“What’s your favorite movie?” she asked.

  “Again I feel pretty damn lame with my answer but The Blind Side.”

  She laughed at me. Not surprising it was funny, but I did love that movie.

  “What’s your favorite food?” I asked her while already trying to think up something exotic to lie about when she asked me this question.

  “My papa’s discada norteña, but don’t ever tell my momma. That’s the only dish he gets to prepare in her kitchen. It’s rare that we get it, but when we do, I love it.”

  “My abuela made that for my uncle a few times when I was at her house. That’s a lot of meat. I’m impressed.”

  She shrugged in response. “What’s your favorite food?” she asked me then.

  “I tried hard to come up with something as fucking interesting as yours would be, but if I am keeping this real, a big fat juicy burger with extra cheese, no tomato.”

  Her lips were pressed together to keep from laughing. She was amused and I liked it. I wanted to keep her smiling.

  “At least you didn’t say tacos.”

  I cracked up.

  JULY 15, 2020 You’re Worth More Than That

  CHAPTER 30

  EZMITA

  Momma was on the phone with her brother, fussing about his waiting until today to call and ask for help filing his taxes. Hopefully no one who came into the store could speak Spanish because in the past five minutes she’d called him several names that weren’t used in polite conversation. Her younger brother was her only other sibling who had moved to the United States. She felt like it was up to her to take care of him still even though he was thirty-five years old.

  I glanced at my phone after the most recent customer left. Asa hadn’t called or shown up since our day at the lake Sunday, but he’d texted every day, so that was progress. Today I hadn’t heard from him, though, and I was trying hard not to worry that he was about to go silent again.

  Sunday had felt different. We’d talked. Not just made out. He acted like he wanted to get to know me. We connected and it wasn’t just a hookup. His texting had been nice. We’d texted for an hour last night, but he didn’t mention going out again or when I’d see him. That was disappointing.

  The bell over the door alerted me it had opened, and Momma walked to the back before calling my uncle a dumbass lazy brat. That was the best translating I had for her insult. I looked to the door to see Tallulah coming my way. My smile was genuine although she couldn’t see it through my mask. I liked her, and she was the closest thing I’d seen to Asa in a couple days.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Hello,” I replied.

  She reached below the counter, then laid two packs of gum out to buy. “I need twenty in gas too. I lost my debit card,” she explained.

  “Got it,” I replied, and started to ring her up. I wanted to ask about Asa, but then I’d sound pathetic or needy.

  “I heard you and Asa had a date this weekend,” she said as if she could read my mind.

  “Yeah,” I replied. “Two, actually.”

  “Wow, impressive. For him at least.”

  I laughed, but I didn’t really feel amused. At least I didn’t have to fake a smile.

  “Do y’all have future plans?” she asked. “Or am I being nosy? Tell me if I am and I’ll shut up.”

  “No, it’s fine. And we don’t… I mean he hasn’t called. Texted some,” I replied as if this was okay with me.

  “Why don’t you call him? Ask him out.”

  I stared at her then. Was she serious? Did she think I could do that and he’d say yes? “Would that freak him out?” I asked her.

  She shook her head. “No. This is 2020, girl. If he can call you, then you can call him. Sometimes guys need a push.”

  I glanced back to see if my momma was listening. She wasn’t back from yelling at my uncle. “Uh, well, my momma wouldn’t agree,” I said.

  “Does your momma need to know?”

  She was right there. I didn’t have to tell my momma I’d asked a guy out. I mentally cringed thinking about how she would react to that. “I just don’t want Asa to feel weird like he has to say yes.”

  Tallulah placed cash on the counter, then looked at me. Her eyes were serious. No crinkling at the corners from a smile hidden behind her mask. “Asa likes you. I know that much. Two dates in a row proves that. He needs a nudge. Make a move.”

  Okay. Okay. I could do that. Maybe.

  “I’ll think about it,” I told her, then took her cash and counted out her change.

  “Just because he’s a player now doesn’t mean he wants to be forever.”

  I nodded and she gave me a little wave. “Hopefully I see you soon,” she said, then turned and left the store. I waited until the door closed before looking at my phone again. No text.

  I picked it up and typed out, Want to go get burgers?

  Then I deleted it and tried, What are you doing tonight? Want to come over and watch a movie?

  Then I deleted that. Staring at my phone, I tried to think of other ways to ask and decided if I couldn’t ask him in a text, how was I going to call and ask him? I was hopeless.

  “Get the cinnamon rolls out of the oven in ten minutes. I have to go call my CPA,” Momma said angrily as she stormed out of the kitchen and through the door that led to the office.

  “Cinnamon rolls? It’s after eleven,” I said, confused. She never did more after the morning batches sold out.

  “Special order. Just do it,” she barked, and slammed the door behind her.

  I had never known her to do a special order either, but I shrugged and set the timer on my phone so I wouldn’t forget.

  Before I set it down, the phone rang and Brett’s name lit up the screen. My small surge of excitement vanished, and I sighed before answering.

  “Hello.” I tried to not sound completely deflated.

  “Hey, you busy?” he asked.

  I scanned the empty store, already knowing the answer before saying, “No.”

  “I figured. Wednesdays at eleven don’t seem like they’d be busy. Anyway, I was wondering if you’d like to do something tonight or tomorrow?”

  Why? Why was it Brett calling me? Why was it not Asa? Ugh! This was frustrating. If only I could like Brett as much as I liked Asa. Life would be perfect. Saying yes was wrong. I couldn’t keep doing things with Brett. Besides, if I said yes and then Asa called and asked me out, I’d be unavailable. For real this time.

  “I can’t, Brett.” I started to apologize but decided that sounded insulting and I didn’t want to do that. He was a great guy. Just not my great guy. Because I was an idiot. I liked to be ignored, apparently.

  “You can’t or won’t?” he asked. “Just as friends.”

  That was it. I couldn’t even as friends because if Asa called and asked, then I would be busy. I didn’t want to miss a chance to spend more time with Asa. I was “that girl” clearing her schedule for a guy who may or may not call.

  “Not even as friends,” I told him honestly. He deserved the truth.

  He let out an audible sigh. “I guess I should move on, huh.”

  “Yeah,” I replied, feeling bad about all this although we hadn’t been a real thing. This wasn’t a real breakup. I couldn’t imagine what one of those felt like. This was hard enough.

  “Ezmita,” he said.

  “Yes?”

  “Don’t wait around on him. You’re worth more than that.”

  I didn’t respond to him. Instead I said good-bye and ended the call. I was annoyed by his unwarranted advice. This was not his business. He was right, but I still didn’t want to hear him say it. Annoyed, I went back to my text messages and typed, Want to go get a burger tonight? and hit send before I had a chance to think about it.

  You Ever Been to a Lawton Game? CHAPTER 31

  ASA

  “You regretting letting me order for you?” I asked Ezmita as she stared down at the massive burger the server placed in front of her.

  Her eyes were wide as she lifted them to meet mine. “How does one fit that in their mouth?” she asked.

  “Watch and learn,” I told her, and picked up my identical burger between both hands, squeezed it down some, then took a bite. She was watching me, her eyes still opened wide in surprise.

  “Yeah, I’m gonna need a fork and a knife,” she said while I chewed.

  I shook my head no and finished chewing, then swallowed before replying. “Now, where is the fun in that? You told me to order you the best burger they had. I did. Now you must eat it like a man.”

  She tilted her head to the side. “But I’m not a man.”

  I nodded. “And thank God for that.”

  She laughed and looked back down at her burger. “If I take one bite, can I then use a knife and fork?”

  “Come on, live a little.”

  She rolled her eyes, then took a deep breath before saying, “Fine.”

  I watched as she pressed the burger as thin as she could get it with her right hand. She lifted her eyes to me one more time before picking the burger up with both her hands. “Don’t watch so closely. Makes me nervous.”

  I smirked and turned my head to look the other way for only a moment, then went right back to her as she took a bite of the thing. It wasn’t a big bite, but she’d done it. There was a little ketchup on the corner of her mouth as she chewed. She put the burger down and picked up her napkin, then cleaned up around her mouth.

  “So, best thing you’ve ever eaten?” I asked as she swallowed the bite.

  She lifted a shoulder. “It’s not my papa’s discada norteña, but it’s good,” she agreed.

  I chuckled, then took another bite of mine. I expected her to pick up her fork and knife but was pleasantly surprised when she chose to eat it the way a burger was supposed to be eaten. We talked some but not a lot as we enjoyed our meal. When some juice from the burger rolled down her chin and she laughed, I took a second to memorize the moment. I’d need it one day when things weren’t so damn perfect. Someday soon I’d miss her, and the times I had with her would be all I had. I just couldn’t trust that I wouldn’t get destroyed in the end. I’d open up and get hurt. I’d been hurt enough in life. I didn’t want to give anyone else the power to do it.

  When we finished, I paid the check, then stood and took her hand in mine. “Come on,” I said. “My turn to pick something to do.”

  “Hmmm… okay, but technically the burgers were for you. My idea, sure, but I picked it for you.”

  I helped her up into my truck, then went around to get in on the driver’s side. I had fought off calling her and asking her out since I’d gotten home Sunday evening. I’d enjoyed her company too much. I was trying to save us both from me. Then she’d sent that text asking if I wanted to go get a burger and I cracked. Yes, I would go eat anything she wanted if it meant I got to be with her. That wasn’t a good thing. The fact I hadn’t taken up Tasha or Bex on their offers when they’d each called to ask to hook up the past two days was proof enough I might be in trouble.

  Tonight, though, made me not give a fuck. I was happy when I was with Ezmita. She made me forget all the shit, and I craved her presence more and more. I’d be leaving soon. Sooner than I’d thought. My new coach had called today and let me know that things looked like we would be moving into the dorms first week of August. Fall athletes would move in first. Then a week later the rest of the students would move in. He wasn’t sure when the season would start, but he did believe it would happen in September.

  I should have been fucking ecstatic about the news. I’d been waiting to hear something. Anything. This was a relief.

  Taking a quick glance at Ezmita, I realized she was the only reason I wasn’t thrilled. I needed to find a way to distance myself from her and fast. Tonight might be the last time I’d see her for a while. In two and a half weeks I would leave Lawton and she for California shortly after, I assumed. I wasn’t sure if California schools were going back or not. Ezmita hadn’t said anything and I hadn’t fucking asked. Our time was limited, and talking about when this would be over would zap the enjoyment out of the time we had left.

  I drove toward the school. She didn’t say anything or ask why. I wasn’t sure why I was taking her there either. I just wanted to walk on the field one more time, and I wanted her to be with me. It would be a good-bye for me, and having her beside me made it sound easier.

  Besides, I wasn’t going to miss that field as much as I was going to miss her. I’d be a part of a new football team soon enough. A new home field would mean something to me. I was sure when I left it in four years, I’d have an even harder time with that.

  Parking the truck beside the field house, I looked over at her and grinned. “Thought I’d bring you to what was once the most important part of my life.”

  She smiled then, understanding why we were here, and reached for the handle on the door. She seemed anxious to be here. I almost regretted bringing her. I didn’t want her to think this meant we were something we weren’t or that I felt something deeper for her. There wouldn’t be an “us.”

  I climbed out of the truck as she jumped down on her side. Meeting her halfway, I reached for her hand and we walked out toward the gate. “You ever been to a Lawton game?” I asked, already knowing the answer.

  She shook her head. “No, but I heard them from my room on Friday nights.”

  The noise from a home game could be heard around most of Lawton on Friday nights. “I’m gonna miss them—Friday nights, that is,” I said.

  “You’ll have Saturdays now, though,” she replied.

  I nodded. “Yeah. I guess I will.”

  “Do you know yet if you’re having a football season?” she asked, and I wished she hadn’t. That opened up things I didn’t want to talk about.

  “Yeah,” I told her, leaving it at that. She didn’t say anything, and I knew she was waiting on me to say more. Tell her when or something more than “Yeah,” but I didn’t want to talk about that tonight.

  We walked toward the middle of the field. The lights were off, and the field hadn’t been used in months. Covid was keeping schools from letting their players come to do drills this summer. The grass had been freshly cut, though. I knew the smell. It brought back memories.

  The thought of Covid also reminded me of the fact that my mother was taking care of my infected father. I couldn’t lose her. Not being able to see her or talk to her now made it even more difficult to think about. Life had changed so quickly for everyone, and I wished I’d seen this coming, my not having a chance to speak to my mother. I would have handled it differently.

  “What position did you play?” she asked me.

  “Running back,” I said, appreciating the subject change.

  “Will you be playing that in college?”

  I shrugged. “I’ll have to prove myself first.”

  She nodded, but I doubted she truly understood what that meant. I didn’t elaborate.

  We reached the middle of the field, and I stood there, letting go of her hand and looking around at the empty bleachers. The dark field. The sidelines that once had been my life. This was over. I was leaving it behind. One day I’d be back here to visit. Maybe watch a game, but it would be a memory. Nothing more. I envied Nash because he wasn’t leaving this field. He was staying here and coaching. He’d continue to be a part of this place even while he was in college.

  “When I was a kid, all I wanted to do was play on this field. Being a Lawton Lion was all I dreamed about. It was my escape from the shit at home. The better I played, the easier life was with my dad.” I stopped then. She didn’t need to know that if I dropped a pass or messed up, my dad would take it out on me and my mom. That was an ugliness I didn’t want her to know. As overprotective as her parents had been and all the stuff she’d missed out on as a teenager, her parents loved her. She didn’t have to fear her mother getting beaten by her father.

  “Now you’ll be a… what will you be?” she asked me then, and I chuckled at her lack of football knowledge.

  “I’ll be a Rebel,” I told her.

  She smirked. “Fitting.”

  “Agreed.”

  She grinned and then turned to look at the surroundings I had already taken in. “I bet it was unreal being out here with all the fans cheering so loudly. Those bullhorns and cowbells could be heard all the way to my house.”

  “Being a Lion was the best part of my life.”

  Her shoulders rose and fell with a sigh. “I wish I’d gotten to experience high school. I missed the games, the pep rallies, the dances, all of it.”

  “You’ll get to experience college, though. They say it’s the best years of your life.”

  “Yeah,” she said simply.

  “You missed detention, oral book reports, lunchroom pot roast, pop quizzes, and fucking Saturday school. One might say you were lucky.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “I had my momma, work, my younger siblings, and chores.”

  I wasn’t going to argue with that. “Lucky us, none of those things are at college.”

  She scrunched her nose. “Except the oral book reports. I imagine those aren’t over. Possibly even more public speaking in the classroom, I’d imagine.”

  True. There was that.

  I held out my hand. “Let’s go.”

  She slipped her hand in mine, and we walked back to my truck. When we reached it, I didn’t open her door. Instead I turned her around to face me and slowly backed her up against it. “I never got to make out with you after a game,” I whispered, then lowered my head until our lips brushed.

  This Was Perfect CHAPTER 32

  EZMITA

  Asa’s kissing always made me weak and achy. I got lost in the moment and the experience. In the darkness and solitude around us, I let myself give in to not thinking about anything. The idea of having been the girl waiting on Asa after a game to do something like this was thrilling. It reminded me of books I’d read or television shows I’d watched. I just wasn’t the blond cheerleader.

  The touch of Asa’s hand on my thigh made me shiver, and it took me a second to register that he had tugged the hem of my sundress up until it was gathered at my waist. He was kissing me, not looking at my exposed panties, but it still felt dangerous. As if someone would walk up and see us. Although I knew we were alone out here.