“You talked to Brady?” West asked me as he stood up and stretched.

  “Why, is he not coming?” Nash asked, sounding concerned. Tonight was important to him because he knew it was something Ryker needed.

  West smirked and looked back at me. “He’s coming and bringing a friend… of Asa’s.”

  My hand paused halfway to my mouth with a chip in it. Frowning, I tried to figure out what West was getting at. When he gave that cocky smirk, it meant he was amused.

  “My friend?” I asked.

  He gave a nod. “Nash, toss me a water,” he then said instead of clarifying.

  “What friend does Asa have that we don’t?” Nash asked as he took a bottle of water from the table and did as West asked.

  West shrugged. “Never met her. Don’t know.”

  Her.

  The motherfucker had invited Ezmita.

  Why the hell had I confided in Brady? I knew better than that. How had he invited her and what had he said to her?

  “Are you fucking with me?” I asked West, thinking I needed to call Brady.

  West took a drink of his water slowly before acknowledging my question. “Why would I fuck with you over something like this? And why would you tell Brady your shit? You know he’s Mr. Do-Gooder Higgens.”

  Swearing under my breath, I put the bag of chips on the side table and dug my phone out of my pocket.

  “Why does Brady know about some girl and I don’t? You fucking live with me,” Nash asked, sounding offended.

  “You sound like a girl,” I told him, then stood up and headed for the door. I didn’t want them staring at me and listening while I bitched Brady out.

  I heard West agree with me and Nash tell him to suck a… before I closed the door behind me.

  Brady answered after three rings.

  “Yeah,” he said.

  “Did you invite Ezmita?” I asked, getting to the point.

  “Yes,” he said slowly.

  “What the fuck, Brady? Why would you do that?”

  “Because you weren’t going to.”

  Sighing, I closed my eyes to keep from shouting my response. “No shit. Tonight is about our group. Seeing each other one last time before it all changes… again. Not about me dealing with the awkwardness of a girl. I can’t ignore her. I like her. You know that. But I don’t want to have to babysit someone tonight either. Besides, she’s dating douchebag.”

  “She didn’t mention, uh, douchebag, when I invited her. And if she doesn’t fit in with your closest group of friends, then she isn’t for you. Why don’t you let it be and see how she does?”

  “I’m going to Ole Miss soon. I don’t have time to know her or see if she fits. There is no point. She’s going off to California or some shit.” And she knew me in a way no one else did. She knew my weakest moment, my darkest moment. That gave her a power over me that I wasn’t brave enough to explore.

  Brady was silent a moment. “I can’t uninvite her now. You know that.”

  “Fuck.” He was right, of course, but damn, he had messed up my night.

  “Just let her come. Riley is looking forward to meeting her. I’ll tell Riley to bring her in and make her feel welcome. You can play the Xbox and do your thing. The girls will take care of her.”

  That was the only thing that I could do.

  “Whatever,” I said, then ended the call. I was more angry at myself for telling Brady about Ezmita than I was at Brady. I should have been clear with him that I wasn’t planning on pursuing anything with her. He had taken my interest in her too far. The spark of excitement about having her here was going to be ignored. I didn’t have time to start wanting to see Ezmita.

  Opening the door, I walked back inside. West and Nash were standing there with bottles of water, watching me. When had my friends become so damn nosy? I shook my head and went back to the sofa where I had been sitting.

  “So, is she coming?” Nash asked.

  I just nodded.

  West chuckled and I sat there and ate while debating if I should go get a shower and change. In the end, my determination to not give a shit won out, and I beat West’s ass in a Madden game.

  Two hours later the apartment was full, and everyone was there except Brady, Riley, and Ezmita. Each time someone had knocked and then opened the door, I could feel Nash’s eyes on me. He was expecting me to look to see who it was. I didn’t. I wanted to, but I’d be damned if they’d see me care. I would be nice to Ezmita, but I wasn’t about to do what all of them had done. Get serious with a girl and lock down for life. Falling in love was dangerous shit, and I was not going there.

  Falling in love and getting serious was not for me. Especially with a girl I’d probably never see again after I left for Mississippi.

  Just as I walked over to grab a brownie and watch Ryker take on Gunner at another game, the door opened. I didn’t need to look to see who it was. There was only one last arrival. It had to be her… or them. I stuck most of the brownie in my mouth, walked back to the empty beanbag beside Ryker, and sank down into it. I needed a moment to plan how to handle this. Then I’d “realize” she was here and go be nice. Hopefully Riley was prepared to take the lead after that.

  JUNE 23, 2020 Gunner, Honey, Shut Up

  CHAPTER 14

  EZMITA

  The smell of pizza filled the air as I followed Riley inside the apartment. Finding words to get out of this had been an impossible feat for me. So, here I was at Nash Lee’s house. Cheering mixed with cursing came from the group of guys huddled around the biggest flat-screen television I had ever seen. They were playing football, of course, but a video game version. I knew that game well. My brothers played the newest Madden regularly. I was the champion in our house, though.

  “You’re late, bro!” a voice called out. “Come dominate Gunner before I glue his cocky-ass mouth shut.” The voice belonged to Nash Lee. Tonight’s host. Oh God, I wished I was anywhere at this moment but here. I didn’t know them and I didn’t fit here. I didn’t know how to fit here. I was so new at this kind of thing, and learning how to do this in front of Asa was nerve-racking.

  Riley took my arm. “Come on over here. I’ll introduce you to the ones not consumed with testosterone and football.”

  I wanted to hug her. I hadn’t even been able to look in the direction of Asa. I knew where he was. I’d seen him walking with a brownie in his mouth when we entered the apartment. I had cut my eyes away quickly. Did he know I was coming? Would he be mad I came to what was obviously a close-friends-only party? Had Brady Higgens asked me as a favor or a joke?

  No. Brady wasn’t mean. I didn’t know him, but I knew of him. Everyone loved Brady. I focused my attention on the other girls in the room. They were on the sofa and two leather chairs that sat across from the sofa. Food covered the coffee table between them, and they all seemed so comfortable and relaxed. Unlike me.

  “Girls, I’d like you to meet Ezmita. Ezmita, this is Willa, Maggie, Tallulah, and Aurora.”

  All of them smiled and Tallulah, who had been sitting the farthest away, leaned forward and took a tray of cookies, then held it out to me. “Welcome, and eat up. My momma made a ridiculous amount of cookies even after I told her Nash said we had plenty of food.”

  I took a cookie, thankful for something to do with my mouth other than talk.

  “We are hoarding them over here, though, because her momma bakes like a god,” Maggie added, then popped a cookie into her mouth.

  From the television shows I’d watched, I didn’t think teenage girls ate like this in front of guys or ever. I was happy to see that wasn’t the case. I took a bite and it practically melted in my mouth.

  “Amazing, right?” Riley asked, taking a cookie for herself.

  I nodded.

  “So, Ezmita, you don’t go to Lawton. Where do you go?” Maggie asked.

  I swallowed my bite and tried my best to relax. “I was homeschooled. My parents are overbearing. Controlling. Etc.,” I said, being honest.

  “My parents tried to homeschool me, too. It was lonely,” Aurora said. She spoke softly, but I could hear her. Maybe I wasn’t the only shy one here.

  I nodded. “Terribly lonely.”

  “Are you getting to go off to college at least?” Willa asked this time.

  “Yes. After begging, pleading, fighting with them, they agreed to let me go.” I paused then, not wanting to say where. If they all knew why Brady had invited me, then they would think I had chosen a school near Ole Miss on purpose. Which, deep down, was one of the factors in my choice. But I wasn’t ready to admit that to myself or them.

  “That’s great. Where you headed?” Maggie asked. All their eyes were on me. I was the focus here and I really wished I wasn’t. I knew they were all trying to be friendly and make me feel welcome, but this was too much at one time.

  “DONE! That’s how a master does it!” Gunner called out loudly, and my head immediately swung in that direction. He was standing up with his hands in the air, holding a remote control like it was a trophy.

  “You gotta beat Brady before you can do a fucking victory lap,” Asa said. I glanced in his direction then. I was unable to stop myself. He was grinning and kicked back on a giant beanbag. He had to know I was here… right? It felt strange that he hadn’t come over to speak to me, seeing as he was the reason I was invited.

  Had Brady made a mistake? Of course he had. I should have cancelled this. The feeling of being unwanted was so uncomfortable. Especially with the girls being so nice to me. Did they feel bad for me that I was here and Asa didn’t care?

  His gaze met mine as if he could hear my thoughts. I froze. Wishing that running out of here wouldn’t make me appear like a lunatic. We sat there like that for what felt way too long when he stood up, and I swung my gaze back to the girls around me.

  They had all been watching me. My cheeks flamed bright red. Could I claim a sudden illness, then flee? Would that keep me from looking too pathetic?

  “Asa, huh?” Maggie asked with a grin on her lips.

  “Don’t be nosy,” Riley said to her.

  “Asa is a nice guy,” Tallulah added.

  I couldn’t speak right now if I wanted to. It was a good thing I didn’t want to speak. Throwing up was closer to what I wanted to do.

  “Thanks, Tallulah, but you know all I was after was your momma’s baking,” Asa’s voice came from behind me. Oh God.

  “Oh, I know. Trust me,” she replied with a laugh.

  I didn’t turn around. I should turn around. Shouldn’t I? Why wasn’t I home right now watching Gossip Girl or Ozark? That was easy. That was safe.

  “Ezmita.” Asa’s voice said my name and oddly, in the midst of my inner turmoil, it was comforting. I turned then to look up at him standing behind me. “Glad you came, sorry you’ve been left to this bunch of gossips for so long.”

  I could tell from his tone he was teasing them. He liked his friends’ girlfriends. They were hard not to like. I smiled then. “They’re good company.”

  “Eh, I’ll just take your word on that. I’m better company, though,” he said with a half smile. “Besides, Gunner has already beaten me, and I need a break from his cocky ass.”

  “Okay,” I said, not sure what he was asking me here. This apartment wasn’t huge. We had very few places to go. Unless he wanted to take me outside, then take me home. Get me out of his space.

  He nodded his head toward the table of food in the kitchen area. “I’ll show you where the food is.”

  He wasn’t ushering me out the door. He was going to feed me. Okay. I wasn’t sure I could eat with my nerves at the moment, but I stood up, then glanced back at the girls. They were all watching us with knowing smiles that I feared were very mistaken.

  “Thanks for the cookie,” I said awkwardly, not knowing if I should tell them it was nice meeting them and good-bye, in case after he fed me, he was sending me away. “It was nice to meet y’all.”

  “Don’t let him monopolize all your time,” Maggie said.

  “If things get boring, you’re welcome back to the sane part of the party,” Tallulah added.

  “Thanks, y’all,” Asa said with a sarcastic tone. “Looks like I got you out of here just in time,” he then told me. “Follow me to the food.”

  When he turned to head toward the kitchen, I did as he said and followed him. I didn’t check, but I knew others were watching us. Even the guys this time. Once again, why was I here? Oh yeah, because I was an idiot. Being with Brett was much easier than this. He didn’t have large groups of friends. He didn’t make me nervous, and I hadn’t been crushing on him for years.

  I liked easy, I decided. No drama. No nerves.

  “The pizza might be cold, but it’s still good,” Asa said, and I took the plate he was holding out to me. “Fill it up and we’ll go find somewhere to sit. Preferably where those idiots aren’t watching our every move.”

  I glanced back to see the guys all quickly look away from us, having been caught. All except for Gunner. He looked amused. “Why are we all checking out Asa’s date like it’s odd for him to have a date? He’s always got a fucking date.”

  Brady elbowed Gunner, who shot him a scowl. “What?” he asked, confused. “Is it because she’s someone we don’t know? Hell, he’s been through all of Lawton already. The redhead was from somewhere else too.”

  “Gunner, honey, shut up,” Willa called from across the room.

  “Yeah, Gunner,” Asa agreed.

  I turned back to the food.

  “Sorry about him,” Asa said. He seemed bothered by Gunner’s teasing. He had no reason to be. I knew Asa dated a lot. I’d seen him pull up to get gas with many, many different girls in the passenger side. I had envied them all.

  I gave a half shrug using just my left shoulder. “No worries. It’s not like that’s secret,” I said, then smiled at him briefly before putting some pizza on my plate.

  “Figures,” he muttered.

  I laughed. A real laugh. And for the first time all night, being there wasn’t so bad.

  How Many Times Have You Played This Game? CHAPTER 15

  ASA

  She fit. She fit in too easily. As if she belonged here.

  Fuck that. She wasn’t supposed to fit in with my friends. That made things harder. I liked Ezmita. I had liked her before I knew she’d laugh at Gunner’s crude jokes, or have great comebacks for Nash’s smart-ass comments. I just hadn’t been sure my attraction or interest in her hadn’t been sparked by her saving me from my dark moment.

  Tonight, I had that question answered. Ezmita was more than the girl who stopped me from ending my life. She was beautiful, but I’d dated a lot of beautiful girls. Ezmita was different and even as I acknowledged it, I felt a dread settle inside me.

  Glancing around at the other girls in the room, I remember hearing each of my friends say the words “she’s different” before they fell into… whatever they had. Committed relationships that start in your hometown and extend to college weren’t for me. They shouldn’t be for anyone. College would be full of girls. New girls that I’d never met. I hadn’t grown up with. A vast ocean of choices.

  Ezmita was in Lawton and going somewhere else in the fall. Long-distance didn’t work for me. It didn’t work for anyone. I didn’t care what they said. That shit was a lost cause before it started. Tonight, however, was nice. Ezmita had laughed and talked with the other girls while the guys and I played. She was now beside me on the beanbag because I couldn’t concentrate on anything else while wanting to watch her. I’d gone over and brought her back to the beanbag with me. She smelled amazing, and the longer we sat there, the harder it was to not touch her. I really wanted to touch her.

  “Ouch,” she quipped as Ryker tossed the remote and cursed and Gunner did a weird dance at yet another victory.

  “Who’s next?” Gunner asked.

  I was happy right here, and apparently everyone else was done playing against Gunner.

  “I’m out,” Nash said from the sofa, where he was cuddled up to Tallulah.

  No one else spoke up.

  “I’ll play,” Ezmita said from beside me.

  Gunner’s head whipped around to flash an evil grin her way. I was not ready to let her leave me. I had yet to get to any touching, and she felt nice this close. “You don’t want to play him,” I said. I doubted she knew how to play anyway.

  She sat up and shrugged. “Why not? Looks fun.”

  Gunner laughed then.

  “Save the girl while you can,” Brady suggested from the kitchen, where he was eating pizza.

  “You sure you want to try?” I asked her, not wanting her to leave me or suffer Gunner’s obnoxious mouth.

  “Yeah,” she said, then stood up and walked over to the remote that Ryker had tossed.

  “He’s an ass,” Ryker told her. “You’re better off eating a brownie and staying all cozied up to Asa.”

  She lifted her left shoulder casually. “Doesn’t bother me. I’ve watched enough. I want to try.”

  Sighing, I shot Gunner a warning glare. He didn’t have to completely annihilate her. She was enjoying herself. No need to make her wish she hadn’t come.

  “What? She’s the one asking to play,” he said to me, grinning.

  “You got this, Ezmita. Shut him up!” Maggie called from the recliner she was in with West. They’d been watching the games like that for a while.

  Gunner laughed at the idea of that.

  I cringed.

  “Do you want me to help you?” I asked her.

  She shook her head no. “It’s okay. I think I got it.”

  Fine. I had tried my best. This would be over soon enough, and she could come get back on this beanbag with me.

  “You’ve got to pick your team,” Gunner told her.

  “Mm-hmm,” she said as she went about doing just that without question. I watched her, surprised at the fact she was choosing wisely. That was odd. She seemed to know how to pick the team and set it up. I doubted any girl in here could do that without help. I sat up from my reclined position on the beanbag and watched as her brow furrowed in concentration.