.

  “I’m not sure, but I’ll be fine later,” I replied. I’d be with Ezmita later and she made everything better. She was more than a distraction. She was sunshine and warmth. She made me glad I didn’t jump off that damn bridge. She was going to be hell to leave behind. I pushed that thought away. Right now, I wasn’t thinking about that. We had a few more weeks. If things didn’t get changed again.

  “You should call your mom,” Nash said.

  “No, she can call me if she wants to talk. She’s calling your mom, which means she doesn’t want to talk to me.”

  Nash sighed. “She’s your mom, though. She’s got to want to talk to you.”

  He had no idea what life outside his perfect world was like. “You would think so…,” I replied, and left it at that. I’d never make him understand something I struggled to understand myself.

  Maybe She Needs You to Make the First Move CHAPTER 28

  EZMITA

  The dirt road seemed to lead to nowhere, so when the trees cleared and the lake appeared in front of us, I was surprised. I hadn’t been expecting this. It was as hidden as their field was, where no one was having parties anymore but had once been the spot the locals knew the kids went to. Was this their new place? I understood no one wanting to go to the field after what happened to Hunter there.

  “We should have this place to ourselves today. The guys are at the field house, and the girls either went to church with their mommas or they’ve gone shopping in Nashville.”

  I’d never been to Nashville. That sounded like an exotic place even though it wasn’t that far from Lawton. “Is everyone always that predictable?” I asked him, intrigued that he knew where they all were.

  He laughed then and shrugged. “Hell if I know. Living with Nash keeps me informed.”

  Asa had seemed distracted since he picked me up. I wanted to believe it was nothing and I was being sensitive because a part of me had thought he might not even show up today. I had been halfway prepared for him to call and cancel. Worse, to text and cancel. When he hadn’t done either by one o’clock, I felt it was safe enough to put on my bathing suit and outfit for our date.

  Asa parked the truck to the left of a large oak tree, then looked at me. “You good?” he asked as if I had been the one acting off on our ride over here.

  I nodded. “I’m fine… are you?” I asked him.

  I expected him to say he was, but he didn’t say anything at first. He studied me a moment, then sighed heavily and shrugged. “Not sure,” he replied. “My father has Covid. My mom is staying in the house with him. She called and told Nash’s mom, not me.”

  Oh. I knew he didn’t care for his father and I didn’t blame him, but his mother not contacting him had to hurt. “Are you worried about her?” I asked him, wanting to tell him to just call her already.

  He nodded slowly and looked over my shoulder, appearing lost in his thoughts. “Yeah,” he finally said. “I am.”

  I reached over and covered his much larger hand with mine. “Asa, call her. She’s your mother. She won’t hang up on you. Maybe she needs you to make the first move.”

  He didn’t move his hand away from mine, but he didn’t say anything either. After several silent moments he lifted my hand and kissed the top of it. “I want today to be about you. I don’t want to think about my parents or any of that shit. I’m sorry I brought it up. Come on. Let’s get out and enjoy the sun.”

  I wanted to push him to stop putting things off. He needed to contact his mother. What if she got sick? I didn’t want to believe that she was going to, but there was a very large probability that she could get Covid. He didn’t need to wait. No one knew how each person would react to the disease. I had a third cousin who had tested positive and never had a symptom, but Momma said that the cousin’s father had died from it. In only five days. I barely knew them, but it was reality and terrifying.

  I didn’t see how telling Asa this story would help me with things, so I kept my mouth shut. I knew he’d heard similar ones on the news and social media. Covid-19 was a daily topic no matter where you were.

  Asa climbed out of the truck and was on his way over to my side when I opened the door. He held out his hand and I slipped mine in his, and then he swung me toward him and grabbed my waist. Our bodies were flush, and my mouth was barely an inch from his. “Hey,” he whispered. “Let’s start this date over.”

  I gave a small nod, thinking we still needed to discuss his refusal to call his mom but let it go. “Okay.”

  His mouth covered mine then and his taste, scent, and touch made me forget everything, including my name. I wasn’t sure I could say it if someone asked me. Being with Asa made everything seem brighter. It took away the darkness and fear that the everyday world seemed to be eaten up with these days. He made me want to embrace life and inhale it. Enjoy it.

  When he let my body slide down his and broke the kiss, I was breathless. He gave me a wicked grin. “I feel a bikini under your clothes. I’m ready to swim now,” he told me.

  I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in the truck. I was glad I’d decided on wearing the bikini I ordered online three weeks ago. My other bathing suit was too boring. Nothing like what most teenage girls wore. Using cash I had made from working, I had bought myself a Visa gift card and made the purchase. Catching the package that came in the mail before Momma saw it had been tricky, but I’d managed. I could never wear this in front of my mother. I’d have to wash it and then hide it tonight.

  Later, after our date, I’d bring up him calling his momma again. He obviously wanted to forget it all for now and I was okay with that. Everyone needed a break. I didn’t know how many more dates I would get with him. Or when he’d call me again. Instead of letting that get me down, I was going to enjoy today. Pretend this was never going to end.

  Asa dating other girls didn’t matter right now. If he could forget about his parents having Covid, then I could forget I was one of many for Asa Griffith.

  My stomach soured at the thought, and I used all my willpower to ignore it and not let it get me in a mood. I could be moody about it tomorrow. Not today.

  “I didn’t ask you if you could swim,” Asa said as he jerked his shirt over his head and tossed it on the hood of his truck. The sight of his bare chest made my mouth go dry. Every inch of him was rippled with muscle. I knew how nice his arms were, but now I was seeing how sculpted his chest was and speaking was hard. “Ezmita?” He said my name as if it was a question.

  I shook my head to clear it. “Yes?”

  He gave me a crooked grin. “Can you swim?”

  Oh yes! I could. “Yes, very well, actually,” I assured him.

  He acted like the news let him down. “Damn, that ruins my excuse to hold on to you while we are in the water.”

  I laughed then and slipped off my sandals. “Sorry to mess up your plans.” I went to unsnap my shorts and realized he was watching me. Pausing, I looked up at him. He lifted his gaze from my shorts to my eyes.

  “Why are you stopping?” he asked.

  “Why are you watching me?” I shot back.

  He lifted both his eyebrows. “Do I seriously need to answer that question?”

  The idea of him watching me like I was doing some striptease made me very self-conscious. Wearing a bathing suit in front of him was already stressing me out. I wasn’t about to take off my clothes while he watched me. I had been planning on stripping them off and jumping in before he could study my body too closely.

  “I’m going to see you in it anyway. Why can’t I watch you take off the clothing that’s covering it up?”

  I blushed, wishing I didn’t have to verbalize my insecurities. Why couldn’t he just be distracted with something else? Especially after I’d seen how very perfect his body was. “Please turn around?” I asked him.

  He just grinned, then gave me a nod before turning around. “Fine. I can’t see,” he said. “Although, I let you watch me strip my shirt off.”

  I hurried and got my shorts off, then removed my shirt just as quickly. I was almost to the water’s edge when I replied, “If I looked like you, I’d strip off my shirt everywhere.”

  He turned around just as I slipped a foot into the water to test it. “If you looked like me, we wouldn’t be here right now,” he drawled. “But seeing as you look like… that, I’m real damn glad we are.”

  The way he was looking at me made me feel beautiful. My previous worry slipped away.

  At Least You Didn’t Say Tacos CHAPTER 29

  ASA

  The sun, the lake, and Ezmita in a bikini made all my other worries go away. If we could stay here forever, I would be happy. I didn’t think life got better than this. I glanced over at her and her eyes were closed. I wasn’t sure if she’d fallen asleep or not.

  The blanket I had brought was spread out on the grassy area under the shade of the tree, so I didn’t think I needed to worry about her getting a sunburn. The fact that she had rolled onto her stomach and was giving me an excellent view of her ass barely covered up by the bottoms of that bikini made me think she’d fallen asleep.

  When we had first gotten out of the water to drink and eat, she’d been more shy about her body. Even when she had been lying down, she had turned on her side and placed her arms in a modest way over her body. We had talked about her parents, the time I had been gone, and all that had happened with her. She didn’t bring up my parents again and let me ask the questions.

  I wasn’t sure when we had gone silent because it was so easy with her. I didn’t feel like I had to entertain her. She made me feel like I could relax and be me. I wasn’t sure I had ever just been me on a date. Most girls wanted entertainment.

  Ezmita’s skin was smooth and unblemished. She looked perfect in the pink bikini she was wearing. I didn’t know why she had any reason to want to cover herself up. I liked that she did, though. Seeing yet another layer of her personality and who she was made me enjoy being with her even more. It wasn’t that I wouldn’t appreciate the view. Maybe too much. She could possibly control me with that view, but I doubted she’d even do it if she knew she had the power to do it.

  Today I’d been determined not to let things get carried away again. The more things we did, the closer we got to having sex, and when I wasn’t in the heat of the moment, I knew it was a bad idea. I was leaving soon and even if I wasn’t, I didn’t need Ezmita getting emotionally attached. That would lead to her being hurt. She was a girlfriend kind of girl and I knew it. Yet here I was still “dating” her like she wasn’t. She could claim all day that she wanted no commitment, but it wasn’t true.

  She couldn’t make herself be someone she wasn’t even if she was doing a hell of a job trying to. I was making her try and be something else, and I hated that about me. She didn’t deserve that. She was damn near perfect, and the fact she was here with me was a miracle. I wasn’t sure what it was about me that kept her from shutting me down. Telling me no.

  She stretched and I watched her, enjoying the show. Then she turned over toward me and her eyes fluttered open. A slow grin spread across her face. “I’m sorry. I fell asleep,” she said as if she had anything to apologize for. My list of things I should apologize for, however, would take up a whole damn notebook.

  “No worries. I think I did too for a while,” I lied to make her feel better. If she knew I’d been checking out her ass for the past hour, she’d be embarrassed. No need to stress her out.

  She yawned then and covered her mouth. Her eyes lit with amusement. “I guess I didn’t sleep enough last night,” she said, and sat up, then wrapped her arms around her knees.

  “The excitement of being with me today was sure to have kept you up,” I teased, winking at her.

  She giggled and I liked the sound of it. Hell, I liked everything Ezmita did.

  “Yes. I’m sure that was it,” she replied.

  “What’s your favorite color?” I asked her instead of kissing her. I really wanted to kiss her, but if she was going to do this for me, change for me, I owed it to her to find out about who she was. What she liked. Not how she tasted, because I already knew that was pretty damn incredible.

  She looked confused by my question. “Oregon blue,” she replied.

  I had no fucking idea what Oregon blue was, but the fact she didn’t say “blue” made me smile. She was specific. I liked that. “I take it that’s not just your average blue,” I said, still grinning.

  She blushed and shook her head no. “It’s most definitely not. There are too many blues to just say blue. Oregon blue is the most beautiful blue in the world. It’s also known as YInMn blue, and it was accidentally discovered in 2009. It was discovered by a professor and his student at Oregon State University, which is why it’s called Oregon blue.” She stopped then and her smile was shy. “I’m babbling about stuff that is not interesting. Sorry. I remember strange things like that when I read.”

  I shook my head. “No, please continue. I’m fascinated.”

  She laughed then. “No one is fascinated about a color.”

  “It’s your favorite color and now I am very fascinated.”

  “What’s your favorite color?” she asked me.

  I sighed. “Well, normally I would respond with ‘red,’ but after your answer I feel pretty damn basic with my response. So, I’m going to say crimson.”

  That got another laugh out of her.

  “Favorite sport?” I asked.

  She scrunched up her nose. “The kind I don’t have to watch.”

  “Ouch!” I replied, placing a hand over my heart as if that were a painful answer. Most girls would have said football just because they thought I wanted to hear that. Ezmita was not most girls. Damn, I liked her honesty.

  “Favorite movie?” I asked her, wanting to know more now. Her answers were fun. I was enjoying them. This wasn’t mundane at all.

  “Blue Valentine,” she replied without having to think about it.

  “What is it with you and blue?” I asked. “I’ve never heard of it,” I added.

  She was grinning again. “I must have an affinity for blue, and Blue Valentine is one of the best lesser-known movies. However, why is beyond me. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams star in it. You should watch it sometime.”

  I was making a mental note to do just that. I’d suggest we watch it together, but we had yet to successfully make it through a movie without making out. If it was her favorite movie, I wanted to pay attention.