“Looks like all they’re missing is Gunner and Willa,” Brett drawled as if the sight of them annoyed him. I wondered why. He’d never voiced a dislike for any of them.

  I looked back at him. “You don’t like them?” I asked.

  He shrugged and glanced back that way before looking at me. “Not really. This town, or state for that matter, acts like football is god and those who play it are gods. It’s a stupid, brutal sport that takes no real talent.” His tone was sour, and I was surprised by his attitude. Brett was always so nice to everyone. An all-around good guy.

  “I don’t know much about football, but I think they all seem nice,” I said, feeling like they needed defending.

  “You didn’t go to school with them. Tallulah is nice, but she wasn’t always in their group. She had to lose weight to fit in, and that in itself proves how shallow they are.”

  I looked back over at them. Asa was laughing at something Brady was saying. Everyone was focused on the former quarterback as he talked. I remembered Riley Young and her daughter coming into the store and how cute she was. Riley was a teenage mom, but she appeared to be a good one. But then I was watching from the other side of the counter. I took her money and bagged her items. What did I know about any of them really?

  Riley was looking up at Brady with such a softness in her gaze that it made me ache for whatever she was feeling. She seemed content, complete, happy. I needed to stop staring at them all like a wacko. I fixed my attention back on Brett, determined not to look that way again.

  “I heard from my coach at UCLA today,” Brett said. “They’re thinking of postponing classes until October first and offering in-class, remote, and hybrid, which is both. He’s not sure what is happening with the tennis season. They haven’t decided. Nothing is sure yet.”

  I still didn’t know what was going to happen with my school either. They’d told us nothing. “That’s not too bad,” I said.

  He shrugged. “Better than nothing.”

  Our food arrived, and I wasn’t as hungry as I had been when I’d ordered. I wasn’t sure if it was the laughter and talking coming from the table I was trying my best not to look at or the fact it was very possible I wouldn’t be leaving this town in two months like I had fought so hard for. I didn’t want to stay here. I wanted to go live a new life. I was ready for a real college experience, and it was looking more and more like that wasn’t going to happen.

  “And there come the last two to complete their squad,” Brett said with a roll of his eyes before picking up his sandwich.

  My gaze shot back up to see Willa and Gunner walking over to the table. Girls jumped up to hug Willa; the guys all called out greetings to Gunner. Some were rather colorful. They all seemed so happy to be there together, and the energy around them made it so appealing. What must it feel like to have a group of friends like that? People you had grown up with and knew everything about? Those that you trusted and loved like family. I was jealous of it. I could admit that. But I had always been envious of that life. Having friends in general seemed like a fairy tale to me. Which was another reason I wanted to go to college this fall. I wanted to make friends and fit in with a group. I wanted to be a part of something like that.

  “Could they be any louder? This isn’t Lawton High and they don’t own the damn place,” Brett grumbled.

  “They’re happy to see each other. Aren’t most of them home from college? They’re reuniting.” I was defending them again.

  Brett shook his head. “You don’t know them, Ezi. Trust me. They’re jerks.”

  He had started calling me Ezi lately and I wasn’t fond of that, but I wasn’t going to be rude, either. I let it go.

  Gunner was standing with his arm around Willa’s shoulders as he talked to the group. The waitress brought them two extra chairs, and they all moved around the table. They weren’t exactly social distancing. They were all packed around the table.

  “You haven’t tried your food yet,” Brett pointed out, and I turned my attention back to my food and ate it. Even though I wasn’t hungry. It was good. Not great, but one of the better items I had tried.

  The group got quiet, and I couldn’t help but look over to see Tallulah putting her arm around Aurora. Like she was giving support. The group seemed somber now. Gunner had walked over to Ryker and he stood up. Then the two guys hugged, and I saw Gunner say something to him. My eyes stung with emotion even though I couldn’t hear them. Even though I didn’t know them. I knew who they were thinking of and what had changed the mood at the table.

  As I looked at them from the outside, they appeared to have it all, but they didn’t. They were missing one of their own. He was gone forever, and he had taken a piece of who they were with him.

  No Strings CHAPTER 11

  ASA

  “Soooo… what’s so interesting at that table over there? I’m gonna take a wild guess and assume it’s not Brett Darby,” Brady whispered as he leaned toward me. I cut my eyes over at Bexley to make sure she was still in conversation with Willa. When I saw they were still chatting, I turned back to Brady.

  “You don’t know her?” I asked, wondering how she had been so invisible to the males in this town but right in front of us on a daily basis. We all got gas at her parents’ place. It was on the way to school.

  He glanced back at the table again to see if he should know her. I wanted to look with him just to see what she was doing now, but since Brady had noticed me already, there was a chance someone else would catch me too. I focused on my last few fries and finished them up.

  “No, I’d have noticed her at school. She doesn’t go to Lawton,” he said finally, then added, “unless she’s new this year.”

  I took a drink of my soda before responding. “She’s lived here her entire life. Parents own the Quick Stop near the high school.”

  Brady looked back their way again. He was being too obvious. I nudged his knee with mine. He took the hint and stopped studying the other table. “Cinnamon rolls. Her mom makes those addictive cinnamon rolls. She’s the girl behind the counter. I remember wondering once how old she was since she didn’t go to school with us.”

  “Homeschooled,” I explained.

  He gave a small nod, then grinned. “You eating a lot of cinnamon rolls these days?”

  “No,” I said, slightly annoyed because I’d been thinking about going to get some.

  He chuckled.

  “What’s so funny over here?” Bex asked. Bexley Duran was fun. She was from Graystown, which was about ten miles southwest of Lawton. She was the head cheerleader at Graystown High and a senior this year too. We had met at a party last December and kept in touch via Snapchat. I’d called her today and asked her if she wanted to do dinner with my group of friends. She had been happy to come last minute.

  “Brady doesn’t need much to make him laugh,” I replied.

  Brady laughed some more, and I once again shoved his knee with mine. She didn’t need to get curious. No one did.

  “When do you and Willa head back?” Brady asked, directing the attention toward them and away from me. I relaxed as Gunner started to talk and Bex was now focused on them. Taking one last peek at the other table, I realized it was now empty. I had missed them leave. Not that I cared. Or that I should care. I jerked my attention back to the group. It had been a long time since all of us had been together like this. A first time for some. I wasn’t staying here. Getting interested in a girl was pointless. I was leaving soon, and nothing was holding me back. Not even a girl as special as she appeared to be. Besides, she knew something about me no one else did. I wasn’t sure I could face that kind of vulnerability with a girl or anyone.

  I moved my gaze to Bexley. She was gorgeous, fun, and easygoing, and leaving her behind didn’t bother me at all. That was what I needed. No strings.

  Bexley’s eyes met mine, and a smile tugged on her lips. I wouldn’t make a habit out of doing things with her. No reason to let her get attached. I smiled back, then pretended to listen to the story Gunner was telling about his landlord, who had been arrested for driving his motorcycle naked through the college campus at twelve in the morning on a drunken dare.

  After taking Bexley home, I headed back to Lawton. Not exactly in the direction of Nash’s house, though. I was taking a detour. One I had no business taking. It wasn’t like I was going to get out of the truck and go knock on her door. I was terrified of her tiny mother. I’d admit to myself I was curious about her, but that was it. No other reason.

  Tonight had been nice. Bexley was an excellent kisser, and she’d probably had a lot of practice. I hadn’t been tempted to stay, though, when she’d invited me to watch a movie. I knew she was offering up more than a movie, and I wasn’t feeling it. Which was concerning if I thought about that too much.

  The Quick Stop was dark. I had expected it to be. It was close to midnight. I don’t know why I thought driving by it was going to make me stop thinking about her. I waited at the stoplight, which I never did this late. I was the only vehicle on the road, and waiting for a green light was stupid. But I waited anyway.

  Just when it turned green, I saw a light inside flick on and I didn’t go. I watched as a person came into view. It was her. I couldn’t tell what she was doing, but she was inside and she was alone. It was late, and I would guess she had a curfew. I wondered what that curfew was as I sat at the green light, not moving.

  Headlights lit up the cab of my truck, and I glanced back to see Ryker coming up behind me. He honked and I rolled down the window to give him my middle finger before putting my foot on the gas just as the light turned yellow. It wasn’t until I was almost at Nash’s that I realized the honk would have gotten her attention and if I’d stayed, she might have come outside.

  But then what? Again, it was pointless… wasn’t it? I was struggling with the reasons why I shouldn’t pursue Ezmita. I sure spent enough time thinking about her lately.

  JUNE 22, 2020 I Needed to Speak Words

  CHAPTER 12

  EZMITA

  I hated Mondays. Mostly because I had to open up on Mondays. Which meant I had to be dressed and getting things ready at four in the morning. No one should be awake at four in the morning. No other eighteen-year-olds were up at four on a summer morning. Just me.

  Momma had the store smelling of cinnamon rolls already, and I had the first pot of coffee brewing. My siblings would get to sleep comfortably in their cozy beds for two more hours. Why my parents thought it was good for my “character” to get up three out of four days a week before the dawn, I didn’t know. It was part of their insanity.

  My mother called out to me to get the creamer from the cooler and put it on ice. I had already done that, but she was still in the kitchen and didn’t know that. Why she would assume I hadn’t done that specific task when I had been doing it for years was beyond me.

  “Yes, Momma,” I called back instead of pointing out it was already done. I had a feeling she knew it was done but wanted to give me orders regardless.

  “Time to open!” she called out this time.

  I glanced at the clock and it wasn’t yet five thirty, but there was no need to argue with her. If she wanted to open up now, then so be it. I almost told her the rolls weren’t out here yet but figured she knew that since she was making them.

  Grabbing the keys, I went to unlock the front door of the store, then hit the OPEN sign power switch. It was still dark outside, but headlights from those going to work were already on the street. We’d have someone in here within moments for coffee and a cinnamon roll.

  “We are open,” I called out toward the kitchen while I made my way back to check on the coffee.

  “Come get the cinnamon rolls,” Momma replied.

  This would be the first batch. She’d make a few more. It was a Monday, after all.

  I grabbed a disposable face mask from under the counter and slipped it on before tucking it under my chin until someone came inside. If I didn’t do it now, I’d forget. Then Momma would see me and have a fit.

  She looked up from mixing the icing and frowned. “Put the mask on,” she scolded. “You are near food.”

  So was she, I wanted to point out, but didn’t. I was too tired to argue. I slipped it over my nose and mouth, then picked up the first two dozen rolls. These would go quickly. The bell on the door chimed and I was back to the front. Mondays sucked.

  Three hours later… all the cinnamon rolls were gone. I’d made six pots of coffee and was about ready to make the seventh pot when the door chimed again. Turning around—ready to answer the question “Are there any cinnamon rolls left?”—I paused when my eyes met Brady Higgens.

  “Good morning,” I said.

  “Morning,” he replied, then continued to stand there a moment before walking toward the counter. “I’m Brady Higgens,” he supplied as if he needed an introduction.

  I nodded. “I know.” I wished I hadn’t said that after it came out. Glad my mask covered most of the embarrassment on my face, I didn’t say anything more.

  “You’re Ezmita, correct?” he asked then, surprising the heck out of me.

  I nodded in shock. How did Brady Higgens know my name?

  “Asa Griffith is a friend of mine, and he told me y’all had become friends.” My mouth fell open this time. Thank you, mask mandate! At least I wasn’t standing there with my mouth gaping open for him to see.

  He cleared his throat, then continued. “My girlfriend mentioned that you might want to come to a get-together we are having tomorrow night. It’s at Nash Lee’s place, where Asa is staying. We could come by and get you if you wanted to go. If you’re going to be hanging out with Asa, then we all would like to get to know you.”

  Words. I needed to speak words. I wasn’t sure what words or if I could still say words. However, standing here gaping at him without saying anything made me appear as awkward as I was. Had Asa really said we were friends? Did he think of me as a friend? And when would we be hanging out? We had never hung out.

  “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I was filling up outside and saw you in here. Thought I’d invite you if Asa hasn’t already.”

  This was all so shockingly weird. I had given Brady Higgens bags of cinnamon rolls over the years. Never once had he said more than two words to me. Somehow amongst this strange other-world reality that was happening, I managed to nod my head. I thought it was in acceptance, but I wasn’t sure.

  He flashed a bright smile. “Great. We will be by to pick you up at seven. Riley can’t wait to meet you.”

  I think I nodded again, but those words weren’t coming.

  He chuckled and although his smile was hidden behind a navy blue mask, his eyes crinkled with amusement. “Any chance you’ve got any cinnamon rolls left?” he asked then.

  Thankfully, I managed to speak again. This was a question I was used to. Nothing surprising here. “We sold out. I’m sorry,” I said, and my voice sounded foreign to me.

  He sighed. “Figured but thought I’d ask. I’ll see ya tomorrow,” he said, then turned and left the store. He seemed pleased with the fact he’d invited the weird girl who could barely speak to meet his friends. Had Asa asked him to invite me?

  Had he really said we were friends?

  “What are you standing there for? Wipe down the counters and door. Disinfect the place when it is slow!” Momma’s demanding tone suddenly snapped me out of my haze.

  “Yes, Momma,” I replied.

  I was in a trance as I wiped down the counter and door. Brady Higgens had invited me to a party with him and his girlfriend. I’d said yes.

  How could I say yes? Asa and I weren’t friends. We barely knew each other. Brady had misunderstood him, and now I was going to show up at a party that Asa was at as his friend. Oh God. What was I thinking? I hadn’t been thinking. I had been in shock. Unsure how to verbalize a simple word.

  This was going to be a disaster. I had to get out of it. I had to find Brady and tell him I couldn’t go but thank you for the invite. I had to actually speak words this time.

  Maybe my parents were right and I was too immature to leave home. Heck, I was struggling to leave the damn store lately.

  I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity and tried to figure out how and where I would find Brady Higgens so I could fix this.

  Mr. Do-Gooder Higgens CHAPTER 13

  ASA

  Tomorrow a few lucky ones were going to return to their apartments near campus somewhere outside Lawton. Those of us who were headed to dorm rooms when and if classes resumed in August were having to wait. Sure, I would miss them, but more than anything I was envious that they were going to get out of here yet again. Things felt like I would be stuck here forever. I still didn’t know if Ole Miss would be opening their campus this fall, and no one had any idea about football season. Thanks, Covid.

  Nash’s mom had brought over a spread of food to the garage apartment. Everything from mini pizzas to crab dip to brownies. Nash and West were already deep into Madden NFL 21 on the Xbox. Threats and taunting were being thrown back and forth. It had been a while since West and Maggie were in town. It was good to see him. Everyone had made an effort to come back and have some time together this summer for Ryker’s sake. He needed it more than any of us.

  I grabbed a bag of Doritos and headed for the sofa to watch the animated football game on the massive flat screen. Soon all the “couples” would be here, and I had almost invited Bexley again but had backed out because she didn’t fit. The girls who would be here were part of the story. Our story. It was an odd way to look at it, but I just wanted it to be us tonight. No extra person who wasn’t in our group.

  West scored another touchdown, and Nash tossed the remote on the beanbag across from him and cursed. I smiled while shoving chips into my mouth. This felt good. It was fleeting, but for this moment I could pretend it wasn’t all about to end. We were really all going to split up and start a life outside Lawton soon. These moments were going to be hard to come by.