Thank God Gage had this family. I hoped they would fill a little bit of the place Babs had left so empty. My thoughts went to the envelope I’d stuffed in my purse last minute, just in case. I couldn’t help but think that it would be great for Gage to have his father in his life, now more than ever. At least the option was there.

  Two hours and a lot of work later, I perched on the edge of a stool, watching the final preparations from the side of the stage. They were doing a sound check, and every time they strummed the guitars a thrill shot through my chest. Tonight I would get to see Gage in his true home, the place in the world that made him the happiest. I could almost shake loose the guilt I felt for never having experienced it myself.

  The time to prepare slid by, and soon, I was kissing Gage good luck, telling him to break a leg. I stood in the shadows as the band quietly took their places while the air pulsed with excitement. Even witnessing a little bit of rehearsal wasn’t quite the same as this.

  The curtain swung open, and Gaged was greeted with a roar that rippled through the theatre.

  “Hello there, New York!” Gage’s voice echoed through the space at the first lull. “Are you ready for tonight?”

  As the crowd drowned him out, I gripped my hands together. He was in his element, and he looked great too, sexy in his ripped skintight jeans, tight tank, and gold medallion. No wonder the whole world loved him. He was smoking hot, and his charisma shone like the sun.

  “We’re going to start with a particular favorite of mine. I’m sure you know it, it’s called ‘Yours Now.’”

  The room erupted, fans screaming with glee, but no one louder than me. I was about to hear the song he’d written for me what seemed like a lifetime ago, onstage for the very first time. My heart raced, and my throat grew raw from yelling.

  I’d avoided this song for so many years. Now, I couldn’t wait to hear each word.

  When it was over, my face was drenched with tears. Happiness filled my heart until I thought it would surely burst. As Gaged moved into the next song, and the next, a bittersweet feeling gripped me. I wasn’t sure I could fit into Gage’s life. Wasn’t sure I could adapt to his way of life. And I certainly didn’t want to affect the popularity of the band.

  I was so happy being with him, but could Gage be happy if his band was affected?

  If having a serious relationship was so taboo for Gaged, I didn’t know where that left me.

  25

  Gage

  “This place is…red,” Kelly said, her eyes large in her face as she took in the restaurant aptly named Scarlett.

  Red walls were greeted by red ceilings draped with red tulle, offset by a sitting area with deep red couches. In the middle of the room, where there should have been enough tables to fill the elite restaurant, stood one single table draped in red, of course, with red candles aflame.

  “I feel like I’m inside a womb,” Kelly whispered.

  I looked around as the maitre d’ escorted us to the table. “It looks to me more like a murder.”

  She tittered, actually tittered. Was the room making her nervous? I’d heard that red made your appetite more voracious, but if that was true, I wasn’t sure if a person could ever stop eating surrounded by this much stimulation.

  “I love it!” Kelly bounced onto her tiptoes, giving me a nice view of tight calf muscles accentuated by the four-inch heels she wore with a silvery halter dress. “Do you dine like this all the time?” Her eyes didn’t stop flickering around the room, taking it all in.

  I wondered if I’d been that way when I first came to New York City. “I don’t usually rent out a whole restaurant, if that’s what you’re asking. Tonight is about us. I thought bringing you to the love room might make up for a few Valentines dates I missed.”

  Her eyes widened, and she laughed. “The love room?”

  “Only romance at its best for my girl.” I made a sweeping gesture, the flames of the candles on our table jumping and moving with the air flow. “What’s the point of having money and clout if I can’t use it on the one I—” My heart did a near-suicidal flop in my chest. I gave her a tight smile and pulled her chair out, helping her into her seat. “Now, what do you want off the wine list?”

  Kelly’s eyes got even larger. “The last time I had wine was Boone’s Farm, with you…”

  I laughed, remembering the night we drove out to the place in New Hope where everyone went to park and drank a little too much of the strawberry wine. We both woke up with terrible hangovers.

  “I’ll take care of it,” I said as the sommelier stopped at our table and did a half-bow. “We’ll have the Chateau Bellevue, please.” He left to fill our order. “It’s amazing.”

  “Yeah?” She nodded slowly, her eyes on me now. “It’s all amazing.”

  I watched as Kelly sipped her wine, the red even deeper than the red room. She looked out of her element, like she was nervous, and she had no reason to be. I took her hands and rubbed my thumb over hers, watching her relax just a little.

  “I’ll order us the steak, it’s absolute magic.” I wanted Kelly to get the best of the best.

  The waiter appeared at the table as if he knew I was ready to order. The restaurant was incredible, the night holding a magic that came of sitting across the table from Kelly. It was a night that I’d never dreamed would actually happen.

  “I’m glad the tour is finally done.” I leaned back in my chair, the stress of being in a different city every other day finally beginning to fade away. “Being back in the studio will be grueling, but at least I can go home every night.”

  And maybe come home to you every night.

  Not that I’d ask her to stay outright. When she made that choice, I wanted it to be on her terms. I wanted her to be sure, like I was. The restaurant, the concert last night, were all part of a plan to be patient until she decided she wanted to stay.

  “It really never stops for you, does it? Don’t you ever get time off?”

  “Studio recording time is time off. I take a week here and there, but it’s rare. The band keeps me very busy.”

  Our appetizer arrived, ricotta and hazelnut honey crostini. Kelly smiled, her warmth making me desperately want that old ease between us, the comfort of me and Kelly just being together.

  “So, is everyone at the hospital missing you?”

  “I’ve been kept up-to-date by Millie. Everything seems fine.” She blinked a few times, and I wondered if she was a little homesick.

  “Do you miss it?”

  “Yes,” she sighed, her eyes becoming wistful. I stiffened. I couldn’t expect her to jump right into my way of life overnight and forget about her own life at home. “I don’t think it misses me though. It’ll be almost strange to go back Sunday.”

  My heart thumped so hard I thought it was going to flop out of my chest and onto the table. Maybe she would be open to staying. “I’m happy you’re here.”

  “Oh, so am I. It’s just…” She looked away, studying the line of bottles on the antique tiered shelf above the bar. “I have my own place now, and I know Mom is fine, it’s just kinda hard to adjust.”

  “I bet she’s been excited to hear about what you’ve been up to though, right?”

  “Oh yes. And Millie keeps saying that her dream vacation is coming to New York.”

  “Maybe she should.” I leaped on the idea like a saving grace.

  Kelly chewed on her bottom lip. “I don’t know if she’d actually be able to come.”

  The vision I had for this night wasn’t playing out as expected. Kelly didn’t look comfortable and seemed a little sad. Maybe I’d gone too far with the restaurant. It was possibly too impressive. “If you want, we don’t have to have dinner. We can leave, go somewhere else. Your choice.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t mean to seem ungrateful, this is all just very…different.”

  It was too over the top. I remembered when the band had begun doing well and the bands we opened for showered us with crazy gifts and expensive outings. I had been taken aback. “Let’s have another drink.” I poured more wine into her glass. “Then we can leave as soon as we’ve eaten.”

  She took a delicate sip of her wine, smiling, her leg running up mine under the table. “That sounds good.”

  After dinner, I escorted her to the car where I’d ordered my bodyguard to wait. On the sidewalk, the wine and the city lights and just being in the company of Kelly was swimming in my head, and before I could think, I bent down and kissed her. When she responded, taking the kiss deeper, I kissed her thoroughly then spun her around and dipped her backward.

  “Stop it!” she gasped, laughing. “No PDA, remember? Public displays of affection lead to nothing but trouble when it comes to me and you.”

  “Maybe when we’re trying to hide us, but now I want the whole world to know. I want to climb up onto that rooftop and yell that Kelly Cavendish is here, with me, so everyone knows.”

  “You can’t!” She gripped my arm, pulling herself back up, her eyes wide. “Your manager hates me.”

  “He doesn’t hate you. Ron just doesn’t like not being in control.”

  “It feels like he wants me to leave you alone.”

  “Well, don’t you dare listen to him. I don’t care what he wants.” I spun her again, toward the open car door and my bodyguard who stood waiting as I sang a silly tune with words that didn’t even make any sense, just so I could dance with her on the sidewalk. Just to make her smile. A few people passing by gave us odd looks, but if they recognized me, I didn’t care.

  I spun her one more time, and dizzy, she stumbled, dropping her purse. It tipped out its contents on the sidewalk, a lipstick, her wallet, and a letter landing at my feet.

  A letter with my mother’s handwriting.

  I reached down and picked up the envelope as Kelly knelt and scooped up her belongings. How had Kelly…

  Red-hot anger filled me. Since Mom went, I’d wondered about my father, mostly when I drank. I had to admit it was mildly reassuring to think there was someone else connected to me in the world. But I hadn’t changed my mind, didn’t want to meet him, and it infuriated me that Kelly had been carrying around the envelope that held his contact information. I half wished I’d taken the damn envelope from Mom and burned it.

  Was this why Kelly was here? Out of some last-ditch effort that Mom put her up to?

  “Where did you get this?” My voice was low and cool, so calm that her eyes flicked up to mine in alarm.

  “You know where I got it. I know she tried to give it to you.” Her face flamed. “I only brought it—”

  “You shouldn’t have. You should have minded your own business,” I snarled and moved past Kelly, but she grasped my arm.

  “I don’t think it would be such a bad thing, to meet your father.” I glared down at her, and she glared back. “He’s left an empty spot your entire life, Gage, you should see who he is at least.”

  I balled my fists by my sides. “Why would I all of a sudden want to meet the man who didn’t care enough to stick around? I don’t want to find him, Kelly, honestly. I didn’t want his information when Mom tried to give it to me so he would really and truly be out of my life.” But when I said it, I couldn’t meet her eyes.

  “Gage, I—”

  “The man deserted us,” I spat, revved up and unable to stop. “It doesn’t matter now, it’s done, and that’s the way I want it to stay. I don’t want him in my life.”

  “It’s obviously something that’s affected you.” She assessed me with cool blue eyes that said so much more than her words.

  I laughed nastily. “Affected me? And this is why you think I actually give a fuck and want to find him? Well, I don’t.”

  “Okay,” she whispered.

  “Okay, what?” I was having a hard time controlling my breathing, and there were tears rising to the surface. I’d be damned if I would cry about a man I’d never laid eyes on.

  “Okay, I’ll get rid of it.” She blinked rapidly and stared down at the envelope with my name on it written in Mom’s handwriting.

  The notion that the secret-keeping envelope would be gone forever made me want to rip it out of her hands. “Jesus Christ. Well, I have to look now, don’t I? You’ve made it impossible for me not to.”

  Her head snapped up, hope filling her eyes. “What?”

  I huffed. “It doesn’t matter. It might be good for me to look anyway.”

  “Now?”

  “Yeah, I guess so.” I took her hand and led her to the car. One of the perks about being a famous rock star was that you could afford to make your driver wait all night if you wanted. The downside was that if I reached out to this mysterious father, he would immediately take advantage of the perks. I could almost guarantee it.

  I sure as hell didn’t expect our date to end this way. But I guessed, at least I would know at last. I didn’t have to do anything about it, could simply hold on to the knowledge, keep it tight to my chest.

  I wouldn’t have to wonder anymore.

  26

  Kelly

  “Gage, over here!”

  A woman waved, holding up a cell phone. “You’re live! Say hi!”

  Panic took my breath. Was she recording? How much had she caught on video?

  When Babs brought out the envelope and convinced me to take it, I’d assumed the truth would stay hidden unless Gage wanted to know. Now, the envelope in Gage’s hand seemed fragile, vulnerable to the point that I wanted to snatch it and run to the nearest bank vault. I’d seen what some of the fans could do, and even worse, the reporters.

  Hell, truth be known, even I wanted to know what it said. Was dying to know. But Gage’s feelings took precedence over my curiosity. Not so in the celebrity world. It was as if the world thought they had a right to know every detail, as if celebrities were Barbie and Ken, living in their dream house with the back wall missing so everyone could see each flick of their pinky.

  We were feet from the car when we found ourselves completely surrounded. Men and women with cameras circled us at every angle, blocking any exit. Flashes blinded me, questions were hurled at us. The journalist in New Hope had been unpleasant, but this was off the scale.

  “Gage, do you even know who your father is?”

  “Were you a love child?”

  “Is it true that the two of you have secretly been married since you were sixteen?”

  Gage pulled me against his chest, but the reporters moved in tighter. The questions didn’t stop, and potential headlines filled my brain. This was all my fault. Chances were, I’d be the girl who ruined Gaged forever, after marrying him when I was just a teenager…wherever the hell that came from. I’d definitely be the bad guy here. Anything to make Gage’s fans hate me more than they already did.

  I wanted to smack the microphone out of the woman’s hand who shoved it in my face and said, “Have you recovered from your brother and father’s death?”

  I wanted to scream. Weep. But anything I did would be written about then speculated on. Judged.

  Every move Gage made was judged by a public that didn’t even know him, had never met him in person. Being with him, it would be the same for me. Could I handle this? Could I handle being asked intimate questions about my family every time I went out in public? A cold stone settled at the bottom of my stomach.

  Whatever we did, together or separate, these people would find something to write about us.

  “Back up!” Gage demanded, his rage barely contained. “Don’t answer any questions, Kelly.”

  “What do you have to say to all the fans whose hearts are being broken?”

  A camera smacked into the side of Gage’s head, and he snarled, pushing it away. “Stop this. Stop it now! Back. Up.”

  One of his bodyguards stepped in, creating a wedge between us and the reporters, shouting for them to get out of the way as I ducked my face into Gage’s arm.

  It felt like the oxygen was being stripped from the air. My stomach clenched, my chest tightened. Maybe if I ended up a heap on the ground in the middle of this mob, it would take the heat off Gage. That’d be great news for them to flash all over the world.

  Amazingly, the crowd parted, and Gage pushed me through the opening and to the car.

  “Gage, your fans want to know what’s happening in your personal life.”

  “Everyone wants to know the girl who has snagged Gage Strickland.”

  I had the sudden urge to turn and scream to them, “We fucked! I love him!” just to release the pressure. The messed up thing was that I would’ve laid everything on the table, sacrificing my privacy if I thought it would shut these people up.

  But it never would. Never.

  That stuck with me, lodged in my chest like an under-chewed piece of meat, even as Gage managed to clear a path. I’d tried to fit into Gage’s life, but it didn’t seem like there was a place for me. Even the posh lifestyle that was necessary to preserve his privacy and basic safety was more than I could adapt to. And with this much intrusion, it wouldn’t be long until I lost my freaking mind.

  “It’s okay now.” Gage rested my head against his shoulder once we were in the back seat and away from the pack. “They’re gone. I’m sorry.” He petted my hair and repeated those words over and over.

  A wet patch grew on Gage’s shirt around my face, and it took me a second to recognize it came from me. I was a pathetic mess. And as much as I wanted to be with Gage, I just wanted to go home.

  By the time we made it back to his penthouse, there was a crowd gathering at the entrance to the building, fans mixed with reporters. Their faces were animated, as if they knew Gage held the key to what they searched for.

  Gage rubbed my back as we pulled into the parking garage. “If they’re at the elevators we won’t go in.” He said it as if his home was regularly inundated by screaming mobs. As if having to leave your own home was a commonplace occurrence.

  “I’m sorry…” I started, my eyes stinging, then Gage’s phone rang.

  “Fuck.” He slammed his head against the back of the seat before answering. “Ron.”