“But I can see in your eyes, this is someone you really care about, someone you’ve loved. I’m worried for you.”

  If I wasn’t already leaning on the shelf, I might’ve staggered backward as the weight of her words knocked me sideways. Was I that transparent? “You…you don’t have to worry about me, Millie. I know what it is. It’s just a fling. Regardless of what we once were or whether there’s anything still there.”

  Millie wasn’t stupid, and the hollowness of my words echoed in my ears as well.

  “But what if he wants more?” she persisted. “What if he asked you to be with him? Would you go?”

  “I’d…” Shit, that was something I hadn’t thought about. “I’d consider it.”

  “You’d be willing to leave your mom?”

  Guilt churned and bubbled in the pit of my stomach, erasing the happiness. Her words shook me. I couldn’t leave Mom. I was all she had.

  “Are you suggesting that I need to cut the apron strings?” I snapped and instantly regretted my sharp tone. “Because it isn’t like that.” I covered my eyes with my hands. “I couldn’t leave her. She’s already lost enough.”

  “I’m sorry, honey.” Millie took a step back. “I didn’t mean to upset you…”

  “I just…the accident killed the world the way we knew it. Suddenly our dreams were no longer possible, and moving on didn’t seem right.” Tears blurred the supplies on the shelf in front of me. “I know my life is pathetic.”

  I was stuck in a rut the accident had carved out for me. I’d thought I was doing the right thing, taking care of Mom, but maybe I was just holding on.

  “I didn’t mean to spoil your good mood.”

  “I’m trying to have fun. God knows I could use that.” A single frustrated tear splashed onto my cheek. I was mad at myself for getting lost in a fantasy that was outdated by seven years.

  “No, you’re right. I’m sorry for getting upset. This is all just a bit much for me. I probably should just keep away from him until he leaves.”

  “I don’t know about that. He’s going to need you soon.”

  I gave Millie a silent, pleading look. “What should I do?”

  “Just…be aware that he’ll have to leave. I don’t want you to start imagining that he’s going to stay… unless you could consider a life somewhere other than New Hope.”

  “Yeah, right,” I grumbled. “That’s not going to happen. But it doesn’t mean I can’t be with him while he’s here.”

  “Exactly. And if things change, then so be it. You’re entitled to a good time. Just don’t let your heart get broken when he leaves.”

  “Easy.” I shot her a thin-lipped smile. “I can do that.”

  Whether that was entirely true or not, time would only tell.

  “And consider encouraging your mom to take back some of her independence. It’ll be good for both of you.” I sighed, having heard this particular spiel before. “If it helps,” Millie said, “you look beautiful enough to make any rock star fall in love with you.”

  I made a scoffing sound and looked down at my scrubs. “In love maybe, not that love ever really matters.”

  Millie pulled me in for a tight mom-hug, and I rested my head against her shoulder, blinking back tears.

  “I’m here for you if you want to talk, Kelly. You know that, right?”

  “I know you are. And I do appreciate it. I guess I need someone to give it to me straight every now and again.”

  “Well, I have two teenage boys. The only way to communicate with them is directly. Hints and suggestions don’t work. Just let me know if I ever go too far, okay?”

  I laughed and pulled back. “I will. And thanks again. I suppose I better get these boxes unpacked while it’s slow.”

  “Yeah, I better check on Violet. Last I heard the older gentleman from the room across the hall was sneaking over for some after-breakfast fun.”

  I groaned. “I’m guessing you aren’t talking about a game of Scrabble.”

  Millie barked out a laugh and headed down the hall.

  She had a way of getting to the gooey, messy center of things, and I already knew I’d spend the rest of the day chewing over her words…but maybe that was exactly what I needed to do.

  The unit filled up, so the day went fast, and by the time I’d stopped for my lunch break, I didn’t have the energy to do anything more than put money in the vending machines.

  Sitting in the breakroom, I got a notification from the local news app on my phone.

  Who is Gage Strickland’s Mystery Woman?

  I clutched my forehead. “Oh, my god.” This had to be a dream…or a nightmare.

  I scrolled through a stream of pictures of Gage and me together, taken that night in Independence Pub. I was wearing the red dress, we were talking, and for a brief moment, we leaned in, our heads close together. The caption read, Desperately in Love? To the rest of the world, we probably did look like a couple, even though that wasn’t the case. It had to be those teenage girls, the ones who cornered Gage. They probably wanted a snippet of their own fame, and this was the way they’d chose to get it. As well as a few dollars in the process.

  I hissed. It amazed me how even the local news channel now thought celebrity gossip was acceptable news. It put a pressure on me I hadn’t been expecting. How the hell were Gage and I supposed to keep things casual if the whole world already knew about us? That made it damn near impossible.

  But the worst thing was the comments when I clicked on the photo, and it took me to a celebrity spotter website.

  What the fuck is he doing with her? She’s so plain! He’s a freaking god.

  She better not be the reason Gaged canceled their tour! I will lose my shit.

  Is this for real? Who is this nobody. I liked him way better with Ellie from that movie.

  Eww, gross. Why would he be with her when he should be with me? We did sleep together after one of his shows, you know…

  Who is she? She better not ruin Gaged. They’re my fav band ever!

  Every single person who commented thought that he didn’t suit me, or worse.

  They were right. Our lives didn’t match at all anymore.

  I shook my head and slapped the phone down on the table.

  I didn’t need this. If people worked out my identity, then I was in for a whole load of trolling.

  So much for a minute of fun.

  13

  Gage

  The tingy notes of my acoustic guitar filled Mom’s hospital room as I sang an impromptu song about mom that had started out as a way to amuse her but had turned sweet and serious.

  “And that’s the way it’s always been.”

  “It’s just the way it’s supposed to be,” Mom sang along from the bed, creating the last stanza of the chorus for me. “Or the way you look at me?” she said in fast-forward.

  I finished the last strum of the guitar with a flourish, smirking at Mom. “Now, that’s some songwriting.”

  Her face shimmied through a whole range of emotions. “Those are the cheesiest bunch of lines I’ve ever heard in my life,” she finally declared with glee. “Please tell me you aren’t going to actually suggest them to the band. Aren’t you supposed to be badass?!”

  I grinned. “I’ve been working on it for months. It’s going to be the next single.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “You just made that up on the spot, don’t try and suggest otherwise.”

  “All right.” I put the guitar down and held my hands up in a gesture of surrender. “You got me. The words I just made up, but the tune I didn’t. The words totally came from the heart though, so that should get me some credit, right?”

  “Well, I appreciate you writing a song about me, but I’d much rather you work at something that will further your career.”

  “Mom.” I clutched my hands to my chest in mock horror. “You can’t say that to your child.”

  “I can, and I will. You know me, I’ll say what I’m thinking. You, Gage Strickland, are a very talented young man. You want to honor your momma? Work at a song that’ll really be a hit.”

  Thing was, I thought it would be. Once it was backed with the last steps of our journey. I dipped my head low to hide the emotion in my eyes. I’d meant the song to be a moment of fun, but now I realized that eventually, it would become a way to honor my wonderful mom.

  “Okay, I’ll work at something not so cheesy.” I stood and moved across the room, fiddling with the blinds. “You don’t have the best view from here, you know that? I can have them move you to another room.”

  “What do you think this is? A hotel? I’m good where I am, thank you.”

  I cocked my head to one side and stared at her. Mom wouldn’t admit to pain, but now that I’d started letting the truth of her sickness set in, I could see the cancer working its horrors on her more by the day. Dark circles under her eyes. A grayish cast to her skin. My mother had never been thin but now had pokey elbows. She was definitely struggling. She could barely get out of bed, and here I was complaining about the view like a freaking idiot.

  “Of course. Sorry, you’re right.”

  “Instead of badmouthing the view from the hospital window, which is the craziest thing I’ve ever heard by the way, why don’t you tell me what’s going on with you? Anything more with Kelly?”

  Heat crept through my body. If Mom learned I’d hooked up with Kelly, there would be trouble.

  Thank God my phone rang at that very moment.

  I moved out into the hallway before looking at the screen. Ron. A groan flew from my mouth. He was the last person I needed to deal with right now.

  Unfortunately, I couldn’t just ignore him. “Hey, Ron.”

  “Gage,” he said in his booming voice. “I haven’t heard from you in a while. What is going on there?”

  My eyebrows knotted together. “Did Andy not speak to you? My mom is…terminal. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to come back.”

  “Yes, I heard. I’m terribly sorry, and believe me, I am sympathetic.” His voice cracked, which was odd for Ron, who rarely showed emotion for others. He paused, cleared his throat. “I’ve been doing everything I can to keep Gaged going without getting in the way of your private time.”

  My throat closed up. Ron had never shown me sympathy before. “I’m very grateful.”

  “The other boys have been doing what they can as well, even with the fans screaming your name constantly. We’ve been forced to cancel tour dates because you’re what they want. That costs, and not only in money. There have been some fans upset by the show not happening, and #whereisGage is starting to become a real problem.”

  I dragged my fingers through my hair, wracking my brain for an answer. “I’m sorry, I understand that it’s a problem, but I can’t leave Mom on her own. She doesn’t have anyone else. What if we made another announcement? People will understand that I have to be there for her, won’t they? I’m allowed to have a life.”

  “That isn’t really the issue though. It’s that you’re having too much fun, negating our previous announcement.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about the pictures online. The photographs of you cozying up to a girl, some nobody, I might add. How is everyone supposed to believe that you’re there to look after your mom if you’re hooking up with a woman?”

  Photographs? Shit.

  I was used to being dragged through the media. My image was online all the time, but Kelly had never experienced this type of scrutiny. Plus, what pics were they? I was usually pretty good at noticing if someone was taking my image, but I’d been so wrapped up in her, so consumed by everything Kelly that it had been a chore to notice anything other than my mom.

  “I am looking after my mother. The woman is…” Some part of me wanted to keep her a secret, just to hold the sweetness between us to myself for a little longer, before any part of it could be tainted by the press. “She’s just an old friend.” Dammit. I had no idea what the pictures would portray.

  “The fans don’t mind when you’re with another famous person, Gage. They get to watch that develop and pick it apart. They can pretty much guarantee that it won’t last, and even when it does, they feel like they are a part of it through the press. You can’t be hooking up with some random girl, especially when fans are already all riled up. If you aren’t careful, there’s going to be some fallout.”

  I shook my head. Ron was a dick, but he had a lot of experience with the business and the ups and downs that came with media scrutiny. He knew what was acceptable and what to avoid. It was okay for Bryan to be in a serious relationship because he’d been with his girlfriend from the get-go. Him being loyal to his partner was good, though the relationship wasn’t mentioned much. The best thing for fan interest was for the rest of us to seem available, to allow the spark of a crazy hope that they could hook up with one of us.

  I’d agreed readily to this setup when Ron became our manager, I’d been happy to remain single. After Kelly and I broke up, I didn’t want a relationship with anyone else. Right now, I didn’t know what I wanted, but the whole thing pissed me off.

  “Ron, I’m not trying to cause any issues—”

  “You’re hidden away in a small town, you don’t know what’s going on.”

  I sighed. “What do you want me to do?”

  “What you might consider doing is coming back for a bit. If we get Gaged back on track for even a couple of tour dates right away, then maybe the fans will forgive you.”

  “I would love to be able to do that, Ron, but I can’t. My mom is all I’ve ever had. I can’t leave her now while she’s…” I still couldn’t say the word dying.

  “I do understand that you’re stuck, I’m not debating that, but you also have responsibilities to the band. What if we brought in a new singer to take your place temporarily? Someone famous who would already be well loved, like Steven Tyler for example.”

  I blew a breath out through my nose and paced the hall. Ron was asking my permission to replace me. Even temporarily, it made me angry. Could a lead singer of a popular band not take a few weeks off for his dying mother? Steven Tyler. At least the ladies loved him. I gritted my teeth and said, “Do whatever you need to do, Ron.”

  His relieved sigh was long in my ear. “Okay. In the meantime, keep me more up to date about things. I do need to know your status so I can plan.”

  “Sure, I’ll make sure of it.”

  As the screen went black, I schooled my expression and pushed the door to Mom’s room open, forcing a smile for the woman who looked paler and frailer by the hour.

  “Is everything alright, honey?”

  “Yeah, all good.”

  “Don’t lie to me.” She rolled her eyes, making the yellow where her whites once had been all that more apparent. “Just tell me what’s going on.”

  I couldn’t tell her everything, not without making her feel bad, so I told her about the lead singer of Aerosmith.

  “Steven Tyler!” She clapped her hands, obviously a fan. “I wish I could see that!”

  I stuffed my hands in my pockets. “Also, there are apparently some pictures of me and Kelly online that makes it look like we’re dating.”

  She looked even more excited. “Ooh, there are? Let’s see them!”

  I typed my name into the Internet search bar, and I scrolled through all the usual crap until I saw it. The newest web page about me and my dating life that showcased the pictures of me and Kelly talking in the pub. I was so genuinely happy in that moment, you could see it blaring from my face like a loud speaker announcement.

  “Well, are you going to keep the pictures to yourself or what?”

  I handed Mom the phone and braced for a reaction, but it seemed she’d been stunned to silence herself for a moment.

  “Oh wow, she looks good when she’s all dressed up, doesn’t she? Beautiful.”

  “She’s beautiful alright.”

  I considered Ron’s words. I knew he was right, I wasn’t the one dealing with the outcry. I hadn’t even looked at my social media accounts while in New Hope. But at the same time, I didn’t want to distance myself from Kelly.

  “You know what, I’m just going to find her if that’s alright, Mom? Check that she’s okay.”

  “Oh yes, you should definitely do that. She might have seen these and freak out.”

  I left Mom’s room, heading down the hall looking for Kelly, my heart hammering harder with each step.

  Every moment I spent with my high school sweetheart was magical, and I didn’t want to give that up just yet. Maybe other people wouldn’t understand, didn’t like that I was finding a way to overcome pure misery, but I didn’t care. This was my mother. My situation. If I wanted to snatch a bit of happiness, then I would.

  “Kelly!” I called out to her when I spied her coming out of a patient’s room. “I need to tell you…”

  When she turned, her red-rimmed eyes told me she’d already seen. I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me. She let her head fall against my chest and let out a long sigh. “Sorry, I know it’s silly to get upset…”

  “No, not at all. It isn’t like you expected that to happen. I should have warned you. I’ve been off-kilter. Still, it isn’t right, shouldn’t have happened.”

  “It must have been those girls.” She sniffed, and I felt even more like shit.

  “I’d say so. It’s not uncommon. As a matter of fact, things like this happening are more common for me than not.”

  “The comments, that’s what got to me.”

  I pulled back to stare at her. “You didn’t read the comments. That’s a fatal mistake.”

  She smiled and sagged against me, her face upturned. “Well, I know that now.”

  I gently pressed my lips against hers, the same fingers of electricity taking hold of my senses I’d almost come to expect. But she didn’t respond quite the same, like she was holding back.

  “Do you think this is a good idea? I mean, everyone with a cell phone could post this online?”