The words were barely out before the snap snap snap of multiple mouse traps sounded, followed by a shriek in the mini-kitchen.

  “Well, there’s been no yelling as yet. April Fools.” The nurse laughed, her eyes lighting.

  Millie, who hated April Fools, frowned and leaned against the nurses’ desk. “I was informed some of the staff have been making unneeded trips past the celebrity’s mom’s room, so we might have to put that part of the hallway off-limits.”

  I sighed. “Is he here?”

  “Yeah, he was here last night until they had to ask him to leave, apparently. Way past visiting hours.” Millie watched the other nurse get her purse out of the cabinet.

  “I can imagine that. He’s always been really close to his mom. His dad wasn’t ever around, so they had a really tight-knit relationship. This must be so hard for him.”

  Millie gave me an inquisitive look. “At least he has you.”

  I moved my focus to the patient file in front of me, noting that Violet had been moved to a private room on this floor last night. Maybe if I stared at the computer hard enough, everyone would think that Millie’s words hadn’t had an effect on me at all, when, in fact, my heart was about to burst from my chest. “I seriously doubt he wants to be around me.”

  “You think? It’s that bad between you?”

  I let out a loud huff. “Yeah, I mean, our break up was terrible. I was terrible. I’m surprised he even wanted to talk to me yesterday. I’m going to check on Violet.”

  Millie followed. “You were the one who managed to get him under control.”

  I knocked and entered Violet’s room. She appeared to be resting peacefully, her color slightly better than yesterday. She would get paler though, and waste away before the cancer was done with her.

  “He got himself under control,” I whispered as I straightened the IV tubing that looked about ready to kink. “The more time that passes, the more he’ll remember how much he hates me.”

  “He can’t hate you—”

  “Oh, he doesn’t hate you.” I jumped as Violet piped in from the bed and looked down into her now open twinkling eyes. I groaned.

  Was this really happening again? It was truly unprofessional, but when Violet took my hand between hers, I was immediately grateful for her comfort and wisdom. Plus, being part of these conversations seemed to do the frail woman some good.

  “No, trust me,” I interjected, needing to let Millie know where I stood so she would drop the subject and stop looking like she wanted to play Cupid. “He hates me.”

  “What happened that you think he hates you, dear?” Violet zeroed in on me with her piercing dark eyes, and it was all I could do not to pour out every detail of the past. I was tired of not talking about it, tired of holding it in, tired of it being all my fault. Of everything being my fault.

  Millie picked up where Violet left off. “I know you said it was all because of the crash, but what was so bad he’d still be mad seven years later?”

  “Crash? Seven years ago?” Violet’s head ping-ponged back and forth between us. “Seven…” She closed her eyes, and a moment later they popped open again. “Oh! I remember that story. You lost your family in a tragic crash. But I didn’t know you also lost your boyfriend.”

  I stared at her. “Um…”

  She smiled and tapped her temple with a weathered finger. “Photographic memory. My poor dear, what you’ve been through.”

  I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to block the memories. But they bloomed to life, and a physical pain burst across my chest.

  “I was so nasty to him.” Tears I hadn’t realized had welled spilled down my cheeks. “I took all my rage out on him when he told me he’d been signed for his first band. I said I hated him, and I didn’t want to see him again. I told him I didn’t want to be part of the rock star life, and that he just needed to go.”

  Millie rested her hand on my shoulder, and Violet tutted, saying, “I’m sure he understands more than you know. You’re adults now. Being young is hard, you don’t always know how to react to things.”

  I wasn’t convinced. “It might be best for me to keep out of his way today, just in case.”

  Violet let out a hacking cough and shook her head. “If there’s any time to make it up to him, it’s now.”

  “Violet’s right,” Millie agreed. “You’ve been down this road, and he was in shock yesterday.”

  Violet took a sip from the water I held for her before adding, “If you can’t make up your mind, when he freaks out again you know the nurses’ll come to you first.”

  “What, like I’m the expert in everything Gage Strickland?” I threw up my hands. “That’s probably not the best plan. He’s a different person from the boy I knew.”

  Those words left such a bitter taste in my mouth, I could hardly stand it. Truth be known, I missed the boy, wanted to know the man. Still, I had no intention of crossing his path today, being in the same building was enough.

  “I’m going to check on my next patient.”

  “By the way…” A smile played on Millie’s lips. “You look lovely today.”

  “Yes you do, dear,” Violet tittered then dissolved into a coughing fit, and this time it was Millie who held the water up for her to sip.

  I rolled my eyes and turned quickly, speed walking down the hall. It was embarrassing they’d noticed how much effort I’d put in. Just because Gage was around. How stupid. He surrounded himself with the best-looking women on the planet, how would a bit of mascara matter?

  I did my rounds with my usual quick efficiency but couldn’t stop my brain from darting back to Gage and his mom. I was distracted, constantly aware that he was in the building, almost as if I could feel the air move with each of his heartbeats. Ridiculous.

  I worked harder to immerse myself in my work.

  “You had your lunch yet?” Millie demanded from behind me, making me jump as I opened the door to the mini kitchen to get a ginger ale for a patient. “It’s nearly two.”

  “It is?” I glanced at my watch. “Okay, Work Mom. I’ll get something now.”

  “Leave this building. Go for a walk, or for god’s sake just go talk to him.”

  Was I that obvious? My face heated. “I have a packed lunch. I’ll be fine in the breakroom.”

  She shot me an unimpressed look and snorted.

  But as I walked toward the break room, his voice made me halt like I’d run into a wall.

  “I’m not having this.” Any desire to avoid him melted away at the pain lacing his tone. “I can’t just accept this. I have money, if that’s the problem.”

  “That isn’t the problem…” Dr. King replied kindly.

  “Then what is it?”

  I stopped in the doorway, unable to keep my feet from taking me there.

  Dr. King stood at Babs’s bedside. Gage was pacing, rubbing the back of his neck. “Maybe I should take Mom to a bigger hospital with better facilities.”

  “You could do that, but I’m afraid it won’t change the answer. I’ve consulted with physicians at General, and they agree. Of course, you’re more than welcome to get a second opinion, but you need to balance your desire for hope against taking her away from everyone she knows and loves.”

  “Doesn’t anyone want her to live? Even she’s giving up.” He pulled at his hair, and Gage’s mom watched him from the bed with sad eyes. “That’s half the problem. If she gives up, then the cancer will just take her. I think she needs to go somewhere she might get a more positive answer.”

  My heart skipped about ten beats at the sight of his clenched jaw, his hair mussed around his face. He was on a rollercoaster of emotions. I totally understood.

  “Yep, that’s actually what I’m going to do. I’m going to make some calls right now. I’ll—”

  “Gage…” I called quietly, and he whirled around to face me. “Can I talk to you? I’m just about to head out to lunch. The cafeteria actually has decent food. You want to come?”

  “You have to eat,” said his mother, giving me a grateful smile. “Go. We’ll discuss this later.”

  He looked like he was about to argue again, then sighed. “Yeah, okay. Since I’m not getting any of the answers I want here, I can make some calls while I’m out.”

  “You okay?” I asked when we were alone in the hallway.

  He looked at me like I was crazy and continued to rant on the ride down in the elevator. “Can you believe the arrogance of that doctor? Like his opinion is the only one that matters. Surely, another doctor at a cutting-edge hospital might have something more to offer. There’s always someone, somewhere working on experimental treatments, why wouldn’t he look into that? What about the newest holistic approaches? The money doesn’t matter. What’s the point of being rich if I can’t do good with it?”

  “It isn’t always simple,” I replied quietly, not sure how he’d take my words. “There are so many contributing factors to good care and options, it isn’t just hospital location. The hospital stays up-to-date on the newest treatments. Plus, Babs will have to want to go somewhere else for more treatments. You can’t force her to go.”

  “Don’t get me started on what my mom wants. She just wants to lay back and die.”

  “I’m not sure it’s like that. Babs has always been so realistic.”

  When the elevator doors opened, he stepped out and I followed. “Well, this time she’s just being selfish. She isn’t thinking about how it’ll affect me after.”

  We fell into silence as we surveyed the roasted chicken, meatloaf, and sides the cafeteria offered. On the spur of the moment, I had the service worker pack our food in Styrofoam containers.

  “Let’s get some air,” I told him and grabbed both containers before he could argue about that too.

  Lookout Park seemed like the natural place to go since we were having mild spring weather. It held a lot of memories for us because we hung out a lot here before, but I hoped being in nature, in the calm and quiet would help ease this emotional turmoil out of his system.

  As we wandered past the brown and green gazebo near the entrance of the park, my stomach flip-flopped. I’d forgotten we shared our first kiss there until this very moment. It had been the moment that forged us together for a year and a half. The pressure of his lips on mine, the taste of his tongue, the way the birds chirping faded away was deeply ingrained within me. Coming here in the years since, I’d pushed it out of my memory so I could get on with life.

  I couldn’t ignore it any longer though, not with Gage by my side.

  Gage stopped and looked at the gazebo. “Let’s sit in here.”

  Prickles needled all over my skin. I darted my eyes sideways at Gage to see if he was having the same thoughts, but the only thing I could detect was a deep glower.

  “What do you think, Kelly?” Gage said, sitting as I handed him his container. “About Mom, I mean. Do you think I’m overreacting by wanting to get a second opinion? By wanting her somewhere else? Am I just supposed to be okay with all of this? I can’t accept it like Mom has, I keep thinking there should be more. I don’t want to regret not doing something that could help her.”

  I braced myself, knowing I had an answer he might not like. But he needed the truth.

  “I can tell you that Dr. King and his team are amazing, and I know that he has already consulted with experts at the leading cancer center in the state. Sure, you might get better facilities at a bigger hospital, but when it comes to your mom, I don’t think you will get a better answer.” Gage listened intently, his expression frozen. “Trust me, I understand how hard it is to get the news you have, but no amount of money will change it.”

  He looked away, across the open field to the tree line, his lunch forgotten.

  “Gage…” I added softly, “do you want to put her through a long list of painful tests when she’s already had the ones she needs? Put her in some test study so they can inject her with things that will make her sicker for the sake of giving her a few extra weeks. Very sick extra weeks.”

  His entire body seemed to deflate. “Oh god, I sounded really arrogant when I said that, didn’t I?”

  My eyebrows went up, and I cocked my head to the side in silent agreement.

  He sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Shit. I’ve made a total ass out of myself since I got here.”

  “No.” I shook my head, but he gave me a knowing look. I smiled, unable to help it. “Okay, maybe a little bit, but no one will judge you.”

  He blew out a breath and shoved his hands awkwardly in his pockets, slouching as he hooked his foot around a board beneath the seat. He managed to look much more like the boy I once knew rather than the man he’d become. I felt a deep tug in my abdomen, like an invisible hand was trying to yank me toward him, and I almost moved to slip under his arm like I used to, as if we were still together. I caught myself just in time.

  “You know, I’ve missed this place a lot,” he mused, thankfully dragging me from my inner fight. “I love all these quaint buildings. Everything in New York is so larger than life. So gritty. New Hope has all these really sweet places.”

  He turned toward me, and from the liquid look in his eyes, I knew he’d remembered the kiss.

  “I-I suppose it does. I guess I’m used to it. And I’ve never been to New York, so I have nothing to compare it to.”

  “My favorite is the old train depot…you know, with the turret.”

  I nodded and smiled to myself. “I remember thinking that a princess lived there when I was really young. I actually thought it was a castle.”

  His lips curved up slightly. “Oh yeah, I can just imagine that. Some mini goblin princess maybe.”

  I tossed my head back and laughed, glad to hear Gage sounding a little bit more like his old self. He’d have ups and downs, that was normal. “I would like that job. Mini Goblin Princess.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure you need a new job. I think you’re doing brilliantly at being a nurse.”

  Something deep inside of me shifted as his compliment sent waves of pleasure racing through me. I needed to shut this shit down, and quick.

  But when he nudged me playfully, a tingling where his shoulder touched mine shot sparks up my arm and through my torso. “I mean it, you’re amazing. Mom is impressed too. It seems like you were born to help people.”

  “Thanks…that means a lot.”

  “Well, it’s true. I’m sure all your patients think so.” He leaned forward, moving until I was practically forced to look him in the eye. “But it’s not what you want, is it?”

  7

  Gage

  “Your mom won’t be awake for hours now,” Kelly’s nurse friend—Millie?—told me, fighting a yawn. She’d explained earlier that she was pulling a double shift, that the hospital had been short staffed lately. “She’s just taken a cocktail of medication to help her with the pain, and it’s made her drowsy. I think she’ll sleep through the night. It might be a good idea if you go home and rest for a bit.”

  I chewed on my thumbnail, not sure if I should leave her side at all. “You think so?”

  “Your mom won’t need you until the morning. You have to look after yourself too.”

  I couldn’t go back to Mom’s house, to my old room, and stare at those four walls again. There were too many memories inside, too many things I couldn’t stand to think about. I was restless and needed to get out of that damn place, do something, but not alone. I really needed some company.

  Kelly.

  I could ask Kelly out for a drink.

  Would that be a good idea? I was enjoying reconnecting with her, but if we reconnected the way my cock was thinking about, it’d create problems when I had to leave once more. There was still something there, and I feared the more time I spent with her, the less resistance I’d have. Seven years was a long time to think about taking a woman to bed. I recalled the conversation I’d overheard in the ER. Surely, she wasn’t still a virgin. She couldn’t be. Could she?

  The nurse left the room, and I remained with my sleeping mom for a few more minutes, debating. I still wasn’t one-hundred-percent set on not getting a second opinion, even after my talk with Kelly, but the desire wasn’t quite as persistent as before.

  The main thing that got to me was Kelly’s view on my mom. She was right, if Mom wanted to speak to someone else, she would’ve done so by now. I couldn’t push her into anything. No one had ever been able to push Mom into anything, and this would be no different.

  She would always do whatever the hell she wanted.

  “What can I do, Mom?” I wearily asked her as she slept peacefully, her chest rising and falling in even breaths. “I can’t just accept this. I can’t lose you, I don’t think you understand. I honestly have no idea what I’ll do when you aren’t around. You’re literally the only family I have.”

  Shit. The emotion boiled in my chest until tears burned the back of my eyes, and I bolted upright. I had to get out of there before I fell completely apart.

  “Mom, I’ll be back tomorrow.” I hesitated, hovering at her bedside. “I don’t know why I’m worried. It isn’t like you need me. I’m the one who needs you.”

  There it was again, fear so thick it made it hard to breathe. Even as an abstract idea, it was impossible to imagine Babs Strickland no longer existing on this planet. The world needed her, it would be a terrible loss. To me more than anyone else.

  Sitting in the hospital parking lot in the black Mustang I’d rented, I scrolled through my contacts to Kelly’s name. I’d kept her on the list all these years, so I’d know it was her and answer if she ever decided to call me up. She never had.

  My finger shook as I pressed the call button, and it began to ring. This was stupid. Surely, she wouldn’t have kept the same number.

  “Hello?” It was definitely her, but she sounded slightly out of breath.